Category Archives: Raising kids

Making Memories on Memorial Day

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Train up a child…

 

Make Memories on Memorial Day

 

Creating good memories for children is like investing in the future.  Family traditions experienced as children form the basis for the creation of their own family traditions when those children become adults.  Families form bonds that last throughout life as they learn of past family history. They learn to respect and appreciate the sacrifices made by ancestors and the many men and women who have fought for our freedom as they participate in the observance of Memorial Day.

Many families have a tradition of decorating the graves of family members and friends on Memorial Day. In fact, the day was once called “decoration day”.  When the routine is repeated each year, the children learn not to question the day’s activities.  They know ahead of time what will be done on that day.  Many families are scattered and no longer can get together, but the memory of that day remains in the minds of those who have participated in the day’s activities in the past.  When our children were young, we were away from all of our relative’s graves, but we took the children to the grave of a former neighbor who had befriended the children.  We mentioned those in the past from our own families.

Memorial Day is a time to remember the past history of the family.  We should not allow ourselves to be deterred by jokes about telling about the past.  Children need to know about the past and the lives of their ancestors.  They especially need to be told of the heroic accomplishments of family members in the past.  A little of the negative side serves to remind the children of what not to do or be.  Storytelling has great value for children.  It requires them to visualize for themselves rather than having a picture to go by.  It helps in developing their listening skills.  Most families have some members who have given their lives to protect our freedom.  These people should be pointed out and stories told of their bravery.

When children carefully walk through a cemetery, they sense that it is a special place and that respect should be given to those who are buried there.  As they hear stories about past loved ones, they cannot help but develop appreciation for the sacrifices that were made.  They will undoubtedly be motivated to make their own lives productive.

A good way to end the day is to have a barbeque or other type of picnic or family get-together. One of the things that children love most is to have parents and grandparents play games with them.  They enjoy watching the adults run or make mistakes of any kind as they play such games as workup softball, tag, hide-and-seek, etc.

An often overlooked holiday, Memorial Day can be a real opportunity to develop appreciation and respect. It is a time to bond as a family.  The traditions of a family on Memorial Day are traditions to cherish.

 

Moms have Tough Times to Tolerate

parenting, Raising kids

Train up a child…

 

Moms Have Tough Times to Tolerate

 

I’m sure every mom has some really tough times.  Some of those times we can later look back on and have a good laugh, but at the time they occurred, we may have been frustrated and ready to “throw up our hands” in dismay.  Here are three such times that occurred in our family.

When our grandson was a toddler, his mom was very proud that she had taught her firstborn at such an early age to help by picking up things and throwing them in the trash.  He would pick up bits of trash on the floor and proudly toddle to the trash bin and put them in and turn and look at his mom for her praise and approval. One day she got ready to go to work but could not find her watch.  This was a very special watch that her dad and I had given to her for her graduation. After searching through the trash and not finding it, she could only conclude that it had already gone to the dumpster and been picked up by the garbage truck!  At that moment, she was not so proud of her son for putting things in the trash for her.

Our second son was gifted with the use of words, but was never able to master math.  When he was in first grade, I would sit at the kitchen table at night and work with him to teach him to subtract whole numbers through ten.  To make the learning more interesting, I would use popcorn, spaghetti, raisins, or miniature marshmallows.  We would put down a certain number, take away a certain number, and count what was left so he could write the answer on his homework paper.  On one occasion, we were using marshmallows when the phone rang and I had to leave to answer it.  “Go ahead and finish this row,” I told him.  When I came back, there was not a single problem completed and he had eaten the marshmallows! It has been seven years since we lost this son. Before he passed away, we laughed together about the incident and he said, “Yeah.  Those little colored marshmallows were tasty!”

Our oldest son had a curious nature.  He liked to touch things when we went shopping or wherever we happened to be. I tried and tried to teach him to keep his hands off things, but he seemed not able to resist checking out whatever was available to examine. On one occasion our family was invited to dinner at a friend’s home.  They thoughtfully seated our four children in the kitchen while we ate at the dining table. There was a shelf in the cabinet beside where they were seated that had a number of items on it.  As we were enjoying a pleasant conversation and all seemed to be going well, we suddenly heard a loud “pop”.  I couldn’t imagine what could have happened, but we soon knew when we all started rubbing our eyes and the tears started rolling down our cheeks. We quickly made our way to the front yard as our host explained that our son had set off a tear bomb!  The tear bomb looked like a pen.  Kenneth had picked it up to look at it thinking it might have different colors of ink in it.  As the neighbors came running out of their houses to see why we were all in the yard crying, the host angrily said, “He shouldn’t have been bothering that!” He had a few other comments as well and repeated some of them several times! He was not happy with us!

Mother’s Day is such a special day to honor moms for all they have tolerated as well as the pleasures they have had in raising their children.  Quite possibly each and every mom has stories they remember or are presently experiencing with their children.  Each day is a day to invest in future memories to enjoy.  Most of the older moms will readily tell the younger ones, cherish each moment with your children.  They grow up so very fast and are gone before you know it!

 

 

Winding Down the School Year

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Train up a child…

 

Winding Down the School Year

 

Toward the end of the school year, various attitudes surface among children.  Some children begin to slack off—much like the “senioritis” that some seniors experience.  Some children work harder to make sure they pass the final exams.  Other children seem to develop a touch of “spring fever” and their minds seem to be on the summer instead of the present time.

Parents begin to look forward to the summer.  They, too, have various attitudes.  Some parents begin to dread having the children at home all summer. Other parents begin worrying about babysitters or places to send the children to take up part of the time.  Wise parents will plan ahead to make sure that the summer is well spent for the child’s growth socially, physically, mentally, and spiritually.

Here are some general ideas to help parents plan:

Social Growth Activities:

Arrange a family get-together with relatives at least once during the summer.

Arrange a get-together with another family or two during the summer.

Enroll children in activities in the community.

Teens should be encouraged to get a job appropriate to their ability.

Physical Growth Activities:

Allow the children to sign up for a ball team, swimming team, or another group that uses physical activity.

Play with the children.

Do lake activities such as water skiing or swimming.

Mental Activities:

Make sure the children visit the local library a few times.

Encourage the children to have a one-hour quiet time each day to read or write.

Help the children make out a budget to use any money they may earn doing chores or at a job.

Take a trip out of the area. Stop at historical markers along the way.  Have maps available, or let them use electronic devices, for children to track progress on the trip.

 

Spiritual Activities:

Enroll the children in a summer church camp

Be sure to take children to church each Sunday and allow them to participate in church activities.

Take advantage of Vacation Bible School conducted by many churches,

No child likes to think that every minute has been planned for him/her.  Now is the time to sit down with the children and let them help do the planning.  Any plans should include chores to help around the house and a certain amount of routine.

It has been said that some people plan what they want to happen, others watch what happens, and still others wonder what happened.  Good parents should plan what happens and not find themselves at the end of the summer wondering what happened.

 

“Same”

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Train up a child…

 

“Same”

 

Recently I was playing “Words with Friends” with our grandson.  I hadn’t gotten a move from him for a few days, so when I did get the word he played, I sent him a message and said, “Hi.  Good to hear from you.  Love you!”  I immediately got a message back from him that said, “Same”.

We have a custom in our family of saying “I love you” very often.  Our family is scattered to California, Colorado, Washington, and Missouri. Every phone call ends with “Love you!” I suppose our grandson decided to make it a little easier by saying “same”.  His doing so, started me thinking about how children are often the same as their parents.  Each year at Mother’s Day, many mothers often wait in anticipation to see how their children will choose to observe the day.  The truth is that it greatly depends on how their mothers observed the day in showing love and respect to their children’s grandmothers.  They will probably act the same, have the same attitudes, and pick up many of the same habits as their moms and dads.

When children see their dad disrespect their mom or vice versa, they will more than likely act the same way.  If dad goes fishing or playing golf on Mother’s Day as though it is not a special day, the children are apt to think of the day as nothing special and choose activities for self-pleasure.  If dad makes a big deal of Mother’s Day, the children will follow the example and do the same.  Studies have shown that we tend to raise our children the way we were raised irregardless of any training in child rearing we may have received.  In other words, we act the same as our parents act.

Children behave according to their attitudes.  Attitudes are caught more than taught. It is so difficult to teach children to be patriotic and respect law when they hear their parents “bad mouth” our elected officials and the rules we must follow.  It is difficult to teach children to be responsible and self-sufficient if parents are always trying to get something free. Can we really expect teens to drive safely if their parents continue to break the speed limit or are heard hoping that they can spot a patrolman before the patrolman spots them? If parents criticize teachers, can we expect the children to respect them?

As an older mom, I am continually surprised by the habits our children have that they learned at home. Our daughter, a single mom, always planned a nutritious evening meal for her two children. When we visit the homes of our children, they don’t start eating until we first give thanks. Each of our children reads his/her Bible.  Each believes in prayer.

In spite of the fact that we each are given the right to choose as we want, it is indisputable that many acts, attitudes, and habits are the same as those of parents.  With this in mind, it would be wise for each of us to continually examine our own behavior.

Poetry Holds Value for Children

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Train up a child…

 

Poetry holds Value for Children

 

Sometimes children can take a lesson to heart a little easier when it is in the form of poetry. Poetry also helps children with spelling and reading.  There are many poems available that teach moral lessons as well as helping to improve reading and spelling.

One poet who included moral truths in his writing was Edgar Guest.

His poem, “Myself”, is especially appropriate for upper elementary through high school students.

 

Myself

By Edgar A. Guest

 

I have to live with myself and so
I want to be fit for myself to know.
I want to be able as days go by,
always to look myself straight in the eye;
I don’t want to stand with the setting sun
and hate myself for the things I have done.
I don’t want to keep on a closet shelf
a lot of secrets about myself
and fool myself as I come and go
into thinking no one else will ever know
the kind of person I really am,
I don’t want to dress up myself in sham.
I want to go out with my head erect
I want to deserve all men’s respect;
but here in the struggle for fame and wealth
I want to be able to like myself.
I don’t want to look at myself and know that
I am bluster and bluff and empty show.
I never can hide myself from me;
I see what others may never see;
I know what others may never know,
I never can fool myself and so,
whatever happens I want to be
self respecting and conscience free.

 

This poem is very plain and simple to understand and takes little discussion to drive home the point that children should be very careful of their choices. There may be some vocabulary that needs to be explained such as the word, “sham”.

 

More of Guest’s poems can be found on the Internet.  You can simply research them by his name.

 

Children Need to Learn Accuracy

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Children need to learn Accuracy

 

Have you noticed the frequency of mistakes made in business transactions?  Several folks have mentioned lately how frustrating it is to talk to persons on the phone who represent businesses. It is difficult to get clear answers to questions. Could this be happening because those people were not taught to be accurate when they were children?

If children are not taught to be accurate with their work, they grow up thinking that it is adequate to do just enough to get by.  Not only should they be taught to be accurate with work, but they also need to learn to be accurate in what they say.  Perhaps we adults are just as guilty as the children in this area. That is carrying over as an example to the ones who learn more by example than any other way.

Quite often, in our society, children are rewarded for inferior work.  With good intentions, adults often want everyone to win so no one will feel badly.  This is an unrealistic view of life.  If children think they will be rewarded whether or not they do excellent work, why would they want to strive for perfection?  There was a time in school when children were required to do work over and over until they got it right.  Now, sometimes that is still true, but often it is not.  Many children fill in blanks on papers that have been copied and do not have to write complete sentences.  If a misspelled word is close enough to the correct answer, the child is allowed to get by with it without learning to spell the word.  Many of my GED students made a capital C or S all through a paper.  When I corrected them, they responded, “That’s the way I always make my “C” (or “S”). It is obvious they were allowed to do this in school.  My response is, “You are making it wrong”.

Many times it is difficult to get a child to explain something orally. Quite often a child will say, “You know”, or “Whatever”.  They talk in half sentences expecting the listener to understand the meaning behind the few words spoken.  We shouldn’t let children get by with this.  The children should learn to say what they mean and mean what they say. The way a child talks affects the way that child writes.  Speaking and writing accurately requires clear thinking.  Being a responsible adult also requires clear thinking.

It is so easy for adults to fall into a pattern of getting down to a child’s level instead of bringing a child up to the adult level.  When this happens, we all end up thinking and acting like children.  We need to be trying to help our children become responsible adults who can express themselves accurately and do accurate written work.  Our culture of “If it feels good, do it” needs to go away and a new culture of “Do it right” needs to come to our society.

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Nature Holds Lessons for Children

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Nature Holds Lessons for Children

 

We find excellent object lessons for children all around us in nature. When children learn to observe the lessons in nature, they not only develop a love for science that helps them in school, they also learn the answers to some of life’s most perplexing questions.

Children are born with a natural curiosity that we should continue to cultivate. We can use this curiosity to teach important life lessons that will stay with them as long as they live.

I well remember an occasion with my dad when I was a child. He and I were walking down a dusty path in the field to get the cows for milking. My dad suddenly stopped, stooped down, picked a blade of grass and began looking at it intently. I watched as he drew me close to him and said, “Look there, Patsy, at this blade of grass. Look at all the little lines in it. Look at the little hairs on it.” As he continued to marvel at one blade of grass, he looked skyward at an airplane flying overhead. “You know,” he said, “man can make airplanes. Why, someday he may even be able to fly to the moon. One thing man will never be able to do is to make a blade of grass. Only God can do that!”

Each fall my husband and I marvel as we spy monarch butterflies fluttering past on their way south. How do they know to fly south? Even more remarkable is how they change from a funny caterpillar crawling along to a beautiful butterfly. The female butterfly lays an egg on a milkweed leaf, the egg hatches and the caterpillar eats its own shell and begins feeding on the leaves of the plant. Then it forms a chrysalis, stays inside a short time, and comes out a beautiful butterfly. Does this example not give us a hint of how God can give us life after death?

Children are curious about where they came from, why everyone dies, and what happens after death. When they first find out that all of us must die at some time, they become frightened. The story of the butterfly helps children understand how God has provided life after death for us. Although we can’t fully understand everything about the afterlife, the stories in nature guarantee that we serve a God who is capable of keeping His promise. After all, if God can change a worm to a beautiful butterfly, He can take care of us as well.

Another good lesson from nature can be gotten from a limb of a tree. Early in the spring, we can break a small limb from a tree and show the child how it seems so very lifeless. To look at, it seems dead. In a short time, another limb can be shown to the child showing buds coming out and getting ready to open. This too, is a miracle of God. Just as plants appear to be dead, yet come to life again, so we, too, will someday die but come to life again.

A walk in the woods, or even the front yard, can be an avenue for teaching very important lessons to children from nature. These lessons cost only a little time and effort. They are opportunities we don’t want to miss.

Children Deserve The Truth

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Train up a child…

 

Children Deserve the Truth

 

Children have a difficult time discerning truth from fiction. They become confused when the adults they are supposed to respect and believe tell them things that are not true. When children are told that something they did was very good when it is not good, they tend to learn to accept mediocre work. When they are told there is a Santa or an Easter Bunny and later find out it is not true, they begin to wonder what else they have been fooled about. Children are vulnerable and when adults amuse themselves at the expense of a child, it is really unfair.

Many adults truly believe they are being kind to children to brag on them or compliment them for substandard performance. It is true that children need to be encouraged, but the encouragement should be truthful. Instead of telling children they did a wonderful job when they really didn’t, we need to select portions of the task to compliment. In this way a child is learning specifics in what is good, so they can repeat the good and eliminate the inferior. There is almost always a part of a task that is good that can be mentioned. Not everyone can be a winner in everything. It is untruthful to lead children to believe that they are all superior and doing a wonderful job. We should not be as one school that canceled an honors program because they felt it would make the other children feel badly. It is wrong, also, to act as though everyone should be honored unless each person truly deserves it.

The myths of Santa and the Easter Bunny really insult the intelligence of children. Most children are smart enough to know better, but they think that it must be true because they are supposed to believe their parents. None of us want to rob children of the fun of Christmas and Easter. This creates a dilemma for adults who want to be truthful with their children but don’t want to have their children feeling left out because all the other children are hunting Easter eggs, etc. My suggestion is to tell the children up front that Santa and the Easter Bunny are part of a game we play that really isn’t true. After telling the children the truth, simply suggest that we pretend they are real and go ahead and enjoy the fun. Children love to pretend and that is great as long as they can distinguish between what is real and what is not real. They will have just as much fun and yet feel more secure. Their minds will not be torn between knowing that what they are being told is impossible and feeling guilty for not believing their parents.

Many adults like to amuse themselves by tricking their children and laughing at them for believing what they are being told. This is taking unfair advantage of children who have been taught to respect and believe adults. Any form of teasing at the expense of a child is not a good thing. Children have very sensitive feelings and those feelings should be respected.

Old habits of teasing children may be hard to break. From the days of “snipe hunting” until now, tricks have been played on children because they are so easy to convince. We shouldn’t take advantage of their vulnerability to amuse ourselves. Doing so will cause children to have muddled ideas of good and bad as well as truth and untruthfulness. We can play pretend with the children and have just as much fun without confusing children.

 

 

Children don’t come with Lifetime Guarantees

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Babies don’t come with Life-time Guarantees

 

How many parents look at their newborns and think, “My baby is going to be perfect”? Probably most of us did when our children were born. Many of us thought, “If I just love my children enough, they are going to turn out to be perfect, upright, God-fearing citizens. Then, as the years pass, we begin to realize that our children are not perfect even though we may be trying very hard to be good parents and loving them very much. Why is this true?

Raising children is a little like gardening. We must start with good seed and provide plenty of nourishment. There is one big difference. Plants don’t have the ability to make choices.

It would seem that the formula for making a good adult is to start with good heredity, provide a perfect environment, and convince the child to make the right choices.

Children are born with tendencies. Some are born with problems due to no fault of their own. Some children have been harmed by botched abortions, parental drug or alcohol use, parental smoking, poor nutrition of the mother, physical harm to the mother, or other causes. Also, children are born with likes and dislikes. Children have varying likes with food and other things as well. Some children like music; some like sports. Some children like art; some children like reading. Some children like math; some children like communication studies. The list goes on and on.

It is helpful if a parent recognizes the tendencies of a child and shapes an environment to develop talents and abilities. Unfortunately, many parents try to mold a child into a likeness of self. You simply can’t make a child be completely different from the way he/she was created no more than you can change a carrot to a stalk of celery. Parents need to provide an environment that nourishes a child physically, mentally, socially, and spiritually. In doing so, the parent can have a clear conscience that every effort was made to train that child.

What about the child who got a good start and was provided a good environment, and yet that child turns out to be a real problem? Many parents tend to blame themselves forgetting that God created each of us with free will. God gave each of us the right to choose good or evil. That is why we often hear of children who grew up in a situation that many would deem deplorable, and yet those children turned out well. Ultimately, no matter what the environment provided by parents, the responsibility of acceptable behavior rests on the child.

Children are a gift from God, the Bible tells us. Sometimes they don’t seem like a gift when they don’t turn out well. We need to remember that where there is life, there is hope. Once we become a parent, parenting does not end at a certain age. We have no guarantee that our efforts will produce what we desired when the child was born, but, with God’s help, we can keep trying. Even if we think we have trained our children, they are not truly trained until they act automatically in acceptable ways. The training continues until death. We do have the promise that if we train up a child in the way he should go, he will not depart from it. We can count on that promise, but there are times along the way when a child chooses not to be trained. We must never give up.

 

 

 

Dealing with a Child’s Excuses

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Train up a child…

 

Dealing with a Child’s Excuses

 

“Well, Mom, that water just spilled all by itself!”

That was the serious exclamation of my three-year-old niece as she sat with her little tea set on the neatly waxed and polished hardwood floor. Her little hands were gesturing out of rhythm with her words. She was so cute!

As cute as it is at times, children should not be allowed to get by with making excuses. Excuses are really lies. Children should not get by with being untruthful.

To help children learn to face reality and not make excuses, we need to first understand why they want to do so. Irregardless of the reason for doing so, using questions to help the child face facts is a way to help a child recognize the excuse. Once this is accomplished, the child needs to learn that making excuses is not a good thing to do.

Sometimes children make excuses for behavior out of fear of punishment. When a child has been disobedient, that child will often try to talk his/her way out of the punishment. Sometimes excuses are made to avoid having to do something that the child does not want to do such as homework or chores. Pride often causes children to make an excuse because the child doesn’t want someone to think that he/she cannot or did not do something. (I have heard a lot of excuses from my GED students as to why they never learned math, etc. Sometimes they say it was the teacher’s fault or some similar excuse.)

Questions are almost always better than statements when dealing with children because questions stimulate thinking. When we tell a child something, the child thinks, “Maybe that is true and maybe it isn’t!” When we ask a question, the child must think about both sides of a situation. For instance, if a child says there was no time for homework, one might ask, “What did you have to do that took all of your time?” As the child answers, take each thing and say something like, “Was that more important than homework?” Why was it more important than homework? Is it going to help you when you grow up? If you had managed your time better, could you have done your homework as well?” If enough questions are asked, the child will more than likely see the facts of the situation and realize that what was given as a reason was only an excuse.

Children need to be told that excuses are really lies. They need to be told that unless we are honest with ourselves and others, we cannot make real improvement in our lives. When children get by with excuses, they are often fooling themselves as well as others. They are missing the learning they get from facing facts and being realistic with life. They grow up thinking they can talk their way out of responsibilities. They need to realize that God does not accept excuses and even if they can fool many people, it does not work in the end. Honesty is the best policy both with others and with ourselves.