Category Archives: Raising kids

Children and Technology

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Train up a child…

 

Children and Technology

 

Some time ago, our daughter-in-law e-mailed a video to us of our two-year- old grandson playing with an ipad and laughing and having fun with the things he was seeing on it. I was reminded again of how different it is for our children growing up in the age of technology from the times that we and our children grew up.

Since Adam and Eve, parents have needed to be flexible and make adjustments in expectations of children as inventions came about. I’m fairly sure that they never had to be quite as flexible as this generation demands. We can be thankful for so many of the new gadgets, but how do we handle all of the decisions that have to be made in using them? How can we know what to keep in education and what to change? How can we teach the proper use of those many new things we have available?

When the calculator came along, many thought that children no longer needed to be taught basic math. When spell check came on the computer, some thought we no longer needed to teach spelling. When the Internet came, many said that we no longer needed to teach history and dates of happenings in history because you could always look up whatever you needed when you needed it. Home economics was done away with in schools because no one needed to sew because it could be done in mass in factories, and cooking was so much easier with packaged foods, etc. Many things have been done away with because of new inventions. Were all of these decisions the right decisions?

When deciding to change old ways, we need to consider each thing in light of its benefits. When children learn math, for instance, they learn not only the math involved, but they learn mental discipline as well. They learn decision-making and cautiousness. When we read a math problem, we must be very careful, so we will not overlook a pertinent detail. Children do not learn this on the calculator. Unless these values can be taught another way, children should still be taught basic math. Spell check is wonderful on the computer, but it does not catch many errors. Children learn visual discrimination and phonics in spelling that affect their reading ability. Without good visual discrimination in reading, children cannot do punctuation correctly.

When the automobile was invented, I wonder how many people thought we should keep using the horse and buggy. It is natural and right that we should want to use whatever we can to accomplish the most that is possible. It would be foolish to not take advantage of the wonderful things we have available to us. It would be just as foolish to “throw the baby out with the bath water”. Change needs to be made cautiously. Children should be taught to use the new inventions for good, not just for ease of effort or entertainment.

Of one thing we can be certain. Our emotions and Spiritual needs do not change. Evil and good continue to exist in abundance. Right and wrong actions do not change; only the tools we use change. God grants wisdom to those who ask for it. Today’s technology and the change that is coming with it require lots and lots of wisdom!

 

Can we Prepare our Children for Future America?

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Train up a child…

Can we Prepare our Children for Future America?

It is a very short time until our children will be grown and voting citizens. Are we adequately preparing them for that time? America has changed a great deal in recent years and is changing every day.
Our children have much they will need to deal with very soon. They will need to learn to live in a very racially diversified nation. They will live in a nation even more in debt than at the moment. They will enjoy even more technology, but at the same time, that technology makes enemies nearer. The Pacific and Atlantic oceans will no longer be the great shields they have been in the past.
With children streaming across our border, we must face the fact that many will probably remain here whether or not we would wish it so. They will grow up and compete for jobs and affect the way our schools teach. They will practice their own religion, or no religion. They may bring diseases our country has never dealt with before. Border agents tell us that drug cartels are sending drugs across the border. This means the use of more drugs in society. In many areas of the country, the white race is already a minority. Children will need to accept other races of people, and hopefully do so without giving up Christian principles.
The debt of our nation is mind-boggling. We are becoming more and more vulnerable to those nations from whom we are borrowing money. Not only that, we can no longer afford to wage war as we have been able to do, nor do we have the money to help others as in the past. Social programs have been continuing as our nation borrows and prints more money. Some of those programs may have to stop. This means that our children must be educated in such a way as to get jobs to be self-supporting. Our children will possibly have to do without much that they now enjoy. They will need to learn the difference between needs and wants and how to use money wisely.
The power grids in certain parts of our country have already experienced cyber attacks. Technology is such even now that people overseas can hack into our computers and steal our personal information. Certain countries have sworn to wipe us off the face of the map with missiles or bombs that can reach us.
Not a pretty picture for our children!! What can we do to prepare them? The truth is that we cannot totally prepare them. What we can do is to give them a good Spiritual foundation by teaching the Scripture and the value of the Bible and prayer. We must give them a good basic education and help them become problem-solvers. We need to teach them to stand their ground in a loving way. They must learn to be thrifty, hard workers, and resourceful. They cannot do this and always be physically comfortable. They must learn to sacrifice self pleasure when the situation warrants doing so.
What a task we have as adults to prepare our children for future America! The future is upon us!

Take Advantage of Teachable Moments

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Take Advantage of Teachable Moments

 

We can teach children so very much if we are simply alert and take advantage of moments when a child is open to learning. A child can be so much further ahead than otherwise if we can train ourselves to watch for opportune times to teach. These moments usually take little or no additional effort or time on the part of the adults in charge of the children. Often, it is simply a matter of redirecting conversation. Opportunities for learning afford themselves at mealtime, while traveling, and various other times during the day.

At mealtime, placemats can be used that have maps, math information, ABC’s, or the solar system printed on them. These are available at Wal-Mart or variety stores. Children cannot fail to notice them and parents can talk about them while the child is eating. Another idea is to keep a little container of Bible verses on the table and say a verse before prayer at each meal. Shapes of foods can be pointed out especially in things like crackers that come in shapes of triangles, squares, ovals, circles, rectangles, or trapezoids. Alphabet soups offer an opportunity to teach the alphabet. The nutritional content of foods can be mentioned letting the child know that yellow foods have vitamin A that is good for the eyes, or that dairy products contain calcium that is good for the teeth and bones, etc.

While traveling, children can look for the letters of the alphabet on signs beside the road. Older children can play games such as “Ghost”. This is a spelling game where one person starts spelling a word and the next person adds a letter until someone ends a word. The object is to avoid ending a word. If the word is ended, that person gets a letter toward the spelling of ghost. When a person becomes a ghost, that person drops out of the game. The game continues until only one person is left. Another fun thing while traveling is to tell stories with each person adding one line to the story. Also, stopping to read signs marking national monuments is a real learning experience.

As children and adults go about throughout the day, simply singing songs instills a great deal of learning. Who doesn’t remember the teaching in some of the good songs they heard when they were a child? Our children today will also profit by the background music they can hear. When going up steps with a toddler, count the steps together. When children ask questions, give them a little extra information. At nighttime, tell bedtime stories with learning value. When reading to a child, point out pictures and talk about the pictures. Let the discussion lead into information about certain animals or whatever is being discussed.

If we can be alert to opportunities to teach our children, they will learn so very much. We will find many teachable moments if we will train ourselves to be alert for those opportunities. Time passes so quickly! Let’s not miss the opportunities to help prepare our children for the time they are no longer in the household.

 

 

Raising Compassionate Children

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Raising Compassionate Children

 

People who are compassionate do not want to hurt others. The bullying, murdering, and gossiping in the world would not exist if everyone were compassionate and truly cared for the feelings of others.

How can we help our children learn to be compassionate and grow up caring for the feelings of others? We need to start very early in their lives by fostering sympathy in tragic situations, giving practice in doing nice things for others, and setting the example of showing compassion.

Even very young toddlers can respond to exclamations they hear from others. A person can exclaim, “Poor puppy! He is hurt!” Such phrases and tone of voice instills in a small child a feeling of compassion. Finding a bird with a broken wing and nursing it is an example of showing compassion. Feeding a stray cat or dog is also an example of showing compassion.

As children grow older, taking part in programs such as Wounded Warrior certainly can make a lasting impression on a teen. Gathering items for the homeless or persons who are victims of disasters can be of benefit not only to the organization, but also to the participants. Disabled Veterans is another organization needing help where children can experience compassion. Many teens take part in serving Thanksgiving dinners to those who are alone on the holiday. Churches sponsor mission trips for teens to help on an Indian reservation or in a city to foster an understanding of the needs of others.

It is too easy for us to get involved in our own world and forget those around us. When we pull back from others and think only of ourselves, we lose compassion for others. Older adults should set the example of showing compassion through example in both word and deed.

The opposite of compassion is selfishness. We wonder why our young people do such terrible things that we hear almost daily on the news. One reason is that there is no feeling of compassion in those doing the injustice. Children become desensitized to violence. Violence is so commonplace that children almost take it for granted as a part of life, not realizing the hurt and pain the victims suffer. Some children have a difficult time separating fiction from reality. When they see so much violence on TV or in video games with no consequences for that violence, they become detached from the reality of pain and suffering. It is up to the parents, grandparents, church workers, and school workers to help make sure that the children understand the reality of the consequences of violence.

The brains of teenagers are not fully developed to understand risk. They often act on impulse without thinking through the consequences of their behavior. If we can instill a feeling of compassion in our children when they are young, when the chance for violence comes to the child, that child will automatically feel compassion and resist the hurting of others. Without compassion, there is no understanding of the hurt they may cause.

One of the most important things we can do to counteract the violence in our culture is to instill compassion in our children.

Words to Encourage a Child

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Train up a child…

 

Words to Encourage a Child

 

Words are so powerful! Our grandson’s kindergarten teacher sent home with each child a list of words and phrases parents can use to encourage their children. It is too good not to share. Here are simple words and phrases to use by those who work with children:

 

Wow * Way To Go * Super * Outstanding * Excellent * Great * Good * Neat * Well Done * Remarkable * I Knew You Could Do It * I’m Proud Of You * Fantastic * Nice Work * Looking Good * You’re On Top Of it * Now You’re Flying * Beautiful * You’re Catching On * Now You’ve Got It * Incredible * Bravo * Fantastic * Hurray For You * You’re On Target * You’re On Your Way * How Nice * How Smart * Good Job * That’s Incredible * Hot Dog * Dynamite * Nothing Can Stop You Now * Good For You * I Like It * You’re A Winner * Remarkable Job * Beautiful Work * Precious * Great Discovery * You’ve Discovered The Secret * You Figured It Out * Hip, Hip Hurray * Bingo * Magnificent * Marvelous * Terrific * You’re Important * Phenomenal * You’re Sensational * Super Work * Creative Job * Super Job * Fantastic Job * Exceptional Performance * You’re A Real Trooper * You Are Responsible * You Are Exciting * You Learned it Right * What An Imagination * What A Good Listener * You Are Growing Up * You Tried Hard * You Care * Beautiful Sharing * Outstanding Performance * You’re A Good Friend * I Trust You * You’re Important * You Mean A Lot To Me * You Make Me Happy * You Belong * You’ve Got A Friend * You Brighten My Day * I Respect You * You Mean The World To Me * That’s Correct * You’re A Joy * You’re A Treasure * You’re Wonderful * You’re Awesome * You Made My Day * That’s The Best * A Big Hug * A Big Kiss * I Love You * Keep Up The Good Work *

 

We should never overlook an opportunity to praise children; however, all praise should be genuine. Kids are quick to catch on when someone is faking it. They know when someone is sincere. A smile is worth many words. When talking to a child, tone of voice and body language are as important as the words chosen. It’s surprising how children relax and get to work when they are truly praised. They will show such body language as relaxed shoulders, big smiles, scooting around in their chair, or even a big hug. Almost always, the child will immediately start working harder on the project at hand. It pays off!

 

Dealing with Negative Influences on Children

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Dealing with Negative Influences on Children

 

There was a time when educators thought that a child was born as a blank page and that child became the result of the influences of its surroundings and what was put on that blank page. Now educators concede that children are born with tendencies, but the influences of the surroundings of children cannot be denied. Parents are charged with the responsibility of guarding the influences of the environment on their children.

There are many influences that can affect our children negatively. Occasionally there is a debate as to whether video games or movies can truly influence young people to be violent. Not only do these have a negative effect, but the child’s friends, and the family environment can also either positively or negatively influence children.

Millions of dollars are spent on advertisement on TV and other places to sell products, yet the same people who spend this money will often try to persuade us that media has no effect on children. If it didn’t affect the thoughts and preferences of those who watch the ads, I’m sure the people would not spend the money. Children who participate in violent media often become hardened to violence and lose a sense of compassion. The repetition of bad manners displayed and the violent behavior becomes acceptable behavior to children. In addition, the time spent on these negative influences is taking time away from any positive influence. Young people should be involved in positive learning activities to prepare them for the future.

Friends greatly influence each other. Some children are born with a tendency to lead; others are born with a tendency to follow. Parents need to encourage their children to lead others in the right direction if they have the tendency to lead. Parents need to be especially careful about the associations of children who tend to be followers. Children need to understand that true friends will not try to get them to do things that are harmful. True friends want the best for their friends and will not try to persuade them to do things that would hurt them. Parents would do well to place their children in groups of children where there are good friends to be made. Some organizations and churches provide good places to make friends.

The home environment has the strongest influence on the attitude of young people. What they hear in daily conversation and what they observe in actions molds their opinions and values. When young people feel love and acceptance at home, they are less apt to resort to drastic measures to get it elsewhere. Even if they stray from what they have been taught for a time, they tend to return to the values instilled in their young minds.

It is difficult to select proper movies or programs for children that will be beneficial to them. Focus on the Family that was started by Dr. James Dobson publishes a magazine called “Plugged In” that has commentary and help for parents in making the right choices for their children. Information can be obtained by going on their website on the Internet and simply typing in “Plugged In”. This magazine reviews and comments on movies as they become available as well as TV programs and other things affecting our young people. An informed parent is a parent more likely to protect his/her children from harmful environmental influences.

Children Need Purpose

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Children Need Purpose

 

Many comments made by children show that they seem to have no purpose in their actions. Such comments as “What’s the use?” or “What difference does it make?” or “Who cares?” are indications that a child sees no real meaning in actions that may be expected of him or her.

The lack of real meaning leads to a lack of hope for a child. This in turn leads to such drastic actions that teenagers take with guns, suicide, or deliberate car accidents. Many of our young people seem to be drifting with no real purpose in their lives.

Many efforts are made by adults to entertain children thinking that if a child gets what it wants, that child will in turn produce according to the parents’ wishes. Without realizing it, parents who do this are actually bribing a child and holding the child hostage to perform as the parent wishes. This is not good. No amount of gifts, material things, or wishes granted can give a child purpose in life.

What really does work for a child is the realization that God created each of us with an individual plan for our life. When a child realizes that there is a unique plan for him/her, the child automatically feels a sense of value and curiosity to identify that plan. The child can then begin to understand that preparation to carry out that plan involves education, health, and wisdom. Goals can then be set to gain basic education, take care of health, and use wisdom in applying the education obtained.

Sadly, many young people look for a sense of achievement in video games, fun times, or various other ways. The things they try give only short-lived satisfaction and leave the child with a hollow feeling inside. That lonely, hollow feeling leads the child to continue searching for more and more thrills or activities to find meaning or purpose to their efforts. Quite often, the young person will simply give up, thinking all is hopeless or useless. The negative actions chosen then lead to failure in the eyes of self and others which in turn lead to more hopelessness and lack of purpose. The young person then begins spiraling downhill getting into deeper and deeper trouble.

What is the remedy for the hopeless child who has lack of purpose? Of course, it is to help that child find a purpose in life. This can be done by taking children to church and teaching the Bible at home. There is no substitute for parental prayer with a child. The prayers should include a request for God to reveal His plan for the child’s life. Also, the child needs to be helped in realizing his/her talents and abilities by the reinforcement of positive achievements. Parents and teachers need to point out, whenever possible, the reasons for learning certain things and for acting certain ways.

None of us likes to be expected to blindly follow rules without knowing the reasons for those rules. Children are best motivated when they can understand the purpose in doing what is expected of them, as well as the purpose of existence itself.

 

 

Every Child Needs Hope

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Every Child Needs Hope

 

It is very sad to witness a child who has lost hope. A child with no hope is a child who has given up on life. Disastrous behavior such as suicide, violence, experimentation with forms of escapism, or other unwanted acts occur. To prevent these things, we need to understand the causes of the feeling of hopelessness in a child. Understanding the causes can help us prevent or remedy the results of hopelessness.

What makes a child give up hope? When more is expected of a child than that child can produce, a child gives up hope. When a child never seems to measure up to expectations of parents, teachers, or society, the child eventually gets to the point of thinking “What’s the use?” Promoting a child in school year after year, when the child is not mastering the skill level of each grade puts a child in an impossible situation where he/she is unable to accomplish the work assigned. This often causes a child to drop out of school and seek success elsewhere. When a child does not feel well physically, tasks often seem insurmountable. Rejection by others is another reason a child may lose hope. This is especially true with teenagers whose fragile egos are bruised very easily.

We can help prevent hopelessness by using caution in the methods of discipline we use. A child should never be disciplined in such a way as to strip that child of a sense of value. Verbal abuse is often more harmful to children than a hard spanking. Discipline should be geared to inspiring a child to do better rather than condemning a child for making a mistake. Yelling at a child or telling the child that he/she is bad, takes away the child’s value as a person. Good discipline distinguishes between the act of the child being bad and the child, itself, being bad. If a child is told he/she is bad, that child comes to believe it, and the child simply gives up hope of ever being good.

We can help a child have hope by making sure that success is experienced. Even if it is a small success, the child gains hope through the accomplishment. When we put a child in too difficult a situation, we are setting the child up for failure. Each child must grow at his/her own rate. We cannot force a child to do more than he/she is able to do.

When a child knows he/she is loved even when mistakes are made, rejection by others is not so difficult to endure. Children need to know that they are loved unconditionally by parents and by God.

Ultimately, the only hope for any of us is in God, Himself. Things of this world are all temporary. The Bible is our best instruction book for raising children. In I Corinthians, chapter 13, we are told that we need faith, hope, and love. We find all three of these in Christ. Parents, grandparents, and other family members should model the unconditional love of God. In doing so, the child is helped to have hope and can experience love.

Help Children Set Clear Goals

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Train up a child…

 

Help Children set Clear Goals

 

A new year gives us all a chance to evaluate ourselves and see where improvement is needed. We need to work with our children to do the same. Children need to grow mentally, physically, spiritually, and socially. Goals need to be set with this fact in mind. Good goals are specific and obtainable. There are both long range and short range goals. Goals can be adjusted as the child progresses. Setting goals is better than making resolutions. When a child makes a resolution and fails, there is a tendency to give up. When a child sets a goal and does not reach it, the goal can be adjusted.

In this column, I will address setting goals for mental growth. Goals for spiritual, physical, and social growth will be addressed in future columns.

Goals for mental growth hopefully would include learning the basics necessary for success in school, practicing what has been learned, and setting aside a sufficient amount of time for mental stimulation.

There are certain basics that every child should learn in order to succeed in life. Every child needs to learn to add, subtract, multiply, divide, read fluently, write easily, a certain amount of history of our country and world, and a basic knowledge of our country and its government.

Children who do not learn the basics in math will find it difficult or impossible to progress in math past fourth grade level. Multiplication tables are usually taught in third and fourth grade, so if a child hasn’t learned them, the child is stuck at that level in math. Specific goals should be set for every child to learn the multiplication tables and the other basics of math. Even though there are calculators to use, learning the basic facts is mental exercise and develops recall ability that is important in every life.

There is a limited amount of time that any teacher has in school, so children need to practice at home what has been learned there. Specific time for homework should be a part of goal-setting. In addition to regular homework assignments, parents should look for opportunities for children to apply what they are learning in school to real life. One of the reasons many graduates cannot make change is that they have not had opportunities to practice doing so outside of school. Unless the home provides this opportunity, they simply have the short lessons they have had in school to rely on. Both children and parents need to set a goal of having children participate in family activities to use what they learn in school.

Mental stimulation goals could include doing more reading, attending events and visiting places that are educational. This might mean a limit on video games, use of cell phones, or TV time. Everyone has twenty-four hours in each day. How we spend that time determines our success or failure.

Hopefully, parents can sit down with children and write goals together that are appropriate for the individual child. Doing so will help the child become aware of needs and successes. The more the child participates in the setting of goals, the more likely the child will be to try to stick with the goals. It is always best if the child can make the decisions rather than have the parents tell the child what to do. The parent’s role is to provide guidance to ensure that the child makes the right goals.

 

A Memorable Christmas Eve

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A Memorable Christmas Eve

 

In many homes Christmas Eve finds family members frantically scampering around wrapping last minute gifts, cooking something scrumptious for Christmas dinner the next day, or even arguing about things that are not going according to the “picture-perfect” home. Some have the custom of opening one gift or all gifts on Christmas Eve. Where are the thoughts about the one whose birthday we are celebrating??

What good things will children remember about Christmas Eve? They will remember traditions, smells, lights, gentle words spoken, or things that happen out of the ordinary.

Wise parents will plan some time on Christmas Eve for traditions. Many older folks will remember going to the local church or school for a Christmas program on Christmas Eve and watching children sing songs or read poems about Jesus and then receiving gifts and a big bag of candy with an orange and apple in it. Now, many churches have a candlelight communion or midnight mass on Christmas Eve. It is a wonderful tradition to spend this time to remember the reason for the season.

Quite often parents are so exhausted with last minute details that they can’t wait to get to bed. The children usually do not feel this way and are wide awake in anticipation of Santa. As long as the children know that Santa is a game we play at Christmas, this is not a bad thing. We should never lie to our children, but simply pretend with them. When our children and grandchildren were still in the Santa stage, someone would sneak outside and ring some sleigh bells beneath their bedroom windows. At our house, Santa always liked raisin pie. On one occasion our grandson grabbed a whole raisin pie and went running outside to give it to Santa. We still laugh about that time. That was an “out of the ordinary” time to remember.

Lights are so nice at Christmas, the time when days are the shortest. Children will remember lots of lights. Some children like to bring sleeping bags and sleep around the Christmas tree, so they can enjoy going to sleep with the pretty lights. They will try to see who can stay awake the longest to see their dad or mom sneak in and fill the stockings. Milk and cookies (at our house it was milk and raisin pie) will be out for Santa. One “out of the ordinary” thing we remember was the year our children pretended to be asleep and waited for their stockings to be filled; then, they put up stockings for mom and dad and filled them! We were certainly surprised the next morning to find that we had stockings as well as the children. What a nice memory!

Each family creates its own traditions and memories on Christmas Eve. In keeping with the spirit of the season, the evening should always be pleasant and include a time for remembering the birth of Christ that made it all possible. Reading the Christmas story from the second chapter of the book of Luke in the Bible should be read on Christmas Eve or Christmas day. The overall goal is to leave pleasant memories with the children with the teaching of the true meaning of Christmas.