Category Archives: parenting

Teens, Proms, and Graduation

counseling, High School seniors, parenting, Raising kids, , ,

Train up a child…

 

Teens, Proms, and Graduation

 

How exciting it is for upper high school students at this time of year! So much is happening! Memories are being made that will last for life. Emotions are running rampant. During this time of excitement, students are in the spotlight and can feel really special. They have a sense of pride of their accomplishments. Both students and parents are feeling apprehension about the future and are possibly feeling some fear. It is also a time of testing—perhaps the biggest test they have faced so far in their lives.

As the parents and students work together to get the best possible clothes, get hair fixed, and make plans for these last days of school, the teens are basking in the attention they are receiving. As they walk across the platform, hear their names called, and receive the handshake, it is a moment they have longed for and dreamed of. The audience is clapping and there is a real sense of accomplishment. The teens are feeling “on cloud nine”!

After the graduation ceremony, the celebration is a test. Will the students celebrate in a socially acceptable way, or will they throw away some of the principles that their parents and teachers have tried to get across? We’ve all heard stories of seniors who get killed in car accidents caused by drinking. We have to question if those students were really ready to become responsible citizens upon the completion of twelve or more years of school and even more years of training in the home. Project Graduation is an effort to give students an acceptable way of celebrating. Hats off to those who work so hard to provide this activity and to all those who donate to help the cause, but wouldn’t it be even better if it were not needed? In some cases perhaps it is simply something nice that is done for seniors. I would like to think that this is always the case. Reality tells us otherwise.

Many parents may spend some sleepless nights after graduation, wondering how their children will behave. The old saying that young people must “sow their wild oats” seems to excuse bad behavior. Those people who hold to this philosophy are perhaps forgetting that the Bible says, “Be not deceived, God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.” (Gal. 6:7) It might be well to remind young people of this verse.

It is so important to instill real truths and desires in children when they are young, so they can pass this test at graduation and the many other tests that await the graduates. Again, there is a verse from the Bible that applies: “Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.” (Prov. 4:23) A child whose heart is right will not want to act in a wrong way. Actions come from what is truly in the heart.

 

The Easter Story for Children

counseling, parenting, Raising kids

Train up a child…

 

The Easter Story for Children

 

The Bible is a very special book and it tells us about Easter. In the Old Testament, around five hundred years before Jesus was born, the Bible tells us that a prophet said that someday Jesus would come down from heaven to earth as a baby and live here and grow up and that one day he would die. Sure enough, Jesus, the Son of God, came to earth as a little baby and was born in a manger. His mother’s name was Mary and his earthly father’s name was Joseph. We celebrate the holiday, Christmas, to honor the birth of Jesus and the holiday, Easter, to remember his death.

Jesus was a little baby just as we all were. He grew up and went to school and learned scriptures from the Old Testament. Even when he was about twelve years old, he was teaching adults in the temple about things they were wondering about.

When Jesus was about thirty years old, he went to his cousin, John, who was a preacher that had been going around telling people that Jesus was coming. He asked John to baptize him. John baptized Jesus and said that he wasn’t even worthy to untie Jesus’ sandals. He knew how important Jesus was!

Jesus began going around and telling people to believe in his father, God. He chose some men to help him. They were called disciples. They traveled together several places healing sick people and teaching about God. Jesus did many miracles. Some people who were dead, he brought back to life. He walked on water. He calmed a storm. He turned a little food into a lot of food to feed five thousand people. He told lots of stories, called parables, to teach lessons.

One day, Jesus told his disciples that one of them was going to betray him and he would be put to death. The disciples didn’t believe him. They asked who it was. Jesus told them that it was the one to whom he would hand a cup. He handed the cup to a disciple named Judas.

One night while Jesus was praying, Judas brought some people to Jesus. He had told them that the one he kissed was Jesus. He went up and kissed Jesus. They grabbed Jesus and took him away. He was to have a trial, but there was nothing really wrong that he had done. The people wanted him crucified anyway. They yelled, “Crucify him!”

Jesus was taken away and beaten and nailed to a cross. He said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” He could have called angels to save him, but he let himself die on the cross as a sacrifice for us.

On the third day, some women went to his tomb and he was not there. He had come back alive! He stayed on earth for a few days and then arose and disappeared into heaven. We celebrate Easter as the time Jesus arose from being dead. It reminds us that just as Christ rose from the dead, we will also come back alive after we die. If we are really sorry for our sins, believe that he died on the cross, and ask the Holy Spirit to come into our hearts, we will then live in heaven with him after we die.

Plan a Meaningful Easter for Children

parenting, Raising kids,

Train up a child…

 

Plan a Meaningful Easter for Children

 

Oh what fun to wake up in the morning to a pretty Easter basket! It is a very nice thing for children to remember. Easter egg hunts are looked forward to with much anticipation. In addition, many children get a new Easter outfit to wear to church on that special day. These are all great things to help children remember Easter as a special day.

I wonder how many children have been told the real meaning of Easter. Do they know that eggs represent new life? Do they know that spring, itself, represents the awakening of new life? Do they understand that Easter activities remind us of the fact that the rising of Christ tells us that we, too, will have new life one day?

Why not have the children lay out their clothes the night before Easter so they can get up early and go with the family to one of the many sunrise services in the community? How often does a family watch the sun come up together? Let the children experience the feeling of getting up early in order to identify with the feelings of the ladies who went to the tomb of Jesus only to find it empty. Remind them on the way to the service that the Christian faith is the only one that worships someone who arose from death. Then, after the service, go to breakfast together as a family. Again, many churches in the community serve a free breakfast. If there isn’t a church serving breakfast in your area, go to a restaurant together. Then follow up by attending worship service.

Many egg hunts are sponsored by organizations at times other than the actual Easter Sunday. It is nice, however, to let the children color and decorate their own real eggs on Saturday; then, they can hunt them on Sunday afternoon with dad and mom watching.

A special Easter dinner before the hunt is nice if everyone pitches in to help. The nice thing about ham on Easter is that it takes very little effort to prepare. Let each person choose ahead of time the contribution he/she can make to the dinner. Even very small children can help by setting the table or just putting one thing on the table such as the napkins. Even though it may be easier to do it yourself, it is important to have the children participate in some way. There are many foods already prepared that can be purchased if the children are all too small to give much help. The goal is to have cooperation among family members and for the children to feel a sense of worth for having helped.

We should not forget Good Friday. I remember helping my dad and mom plant potatoes on Good Friday. Although this is not a celebration of a holiday, it still served as a memory of Easter. I remember how we would talk about Friday being the time Jesus was crucified and how sad we all felt.

It may seem strange to talk to children about death and life after death, but it certainly is a subject they need to know about. Each of us has to face death some day. The apostle Paul wrote in I Corinthians 15:35 to help us understand death: “But someone may ask, “How are the dead raised? With what kind of body will they come?” How foolish! What you sow does not come to life unless it dies. When you sow, you do not plant the body that will be, but just a seed, perhaps of wheat or something else. But God gives it a body as he has determined, and to each kind of seed he gives its own body.”

Should we Bribe Children to Behave?

counseling, parenting, Raising kids,

Train up a child…

 

Should We Bribe Children to Behave?

 

There are times when parents become so desperate to get children to behave that they are tempted to try almost anything…even a bribe! On the way to shopping, a parent may say, “If you behave, I will buy you some candy.” Another time a parent may say, “Sit still and be quiet, and I will let you stay up late tonight.” We could go on and on with examples of bribes that parents may use.

What’s wrong with using a bribe? We need to ask ourselves whether we want a child to behave simply for what is in it for him/her, or if we want the child to behave because that is the right thing to do.

“Virtue is its own reward” is a saying from long past that still applies today. We should want children to do well because it is the right thing to do. If we use bribes, it doesn’t take long for us to run out of things that make a bribe work. The child will start wanting more and more.

I heard of a school that gave pizza to children in kindergarten who did their work. In that same school they were having trouble with older children. Could it have been that pizza was given to those children in kindergartners, and when they got older, they expected more? In that same town at another school, those who did their homework were taken to McDonald’s each Friday. A teacher told me that seldom did that school have a five-day work week because one day each week was used to fulfill the bribe. “If you do your homework, you get to go to McDonalds,” the children were told.

There are times when rewards are in order. Rewards, in my opinion, are different from bribes. Expectations need to be clearly explained to children ahead of time and the child may not even know there is a reward involved. Rewards are given when children achieve or go beyond those expectations. Rewards are given to help a child understand that in real life there is what I call the “Law of Consequences”. The “Law of Consequences” says that good behavior produces good consequences and bad behavior produces bad consequences. It would be a dull world if we never got any rewards, but they should be given carefully. Rewards for little or no effort can cause a child to grow up thinking that nothing needs to be done unless someone is ready to give a reward.

The most effective rewards are those given spontaneously. We need to be constantly observing children for extra good behavior. When we see something that the child does “extra special”, we say something like, “I’m so proud of you. You did that all by yourself without being told. That shows that you are learning to think for yourself and you are choosing the right thing to do.” Then, after giving verbal praise, it is appropriate to talk with the child about a reward.

It is surprising to learn that some studies have shown that adult workers are more satisfied with verbal praise and recognition than with salary raises. An alert parent who constantly rewards a child with recognition for good with verbal praise gets much greater results than those parents who try to bribe their children with candy or trinkets.

 

 

 

 

Ways to Help Children Memorize

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Train up a child…

 

Ways to Help Children Memorize

 

There are many things that a child needs to memorize in order to be prepared mentally, physically, socially, and spiritually to deal with life. Some things are simply basic needs. For instance, every child needs to learn the multiplication tables, rules for English mechanics, Preamble to the Constitution, spelling, and several other things to be prepared mentally. Scripture verses need to be memorized to prepare spiritually. Health habits and nutrition facts need to be remembered for physical development, and rules of etiquette need to be memorized for social development.  Many may say, “Why memorize?  Information can be found on the Internet!”  These folks need to consider that decisions are made by what is in the head, not by what is on the Internet.

There are a few teaching techniques that can be used to help children remember. Even though there is no substitute for plain hard work, some things can be done to help.

  • Writing things down is probably the best way to memorize. “Engage pen, engage mind” is a saying of a colleague of mine. A child’s mind tends to wander less when writing. Copying things over and over and then writing without looking at the item being copied, is one of the very best ways to learn. A friend of mine won a national teaching award when her Pueblo Indian class tested higher than the national average in English. She said, “Pat, I do one thing. Every morning in class, the children are required to copy something that is good for them to know. By doing so, they learn spelling, they learn about what they are copying, and they pick up habits of punctuation usage.”
  • Making puzzles of scripture verses, short poems, or rules is helpful. Simply type the verse or rule on the computer in large print, print it out, cut it up, and have the children put it together. They have to think about the pieces as they put them together. Borders or art work can be added to make it more interesting.
  • Printing the item and then covering up one or more words at a time, is a good way to help the child recall missing words. This becomes a game and works especially well with a group of children, although it will also work with only one child. Children keep reading and repeating the rule or verse over and over, each time remembering a different word or words that the teacher or parent has covered up.
  • Arranging words in the right order is another way to memorize. Make one long strip with the verse or rule. Cut it apart word by word, and let the children put the words in the right order on the chalkboard tray or floor.
  • Using different colors of pens, pencils, or paper helps.
  • The use of acronyms, made up songs, or rhythm helps. For instance, H O M E can be used to remember the Great Lakes of Huron, Ontario, Michigan, and E Tapping on a desk the syllables of a word helps a child break the word down in parts. Knowing that each syllable must contain a vowel and learning to spell the word by syllables is easier than attacking the entire word at one time.
  • Recent studies indicate that classical music played in the background while a child is studying may help with memorization.
  • All learning is done better when broken in small chunks. Learning a little at a time is much easier than trying to learn a big passage.

 

 

We need to be creative as we help children. Ultimately, however, it is the child’s responsibility to learn. We are simply facilitators. This needs to be understood by all involved.

 

 

Are Soft Drinks Okay for My Child?

Train up a child…

 

Are Soft Drinks Okay for My Child?

 

Many schools around the country have either removed pop machines or substituted soft drinks with juice or milk. In my opinion, there is good reason for this. Not only is soda not good for children, but much money is wasted on buying these drinks. That money could certainly be used in a better way.

Children need to eat the recommended foods in the Basic 4 food groups. These groups include fruits, vegetables, cereals and grains, and meat. When a child fills up on soda or junk food, he/she is not hungry to eat what  should be eaten. We call things like soda “empty calories” because there is no nutritional benefit there for the child. The two main ingredients in soft drinks are caffeine and sugar. The caffeine in soda is definitely not good for children. It tends to make them overactive. Too much sugar for children is not good either. Some parents allow children to drink the brands of soda that do not have caffeine. This is a step in the right direction, but water is the best drink of all.

Let’s consider the sugar in soda. Four grams of sugar is one teaspoon of sugar. In a small can of soda, there are usually 8-10 teaspoons of sugar. Some of the juices for children contain just as much or more sugar and are not the best choice either. To supply the juice for children, parents should choose real juice, not juice “drinks”. You can figure how much sugar is in a drink. Look on the label. Check the number of grams of sugar per serving. Multiply this times the number of servings in the container. Divide by 4 and you have the number of teaspoons of sugar in the container. Some of the large sodas contain 2 ½ servings. When checked out, this is about 23-24 teaspoons of sugar.

What happens, then, if a child drinks sugary pop or juice drinks each day, eats a sugary cereal for breakfast or perhaps a pop tart? Then for a snack, he/she might be given something else with a lot of sugar. The child is getting way too much sugar. The body has to deal with it. If this pattern continues, the pancreas simply “wears out” over time because it is overworked due to having to deal with so much sugar. Type II diabetes may be the result.

An occasional soda without caffeine will not hurt the child providing he or she is getting proper nutrition the rest of the day. I would say that one each day is too many sodas. Someone has said that water is the cheapest medicine there is. We develop our tastes through habit. We can learn to really like water just as we learned to like soda.

What does a habit of one soda per day cost? If the soda is taken from a machine costing $1 per can and a person drinks one can per day, it is easy to see that the cost is about $30 per month. If we multiply that times 12 for the months of the year, we see that we are spending about $360 per year on something that is harmful to our bodies. If there are four people in the family drinking one can of pop a day at this price, this habit has cost almost $1500 per year. In addition, there are the future health costs of treatment for problems that may be caused by the habit.

I have heard many parents say, “I just have to have my Pepsi!” Is it any wonder, then, why the children want to drink soft drinks, too? As in so many cases, here, too, children learn by example. We can improve our health and save money as well by changing this habit.

Childhood: A Foundation for Life

parenting, Raising kids,

Train up a child…

 

Childhood: A Foundation for Life

 

It is during childhood that a person learns those things that become the basis for all decision making in life. If much is learned, the adult has a great deal upon which to build a successful life. If there are “chinks” in this foundation, the adult is found lacking those things needed to make good decisions or to be healthy and able to carry out the proper decisions. The four corners of the foundation of life are: social, mental, physical, and spiritual.

In our society, I’m afraid the greatest emphasis is placed on the social development of children. There seems to be a great concern for whether a child has friends and whether that child is having fun and enjoying life. In school, for years there has been social promotion. There has been a greater emphasis on the child being placed with children of the same age than whether the child has gained the knowledge so much needed. Although it is good that children learn to intermingle in social settings, perhaps this area is not where there is greatest need. Let’s ask ourselves the question, “Where in society are we separated by age rather than school or Sunday School?” Actually, most of life we are not separated by age but rather have to get along with all ages.

Secondly, there is emphasis placed on the mental aspect of a child’s foundation. There is much talk and writing about whether our schools are properly preparing our children for adulthood. We are mostly concerned about reading. “If a child can read, he can do anything,” I’ve heard people say. There is less emphasis currently being placed on math and language. We spend thousands of dollars to educate children to prepare them mentally for the challenges they will inevitably face.

Third, we are concerned about the physical well-being of the child. Obesity is a problem and we are hearing a little more about proper nutrition. Vaccinations are given to prevent certain diseases. Physical education programs in schools are supposed to be designed to teach children proper care of their bodies.

It would seem that in most cases the spiritual foundation of a child is given the least attention. It is unfortunate that this is given so little attention. I suspect that there are many children in our country who have never been in a church or had the Bible read to them. Many probably do not even have a Bible in the home. Although this part of a child’s foundation is probably the most neglected, it is the most important. It is the spiritual foundation that gives the child the values needed to function. It is also the spiritual foundation that helps the child through difficult and disappointing times. Without this foundation, as an adult there is nothing to fall back on when hard times come. The spiritual foundation gives answers through scripture to puzzling decisions that have to be made. This part of the foundation gives hope, motivation, and purpose to life.

The Easter season is a perfect time to nurture the spiritual foundation of children. Parents who may feel inadequate to work with the young in this area can take them to a church where they can receive the knowledge they need. As children memorize scripture, they are strengthening their foundation for the future. Hopefully, we can use this Easter season to further develop our children in this important spiritual area.

A Real Necessity

parenting, Raising kids

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A Real Necessity

 

There is one thing that is so very important for the success of a child in school and life. Without this, a child will be stuck on approximately the third grade level in math and not continue to progress. That child will be unable to manage money when he/she becomes an adult in spite of the fact that the desire may be there to do so.

What is that one thing? A child must know the multiplication tables!

It seems like such a “no-brainer” to say that children should learn their multiplication tables. However, during the 20+ years I have been helping adults earn a high school equivalency certificate, I have observed over and over that this vital part of the education of my students was not fulfilled. I have had students from at least ten different school systems and the story is the same. I have had nearly 1000 students enroll in the classes I have taught and probably 90% of them did not know their multiplication tables. Many of these students were on college level in reading indicating that the ability to learn was certainly there.

What accounts for the fact that the times tables have not been learned? In my opinion, there are several reasons (or perhaps excuses). Parents often leave this kind of thing up to the teachers. The teachers are pressured to cover a certain amount of material in large classes where individual attention is not possible. Modern math, several years ago, promoted the philosophy that if a student understood math, drill was not necessary. Our trend for fast food and fast learning tends to cause a child to expect learning to be easy. Attitudes of “somebody owes me something,” and “I am not responsible for myself,” cause a child to believe that he/she can get by without knowing the times tables. Social promotion has fostered that idea further by letting the child know that he/she will go on to the next grade whether or not all the material has been mastered.

What kind of logic says that if a child can’t do third grade work, that child can do fourth grade work? Students grow up thinking they are dumb and just can’t “get it” simply because they have not been required to “get it”. Some students go year after year in school, getting in deeper and deeper water and feeling more and more frustrated because they can’t handle the math that requires knowing the times tables.

In school, the multiplication tables are usually introduced at the end of second grade. In real life, we can begin working with children when they are toddlers to help them understand some number concepts.

When playing with small children, we can simply provide information by saying such things as, “Oh, I see two blue blocks here and two more blue blocks there. That makes four blocks. Two times two is four.” We need to constantly include such comments in conversation to help children become aware of numbers.

A great deal of math can be taught with a bag of M & M’s or a bag of jelly beans. They can be sorted into groups and counted to see how many groups of different numbers and colors can be made. When they have succeeded in learning some of the facts, they can be rewarded by allowing them to eat the candy.

We need to require older children to write the tables over and over. The more senses we use in learning, the faster we learn. By writing, the child is using touch and sight. If the child says them aloud while writing, that child is also using hearing.

Spanking a child to learn is not appropriate, although it may be appropriate to spank a child to make that child take time to do homework and try to learn. Drill is appropriate. There are many ways and opportunities to help the children with this vital information. All of the thousands of dollars and all of the new programs for education do very little good with math if a child does not know these basic facts.

Parents, grandparents, and teachers, it is so very important to make sure that your third and fourth graders learn their multiplication tables!

 

Love is Kind

parenting, Raising kids,

Train up a child…

 

Love is Kind

 

At this time of year with Valentine’s Day on our minds, our thoughts naturally turn to love. What is the real meaning of love?

This word is bantered around and used very casually, yet the true definition of love points out to us how we often fall short of really loving others as we should.

Real love requires effort on our part to demonstrate the characteristics that must be present to honestly say that we love someone. Love wants the best for someone else at the sacrifice of our own wants and desires. Love requires kindness to others. The quality of respect goes along with being kind.

Why is it that adults often think that they should show respect and kindness to other adults, yet they seem to overlook the children? Have you ever noticed how adults may stand and talk about children right in front of them as though the child did not hear what they were saying? We would not do that to another adult. Why do we do it to children? It is unkind and often embarrassing to a child to be talked about in such a manner. Comments overheard at these times can affect children for the rest of their lives.

I remember an incident that well demonstrates how children can be affected by adult conversations in their presence. When we were young, my mom would dress up my four sisters and me every Saturday and take us to Monett, MO, shopping. She prided herself in the little starched feedsack dresses she would make for us. On one Saturday, a lady came up to her in the J.C. Penney store and started talking to her. “Ethel,” she said, “I don’t know how you do it. All of your little girls always look so pretty…every one of them.” We all stood there feeling so very wonderful as she continued to exclaim about how pretty we were. After a little more visiting, she got ready to move on. As she was leaving, she looked down at me and said, “Ethel is this one yours, too? She doesn’t look like the rest of them.” For years, I felt like the “ugly duckling” of the family.

Innocent remarks can greatly affect a child. We need to give more thought to our words and actions in front of children. It is a good feeling to watch the pastor of the church my husband and I previously attended as he always made a point to shake hands with the children as well as the adults. It was not unusual to see him walking along with an arm around a child and talking to that child with the same level of importance as that given to adults. This is the way it should be.

The elderly President Bush once remarked, “Let’s make this a kinder and gentler nation.” That kindness and gentleness, as well as respect for others, begins within each of us. If children are raised with these qualities of love, they are more apt to express them when they are grown, resulting in a kinder and gentler nation.

 

Checklist for Love

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Train up a child…

 

A Checklist for Love

 

Most of us really believe that we love others as we should. However, when we take a close look at the true definition of love, we may find ourselves falling short of where we should be in loving our children and our fellow man. Based on the 13th chapter of I Corinthians in the Bible, we can ask ourselves the following questions to see where we really stand when it comes to loving as we should.

  • Am I willing to wait when my children don’t seem to “get it” right away, or do I get impatient and start yelling at them? (Love is patient.)
  • Do I speak to my children with respect for their feelings, or do I make unreasonable demands on them? (Love is kind.)
  • Do I feel badly when the children of someone else seem to do better than my children and start putting undue pressure on my children to perform better? (Love does not envy.)
  • Do I brag to others when my children do better than theirs? (Love does not boast.)
  • Do I use good manners with my children by saying “please”, “thank you”, “excuse me”, and “I’m sorry”? (Love is not rude.)
  • Do I get angry easily with my children, or do I understand that children are of equal value to adults in God’s sight? (Love does not get angry easily.)
  • Do we forgive our children when they make mistakes or do we keep an ongoing record in our minds of what they have done wrong? (Love keeps no record of wrongs.)
  • Do I always think I am right and demand that my children not have an opinion of their own, or do I listen to their thoughts before making up my own mind? (Love is not self-seeking.)
  • Do I feel good when someone else “gets what is coming to them”, or do I feel sad that wrong was done in the first place? (Love does not delight in wrongdoing.)
  • Am I happy when my children make the right decisions and take time to praise them for the good things they have done? (Love rejoices in the truth.)
  • Do I protect my children from things that would harm them physically, mentally, spiritually, or socially? (Love protects.)

These are lofty standards to strive to attain. I suspect that no one adheres to them all the time, but we profit by knowing what is expected of us when we are commanded to love God and others. As we train our children, we need to try to set a good example. Just as we fail from time to time, so will they. We need to work as a team in continually striving to love as we should.