Category Archives: Raising kids

Promises! Promises!

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Train up a child…

 

Promises! Promises!

 

It is so very easy to make a promise to a child.  Sometimes when we do so, we are secretly hoping the child will forget what we said and not hold us to it.  Other times, we really have good intentions to follow through, but other things seem to distract us, and we never follow through hoping the child will forget.  The reality is that children don’t forget the promises we make and when we make those promises and don’t follow through, we lose our credibility in their minds.

King Solomon tells us in the book of Ecclesiastes, chapter 5 and verses 4 and 5, that we should fulfill what we vow and that it is better not to make a vow than to vow and not fulfill it. From this scripture, we know that we should be very careful to make even a small promise and not follow through with it.

It is far too easy to put a child off by saying, “Just a minute”.  One mother told me that her son came to her once and said, “Mom, how long is a minute?”  She had forgotten to get back to him.  It is better to say something like, “I’m doing _______ now, and when I get finished, I will try to help you.”  The phrase, “I will try” is much better than a promise because it leaves the door open for the reality that the action may not be possible.  In this way, we are being honest with the child.

When an adult makes a promise to a child and does not follow through, that adult is saying by actions that the thing that prevented the keeping of the promise was more important than the child.  The child then concludes in his/her mind that the adult does not care as much for the child as for whatever interfered with the keeping of the promise. Parents may think, “Doesn’t the child realize I have to work and make a living for the family?” The truth is that the child does not realize that unless it has been explained.  That is why parents and other teachers and leaders should take the time to explain the “whys” of actions to children.

Even well-meaning church leaders often make mistakes by saying things like, “I’ll pray for you,” and then not follow through and do so.  Unfortunately, those in leadership positions sometimes think that because of their position, everyone should understand if they don’t follow through with a promise.  This should not be so.  A parent, church leader, or teacher does not have the right to break promises simply because of status.  In God’s eyes, they are no more important than that little child who is looking up to them to be an example.

Heaven help the adult who breaks promises to others for self pleasure!  That person will be held accountable no matter how important a position they may be holding.  We need to be very, very careful about making promises.  Once that promise is made, every effort should be made to keep it and not disappoint those to whom it is made.  We must never forget that children are a gift from God.  They are like fragile little flowers.  Their spirits are easily bruised and, unfortunately, sometimes broken.

Summer Vacation Checkpoint

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Train up a child…

 

Summer Vacation Checkpoint

 

It’s hard to believe that the summer vacation from school is more than half over for our children. There were so many plans!  Have they all been met?It is a good idea at this point in time to review the plans that were made at the beginning of summer and see what has been accomplished and what needs to be emphasized in the time remaining before the children go back to school.

Remember all those plans for the kids for summer vacation?  I’m guessing that there were plans to teach them how to be good homemakers. There were plans to give them experiences that would be good for them, and there were plans to have fun together as a family. There is some time left to try to make up for those things that have not yet been accomplished.

During the time left, children can try their hands in the kitchen following recipes and preparing food for the family.  The product doesn’t have to be perfect.  Praise the children for good effort.  Select easy recipes so they can feel a sense of accomplishment. There are many recipes suitable for children.  The Family Funmagazine is one source of not only recipes, but other fun activities as well.

It is almost always a good idea to choose chores simple enough to allow the children to feel successful.  Feeling successful motivates children to try again. When a child feels failure, that child avoids doing that task another time for fear of failing again. Do not jump in and do the chore for the children no matter how tempting it may be. Children learn from mistakes. Chores should include cleaning and making minor repairs.  How are they doing with helping in the yard?  Now is the time to make sure all has been covered that the children are able to accomplish. Once the children are back in school, there will be limited time to teach things necessary for children to grow up and have good homes of their own.

Have the children had good experiences this summer that include visiting historic monuments or national parks?  Have they taken part in new activities that expand their understanding of others? There is still time to go on trips as a family.  There are many interesting places in our area.  We live in a beautiful place in this country.  Helping children appreciate that beauty will go a long way in creating a good attitude.

Has the family simply had lots of fun together?  If not, make sure the summer does not end without doing so.  Whether it is playing games together, working together, or traveling together, fun times create special memories.  Good “belly laughs” are remembered for a long time.  Fun times create memories that act as glue for a family to stick together.

Don’t come to the end of the summer and have to say, “Where did the time go?”  Use the time now to work and play with children. They will be gone from home before you know it!

 

Experience is the Best Teacher

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Train up a child…

 

Experience is the Best Teacher

 

One of the most important things parents can do is to make sure that their children have a large quantity and variety of experiences.  Through experiences children learn to appreciate what others go through to provide their needs, gain a better understanding of the world around them, and increase their skill and knowledge.

Adults often exclaim that children do not appreciate what they have.  It is difficult to appreciate what is given to them if they put forth no effort to obtain it.  Such experiences as picking berries or helping in a garden by pulling weeds give children an appreciation that no amount of lecturing could ever accomplish.  They learn first-hand what it takes to provide those items.  It is gratifying to see families picking berries together at Persimmon Hill Berry Farm in Lampe, MO.  There are other places around the area where children can participate as well.  Even gardening in flower pots or buckets in the yard give some needed experience with plants and food provision.

Experiences of watching production of food or other items in factories or plants provide understanding of effort that goes into providing our wants and needs. A trip to factories, a trip to the Tyson chicken plant in Berryville, AR, or other places that produce items we use can be eye-openers to children.  They begin to understand that much work is involved in providing their needs. It is also a good lesson in science to see how machinery works.  When families go on vacation, there are often places where children can take a tour and see how things are produced.  Our grandchildren were able to tour the Jelly Belly factory in Fairfield, CA.  That was a great thrill for them.  It was especially nice when they were given some free candy at the end of the tour!

Children who are limited in experiences are usually limited in vocabulary as well.  Without realizing it, new words are being used in almost every new experience a child may have.  As children are allowed to participate, they enhance skills and abilities.

Some experiences are a lot of fun as well as educational.  The Butterfly Palace in Branson is a wonderful place to take children. It is so much fun to see those beautiful creatures flying around and the film shown there is excellent. Mission trips for teenagers that many churches sponsor in the summer are wonderful! They certainly foster the understanding of how other people live.  One church in the area is currently sponsoring a trip to Alaska.  Another church periodically sponsors trips to the Navajo reservation to help there in Vacation Bible School.

When we make sure children have a variety of experiences, we find that those experiences, themselves, do the teaching for us.  Only a few words or comments are required to guide the children.  No one has to tell a child how hard it is to provide blueberries to eat if that child has picked a quart or so of them!  I doubt that as much food would be wasted once children learn what goes into providing it for them.  Appreciation is naturally going to come!  When teenagers prepare meals for the family, they are not apt to complain when mom or dad doesn’t have a meal on the table on time for them. They have learned that is it not so easy and they have a greater appreciation of the effort of their folks. When teens see children living in hogans on an Indian reservation, how can they not appreciate what they have?

There are many opportunities for children to experience many things if we are alert to the possibilities. Those experiences teach far more than our words.

 

 

A Practical Project for Children

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A Practical Project for Children

During mid-summer, children begin to get bored with summer vacation.  Parents have started running out of ideas to keep children busy.  Here is a project that is practical and when completed, will give the children a feeling of accomplishment.  It is safe since there is no heat involved, and it teaches fundamentals of food preservation as well as measuring skills, fractions, and following directions.

Peaches are plentiful in July and August and an easy way to preserve them is by freezing.  Here are the directions:

Freezing Peaches

Wash hands thoroughly.

Wash peaches to be frozen in water in the sink with a drop or two of dish detergent.  Rinse well.

Mix a thin syrup in a large bowl or pan by using 4 cups of water and two cups of sugar.  Add ½ tsp. of fresh fruit preserver. (Can be purchased in the canning section at the supermarket.)  Stir well and place near the sink.  Do not cook.

Peel the peaches using a vegetable peeler and place the peaches in the syrup as they are peeled. (Older children can use a knife and slice the peaches.) Stir each time to make sure they are covered by the syrup to prevent them from darkening.

Using a slotted spoon, spoon the peaches into a pint or quart plastic freezer bag.  Then, using a small measuring cup, add syrup until it is about ½ inch or so from the top.  Zip the bag shut and immediately place in the freezer.

Leftover syrup can be used in gelatin desserts or ice tea for flavoring.

An additional project might be to use a bag of the frozen sliced peaches and place them in a food processor.  (Young children need parental supervision to use this appliance.)  If necessary, place the frozen bag in the microwave for a few seconds to soften the ice before processing but do not thaw completely. Just soften enough to break the large lump apart. Add cream and process.  It makes a delicious sorbet.  (The Italian sweet cream in the coffee creamer section at the grocery store works great for this.  Just add a little at a time to prevent spattering and process until the peaches are chopped up.)  For less calories, use skim milk. Remember there is already sugar in the syrup surrounding the peaches.  Frozen fruit from the supermarket can also be used.  If it is used, sugar will need to be added.

To extend the learning:

Have the children look up information about different kinds of peaches and where they are grown. They should know the difference between cling peaches that ripen later in the summer and those that are not clings.

Have the children investigate why peaches and apples turn dark when peeled.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Possible vs. Impossible

parenting, Raising kids

Possible vs. Impossible

Every person has ideas of what should or shouldn’t be.  Those ideas are usually predicated on personal preferences with the assumption that others feel the same way.  In many situations, others may not feel the same way at all.

We hear a lot about how terrible it is for children to be separated from parents.  (It is interesting that often the talk is about separation from mothers with no mention of the fathers!)  The news of what is happening at the border of our country has reminded me of the work my husband, Keith, and I did on some of our American Indian reservations when we worked in dormitories where children were staying while being educated.

It was common practice on our Indian reservations to have boarding schools.  At Lukachukai, AZ, on the Navajo reservation, children were allowed to be checked out one time each month.  Parents could visit them at any time and it was common to see horse-drawn wagons come to campus bringing parents to visit.  They would bring melons, apples, candy, etc. and the children had big smiles when they came.  It was also common for parents to bring us their children and hand them to us.  On one occasion I was kicked until I had bruises on me as my glasses flew to the ground.  I hurt inside as I saw the pain in the faces of her non-English speaking parents and sensed the little girl’s fear. 

What was the alternative to this program?  There was no electricity on the reservation.  Hogans were scattered miles apart. If the boarding schools were not there, the children would have no education and they would be left at home sleeping on lice-infested sheepskins.  By staying in the dorms, the children had clean clothes, good food, and an education.  A public health doctor came one time each week with a public health nurse to care for our sick children. Each Saturday morning was spent on the lice problem.  Instructional Aides and the children, themselves, would work on picking nits from the heads of the children.  Those who came in with impetigo were soon healed.  By the time the lice and major problems were near conquered, the parents would come for the monthly checkout.  The kids would go home and come back with lice and the procedure would start all over.  

A few years after we had transferred to other places, electricity came to parts of the reservation.  The government built a beautiful high school in the central part of the reservation.  Many felt this would be a wonderful thing to keep the teenagers from having to go to off-reservation schools away from families.  After the first year of the school operation, parents began complaining that the teens ate too much and would not obey the parents.  Many were wanting their children to go back to the off-reservation schools!

When my husband and I adopted our two older boys, the social worker told us, “You know, in some cases it takes more love to give up a child than to keep it.”  She was saying that parents who were thinking of the best for their children would be willing to give them up for their own good.  That is what we had observed many times as parents had brought their children to us and placed them in our care.  They wanted an education for their children and things for them that they could not provide.

Things are not always as they seem.  Sometimes we have to accept less than what we would consider the ideal for a better outcome.  Just as Keith and I took our jobs very seriously to provide the best for the children, I feel confident that there are many doing the same at our border.  In one picture I saw cartons of milk.  No doubt the children are getting better nutrition than what they have previously gotten.  As a mother of four, I would have to say that if I had traveled the great distance the people traveled, I might welcome someone taking my children and caring for them a short period of time to give them what they needed. This may be part of the consideration when children are sent to summer camp or to their grandparents for a time. 

Our people are probably doing the best they possibly can in a situation where the ideal is impossible! 

What is a Real Home?

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Train up a child…

 

What is a Real Home?

 

When I was a child still at home, my dad often quoted the following poem to my four sisters and me. The meaning has stuck with me through the years and I believe it will stick with today’s children as well if we take the time to repeat it for them.

 

 

It Takes a Heap O’ Livin

By Edgar A. Guest

 

It takes a heap o’ livin’ in a house t’make it home,

A heap o’ sun an’ shadder, an’ ye somtimes have t’roam

Afore ye really ‘preciate the things ye lef’ behind,

An’ hunger for ’em somehow, with ’em allus on yer mind.

It don’t make any difference how rich ye get t’be,

How much yer chairs an’ tables cost, how great yer luxury;

It ain’ a hom t’ye, though it be the palace of a king,

Until somehow yer soul is sort o’ wrapped round everything.

 

Home ain’t a place that gold can buy or get up in a minute

Afore it’s home there’s got t’be a heap o’ livin’ in it;

Within the walls there’s got t’be some babies born, and then

Right there ye’ve got t’bring ’em up t’women good, and’ men;

And gradjerly, as time goes on, ye find ye wouldn’t part

With anything they ever used–they’ve grown into yer heart:

The old high-chairs, the play things, too, the little shoes they wore

Ye hoard; an’ if ye could ye’d keep the thumb-marks on the door.

 

Ye’eve got t’weep t’make it home, ye’eve got t’sit an’ sigh

An’ watch beside a loved one’s bed, an’ know that Death is nigh;

An’ in the stillness o’ the night t’see Death’s angel come

An’ close the eyes o’ her that smiled, an’ leave her sweet voice dumb.

For these are scenes that grip the heart, an’ when yer tears are dried,

Ye find the home is dearer than it was, an’ sanctified;

An’ tuggin’ at ye always are the pleasant memories

O’ her that was an’ is no more–ye can’t escape from these.

 

Ye’ve got to sing an’ dance fer years, ye’ve got t’romp an’ play,

An’ learn t’love the things ye have by usin’ ’em each day;

Even the roses round the porch must blossom year by year

Afore they ‘come a part o’ ye, suggestin’ someone dear

Who used t’love ’em long ago, an’ trained ’em just t’run

The way they do, so’s they would get the early mornin’ sun;

Ye’ve got to love each brick an’ stone from cellar up t’dome;

It takes a heap o’ livin’ in a house t’make it home.

 

How very true!

 

Chores for Toddlers

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Chores for Toddlers

 

Can toddlers really do chores?  Yes. Even at this early age, children should begin helping to keep the home as it should be. Will they do a perfect job? No. They will, however, begin the learning process of doing certain chores and gain the realization that they are important in contributing to the work that needs to be done.

All chores done by toddlers need to be supervised by adults.  Time spent teaching children at this level will pay big dividends in the years to come when the children are able to do many things without total supervision. Toddler chores are done alongside adults.  Keeping children busy helping out at this age prevents their doing things that cause more messes to be cleaned up.  Toddlers are usually eager to help and have that look of satisfaction on their faces when they are praised for their efforts.

 

Here are some things toddlers can do:

 

  • Pick up/put away toys. (It is helpful to make a game of this.Counting to ten slowly as toys are put away and trying to get them all put away by the end of the count makes a fun game of the task.)
  • Help unload the dishwasher. Toddlers can put away silver or plastic items that can be reached.They may need a step stool to reach the silverware drawer
  • Dust larger items with a feather duster as someone else dusts the smaller items
  • Use a small broom or Swiffer to help dust the floor
  • Pick up dirty clothes and put them in the hamper
  • Put clean clothes away in drawers that can be reached with a step stool, and carry clean clothes to rooms where they belong
  • Help scrub spots off the floor
  • Pick up things that are dropped as cooking is done
  • Stir some things that are being mixed in the kitchen
  • Dust baseboards
  • Take clothes out of the dryer and put them in the laundry basket
  • Carry dirty silverware from the table to the kitchen after eating
  • Throw paper plates and cups in the trash after eating
  • Go get items for mommy and daddy
  • Take items to others as directed

 

We tend to underestimate what children can do.  In days gone by, it was necessary for children to help in families in order to survive.  Children knew they were of value to the family as they performed necessary tasks. We have so many helpful tools now that we tend to allow children to have too much time on their hands.  Self esteem is achieved by actually being worth something.  Children find self worth through achievement of worthwhile activities.  We rob our children of this wonderful feeling when they are not allowed to participate in doing things that have value.

 

A Teen’s First Job

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A Teen’s First Job

 

When age fourteen is reached, teens start thinking about working outside the home.  Some children start working out of the home at age ten or twelve doing lawn care or short-term similar jobs.  In my opinion, children should be kept in productive activities as early as possible depending on capabilities and safety.  At least by age fourteen children should start earning and budgeting money. Many places cannot hire someone until they are sixteen, so working at age fourteen and fifteen may require some creative thinking in figuring out ways to earn money.

A first job outside the home sets a pattern that may last a lifetime in the work habits a teen learns and that teen’s ability to take orders from supervisors. Teens also learn responsibility and the fact that many times they must work whether they feel like it or not.

Parents need to have a talk with their teens before that first job and make sure they understand the following:

  • A worker should arrive within a 15 minute time frame of the time they start work and should leave after time to get off work.
  • Workers must obey supervisors without question.
  • The worker is not the boss. The boss is the boss!
  • When instructions are not understood, ask for clarification instead of guessing and possibly doing something wrong.
  • Be loyal to the company or person for whom the work is being done.
  • Be pleasant. Do not complain.
  • Many people could have been chosen for the job and others can replace you.
  • Do not make promises you can’t or won’t keep.
  • When you make a mistake, apologize and move on. Don’t dwell on it.  Everyone makes mistakes.  If you are making a lot of mistakes, perhaps you should look for a job more suited to your abilities.
  • Make out a budget. Since there is no rent expense, a larger amount can be saved.  Ten percent should be given to charity.  Car expense should be included in a budget. Food expense should be figured closely as most teens tend to waste a lot of money on drinks and fast food.  Soft drinks have no nutritional value. Drinking water instead of soft drinks can save a lot of money.
  • If driving to work, proper care of the car is necessary.This includes oil changes as well as gas.
  • Sometimes workers lose jobs for reasons other than performance.Many businesses hire employees temporarily to avoid paying benefits.

 

Teens have a great amount of energy and vitality to offer to a job.  They can do much that older people can’t do and are a valuable resource if in the right position.  My husband and I have always told our children, “If you make money for your company, you will have a job.  If you lose money for your company, you will lose your job.”  Businesses exist for the purpose of making money.  They don’t exist for individuals.  That is the reality of life.  Unfortunately, often politics enter into whether a person has a job as well.  Sometimes friends get chosen for positions even if another deserves it.  Teens must learn that life is not fair, but they, themselves, need to be fair whether or not others are fair to them.  Much of this can be learned on a teen’s first job.

Teach Children to Do Tasks Well

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Teach Children to do Tasks Well

 

During the age span of nine to fourteen years of age, children can and should learn to do chores around the house well.  Younger children cannot be expected to do a great job with chores, but they can learn to do the best they can for their ability.  By the time a child reaches the age of nine, that child needs to start refining performance and being more accurate and precise with his/her chores.

The age of nine to fourteen is possibly the last opportunity parents have to really teach a good amount of skill in homemaking. Most children start thinking about working outside the home at age fourteen.  By this time, they are dreaming of getting a driver’s license and that first car. They start looking for a job to help pay for their dream.  It is for this reason that parents should take advantage of the short time they have left with children at home to teach as much as they possibly can.

We often underestimate children.  We watch them learn how to do many things on the computer or cell phone, but seem to think they are not able to use the washer and dryer, microwave, kitchen stove, or other home appliances.  They need to learn the proper use of each and every one of common home appliances. They can prepare meals, clean, and do yard work.

Children begin learning fractions in school at around fourth grade.  One of the best ways to use these fractions is to prepare recipes.  Reading skills are also enhanced as children read and follow directions in recipes.  Checking nutrition facts on labels of foods and figuring calories contributes greatly to a child’s math skills.  Measuring accurately at this age helps a child understand quantities to be able to estimate in some recipes later as the child grows older.  When the family sits down at the table to a meal prepared by a child, the whole family feels a sense of pride and the child, especially, feels a boost in self-esteem.

Most cleaning chores can be done by the age of nine.  Bathrooms can be cleaned properly.  Kitchen cabinets can be cleaned and organized, floors swept and mopped, and furniture dusted. There is always the temptation to use spray bottles as water guns, but this temptation can be easily squelched if the child has to pay for the wasted agent from his own money.  Children at this age can clean the refrigerator and freezer. They can make shopping lists and assist with finding the best bargains when buying groceries.

Doing yard work offers valuable lessons in science.  Children learn about plants.  They can also learn about machines and how they work.  Another benefit of yard work is the conditioning of the body to heat and cold.  Many would say that our children are getting soft and do not like to do things in the heat. There is a limit, of course, to a child being in the heat or cold, but sometimes we forget that for centuries and centuries there was no air conditioning and somehow people managed to survive.

Common sense should prevail in our expectations of children in doing chores, but the value of such training cannot be disputed.  We must never forget that childhood is a foundation for adulthood, and we need to lay that foundation well.

Children Need Chores

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Train up a child…

 

Children Need Chores

 

It is hard to overemphasize the importance of children having chores around the house.  By participating in fulfilling the needs of the family, children form a bond with the family unit and gain a feeling of worth. We often sell children short and lower our expectations when we really need to tap into their large supply of energy and help them know they are contributing in a positive way to meet needs around them.

One reason parents may not require children to do chores is that they may feel uncertain as to what the children are able to do.  Following are some general ideas of chores that children ages 6-8 may be able to do.

  • Assist in meal preparation (mash potatoes, simple cutting with supervision, mixing salad, find ingredients, wash produce, read recipes)
  • Wipe bathroom sinks, counters, toilets (this is a good time to teach the proper use of cleaning agents and emphasize the harm that can be caused by improper use)
  • Sweep
  • Vacuum
  • Fold, hang up and put away laundry
  • Collect garbage
  • Clean the microwave
  • Wipe out self-cleaning ovens after they have been cleaned
  • Run errands
  • Rake leaves
  • Set the table
  • Clear the table and wash items too large for dishwasher
  • Wash, dry dishes and put away
  • Get the mail
  • Water plants indoors and outdoors
  • Pick up and put away things

It is a good idea to have a daily schedule for children.  One idea that worked at our house was to require our children to do their chores in the morning, have lunch, have a quiet time, and then allow the children free time in the afternoon to play with friends or do other activities.  Children who have no schedule feel insecure and “at loose ends”, uncertain as to how to spend their time.

 

Children who are not kept busy will find ways to busy themselves.  Children are not capable of always making the right decisions for themselves, and they will often get in trouble when left to do so. It is best to keep children busy with positive activities; then, they won’t have time to get in trouble.