Category Archives: teamwork

Teaching Children to Be Resourceful

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Train up a child…

Teaching Children to be Resourceful

         When I graduated from high school and was preparing to leave home                                 to go to college, the youth director at the little church I attended in Verona, MO, bought a small notebook and filled it with wise sayings to guide me through life.  One of those sayings was, “An industrious man can do more with a rusty wrench than a lazy man with all the tools in the shop.”  This saying has stuck with me through the years as there have been many times when I did not have everything I would have liked to achieve goals.

         Life certainly can take some strange turns. We never know when the time may come that we cannot afford to buy what we want or need.  It is important for children to realize this fact.  Most people find themselves, at one time or another, in a situation where they are short of money.  

         Children need to be prepared to learn how to do without new things and use what they have in more ways. Everyone likes to have new things, but those new things are appreciated much more when they are not so easy to get. It is good for each of us to take inventory of our many blessings and use everything wisely.  We need to be good stewards of what we have whether we are poor or wealthy.  

         My dad used to say, “Your mom can fix anything with a bobby pin!”  (A “bobby pin” was the name for a hairpin.)  My dad sat each of my sisters and myself on his lap and taught us to tell time with his railroad watch before we ever started to school. Since this was during the time of the Great Depression, it was necessary for families to learn to get along with what they had. As children watched adults practice resourcefulness, they learned to think a little harder about saving money and using their own resources wisely.  Today, children are still learning by watching adults either squander what they have or use their resources wisely.

         Although we may not go back to darning socks to make them last longer, children can learn to use notebook paper wisely instead of making one small mark or two and throwing it away. They can learn not to grind their pencils away in a sharpener.  They can learn to take portions small enough to finish when they eat so that food is not wasted.  They can learn to put away their belongings to prevent loss.  They can learn to close bread wrappers so the bread doesn’t dry out. They can learn to stay out of mud puddles so their shoes last longer.  They can be taught to close doors right away to save on the utility bill. They can even learn that brand names on clothing are not always important.  

         Although there are many good educational toys to purchase for teaching children, there are many items in our homes that can be used effectively for teaching if we choose. Marshmallows, macaroni, popcorn, raisins, and other items in the kitchen pantry can be used for counting with children as we help them with math homework.  Games can be created between brothers and sisters to teach resourcefulness. Give them a task to perform and a limited amount of resources for the project. See who can be the most creative in coming up with ways to accomplish the task.  It is actually fun to be resourceful!

         Some people accomplish so very little because they spend all of their time complaining that they don’t have what they need.  Let’s help our children  become individuals who can get a job done with what they have!  There is a big difference between needs and wants. They will learn this difference as they become more and more resourceful. 

Christmas Memories

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Train up a child…

Christmas Memories   

         Memories of childhood greatly influence decisions of adults.  That is why it is so important for parents and grandparents to make every effort to ensure good experiences for children that will create a good foundation for adulthood.  Christmas is a perfect time for doing so.

         Memories don’t necessarily have to be fun memories. How a family works together in tough times is a memory that provides direction for a person in adulthood when that person faces difficult times.  Valuable memories do not necessarily require money.  How gifts are given from the heart at Christmas teaches a child that gifts should be given in love and do not necessarily need to be expensive.

         Those of us who lived during the years of the Great Depression are not as alarmed about the state of the nation’s economy because our memories teach us that we can survive well without many of the things we have come to enjoy.  I’m sure that many others remember, as I do, having a cedar tree cut from the woods for a Christmas tree.  Our tree was often decorated with red and green construction paper chains made in school by cutting strips and pasting the ends together in circles.  We would interlock the red in green, then the green in red, etc.  We made snowflakes by folding white paper and cutting it in various designs.  We would hang the snowflakes on the branches of the tree.  Sometimes, we would make strands of cranberries to drape around the tree.  We always felt important for contributing to the decorations.  

         A few years ago, our youngest son and his wife moved from Kentucky to Arkansas just before Christmas.  We spent Christmas with them sitting among unpacked boxes.  All Christmas decorations were packed away.  On Christmas Eve, we looked at each other and I could tell that our son was feeling a little apologetic for the situation.  I thought hard about what could be done.  I found a pen, reached in a box, pulled out some packing paper, and said, “We each have to make our own stocking.”  We found some scissors, designed our stockings, and laid them on the hearth of the fireplace.  I felt good when I heard our son chuckle.  A memory had been created.

         When my husband and I were working on the Navajo Reservation at Lukachukai, AZ, we had a big snow storm one Christmas.  The mail came only three times a week and during the storm, it could not get through at all. No gifts from our homes came in time for Christmas. We had already given each other our gifts thinking there would be more from our homes in MO and NE to open at Christmas.  On Christmas morning, we sat looking at each other and a bare tree.  That is a memory we will never forget, but it made us appreciate each other more.

         We can be very creative in making memories for children.  Sometimes it is a good thing to be short of money.  It causes us to be more resourceful.  We spoil our own Christmas when we place too much emphasis on “things”. We should never forget that people are more important than things.  The real basis of the Christmas season is love.  When couples argue over how much money to spend, unpleasant memories are created for their children.  We should not be stingy, but we should never buy beyond our means.  We need to learn to make good use of what we have.  By doing so, we create good memories for children and set a good example for them.

Give Your Children the Best Gift

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Train up a child…

 

Give your Children the Best Gift

 

What is the best gift you can give your children?  Many experts agree that the best thing that parents and grandparents can give children is their time.  Yet, as the holiday season approaches, we find ourselves wanting more time, and we find it more difficult to give the time to children that they need.

How can we give more time to children, and what are the benefits of doing so?

One of the easiest ways to give more time to children is to include them in the activities we do. The benefits of giving more time are many.  Three of those benefits are bonding, learning more about our children, and giving the children a feeling of worth.

As we include children in activities, they relax and open up in more ways than they normally would. Children most often say and do the things that they know their parents expect of them.  This prevents adults from knowing what they are really thinking and feeling.  When they relax in activities, they drop their guard and we find out more about them. We are often surprised to find that our children may be thinking and feeling something entirely different from what we had thought.  This gives us clues as to their needs in guidance as they grow.

As children assist in activities such as decorating, baking, making gifts, shopping, or other holiday happenings, they bond with adults in achieving the common goal of making others happy. While doing so, they can discuss how they think the recipient will respond, and they feel happy about achieving something good with their parents. Little faces light up in anticipation of the happiness they are creating, and a special closeness is achieved as feelings of accomplishment are shared.

When parents take time to include children in activities, the children feel that their parents think their ideas are valuable.  They develop a feeling of worth because mom or dad wanted them to help. The opposite is true when they are pushed aside.  Children then feel that their ideas and help are not wanted or needed.  They look to find their own activities aside from parents. Children have an inner desire to feel that they are valuable to someone.  No toy or game purchased for a child can make up for that feeling.

It is not difficult to include children in activities.  The key is to find something within the child’s ability.  There is always something they can do if it is no more than holding a finger on the ribbon while a bow is being tied.  For Thanksgiving Dinner, children can help set the table and participate in ways to help in preparation of food.  The quality of the dish is not as important as the quality of child we are raising.

There is nothing we can buy or do for our children that is any more important than spending time with them.

 

Make a List and Check it Twice

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Make a List and Check it Twice

 

It seems that almost any direction we look, we are reminded that it is time to start preparing for the holidays!  It is easy to get caught up in all of the excitement and forget that the children need to be prepared for the season also.  Instead of just letting them “come along for the ride”, this year, why not prepare them to be an active part of all of the activities?

Checklists are wonderful for saving time and making sure we don’t forget something.  Here is a checklist for making sure all other lists are made!

  • Sit down with the children right away and explain the true meaning of Thanksgiving and Christmas.
  • Make sure the children understand how our country was started and the story of the first Thanksgiving.
  • Talk with the children about what they have to be thankful for and help them make out a list of those things.
  • Read some of the Psalms from the Bible to the children that tell us to give thanks.
  • List with the children the ways the family has been blessed.
  • List with the children the ways the community and country have been blessed.
  • Tell the Christmas story to the children.
  • Read the Christmas story to the children from Luke 2 in the Bible.
  • Explain to the children that Santa is not real.Tell them that talking about Santa is a game that adults play to have fun with the children.
  • Ask the children whether they want to play the game of Santa, and if so, make sure they understand it is only a game.
  • Have the children make a list of people who are especially meaningful to them. Ask if they want to give those people a gift? If so, make a gift list.
  • Have the children list their resources for giving.This can include money they have saved or other things they may have to give.
  • Explain that the reason we give is to show love to others.
  • Explain that love includes self-sacrifice and concern for the happiness of others.
  • Explain that gifts can be things we do for others as well as what we may make or buy.
  • Explain that the Bible tells us that it is more blessed to give than to receive.
  • Tell some stories of personal past Christmas experiences to the children.
  • Read some good Christmas stories to the children.
  • Talk about decorations and decide each person’s task.

You probably noted that I did not mention having the child make a list for self wants.  The emphasis should be on giving to others, not getting for self.  Making a want list may be alright, but that is not what we should stress.  We can’t teach children to think of others when all we do is tell them to think of themselves.  We can’t have it two ways.  It is preferable for children to grow up thinking of what they can give, not just what they can get.

 

Summer Vacation Checkpoint

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Summer Vacation Checkpoint

 

It’s hard to believe that the summer vacation from school is more than half over for our children. There were so many plans!  Have they all been met?It is a good idea at this point in time to review the plans that were made at the beginning of summer and see what has been accomplished and what needs to be emphasized in the time remaining before the children go back to school.

Remember all those plans for the kids for summer vacation?  I’m guessing that there were plans to teach them how to be good homemakers. There were plans to give them experiences that would be good for them, and there were plans to have fun together as a family. There is some time left to try to make up for those things that have not yet been accomplished.

During the time left, children can try their hands in the kitchen following recipes and preparing food for the family.  The product doesn’t have to be perfect.  Praise the children for good effort.  Select easy recipes so they can feel a sense of accomplishment. There are many recipes suitable for children.  The Family Funmagazine is one source of not only recipes, but other fun activities as well.

It is almost always a good idea to choose chores simple enough to allow the children to feel successful.  Feeling successful motivates children to try again. When a child feels failure, that child avoids doing that task another time for fear of failing again. Do not jump in and do the chore for the children no matter how tempting it may be. Children learn from mistakes. Chores should include cleaning and making minor repairs.  How are they doing with helping in the yard?  Now is the time to make sure all has been covered that the children are able to accomplish. Once the children are back in school, there will be limited time to teach things necessary for children to grow up and have good homes of their own.

Have the children had good experiences this summer that include visiting historic monuments or national parks?  Have they taken part in new activities that expand their understanding of others? There is still time to go on trips as a family.  There are many interesting places in our area.  We live in a beautiful place in this country.  Helping children appreciate that beauty will go a long way in creating a good attitude.

Has the family simply had lots of fun together?  If not, make sure the summer does not end without doing so.  Whether it is playing games together, working together, or traveling together, fun times create special memories.  Good “belly laughs” are remembered for a long time.  Fun times create memories that act as glue for a family to stick together.

Don’t come to the end of the summer and have to say, “Where did the time go?”  Use the time now to work and play with children. They will be gone from home before you know it!

 

Chores for Toddlers

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Chores for Toddlers

 

Can toddlers really do chores?  Yes. Even at this early age, children should begin helping to keep the home as it should be. Will they do a perfect job? No. They will, however, begin the learning process of doing certain chores and gain the realization that they are important in contributing to the work that needs to be done.

All chores done by toddlers need to be supervised by adults.  Time spent teaching children at this level will pay big dividends in the years to come when the children are able to do many things without total supervision. Toddler chores are done alongside adults.  Keeping children busy helping out at this age prevents their doing things that cause more messes to be cleaned up.  Toddlers are usually eager to help and have that look of satisfaction on their faces when they are praised for their efforts.

 

Here are some things toddlers can do:

 

  • Pick up/put away toys. (It is helpful to make a game of this.Counting to ten slowly as toys are put away and trying to get them all put away by the end of the count makes a fun game of the task.)
  • Help unload the dishwasher. Toddlers can put away silver or plastic items that can be reached.They may need a step stool to reach the silverware drawer
  • Dust larger items with a feather duster as someone else dusts the smaller items
  • Use a small broom or Swiffer to help dust the floor
  • Pick up dirty clothes and put them in the hamper
  • Put clean clothes away in drawers that can be reached with a step stool, and carry clean clothes to rooms where they belong
  • Help scrub spots off the floor
  • Pick up things that are dropped as cooking is done
  • Stir some things that are being mixed in the kitchen
  • Dust baseboards
  • Take clothes out of the dryer and put them in the laundry basket
  • Carry dirty silverware from the table to the kitchen after eating
  • Throw paper plates and cups in the trash after eating
  • Go get items for mommy and daddy
  • Take items to others as directed

 

We tend to underestimate what children can do.  In days gone by, it was necessary for children to help in families in order to survive.  Children knew they were of value to the family as they performed necessary tasks. We have so many helpful tools now that we tend to allow children to have too much time on their hands.  Self esteem is achieved by actually being worth something.  Children find self worth through achievement of worthwhile activities.  We rob our children of this wonderful feeling when they are not allowed to participate in doing things that have value.

 

Children Need Chores

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Train up a child…

 

Children Need Chores

 

It is hard to overemphasize the importance of children having chores around the house.  By participating in fulfilling the needs of the family, children form a bond with the family unit and gain a feeling of worth. We often sell children short and lower our expectations when we really need to tap into their large supply of energy and help them know they are contributing in a positive way to meet needs around them.

One reason parents may not require children to do chores is that they may feel uncertain as to what the children are able to do.  Following are some general ideas of chores that children ages 6-8 may be able to do.

  • Assist in meal preparation (mash potatoes, simple cutting with supervision, mixing salad, find ingredients, wash produce, read recipes)
  • Wipe bathroom sinks, counters, toilets (this is a good time to teach the proper use of cleaning agents and emphasize the harm that can be caused by improper use)
  • Sweep
  • Vacuum
  • Fold, hang up and put away laundry
  • Collect garbage
  • Clean the microwave
  • Wipe out self-cleaning ovens after they have been cleaned
  • Run errands
  • Rake leaves
  • Set the table
  • Clear the table and wash items too large for dishwasher
  • Wash, dry dishes and put away
  • Get the mail
  • Water plants indoors and outdoors
  • Pick up and put away things

It is a good idea to have a daily schedule for children.  One idea that worked at our house was to require our children to do their chores in the morning, have lunch, have a quiet time, and then allow the children free time in the afternoon to play with friends or do other activities.  Children who have no schedule feel insecure and “at loose ends”, uncertain as to how to spend their time.

 

Children who are not kept busy will find ways to busy themselves.  Children are not capable of always making the right decisions for themselves, and they will often get in trouble when left to do so. It is best to keep children busy with positive activities; then, they won’t have time to get in trouble.

Making Memories on Memorial Day

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Train up a child…

 

Make Memories on Memorial Day

 

Creating good memories for children is like investing in the future.  Family traditions experienced as children form the basis for the creation of their own family traditions when those children become adults.  Families form bonds that last throughout life as they learn of past family history. They learn to respect and appreciate the sacrifices made by ancestors and the many men and women who have fought for our freedom as they participate in the observance of Memorial Day.

Many families have a tradition of decorating the graves of family members and friends on Memorial Day. In fact, the day was once called “decoration day”.  When the routine is repeated each year, the children learn not to question the day’s activities.  They know ahead of time what will be done on that day.  Many families are scattered and no longer can get together, but the memory of that day remains in the minds of those who have participated in the day’s activities in the past.  When our children were young, we were away from all of our relative’s graves, but we took the children to the grave of a former neighbor who had befriended the children.  We mentioned those in the past from our own families.

Memorial Day is a time to remember the past history of the family.  We should not allow ourselves to be deterred by jokes about telling about the past.  Children need to know about the past and the lives of their ancestors.  They especially need to be told of the heroic accomplishments of family members in the past.  A little of the negative side serves to remind the children of what not to do or be.  Storytelling has great value for children.  It requires them to visualize for themselves rather than having a picture to go by.  It helps in developing their listening skills.  Most families have some members who have given their lives to protect our freedom.  These people should be pointed out and stories told of their bravery.

When children carefully walk through a cemetery, they sense that it is a special place and that respect should be given to those who are buried there.  As they hear stories about past loved ones, they cannot help but develop appreciation for the sacrifices that were made.  They will undoubtedly be motivated to make their own lives productive.

A good way to end the day is to have a barbeque or other type of picnic or family get-together. One of the things that children love most is to have parents and grandparents play games with them.  They enjoy watching the adults run or make mistakes of any kind as they play such games as workup softball, tag, hide-and-seek, etc.

An often overlooked holiday, Memorial Day can be a real opportunity to develop appreciation and respect. It is a time to bond as a family.  The traditions of a family on Memorial Day are traditions to cherish.

 

It’s Tough to be the Parents of a Teen

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It’s Tough to be the Parents of a Teen

 

“Who is this new child in my home? This can’t be the child I held on my lap and read to, then heard prayers, gave a hug and kiss and tucked in for a nice night’s sleep! Now I see a child that is much different from anything I ever imagined my child would be! I’m bewildered. My child seems bewildered. To be truthful, I’m scared. I thought I was being the perfect parent, but my child is not being the perfect child. The results I am seeing are not what I expected.”

Many parents of teenagers may very well be thinking the above thoughts. There is no doubt that being the parent of a teenager is a really tough task.

We may tell our children that we will always love them. When children become teens, that love is truly tested. Now, we must prove that love. We must put our pride aside and do what is best for the child, even if it may be embarrassing at times. Love is understanding. Love is patient. Love doesn’t keep score. Love is long-suffering. Love is kind. Love doesn’t have to have its own way. Love is gentle. Can we really display these characteristics with this seemingly new person? When the apostle, Paul, described love in I Corinthians 13, he didn’t say to show these characteristics except with teenagers! Even when our children are not so lovable, we are still supposed to love them and that means displaying the characteristics of love named in the Bible.

We need to remember that the teen years are really tough for the child as well as for the parent. The “acting out” that often accompanies a teen is often the result of the same feelings we may be having as parents. They are scared, bewildered, uncertain, dealing with a new body (a body that is larger and looks different). The teen has not learned the proper way to vent deep emotional feelings. Unfortunately, many parents have not learned this lesson either. The result may be a shouting match between parent and child.

When you stop and think about it, isn’t it rather ridiculous for a parent to be shouting at a child to tell the child not to shout at the parent? Two wrongs don’t make a right! “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1) This truly works. To shout to a child who is already shouting is like pouring gasoline on a fire. It just causes more shouting. No one says it is easy, but we must set an example of the behavior we expect from a child.

Quite often, teens say things they don’t really mean, so we need to learn to look at the heart rather than simply going by the words spoken. A teen may shout, “I hate you!” What they are really thinking and feeling may be “I loved you and I don’t feel you loving me back, and now I am hurting and wish I could feel that love!” It is common for teens to feel alone and that no one understands them. If they can’t feel understanding at home, they will look for it elsewhere. Does this mean that we should let the child get away with being disrespectful? No. It should be pointed out that disrespect has been shown and the child needs to be told what is acceptable and what is not acceptable. Also, the child needs to be told that disagreement is alright, but there is a correct way to disagree. He/she then needs to be taught the acceptable way to disagree. Parents and children can then discuss the issues that are really at the root of the trouble.

“Keeping cool” when a teenage child is showing a hot temper is not easy, but the love for the child can be the very thing that gives us the strength to do just that. It helps to know that many parents have gone through the same challenges, many parents are going through those challenges now, and many more parents will do so in the future. We are not alone and we must not abandon our teens just because it is not pleasant to deal with them.

 

 

 

How to Help Children Plan Ahead

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How to Help Children Plan Ahead

 

My husband and I were privileged to attend a workshop on poverty at the College of the Ozarks. One of the things we learned is that people in poverty usually just think about getting through one day at a time. In light of this fact, it would seem that it is very important to teach our children to think ahead and plan for upcoming happenings.

There are at least three things involved in planning ahead. We need to know what is apt to happen in the future. We need to know what our resources are, and we need to plan ways to use those resources to meet the needs the future events will necessitate.

Fall is a good time of year to teach planning ahead. Even nature gives us illustrations as we watch animals scurry about storing food for the winter.   Scripture tells us in Proverbs 6:6-8, “Go to the ant you sluggard, consider its ways and be wise! It has no commander, no overseer or ruler, yet it stores its provisions in summer and gathers its food at harvest.”

Instead of sheltering our children from unpleasant happenings, we need to let them know the important things that are happening in the world. We need to tell them in such a way as to keep them from panicking, but at the same time letting the children know that these are things to contend with. At this time, we need to tell children about the economy of our country. Nature presents additional future events for which we should plan. The cold of winter, ice storms, and tornados are common in the Midwest. Earthquakes are common many places. When we tell children that everything is going to be all right, we are not telling the truth. If children believe this, they see no need to think ahead and plan for events.

A “sit-down” session with children is appropriate for planning ahead. It is helpful for children to write a list, if they are old enough to write, of events to plan for as well as a list of resources and the plan itself. Parents need to discuss with children the location of resources such as flashlights and candles in case the electricity goes off in a storm. Parents need to be honest about the money situation and enlist the help of the children in deciding needs versus wants. Letting the children help in preparing a budget for the family sets a good example of what they should do when they have a home of their own, and the children will feel like they are part of the family team.

The actual plans of what to do in the various events need to be reviewed occasionally. Not only should children be helped to plan with the family for natural occurrences and worldwide events, but they should also be helped to make study plans for the school year. Upcoming events in the family need to be discussed and planned ahead as well.

Discussing future events, and planning for those events, actually helps children feel more secure. It takes less time to plan ahead than it does to wait until we are in the middle of something and then try to deal with it. All in all, it just makes life go more smoothly!