Category Archives: parenting

The Value of Physical Activity

parenting, Raising kids, teamwork, , , ,

Train up a child…

 

The Value of Physical Activity

 

Children need to develop in four areas. Those four areas are mental, social, spiritual, and physical. Quite often one or more of these areas may be neglected, but each area is important.

Physical development does not come automatically. Even though a child is growing bigger, he may not be growing healthier. An old expression says, “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy”. Children get most of their physical activity from play, but they can also get it from work.

What are the benefits of physical activity? Physical activity strengthens the body. A child who is physically active is usually a happier child. Children involved in team sports learn teamwork and what it means to give one’s best.

The blood in our bodies bathes every muscle and organ bringing nourishment to every part. When we exercise, the heart pumps harder ensuring that each part is reached with the nutrients needed. When a person sits around all the time, the blood doesn’t move as fast and nutrients are not carried throughout the body as needed. Body parts do not work at their maximum without the stimulation of exercise. The brain needs to be bathed by the blood just as does all of the body. We do not think as clearly and as well without exercise.

We’ve heard of those who have been unfortunate and had to spend a lengthy amount of time in the hospital having to learn to walk again. The muscles become very weak without usage. The heart is a muscle. When we exercise and it beats more rapidly, it is getting strengthened, too.

Exercise creates endorphin. Endorphin is a substance that fights pain and depression. We often forget that children can be depressed as much or more than adults. People who don’t exercise often start feeling sorry for themselves and become depressed. Physical exercise helps to prevent this from happening. It is best to keep busy. Teenagers often like to stay in their rooms for long periods of time. This is an emotional time in their lives and at this time they especially need to exercise.

Team sports at school provide a fun way to get exercise. While getting the physical activity, they also learn to put themselves in background positions for the overall good of others. The cheering they hear while playing builds self-esteem and motivates them to go beyond what they have accomplished and reach for more. They often discover that they can do more than they ever thought they could. This transfers to other areas of their lives as well and they develop the attitude that they can do better. This becomes a motivation to be the best they can be.

Sometimes it seems that there is not enough time to do everything a child needs. Exercise can be worked into the schedule in subtle ways. Parents can ask children to run a race to the mailbox. When shopping, the car can be parked at the back of the parking lot to require more walking. The TV, phone, and computer can be limited, and children should have chores to do. Even when dad is wrestling or “rough-housing” the kids on the floor, they are getting some exercise. When I taught second grade, the children in our class planned their own obstacle course. They climbed a 4 ft. wall, leapfrogged over a rock, crawled through a barrel, skipped, hopped, and scissor-stepped back to the starting place. They did this at recess, but a similar course could be made at home.

Let’s keep our kids moving so they can get the exercise they need!

 

 

 

The Value of Homework

parenting, Raising kids

Train up a child…

 

The Value of Homework

 

Homework is a good thing. No matter how much students moan and groan about it, there is no doubt that it is good for them. Of course it is important to have the right amount of assignments. It is not good to overload students, but if the right amount of homework is given, there are many benefits derived for the student.

Homework is necessary to give practice of skills taught in school. Teachers do not have enough time to give adequate practice. More and more topics are added for teachers to teach, yet nothing is ever subtracted and no additional time is allowed. Homework is good to help the students develop proper habits of study and self-discipline. As parents either assist or observe their children doing homework, they come to a better understanding of the learning ability and achievement levels the children possess.

There was a time in education that educators thought that if a child simply understood subject matter, practice was not necessary. I remember having a math textbook when I taught second grade that required the children to complete as few as six problems each day after the concept was taught. I knew that the children needed more, so I kept extra math papers available all the time for the children to choose and work as their time permitted. Math, reading, and writing are skills. All skills require practice because they involve more than understanding. They involve the use of nerves and muscles. Just because a person can read and understand music, for instance, doesn’t mean that the person can play the piano or any other instrument. It is the same with the skills of reading, math, and writing. Practice is necessary to become proficient.

As I have taught GED classes through the years, I have found that many students test higher in applied math than the actual computation. I tell them that I suspect they sat in class, listened to the teacher explain how to do problems, and then said, “I don’t have to do my homework. I understand that.” They usually look at me rather sheepishly and say, “You got that right. How did you know?” Such students indicate that they have the ability to understand but did not practice problems enough to be able to do them satisfactorily.

Some children do well in early grades and don’t do homework, then find out later on that some subjects, such as algebra, require constant homework. Unfortunately, since they didn’t do homework early on, they haven’t really learned good study habits and self-discipline to buckle down and do what they need to do. It is important to have a set time even in the lower grades to make homework a habit. If homework is not assigned, the parents need to come up with things the children can do to add to what they are learning in school. For instance, if the children are learning about conservation, they might require them to look at or read something from the Missouri Conservation magazine. They can check the library for more information or take a walk with dad to see examples of good and bad conservation.

Some may think that their children don’t need to do any homework since they finish quickly at school. We should never let our children think that they are smarter than others and that they don’t need to learn more. There is always plenty more to be learned about every subject. Parents are teachers, too, and parents need to help children develop a curiosity for learning by making suggestions or finding projects for the children to do to enrich what they have already learned.

We learn a great deal about our children as they do homework. Perhaps we learn even more than any report card can show. We can assess how the child reasons, the interests of the child, and become closer to the child. Homework can be a wonderful together time and learning time for both parents and children.

 

.

 

“To Teach is to Touch a Life Forever”

parenting, Raising kids

Train up a child…

 

“To Teach is to Touch a Life Forever”

 

How we all depend on our teachers! The bumper sticker that says, “Teaching is the profession that makes all other professions possible” is certainly true. As school starts, every parent of a student is probably wondering, “Will my child have a good teacher?”

What most people don’t stop and think about is the fact that parents are teachers, too! From the time that first cry is heard at birth, parents become teachers whether they want to be or not. It is not a question of whether a parent is a teacher. Rather it is a question as to the kind of teacher that parent is.

There are those parent-teachers who simply cannot face the responsibility and choose to abandon their God-given gift and opportunity to touch a life in a positive way forever. Some parent-teachers blindly jump in and meander through their new responsibility hoping all will turn out well. There are parent-teachers who try to shove their responsibilities to someone else. Many children are now being raised by grandparents instead of parents. But blest are the parent-teachers who do all they can to become better teachers, so they do not leave matters to chance or to someone else. They take advantage of training available. They see that their children get a variety of experiences. They read about rearing children. In short, they work hard to be good teachers of the children they brought into the world.

Missouri started a program called Parents as Teachers that has become popular nationwide. Parents may work in the program to get training that will help both the children and themselves. Services provided by Parents as Teachers (PAT) include personal visits, parent group meetings, screenings, and networking with other agencies. The personal visits may be waived if some do not feel comfortable having someone visit the home. The screenings assess the child’s overall development as well as checking hearing and vision. Parent meetings are held one time each month. PAT works with women who are pregnant until the child reaches age 5. Studies show that children involved in this program have greatly benefited. Information about the PAT program may usually be obtained by contacting the local school.

“As the twig is bent, so grows the tree”. In the first few years of a child’s life, children learn more and at a faster pace than any other time. As a parent, you are your child’s first and foremost teacher. Parents are the ones who most touch the lives of their children forever.

 

 

Off to School They Go!

counseling, parenting, Raising kids

Train up a child…

 

Off to School They Go!

 

I will admit that I still choke up and get teary eyed every fall when I first see a school bus rolling along. It is an emotional time for me. It is also an emotional time for parents, teachers, grandparents, and the students themselves. Some of their emotion involves apprehension of the unknown. Some of the emotion is simply a feeling of the importance of what is happening. At a time like this, we all begin to question our ability to meet the new challenge and wonder how our past actions will affect the future.

Parents watch that bus rumble down the road and pray that their child will be up to meeting the expectations of society. Have we done what we should have done to prepare our child? How is he/she feeling? Will my child make friends? What kind of teacher will my child have? Will the teacher understand him/her and be patient? I hope the other kids will be nice to my child. I hope my child makes the right friends.

Students are wondering if they look ok and if the other kids will like them. They wonder if the teacher will be nice. Some wonder if they remember all they were supposed to learn from before. They worry that maybe they have forgotten some of the rules and some item they were supposed to bring with them. Some will dig in their backpacks to check what is there.

Teachers are busy with last minute readiness for the students to arrive. Many have butterflies in the stomach and are feeling nervous. What kind of class will I have? Will the students be well-behaved, or rude? Do I have all of my lessons prepared, or have I forgotten something? How does the room look? Will the students feel good when they walk into the room? Will my principal back me up if I have to discipline a student? Will the parents help their children succeed? Will I get along with the parents? Can I really handle this job and my home as well?

Grandparents are wondering if their grandchildren will succeed in school. What can I do to help my grandchildren? They are feeling so helpless. They are probably thinking of all the strengths and weaknesses of the grandchild and wondering if the child can overcome the weaknesses and capitalize on the strengths. Many are saying, “At least I can pray for them!”

With all of the questions and feelings running rampant, there are a few things that can help alleviate apprehensions. Parents and students can visit teachers before that first day. When the child sees the classroom and teacher on the first day of school, that child has a sense of familiarity and is not nearly so afraid. Some teachers send letters to the students before school starts telling them about the upcoming year. Rules of the school, along with consequences for breaking those rules, should be clearly written and made available to families. Parents should go over these rules with the children at home and explain their necessity. Parents can make gestures of support to teachers, letting them know that they expect their children to be disciplined and will back them up at home.

Mom and Dad, before your children walk out the door that first day of school, give them a big hug and kiss. Tell them, “Learn all you can learn. Do your best, and no matter what happens today, I will still love you when you come home!”

Whining–and What to do About it

parenting, Raising kids, , , ,

Train up a child…

Whining—and What to do About it

No one likes to hear a whining child. Parents become frustrated when a child continues to whine. As the parent shows frustration, the child seems to whine all the more! Why do children whine? What can be done to prevent whining? How should we deal with whining when it happens?
The true reason children whine is because they are thinking of self and self- comfort. The child may want a pleasure for self such as a toy, activity, food, or even just simply the attention of someone. Chances are that the child has found that whining has worked before as a tool to get the desire. When something works, isn’t it logical to repeat that action?
The basic attitude of the inner self determines actions. When a child is taught to think of the comfort of others instead of just thinking of self, chances are that child will not be a whiner. It becomes a part of the nature of the child to think of how actions affect others. The emphasis is taken off self and put on those around. Even very young children can learn to be considerate of others. It is an attitude that is often “caught” in the home.
When a child whines, it can be embarrassing. This is especially true if it is in a public place. It is so tempting to give the child what is wanted to get him/her to be quiet. That simply shows the child that whining works! Next time something is wanted, there will be more whining. The better thing to do is simply tell the child that no one likes whining and that they cannot have the wanted item until it stops. Our children are more important than the opinion of others who may be listening. Actions should be chosen for the benefit of the child, not strangers. If the wanted item is not good for the child, or if it is not something the child should have, simply say “no” and leave it at that. Soon the child will tire of whining if they know you really mean it. They whine as long as they have a chance to get what they want.
Sometimes it helps to mimic the child. Let the child know what they sound like. This is a good technic if in a private place. Ask the child if what they hear is pleasant and if he/she would like to hear that often. Chances are, the child will stop and think before doing it again.
Recently I observed a mom who had a dog on a leash and three children with her. One child kept whining and saying over and over that she was hungry. The mom was paying more attention to the dog than to the child. Soon the mom got angry with both the dog and the child! I had to wonder if the child was feeling that the mom loved the pet more than  the child.
Whining stems from an attitude of self-desire. If a child can learn to think of others first, much whining will be avoided. Helping a child understand how whining sounds, can go a long way in stopping whining. A child should not be rewarded for whining by giving in to his/her wants. Children should never have to question whether they have a parent’s love. Pets are not more important than children.

How Can We Develop Compassion in Children?

parenting, Raising kids, , , , , , ,

Train up a child…

How can we Develop Compassion in Children?

We often wonder why we see so much violence in the news. Why do people hurt others? Why do people do things to property that eventually causes trouble for others? Could it be that those individuals have never learned to feel compassion?

When we feel compassion for others, we usually feel sympathy and concern as well. It causes us to stop and think about the feelings of others. It follows, then, that if we can help children develop compassion, they will probably act in compassionate ways.
One way to develop compassion is to talk about hurt and pain. Caring for animals may lead to compassionate feelings. Guiding activities that help others is a third way to help children understand the feelings and cares of others.

What we say to children is very important. When we see someone hurting, a comment such as, “I know that person must hurt badly”, draws attention to suffering. Opposite type comments such as, “That person must be lazy and not want to work”, keeps a child from feeling compassion. Watching selected news provides opportunities to talk about pain and suffering.

When a child learns to care for an animal, that child can learn to care about whether the animal is hungry, cold, scared, etc. Anytime a child can identify with feelings of another person or animal, that child is learning compassion. On the other hand, if a child is allowed to let a pet go hungry, be cold, etc., the child is learning not to be compassionate.
When families or groups do activities such as taking food to the sick or helping the needy, they are developing compassion in children. There are many worthwhile projects that can be done by children.

Many people are not able to recognize the feelings of others by what they say or do. Pointing out actions or words of others that indicate hurt will help the child become aware of others. When a child acts like a bully, it may well be because that child is hurting and taking feelings out on another. When a child puts another child down for an accomplishment, it may be because the child is hurting for a lack of attention. We are all guilty of often judging people’s actions only by their words when we should be looking a little deeper. If we can help children look deeper, they are many steps ahead in life.

The careful choice of words and activities we use with children cannot be overemphasized. Compassion is an attitude. Attitudes are often caught, instead of being taught. Although we can do and say certain things to help develop compassion, as in so many other areas, example is the most effective teacher.

Children Have Real Fears

counseling, parenting, Raising kids

Train up a child…

Children Have Real Fears

As children hear talk about going back to school, many start thinking about many scary things. Will anybody like me and be my friend? Will my teacher like me? Will I be able to get my work done? Will my parents understand if I don’t make perfect grades? Will I have the right clothes? Will kids laugh at me? Will I be able to do what is expected of me?
How can parents help children deal with the many fears they have? Parents need to understand that the fears do exist. Children need help in setting priorities. Parents can assure children that they love their children no matter what happens.
Children often fear opening up about their fears! If parents can create an atmosphere where children are not afraid to confide, they can find out what fears a child may have. Right away we might say that we should talk to the children. That is good, of course, but unfortunately the children will not always tell you what is bothering them. They may not even know what is bothering them. We need to watch them closely and listen carefully to what they say for clues. They may be putting down others for making good grades. That may be a sign that they are afraid that they won’t make good grades. They may talk a lot about clothes or friends. This may indicate what is bothering them.
Parents can help with setting the priorities. They need to help the child realize that perfect grades are not necessary. It is necessary, however, to do one’s best and listen carefully to instructions. It is better to be clean and neat than to have expensive clothes. It is better to befriend someone that to have everyone be friends to self. It is better to choose friends than to have others choose self. Parents can help in setting priorities of qualities to look for in potential friends.
Parents make a mistake when they set the bar of achievement beyond a child’s capabilities. On the other hand, children need to know that not trying to do what is required will not be tolerated. The security of knowing that love of parents will never go away is a big plus in helping children. However, there is a difference in love and like. It is important to let a child know that even though love will never go away, we don’t like certain behavior. Behavior that is liked or not liked should be clearly defined.
Many discipline problems originate with fear. If we can help children deal with their fears, we will avoid much unacceptable behavior.

How to Talk so Kids can Learn

counseling, parenting, Raising kids, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Train up a child…

 

How to Talk so Kids Can Learn

 

People do not like to be yelled at! Children are people, too. Children do not like to be yelled at!

The way we talk to children greatly affects their learning. Our tone and volume of voice is very important as we relate to the little ones. We need to take the time, whenever possible, to explain and reason with children.

I have observed over the years that many parents constantly bark orders to children, often so rapidly that the children do not have time to mentally process one order before being given another. When this happens, children become resentful, confused, embarrassed, and often give up trying to obey. They may pout or act out in frustration. They hurt inside because they feel that the one yelling at them does not love them. It becomes even more confusing when, after barking orders to the children, a few minutes later that same parent may say, “I love you”. This scenario gives an untrue example of love. Love is patient. On the other hand, if we slow down, take time to let the child process instructions, and explain where needed, the child calms down, is more likely to obey, and senses love as shown through patience. Sometimes a parent will get better results to simply go to the child, put an arm around that child, and whisper instructions slowly.

Children can often understand more than we give them credit for if we take the time to give the explanations in words they understand. We forget that they do not have the same vocabulary that we have. They increase their vocabulary as we explain why we expect them to do certain things. When they have the understanding, they are more apt to act appropriately on their own when parents are not around. Many believe that if they just get their children in the habit of doing certain things that they will grow up and maintain those habits. Habits only go so far. Understanding of reasons for acting appropriately will extend the correct behavior. There comes a time in a child’s life when that child begins to question what parents have told them. If they have the basic understanding of the “whys”, they are more apt to stick with what they have been taught.

The use of questions instead of statements is so very important in helping children reason out the “whys” of behavior. Telling is not teaching! When we ask questions, a child is forced to think. Following are some examples of common questions that can be asked in various situations:

  • How would your friend feel if you told him/her that?
  • What would happen if you did that?
  • What were you thinking when you did that?
  • What do you think your friend was thinking when he/she did that?
  • Why do you want to do that?
  • How would the people around you feel if they heard you say that?

These are just general questions to help a child think through his/her actions before making a decision. They also help to develop empathy and teach decision-making.

Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish wrote a book titled, How to Talk so Kids Can Learn. I highly recommend it. It is available on Amazon.com and may also be available in your local library. Although I do not agree with everything in the book, it certainly helps us rethink how we are talking to our children.

Me, Them, or Us

parenting, Raising kids, teamwork, , , , , ,

Train up a child…

Me, Them, or Us

In parenting, as in so many other areas of life, much more can be accomplished when we work together as a team. It is easy to fall into a habit of pitting one group against another. Where children are concerned, we naturally assume that because they are younger, we are much wiser and knowledgeable. However, every individual is unique and needs to be treated with respect. Children have ideas that are worth considering. Each age group has advantages and limitations. There are common goals that can be set for all ages.

It is difficult to see things from a child’s point of view. If we can win the confidence of the child, the child can share with us thoughts and feelings. We can then understand that child. This becomes the basis of the actions we choose as we attempt to be a good parent. We gain that confidence by listening to the child’s ideas with respect. It is surprising how children can come up with ideas that really work. They can do this because they can better understand how children feel and think since they feel and think the same way.

There are many things children can do that adults cannot do. With their boundless energy, they can run errands for adults who are tired and don’t have that much energy. They can get in small places where adults cannot. Have you noticed that each age group has limitations and certain abilities? Toddlers wish they could do what older brothers and sisters can do. Children wish they could do what teens do. Teens wish they could drive and have more freedom. Young marrieds wish they could get more sleep when they have crying babies! Middle age couples adjust to an empty nest. Older people have aches and pains and loss of energy. When all ages work together, we can help supply the needs of others.

Nothing unites a family or group more than common goals. When each group member understands the goals, they can begin to realize the needs for reaching those goals. When the needs are understood, they can each begin to determine what they can contribute to meeting those needs.Short term goals work best with children, but long term goals are necessary, also. Using the ideas of each family member to set goals helps in motivating each to want to be a part of reaching the goals.

As parents, we need to remember that setting an example is the best teaching method. We set a good example by showing respect to children and doing our part to reach worthy goals that have been set incorporating the ideas of each person involved. Much more can be accomplished and everyone is happier when we work together.

Children and Computers

parenting, Raising kids, , , , ,

Train up a child…

 

Children and Computers

 

Computers are such a wonderful invention! However, just like other inventions, they can be harmful or they can be helpful. Children need to be taught to use them correctly and to integrate their use in such a way as to not neglect other important areas of their lives.

I remember how so many people thought that TV was a terrible thing when it first came out. Some parents, even now, will not allow a TV in their home because of its bad influence on their children, yet it has some very good programs for children and it can bring the other side of the world to us in seconds. We just need to push the off button at certain times. Just as a car can take us to a bad place or a good place, other inventions can be both a bad influence and a good influence. It is up to parents, teachers, and other adults to teach children the proper use of the inventions available to us. It seems that technology is developing so fast that it is almost impossible to teach children properly about the use of the many technological products available to us, but we must make a definite effort to do so.

Now that summer is here, hot afternoons are a perfect time for children to spend a little time on the computer. I typed in “Free learning websites for children”, and so many came up that it would be impossible to list them all here. One site I highly recommend is Starfall. It is good for teaching reading and may be used for preschoolers through the lower elementary grades. Another website our daughter-in-law recommends is http://www.ditk-kids.com. Other websites for math are available. Some sites even have games and craft instructions. The creators of these sites have done an excellent job of making learning fun. Children will often learn faster and retain learning from these sites better than they do from their traditional school work.

There are computers available in many libraries if you do not have one at home. However, I would suggest that if at all possible, each home should have a computer. You do not have to have a state of the art computer for children to begin learning the basics. Often, when people buy a new computer, they donate their used one to places like Christian Associates or the Salvation Army. These can sometimes be purchased at very low prices and many are in good working condition but simply do not have the most recent technology.

Along with reading, writing, playing, learning to do chores, and church activities, computer usage can be a very valuable use of time while the children are at home this summer.