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It Really is the Thought that Counts

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble; wwwpatlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child…

It Really is the Thought that Counts

         A lot of joking takes place at Christmas and birthdays when gifts don’t seem to match up with the recipients.  There are those who think that if you spend a lot of money, the gift should be appreciated. Some folks like handmade gifts; others think it is a sign that the giver has more time than money.  Some people fret and fret and still cannot come up with a gift that they feel comfortable in giving to someone. Then, thankfully, there are those who just seem to have a knack for gift-giving and always seem to come up with just the perfect gift.  

         I wonder if the secret to knowing the perfect gift for someone is knowing someone perfectly well.  The better we know someone, the better we know their likes and dislikes.  When we wait until the last minute and feel that we simply must find a gift, usually neither the giver nor the recipient enjoys the choice. In fact, there are those wonderful, efficient people who are alert to appropriate Christmas gifts all year long, picking up things they know someone would like when they happen to see them or making things ahead of time for those they love.

         I’m glad there are still those folks who enjoy handmade gifts.  They are getting scarce as time to make them becomes more and more limited.  I’ve always felt that someone must care for another very much to go to all the trouble to make something. Counted cross stitch, embroidery work, handmade pieces of furniture, crocheted or knitted work, and other handmade items are priceless.  

         In the movie, “Christmas in Canaan”, on the Hallmark channel a unique idea was given.  I had never heard the idea that was presented there.  The father wrapped up pictures from catalogs of items he wished he had money to buy for the family members.  In the story plot, the crops had been bad, and money was scarce.  The family remembered that special Christmas in the years to come and treasured the love shown by a father who truly wished he could do more.  The story was another reminder that Christmas is love, not things.

         It is so very noble when people ask that gifts not be given to them, but rather the money for those gifts be used to meet the needs of others. There are needy families who can really use some help.  On the other hand, there are those folks who have so much that it is hard to think of anything they don’t already have to give to them.  It is amusing to look through some catalogs and see some of the unusual creations that are there to lure people to spend money.  

         When we give to others from the heart, it is like giving to Jesus.  After all, it really is his birthday, not ours.  We need to teach our children to give from the heart by setting the right example for them.  Children need to understand that we give to others to show our love for them.  Emphasis needs to be put on what would make the other person happy.  We can help children avoid selfishness when we teach them that gifts should be given with a great deal of thought and love.  

Christmas Memories

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is….) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child

Christmas Memories

         Memories of childhood greatly influence decisions of adults.  That is why it is so important for parents and grandparents to make every effort to ensure good experiences for children that will create a good foundation for adulthood.  Christmas is a perfect time for doing so.

         Memories don’t necessarily have to be fun memories.  How a family works together in tough times is a memory that provides direction for a person in adulthood when that person faces difficult times.  Valuable memories do not necessarily require money.  How gifts are given from the heart at Christmas teaches a child that gifts should be given in love and do not necessarily need to be expensive.

         Those of us who lived during the years of the Great Depression are not as alarmed about the state of the nation’s economy because our memories teach us that we can survive well without many of the things we have come to enjoy.  I’m sure that many others remember, as I do, having a cedar tree cut from the woods for a Christmas tree.  Our tree was often decorated with red and green construction paper chains made in school by cutting strips and pasting the ends together in circles.  We would interlock the red in green, then the green in red, etc.  We made snowflakes by folding white paper and cutting it in various designs.  We would hang the snowflakes on the branches of the tree.  Sometimes, we would make strands of cranberries to drape around the tree.  We always felt important for contributing to the decorations.  

         A few years ago, our youngest son and his wife moved from Kentucky to Arkansas just before Christmas.  We spent Christmas with them sitting among unpacked boxes.  All Christmas decorations were packed away.  On Christmas Eve, we looked at each other and I could tell that our son was feeling a little apologetic for the situation.  I thought hard about what could be done.  I found a pen, reached in a box, pulled out some packing paper, and said, “We each have to make our own stocking.”  We found some scissors, designed our stockings, and laid them on the hearth of the fireplace.  I felt good when I heard our son chuckle.  A memory had been created.

         When my husband and I were working on the Navajo Reservation at Lukachukai, AZ, we had a big snow storm one Christmas.  The mail came only three times a week and during the storm, it could not get through at all. No gifts from our homes came in time for Christmas. We had already given each other our gifts thinking there would be more from our homes in MO and NE to open at Christmas.  On Christmas morning, we sat looking at each other and a bare tree.  That is a memory we will never forget, but it made us appreciate each other more.

         We can be very creative in making memories for children.  Sometimes it is a good thing to be short of money.  It causes us to be more resourceful.  We spoil our own Christmas when we place too much emphasis on “things”.  We should never forget that people are more important than things.  The real basis of the Christmas season is love.  When couples argue over how much money to spend, unpleasant memories are created for their children.  We should not be stingy, but we should never buy beyond our means.  We need to learn to make good use of what we have.  By doing so, we create good memories for children and set a good example for them.

Fostering an Attitude of Gratitude

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is….)

Raising kids online…

Fostering an Attitude of Gratitude

Train up a child…

Are We “Passing the Buck” in Disciplining Children?

         Children go to school and the school personnel say, “Why don’t the parents discipline their children?”  The children go home and the parents say, “Isn’t that school disciplining my children?”  The children go to church activities and the workers there wonder, “Aren’t these children getting any discipline at home or school?”  Children go out in public places and folks say, “These children are so undisciplined! Why doesn’t someone discipline these children nowadays?”

         Whose responsibility is it to discipline children?  I submit that it is the responsibility of those in charge wherever the children are.  Of course, the ones most responsible are the parents.  In addition to the discipline at home, it is the parents’ responsibility to make sure they are getting disciplined when someplace other than with the parents.  

Why do people not accept this responsibility?

         School personnel are highly restricted in the kinds of discipline they can administer.  This causes those in charge to be hesitant to step up to the plate and do what is necessary.  I am impressed to see how creative many teachers have become in helping the children behave correctly.  Still, often more discipline is needed than the children are getting.

         Church workers often hesitate to discipline for fear the children will not return to church.  “If the children don’t come back to church, how can we teach them?”  The truth of the matter is that unless we teach them and discipline them, what good is it for them to come back to church?  They are there to receive discipline and correction as well as knowledge.  By not disciplining the children, we are in reality teaching them that they can behave in unacceptable ways and get by with it. They may actually be thinking, “If they let me act like this at church, it must be all right to act this way all the time”.

         When children visit another person’s home or a public place, they need to be taught to observe the rules of that location.  Those in charge have the right to expect children to observe those rules.  

         Each of us needs to live up to the responsibility of disciplining children when they are under our care.  If we tell a child to do something, we should see to it that it is done.  Follow-through is probably the single most important thing we can do to teach a child to act properly.  For example, if we tell a child not to run, we should not let that child run.  If we don’t care that he/she runs, we shouldn’t give the instruction in the first place.  Unfortunately, it is usually the adult who gives in rather than the child.  What can we do in a situation like this?  We should love the children enough to risk not being liked.  We need to follow-through, get the child, take the child back to the place where he started running and walk with the child.  It may take a few times, but the child will get the message that obedience is a must.

         An undisciplined child is an unhappy child.  A disciplined child usually has good self-esteem because he/she has a sense of doing right.  Children cannot feel self-worth if they are always being looked upon with disdain due to poor behavior.  We really help children when we discipline them.  When there is no discipline, children become like little wild animals and are always looking for something to make them feel good.  We are created to have a good feeling when we do what is right, and when we know that what we have done is right. In other words, it just feels good to be good.

Knowing About the Past can Help Children with the Future

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble; www.patlambchristianauthor.com)

Train up a child…

Knowing About the Past Can Help Children with the Future

         It is unfortunate that many children are growing up with little or no knowledge of the past.  If children are knowledgeable about the past, they are more apt to appreciate what they now enjoy.  In addition, parents and grandparents can be drawn closer to children as the children learn to better understand those older folks. Learning about the resourcefulness and sacrifices of the past motivates children to become more resourceful and less demanding of conveniences.  The Thanksgiving season provides a good opportunity to delve into the past as we teach children about the pilgrims, the first Thanksgiving, and the early lifestyles of parents and grandparents.

         Grandparents can play an important role in assisting parents tell stories from their childhood. Unfortunately, many older people seem to feel that their job is done and do not make the effort to help bring up children.  Grandparents need to tell children of their happy times as well as the sad times they have experienced.

         Many older grandparents lived during the Great Depression.  Personally, I remember seeing a soup truck come to our little town, Verona, MO, and people line up behind it for a bowl of soup.  I remember the rationing stamps we had for sugar, gas, and other things.  Many children find it hard to believe that we could not have bubble gum because all the rubber was needed for tires for war equipment.  Children bought saving stamps to help fund WWII.  The blackout nights when everyone had to turn off their lights at a certain time for fear that enemy planes could see them and drop bombs were scary times that should be told to children.  

         Children find it amazing that older folks did not have computers, cell phones, and many other things they take for granted.  They need to know how older folks survived without running water, electricity, and indoor plumbing.  It was in my dad’s lifetime that automobiles were invented.  To imagine living without these conveniences is an exercise in creative thinking.

         One very important subject to cover is the role of our military in securing our freedom.  We are fortunate to live in an area where much attention is paid to our men and women who have fought for us. A Veteran’s Museum is an excellent place to take children. 

         Great books are available in local libraries to read to children about Thanksgiving. Unfortunately, many schools are not including much about how this country got started. Teachers are so pressed to cover certain things that they often do not have the time to adequately cover this topic.

         Making sure that children are taken to places to learn about the past and telling stories from the past go a long way in developing understanding and right attitudes in children.  The attitude of gratitude and resourcefulness become bricks in the foundation that children need to face the future.

“As the Twig is Bent”

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is….) Books are available on Amazon; Barnes & Noble; patlambchristianauthor.co

Train up a child…

“As the Twig is Bent”

         I remember an instructor in our child development class at Missouri University saying, “As the twig is bent, so grows the tree”.  She went to great lengths to explain that habits that are formed in childhood last a lifetime.  If left unchecked, the inclinations that a child has are reinforced through the years as the child grows. This is true for both good and bad inclinations.  It is the task of the parent to “prune” those inclinations as needed.  The parent needs to reinforce in positive ways the good, and do their best to eliminate the bad habits.  

         A common saying about children who are displaying problematic behavior is, “Don’t worry. He will grow out of it.”  This may be true as relating to physical changes, but in most behavioral changes, children do not “grow out of it”.  The problems, in most cases, gain strength as the child grows.

         There are many examples of children growing worse when problems are left unchecked.  Take, for instance, the child who throws temper tantrums.  When parents give in to the child and do not correct this problem, the child grows up believing that he/she can get whatever is wanted by displaying acts of temper.  Another example is the demanding child who does not learn good manners.  That child becomes the adult who “railroads” through anyone or everyone to achieve wants and desires.  Poor eating habits are very difficult to correct in adulthood. Many obese people are those who as children were allowed to eat whatever they wanted. Children who are allowed to act any way they want will not grow up respecting authority.  Children who are given everything needed without having to earn anything will not grow up and suddenly say, “Oh, I can do everything for myself”.  These children will always be expecting handouts.

         Young people seem to have a feeling of indestructibility.  They tend to think, “I’m different.  That will never happen to me.”  I recently talked to a man who is now an alcoholic.  He said, “I made the same mistake so many other people have made.  I thought it would never happen to me.”  It is our duty, as parents and grandparents, to point out examples to prove that it can happen to anyone.  Ultimately, each person is individually responsible for choices made, but we need to do all we can to influence those choices and help that person grow in the right direction.

         My dad used pieces of string to illustrate to my sisters and me how habits get stronger and stronger. He handed us a piece of string and told us to break it.  It was easy.  Then he gave us two pieces of string and told us to break them.  It was harder.  Then he gave us three pieces of string and told us to break them all at the same time.  Some of us were able to do it.  By the time he got to four pieces of string, it was not possible to break them all at the same time.  “That is how it is with habits,” he said.  He told us that when you first do something wrong, it is much easier to stop than after you have continued to do it for a time.  We understood that it is best not to form bad habits.

         Raising children is somewhat like gardening.  We prune, feed, and water.  We guide and do our best to influence the choices our children make.  When they are little, we can prevent bad choices.  When they grow up, they will choose according to their own individual beliefs.  Other influences in the world compete with the influence of parents.  We simply try our very best and bathe our efforts with lots of prayer.

Children at Halloween

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble; www.patlambchristianauthor.

Train up a child…

Children at Halloween

       Children sometimes have a difficult time sorting fact from fiction.  Halloween is a time that provides a real challenge to children in this area.  They hear about ghosts, goblins, witches, etc.  They often don’t know what to believe and become quite frightened and confused.  Halloween is also a time when many parents submit to reckless abandon and allow their children to eat candy to the point of illness.

         How should we deal with our children at Halloween time?  In my opinion, truth is always best.  Children should be told of the origin of Halloween.  Where did Halloween originate?  There is much information about this on the Internet.  Parents who do not have a computer may go to the library and use a computer there.

         The Celts, who lived in Ireland, the United Kingdom and northern France, celebrated the New Year on November 1.  They believed that this marked the end of summer and the beginning of winter.  Winter was associated with the dead.  The Celts believed that the night before the New Year, the boundaries of the living and dead became blurred.  On October 31, they celebrated Samhain (pronounced sow-in), a time when they thought the ghosts of the dead returned to earth.  Their return, they believed, helped their priests, called druids, to predict the future.  Druids built big bonfires, dressed in costumes, and burned crops and animals as sacrifices to their deities.  

         After the Romans conquered this area, two of their holidays were combined with Samhain and later the Pope designated November 1 as All Saints Day.  It is widely believed that he was attempting to replace Samhain with a church-sanctioned holiday. The day was also called All-Hallows which meant all saints.  The night before All-Hallows Day was called All-Hallows Eve and later was called Halloween

         Children need to know that Halloween began as a pagan holiday because those people either didn’t know about Jesus, or did not believe in Jesus.  This is the reason many churches provide alternative activities at this time of year.  

         My suggestion:  Tell the children the truth.  Then, tell them that in our day and time we know about Jesus and do not have to be afraid of people coming back from the dead.  Let them dress in costumes that are fun costumes…not skeletons, witches, etc., and let them go trick-or- treating in safe places accompanied by adults.  When they come home, sort through their gatherings, allow them to eat a little, and put the remainder up to be rationed to them at certain times such as at the end of meals.

         There is a learning benefit, believe it or not, in dressing in costumes.  Children learn to think as another (whatever the costume represents).  Many people do not know how to put themselves in someone else’s shoes.  Being able to act or think as another leads to the development of empathy. Also, a great deal of creativity goes into costume making.  

         Halloween can be a fun and safe time.  I wish it were called “Costume time” or some other name other than Halloween.  

Parent’s Good Intentions are not Enough

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is….) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and www.patlambchristianauthor,com

Train up a child…

Parents’ Good Intentions are not Enough

       It is wonderful when parents can truly enjoy their children and want to make them happy.  It presents a challenge, however, to make children happy and at the same time prepare them for their future.  It seems that the idea has permeated our society that we all should be happy and having fun all the time, and that the only good parent is the parent who entertains children and protects them from hardships.  

         Just as a “hot-house” tomato has a difficult time adjusting to the challenges in nature when it is set out in a garden, so do children who have been sheltered from all rules and hardships have a difficult time adjusting to the real world.  Adults who work with children need to discover a balance between letting children be children and at the same time preparing them for a time when they are unprotected by adults.  Children must have guidelines and rules to live by and be required to abide by those rules for their own good.  They must be allowed to experience the consequences of the choices they make.  With a few exceptions such as birthday gifts, Christmas gifts, etc. they must earn what they receive. 

         Children who have no guidelines are always insecure and uncertain as to what behavior is acceptable and what punishment they may receive for their behavior.  They are at loose ends with the world and often express their frustration by exhibiting unacceptable behavior.  By contrast, children who have rules and are required to abide by them, have a certainty in their minds that they are doing the right thing.  The stress of making decisions without necessary information is removed, and they are happier children.  Many well-intentioned parents think that letting their children do what they want to do is helping them.  Not true.  Children are not equipped to make many decisions by themselves and often make the wrong decisions and get in trouble for doing so.  It is much better to make sure they know what is right and wrong before they make the wrong decisions.  Important, also, is reinforcement of correct behavior.  When a child is told, “You did the right thing”, the child feels a real sense of relief and is inclined to repeat that behavior.

         It is hard for any parent or teacher to watch a child go through something unpleasant.  However, when we jump in and rescue the child from the consequences of his/her behavior, we become enablers.  When we enable a child to do wrong and get by with it, that child grows up thinking that whatever he/she desires is acceptable, and someone will bail him/her out of trouble.  It is through the natural punishment of consequences that children learn many lessons that we may never be able to teach in another way.

         When children are continually rewarded for doing what is normally required, they grow up thinking that they don’t have to act in acceptable ways unless rewarded for doing so.  A teacher friend of mine often said, “Virtue is its own reward”.  There are some things that we are supposed to do whether there is a reward or not.  One school in IL, where our daughter taught, rewarded children for doing their homework by taking them to McDonalds on Fridays.  This, in my opinion, is not a good way to use rewards.  Homework is something that children should do without getting a material reward. One NEA magazine had an article some time back about paying children to go to school.  Is it any wonder that we are living in an entitlement generation when this kind of thinking abounds?

         Ideally, parents should decide in their own minds how they want their children to “turn out” as to character traits and keep this goal in mind in everyday contact with their children.  We can’t just let our children always be happy-go-lucky without responsibilities and rules and expect them to someday display responsibilities without material rewards.

When Our Children Don’t “Measure Up”

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by Pat Lamb

Author of: (Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, www.patlambchristianauthor

Train up a child…

When our Children “Don’t Measure Up”

         Much research has been done recently concerning children and problems they may be having.  It has led to labeling children with attention deficit disorder, dyslexia, or other scary names.  Recently there was a report on the news that one of every one hundred fifty baby boys born has autism.  I find it hard to believe that statistic.  

         What are parents to do when their child is diagnosed with one thing or another that would lead them to believe that their child does not measure up to expectations?  There are some basic things we can do regardless of the label put on the child.  First, we should always question who set the standard by which the child is rated.  Second, we need to realize that all children are of equal value.  Third, we need to apply teaching techniques appropriate to a child’s needs.

         It is necessary for teachers and doctors to have guidelines to follow to determine if a child is progressing at a “normal” rate.  However, we need to remember that those standards are set based on other children in the past.  When a baby is born, that baby is unaware of those standards and simply acts according to nature and environment.  New standards are being developed continually.  God creates each child uniquely, not according to the standards previously set by those who study behavior.  Quite often a child may be misdiagnosed simply because parents or teachers do not know how to help a child progress.  In addition to “book standards”, unfortunately, parents often have preconceived ideas of what they want their child to be like, and the child may fail to meet those expectations.

         In God’s eyes, all children measure up in value.  It should be the same with parents.  Children should always measure up in the sight of the parents as long as they are trying their best. God creates each individual with a plan and purpose.  Not all children are going to be good academically just as not all children will be good in sports or music. Our job, as parents, is to nurture and help a child be the best that child can be with the talents and abilities s/he has.

         When a child is expected to perform beyond his/her abilities, frustration sets in.  Teaching techniques should be chosen with consideration of the child’s abilities and accomplishments.  A good rule of thumb is to find out where a child is in development, start there, and take that child as far as possible.  Well-meaning parents and teachers often insist that a child be promoted in school, when that child is not ready, in order to keep the child from feeling badly about being left behind.  There is far more danger in making a child feel badly by placing that child in a situation where it is impossible to succeed.  Most children can progress if taken at the right pace, but just as a flower cannot be forced to bloom, so children cannot progress faster than they are ready.  

         Love is the key to working with all children.  Love means we are patient, kind, and don’t insist on having our own way in that we need to let the child develop as God has chosen.  In God’s sight, all children are equally loved.  Parents and teachers need to care equally for all children as well. There is no need to feel disappointed if a child doesn’t seem to measure up.  We simply value that child as God created him/her and do the best we can to train it up as God intended. 

It’s Tough to be the Parents of a Teen

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is….) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes and Noble; www.patlambchristianauthor.co

Train up a child…

It’s Tough to be the Parents of a Teen

         “Who is this new child in my home?  This can’t be the child I held on my lap and read to, then heard prayers, gave a hug and kiss and tucked in for a nice night’s sleep!  Now I see a child that is much different from anything I ever imagined my child would be!  I’m bewildered.  My child seems bewildered.  To be truthful, I’m scared.  I thought I was being the perfect parent, but my child is not being the perfect child. The results I am seeing are not what I expected.”

         Many parents of teenagers may very well be thinking the above thoughts.  There is no doubt that being the parent of a teenager is a tough task.

         We may tell our children that we will always love them.  When children become teens, that love is truly tested.  Now, we must prove that love.  We must put our pride aside and do what is best for the child, even if it may be embarrassing at times.  Love is understanding.  Love is patient.  Love doesn’t keep score.  Love is long-suffering.  Love is kind. Love doesn’t have to have its own way. Love is gentle.  Can we really display these characteristics with this seemingly new person?  When the apostle, Paul, described love in I Corinthians 13, he didn’t say to show these characteristics except with teenagers! Even when our children are not so lovable, we are still supposed to love them and that means displaying the characteristics of love named in the Bible. 

         We need to remember that the teen years are tough for the child as well as for the parent.  The “acting out” that often accompanies a teen is often the result of the same feelings we may be having as parents.  They are scared, bewildered, uncertain, dealing with a new body (a body that is larger and looks different).  The teen has not learned the proper way to vent deep feelings.  (Unfortunately, many parents have not learned this lesson either.) The result may be a shouting match between parent and child.

         When you stop and think about it, isn’t it rather ridiculous for a parent to be shouting at a child to tell the child not to shout at the parent?  Two wrongs don’t make a right!  “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”  (Proverbs 15:1) This truly works.  To shout to a child who is already shouting is like pouring gasoline on a fire.  It just causes more shouting.  No one says it is easy, but we must set an example of the behavior we expect from a child.  Quite often, teens say things they don’t really mean, so we need to learn to look at the heart rather than simply going by the words spoken.  A teen may shout, “I hate you!”  What they are really thinking and feeling may be “I loved you and I don’t feel you loving me back, and now I am hurting and wish I could feel that love!”  It is common for teens to feel all alone and that no one understands them.  If they can’t feel understanding at home, they will look for it elsewhere.  Does this mean that we should let the child get away with being disrespectful?  No.  It should be pointed out that disrespect has been shown, and the child needs to be told what is acceptable and what is not acceptable.  Also, the child needs to be told that disagreement is alright, but there is a correct way to disagree.  He/she then needs to be taught the acceptable way to disagree.  Parents and children can then discuss the issues that are really at the root of the trouble.

         “Keeping cool” when a teenage child is showing a hot temper is not easy, but the love for the child can be the very thing that gives us the strength to do just that.  It helps to know that many parents have gone through the same challenges, many parents are going through those challenges now, and many more parents will do so in the future.  We are not alone, and we must not abandon our teens just because it is not pleasant to deal with them.

Why Do Children Bully Others?

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is….) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, www.patlambchristianauthor

Train up a Child…

Why Do Children Bully Others?

It is so sad to watch a child duck its head and try to keep from crying because another child has said something cruel about him/her.!  Why does this happen?

Sometimes children bully others because they inwardly think that if they can bring another person down, people will think they are better.

Sometimes children bully because they are jealous.

Sometimes children bully because inwardly they convince themselves they, themselves are not so bad.  

There are other reasons as well. The person bullying may think this makes them the most important person in the room.  Of course, we know that isn’t true, but often they do not.

 How can we handle bullying?  Here are some suggestions:

1.  When a child says something derogatory about another, require that child to write a paper about the good qualities of that person.  This will require them to think deeper and give them practice in writing as well.

2.  Require the child to apologize.  If this is a school setting, it may or may not be wise to have the apology done in front of the class.

3. Sometimes a child bullies because they, themselves, feel inadequate.  If we can bring others down, we look bigger!

4.  The person doing the bullying may be required to tell the class  about the good qualities of the person being bullied.  

It is interesting to note that many of the reasons children bully are the same reasons that adults gossip about others or are overly critical of others.  If we can “nip bullying in the bud”, we would have a much happier world!