Category Archives: Christmas gifts

Teaching Children to Be Resourceful

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Train up a child…

Teaching Children to be Resourceful

         When I graduated from high school and was preparing to leave home                                 to go to college, the youth director at the little church I attended in Verona, MO, bought a small notebook and filled it with wise sayings to guide me through life.  One of those sayings was, “An industrious man can do more with a rusty wrench than a lazy man with all the tools in the shop.”  This saying has stuck with me through the years as there have been many times when I did not have everything I would have liked to achieve goals.

         Life certainly can take some strange turns. We never know when the time may come that we cannot afford to buy what we want or need.  It is important for children to realize this fact.  Most people find themselves, at one time or another, in a situation where they are short of money.  

         Children need to be prepared to learn how to do without new things and use what they have in more ways. Everyone likes to have new things, but those new things are appreciated much more when they are not so easy to get. It is good for each of us to take inventory of our many blessings and use everything wisely.  We need to be good stewards of what we have whether we are poor or wealthy.  

         My dad used to say, “Your mom can fix anything with a bobby pin!”  (A “bobby pin” was the name for a hairpin.)  My dad sat each of my sisters and myself on his lap and taught us to tell time with his railroad watch before we ever started to school. Since this was during the time of the Great Depression, it was necessary for families to learn to get along with what they had. As children watched adults practice resourcefulness, they learned to think a little harder about saving money and using their own resources wisely.  Today, children are still learning by watching adults either squander what they have or use their resources wisely.

         Although we may not go back to darning socks to make them last longer, children can learn to use notebook paper wisely instead of making one small mark or two and throwing it away. They can learn not to grind their pencils away in a sharpener.  They can learn to take portions small enough to finish when they eat so that food is not wasted.  They can learn to put away their belongings to prevent loss.  They can learn to close bread wrappers so the bread doesn’t dry out. They can learn to stay out of mud puddles so their shoes last longer.  They can be taught to close doors right away to save on the utility bill. They can even learn that brand names on clothing are not always important.  

         Although there are many good educational toys to purchase for teaching children, there are many items in our homes that can be used effectively for teaching if we choose. Marshmallows, macaroni, popcorn, raisins, and other items in the kitchen pantry can be used for counting with children as we help them with math homework.  Games can be created between brothers and sisters to teach resourcefulness. Give them a task to perform and a limited amount of resources for the project. See who can be the most creative in coming up with ways to accomplish the task.  It is actually fun to be resourceful!

         Some people accomplish so very little because they spend all of their time complaining that they don’t have what they need.  Let’s help our children  become individuals who can get a job done with what they have!  There is a big difference between needs and wants. They will learn this difference as they become more and more resourceful. 

It’s Not Just Child’s Play

Christmas gifts, parenting, Raising kids

Train up a child…

It’s Not Just Child’s Play!

         It is a wonderful thing when parents will play with their children.  There is great value in time spent simply having fun with them.  This time is an opportunity for bonding, teaching, and creating memories.

Right after Christmas there is an opportunity to explore the new toys and games together.  When dad or mom get on the level of the child and explore the new possibilities of enjoyment, the child learns to appreciate the fact that the parent has interest in his/her world.  A special relationship between the child and parent is created.  This new relationship results in a better understanding of each another. 

In the event that a toy breaks, as many are apt to do, as the parent helps repair that toy, the child learns about how things work. Parents have an opportunity to teach new words and understandings to the child.

Even if there are no new games or toys, parents and children can create their own games. Our grown children still laugh about playing “sandwich” or “slobber ear” with their dad, and I laugh when I see them play the same games with their children.  These are rough and tumble games on the floor (or grass in the summer) where all involved laugh and giggle as they try to get away from each other to avoid having an ear chewed or to become the bottom bread of a sandwich.  They laugh as “the meat” wriggles out to try to become the top bread and the bottom bread tries even harder to escape being the bottom bread. It is important, however, for the parent to know when enough is enough in these games.  It is cruel to tickle children too much.  Also, weight of individuals needs to be considered so no person is hurt.

Many board games offer opportunities for learning as well as having fun.  Long winter evenings are well spent in playing games such as Monopoly, Balderdash, Sequence, or others with older children. In Monopoly, children learn much about money. They learn to count the money as well as a great deal about how business works.  Balderdash is a great game for teaching writing, persuasion, and vocabulary. Our family has laughed until we cried at some of the silly definitions written for some of the words in Balderdash. Board games designed for younger children teach a child to take turns and that they cannot always win.  They can learn to lose graciously.

Laughter is a good medicine. King Solomon tells us in Proverbs 17:22, “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine”.  Playing and laughing with our children relieves our stress as well as theirs.  We sometimes forget that children, too, have stress as they seek to please their parents and teachers.  

Time spent playing with children is a wonderful investment that yields dividends for eternity.  Children grow up so fast!  Let’s take advantage of the opportunities we have to spend time with them while we can. 

Avoiding the Christmas “Letdown”

Christmas gifts, counseling, parenting, Raising kids

Train up a child…

Avoiding the Christmas “Letdown”

       Many people seem to experience a letdown feeling after gifts are opened at Christmas.  This is a natural feeling when one has built up in the mind for several weeks a vision of how wonderful Christmas will be.  Then when the gifts are all opened, it seems to be over.  Not only that, but if someone didn’t appear to like the gift we gave, or if we, ourselves, were disappointed with what we got, there is an added negative emotion.  We may even feel guilt for not doing as much as we thought we should or because we don’t appreciate our gifts as much as we think we should.

         There are things we can do ahead of time to prevent these unpleasant feelings.  Disappointment is in proportion to expectations.  Before Christmas, we need to control our expectations.  We need to be realistic and realize that seldom is there a picture-perfect Christmas.  If our family Christmas does not turn our just as we envisioned, the truth is that probably very few others did either.  It is nice to pretend that it was perfect…especially for the sake of not offending or disappointing someone else.  Nevertheless, let’s admit that there are not many perfect Christmases. People are people.  People are not perfect.  

         We have all seen or heard of jokes about the “off-the-wall” gifts that husbands sometimes buy wives. Why do the wives get so upset?  It usually is not about the gift as much as it is about the lack of understanding.  The wife is disappointed because she feels that her husband did not care enough about her to try to understand what she really wanted.  It may be possible that she feels that household items are for everyone, including him, not just her.  When a husband gives household items, it is like saying, “You are the housekeeper and you should be happy with this tool to make your work easier.” The wife feels that she should be more than a housekeeper to her husband, and he should feel that way, too.  

         The spirit of love that is felt at Christmas can be carried over throughout the year.  It does not need to end when the gifts are opened. There are many wonderful people who know how to carry this feeling on and on.  Some retired folks, especially, seem to understand that the new purpose in their lives is to serve others.  They no longer have to work to support a family and now have the time to be of assistance to others.  These people feel less of a letdown after Christmas because they have a purpose that is never ending.

         Having an immediate new family project in mind helps to keep the children focused on the future.  The truth is that playing with toys and using the gifts often is not as much fun as the anticipation of doing so.  To introduce a new project provides the anticipation now missing.  A discussion with the children about how to carry on the spirit of Christmas can be a valuable tool in ridding them of a letdown feeling.

         The best remedy for most ills is to keep busy doing activities that have a positive result. December 26 does not mean that we have to stop enjoying the wonderful feeling of making others happy.    

Give Your Children the Best Gift

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Train up a child…

 

Give your Children the Best Gift

 

What is the best gift you can give your children?  Many experts agree that the best thing that parents and grandparents can give children is their time.  Yet, as the holiday season approaches, we find ourselves wanting more time, and we find it more difficult to give the time to children that they need.

How can we give more time to children, and what are the benefits of doing so?

One of the easiest ways to give more time to children is to include them in the activities we do. The benefits of giving more time are many.  Three of those benefits are bonding, learning more about our children, and giving the children a feeling of worth.

As we include children in activities, they relax and open up in more ways than they normally would. Children most often say and do the things that they know their parents expect of them.  This prevents adults from knowing what they are really thinking and feeling.  When they relax in activities, they drop their guard and we find out more about them. We are often surprised to find that our children may be thinking and feeling something entirely different from what we had thought.  This gives us clues as to their needs in guidance as they grow.

As children assist in activities such as decorating, baking, making gifts, shopping, or other holiday happenings, they bond with adults in achieving the common goal of making others happy. While doing so, they can discuss how they think the recipient will respond, and they feel happy about achieving something good with their parents. Little faces light up in anticipation of the happiness they are creating, and a special closeness is achieved as feelings of accomplishment are shared.

When parents take time to include children in activities, the children feel that their parents think their ideas are valuable.  They develop a feeling of worth because mom or dad wanted them to help. The opposite is true when they are pushed aside.  Children then feel that their ideas and help are not wanted or needed.  They look to find their own activities aside from parents. Children have an inner desire to feel that they are valuable to someone.  No toy or game purchased for a child can make up for that feeling.

It is not difficult to include children in activities.  The key is to find something within the child’s ability.  There is always something they can do if it is no more than holding a finger on the ribbon while a bow is being tied.  For Thanksgiving Dinner, children can help set the table and participate in ways to help in preparation of food.  The quality of the dish is not as important as the quality of child we are raising.

There is nothing we can buy or do for our children that is any more important than spending time with them.

 

A Memorable Christmas Eve

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A Memorable Christmas Eve

 

In many homes Christmas Eve finds family members frantically scampering around wrapping last minute gifts, cooking something scrumptious for Christmas dinner the next day, or even arguing about things that are not going according to the “picture-perfect” home. Some have the custom of opening one gift or all gifts on Christmas Eve. Where are the thoughts about the one whose birthday we are celebrating??

What good things will children remember about Christmas Eve? They will remember traditions, smells, lights, gentle words spoken, or things that happen out of the ordinary.

Wise parents will plan some time on Christmas Eve for traditions. Many older folks will remember going to the local church or school for a Christmas program on Christmas Eve and watching children sing songs or read poems about Jesus and then receiving gifts and a big bag of candy with an orange and apple in it. Now, many churches have a candlelight communion or midnight mass on Christmas Eve. It is a wonderful tradition to spend this time to remember the reason for the season.

Quite often parents are so exhausted with last minute details that they can’t wait to get to bed. The children usually do not feel this way and are wide awake in anticipation of Santa. As long as the children know that Santa is a game we play at Christmas, this is not a bad thing. We should never lie to our children, but simply pretend with them. When our children and grandchildren were still in the Santa stage, someone would sneak outside and ring some sleigh bells beneath their bedroom windows. At our house, Santa always liked raisin pie. On one occasion our grandson grabbed a whole raisin pie and went running outside to give it to Santa. We still laugh about that time. That was an “out of the ordinary” time to remember.

Lights are so nice at Christmas, the time when days are the shortest. Children will remember lots of lights. Some children like to bring sleeping bags and sleep around the Christmas tree, so they can enjoy going to sleep with the pretty lights. They will try to see who can stay awake the longest to see their dad or mom sneak in and fill the stockings. Milk and cookies (at our house it was milk and raisin pie) will be out for Santa. One “out of the ordinary” thing we remember was the year our children pretended to be asleep and waited for their stockings to be filled; then, they put up stockings for mom and dad and filled them! We were certainly surprised the next morning to find that we had stockings as well as the children. What a nice memory!

Each family creates its own traditions and memories on Christmas Eve. In keeping with the spirit of the season, the evening should always be pleasant and include a time for remembering the birth of Christ that made it all possible. Reading the Christmas story from the second chapter of the book of Luke in the Bible should be read on Christmas Eve or Christmas day. The overall goal is to leave pleasant memories with the children with the teaching of the true meaning of Christmas.

Children can Learn to Organize

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Train up a child…

 

Children can learn to Organize

 

The Christmas season is a good time to teach children a lesson about organizing. Even though they are more excited than usual at this time, they can still learn to take on some responsibilities to make Christmas a more pleasant time for themselves and others.

A good thing to keep in mind when parenting is to always have children take on the responsibilities for caring for themselves as they are able to do so. Adults often mistakenly think they are helping their children by doing everything for them. Children learn responsibility and become independent by caring for their own needs. School children have people to whom they want to give a gift at Christmas and can plan and organize their time and resources to take care of those gifts, to a great extent, themselves.

There is nothing better for organizing than lists. Children can make lists to examine their resources, remember the persons to whom they will give gifts, and dates for accomplishing tasks.

Most children have piggy banks and perhaps money from allowances. They can list the amount of money they have along with ways to earn more money. They may also have gifts they have received in the past that are unused that can be regifted to their friends. They can look through magazines such as “Family Fun” for ideas of gifts to make. Just thinking about resources brings an awareness to a child of the need to save their money for needed times.

Next, children should make lists of those persons to whom they want to give a gift. This list should include their teacher, Sunday School teacher, mom and dad, sisters and brothers. (Some schools request that gifts not be given to teachers, so this should be checked out before planning a gift.) After these “essential” gifts are taken care of, they can choose friends or other special people to whom they would like to give a gift.

If a gift is to be given to a teacher or church worker, dates should be written down as to programs, the last day of school before vacation, or the last event at church before Christmas. It is easy to let these times slip up and not be ready. If the family has a calendar on the refrigerator, as many families do, these dates could be posted there.

When the lists are done, the children can begin to purchase or make gifts and feel secure knowing they have all under control. Children will enjoy Christmas much more if they feel that they have been useful in planning and giving. This small lesson in organization will carry over into other areas of life and help the child to be more confident in years to come. Mom and dad will feel less pressure in knowing that the child is taking responsibility for some of the tasks to be done. When a child takes part in the planning and execution of the plans, that child builds self-esteem and learns the true meaning of giving at Christmas time.

It’s Not Just Child’s Play!

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Train up a child…

It’s Not Just Child’s Play!

 

It is a wonderful thing when parents will play with their children. There is great value in time spent simply having fun with them. This time is an opportunity for bonding, teaching, and creating memories.

Right after Christmas there is an opportunity to explore the new toys and games together. When dad or mom get on the level of the child and explore the new possibilities of enjoyment, the child learns to appreciate the fact that the parent has interest in his/her world. A special relationship between the child and parent is created. This new relationship results in a better understanding of each another.

In the event that a toy breaks, as many are apt to do, as the parent helps repair that toy, the child learns about how things work. Parents have an opportunity to teach new words and understandings to the child.

Even if there are no new games or toys, parents and children can create their own games. Our grown children still laugh about playing “sandwich” or “slobber ear” with their dad, and I laugh when I see them play the same games with their children. These are rough and tumble games on the floor (or grass in the summer) where all involved laugh and giggle as they try to get away from each other to avoid having an ear chewed or to become the bottom bread of a sandwich. They laugh as “the meat” wriggles out to try to become the top bread and the bottom bread tries even harder to escape being the bottom bread. It is important, however, for the parent to know when enough is enough in these games. It is cruel to tickle children too much. Also, weight of individuals needs to be considered so no person is hurt.

Many board games offer opportunities for learning as well as having fun. Long winter evenings are well spent in playing games such as Monopoly, Balderdash, Sequence, or others with older children. In Monopoly, children learn much about money. They learn to count the money as well as a great deal about how business works. Balderdash is a great game for teaching writing, persuasion, and vocabulary. Our family has laughed until we cried at some of the silly definitions written for some of the words in Balderdash. Board games designed for younger children teach a child to take turns and that they cannot always win. They can learn to lose graciously.

Laughter is a good medicine. King Solomon tells us in Proverbs 17:22, “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine”. Playing and laughing with our children relieves our stress as well as theirs. We sometimes forget that children, too, have stress as they seek to please their parents and teachers.

Time spent playing with children is a wonderful investment that yields dividends for eternity. Children grow up so fast! Let’s take advantage of the opportunities we have to spend time with them while we can.

 

Christmas Memories

Christmas gifts, Raising kids

Train up a child…

Christmas Memories

 

Memories of childhood greatly influence decisions of adults. That is why it is so important for parents and grandparents to make every effort to ensure good experiences for children that will create a good foundation for adulthood. Christmas is a perfect time for doing so.

Memories don’t necessarily have to be fun memories. How a family works together in tough times is a memory that provides direction for a person in adulthood when that person faces difficult times. Valuable memories do not necessarily require money. How gifts are given from the heart at Christmas teaches a child that gifts should be given in love and do not necessarily need to be expensive.

Those of us who lived during the years of the Great Depression are not as alarmed about the state of the nation’s economy because our memories teach us that we can survive well without many of the things we have come to enjoy. I’m sure that many others remember, as I do,  having a cedar tree cut from the woods for a Christmas tree. Our tree was often decorated with red and green construction paper chains made in school by cutting strips and pasting the ends together in circles. We would interlock the red in green, then the green in red, etc. We made snowflakes by folding white paper and cutting it in various designs. We would hang the snowflakes on the branches of the tree. Sometimes, we would make strands of cranberries to drape around the tree. We always felt important for contributing to the decorations.

A few years ago, our youngest son and his wife moved from Kentucky to Arkansas just before Christmas. We spent Christmas with them sitting among unpacked boxes. All Christmas decorations were packed away. On Christmas Eve, we looked at each other and I could tell that our son was feeling a little apologetic for the situation. I thought hard about what could be done. I found a pen, reached in a box, pulled out some packing paper, and said, “We each have to make our own stocking.” We found some scissors, designed our stockings, and laid them on the hearth of the fireplace. I felt good when I heard our son chuckle. A memory had been created.

When my husband and I were working on the Navajo Reservation at Lukachukai, AZ, we had a big snow storm one Christmas. The mail came only three times a week and during the storm, it could not get through at all. No gifts from our homes came in time for Christmas. We had already given each other our gifts thinking there would be more from our homes in MO and NE to open at Christmas. On Christmas morning, we sat looking at each other and a bare tree. That is a memory we will never forget, but it made us appreciate each other more.

We can be very creative in making memories for children. Sometimes it is a good thing to be short of money. It causes us to be more resourceful. We spoil our own Christmas when we place too much emphasis on “things”. We should never forget that people are more important than things. The real basis of the Christmas season is love. When couples argue over how much money to spend, unpleasant memories are created for their children. We should not be stingy, but we should never buy beyond our means. We need to learn to make good use of what we have. By doing so, we create good memories for children and set a good example for them.

How to Explain Christmas to Children

Christmas gifts, counseling, parenting, Raising kids

Train up a child…

 

How to Explain Christmas to Children

 

It is easy to get so caught up in the “busyness” of Christmas and forget to take the time to sit down with children and explain why we have the observance. In addition, some adults feel incapable of coming up with the right words and explaining its meaning so children will understand. Here is a suggested way to tell children the basics of what all should know about Christmas. It may be told in one’s own words or simply read to children.

*****

When the world was created, Jesus was with God. Jesus is God’s son. God made Adam and Eve and they began to have children. Soon there were many people on earth and God told the people what he wanted them to do to worship him. He gave the Ten Commandments. He also required them to sacrifice animals to him.

The people sinned a lot. They did not follow the instructions God had given them. God decided to send his only son, Jesus, to earth to live with people and teach them the right way to live. John 3:16 in the Bible says, “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish but have everlasting life.”

Jesus came as a little baby. He was born in a stable because there was no room for Mary, his mother, and Joseph, His earthly father, anyplace else. Christmas is for celebrating the birthday of Jesus.

God sent angels to shepherds to announce the birth of Jesus. When Jesus was about two years old, some wise men saw a strange star and followed it to Jesus. They took gold, frankincense, and myrrh as gifts to him. On the way, they stopped to see King Herod who was jealous of Jesus because he had heard that Jesus was going to be a king. He wanted to kill Jesus, so he asked the wise men to come back and tell him where Jesus was. They didn’t do it. Herod ordered all little boys under the age of two killed. Joseph and Mary took Jesus to Egypt to protect him.

When the danger was over, Joseph and Mary went home. Jesus grew up helping Joseph in Joseph’s carpenter’s shop. When He was about twelve years old, he was teaching in the temple. When he was about 30 years old, he began his ministry. He told many stories to teach us the right way to live, and he healed many people. When he was about 33 years old, some people got angry with him and decided to try to do away with him. He was crucified on a cross. After three days, he came back alive. We celebrate Easter to remember his crucifixion and his coming back to life. Jesus was the last sacrifice and people didn’t have to sacrifice animals any more.

Jesus stayed on earth for a while; then, he went up to heaven. He is still alive and wants us all to believe in him and be saved. If we truly believe in him, are really sorry for our sins, and ask him to save us, he will send the Holy Spirit into our hearts, and when we die, we can live with him forever.

 

 

Gift-giving Develops Empathy

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Train up a child…

Gift-giving Develops Empathy

Christmas presents an opportunity to develop an important trait in children. As gifts are selected and presented, if children are involved in the process, they can develop the ability to feel and think as others feel and think.
Empathy, in a nutshell, is to be able to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. It is very close to sympathy, but sympathy is usually thought of as feeling sad with someone. Empathy is the ability to feel many emotions with others, not just sadness.
Why is it important for children to develop empathy, and how does gift-giving help in the process?
Being able to share feelings with others affects actions. Quite often we hear of horrible atrocities of cruelty committed by individuals and we wonder how it could possibly happen. Could it be that the people committing the atrocities have never developed an ability to feel as their victim feels? I think so. They seem detached from the acts they are doing. A child who learns to feel with others is not as likely to do things to hurt others because they understand the feelings they are causing.
A child who can identify with the thoughts and feelings of others will have better relationships throughout life. They will be able to choose actions to please friends and, as adults, their spouses. They will have a better understanding of authority of teachers, parents, police, and bosses. They will develop the ability to figure out why people act as they do, and that leads to better understanding of others.
How does gift-giving help develop empathy? When parents work with children in selecting gifts, they can say such things as, “Do you think your sister would like this?” Discussion can follow as to why the person would or would not like a particular gift. Every question a parent asks stimulates thinking about the gift recipient. All of this leads to a better understanding of the other person. The giver begins to imagine self in the position of the person receiving the gift. A visual image emerges of the person for whom the gift is being selected and an analysis of that person follows. Soon, the giver is experiencing some of the same feelings mentally as they think the person receiving the gift is feeling. This is empathy!
On Christmas morning, the process is repeated when the gift is opened. The giver of the gift is watching the recipient to see a reaction. Are they pleased? Are they happy? What are they feeling? All of this leads to an even better understanding of the person and a greater empathy has been developed. As both feel happy about the gift, true empathy has been established.
Alert adults will watch for opportunities to help children develop empathy to ensure that they grow up with good relationships and actions that promote well-being of others.