Category Archives: parenting

Instilling Patriotism in Children

Train up a child…

 

Instilling Patriotism in Children

 

There may be no better time than Independence Day for parents to instill in children the attitude and feeling of patriotism. As children experience the beautiful fireworks displays and understand that the same thing is happening throughout our nation, they can’t help but think about what it means to be living in America. Adults need to take advantage of this “teachable moment” to encourage the feeling of pride for country and help the children understand as much as possible the cost paid for our freedom by our forefathers.

One way to give a better understanding of our forefathers is to check the Internet for information regarding some of those individuals. Children will be interested to learn about some of the inventions of Ben Franklin. He invented bifocals, the lightning rod, a grasping tool, and even a musical instrument using glasses filled with different amounts of water. He designed a ship with compartments so that if one compartment sprung a leak, the leak could not sink the ship.

Only two of Thomas Jefferson’s six children survived into adulthood. He had specific instructions as to what he wanted on his tombstone. He wrote a political pamphlet in which he stated, “The God who gave us life gave us liberty at the same time: the hand of force may destroy but cannot disjoin them.” He designed his Montecello in detail and had it built on property inherited from his family.

At the age of 16, George Washington helped survey Shenandoah lands. He was very interested in western expansion of our country. It will fascinate children to learn that he invented wooden false teeth. It has been said that we always see pictures of him with his mouth closed because of his wooden false teeth.

There are many, many interesting things to learn about our founding fathers and our country if we just take the time to explore with the children. A visit to the library will uncover many interesting books for the children to read during the summer months.

It is easy to develop an appreciation of the past history of our country. What is not so easy is to develop a feeling of appreciation for our country now. It is difficult as a teacher to help the children learn to respect authority of our government when they hear so much criticism from parents, grandparents, and others. When children hear parents say, “They are all a bunch of crooks!” they wonder why, then, are they supposed to obey laws made by those “crooks”. It has been a real struggle in my GED classes to get students to understand that our government is “we”, not “they”.

We need to be very careful to discuss policies of our government without “badmouthing” the people making those policies. It is very difficult in times of frustration to separate what our politicians do from who they are. We are commanded in the Bible to pray for our leaders and we should do just that. Instead of venting our anger to those around us, we need to be finding ways to make the changes in a respectful way that we believe are needed.

Our country has had many problems since its beginning. We need to help our children join us in praying for our country and deciding how we can be the best citizens possible.

 

One Daddy

Train up a child…

One Daddy

My dad grew up in Eagle Rock, MO. He had a scant eighth grade education because he could only go to school when the weather was too bad to work in the field. Working in the field often meant plowing behind a team of mules. When he did go to school, the kids made fun of his bare feet by spitting on them.
Daddy’s mom died in 1926, when daddy was twenty-three years old. By that time, my dad had married my mom and they took his younger brothers to raise. Daddy worked on the railroad in Monett, Mo, for a time. He bought a piece of land outside Verona, MO, and built a house, barn, and chicken house on it. Later, he built a garage and milk house of field rock. He raised hogs and milked cows to sell the milk. He grew corn and alfalfa in fields plowed with a team of horses. He kept the farm, bought another piece of land and began farming it. He had fields of strawberries and took the strawberries on the old red truck to Monett, MO, where they were shipped out on a train.
My dad bought a building in Verona and opened a grocery store while still farming. He built a house on the back of the building and we lived in town for a time. I remember standing in front of that building, (it is still there), and watching a truck come into town, the back open up, and a man ladling soup into bowls and cups held by people lined up behind the truck.
When I was in seventh grade, my dad decided to go to church. His dad was a Pentecostal preacher, but my dad had been too busy raising five girls to think about church. Now, although still very busy, he became active in church. He taught a Sunday School class for more than twenty years. The little church bought him a chair in his old age because he couldn’t stand up long enough to teach. When he prayed, it was like he burst a hole in the ceiling with his introductory, “Almighty God”! He had a booming voice and there was no doubt as to the head of the household. My mom often reminded us of that with her, “You kids just wait ’til your daddy gets home! He’ll take care of you!” And he often did. He helped us each plant a peach tree and when we got a whipping, it was from a branch of the tree we planted.
My dad would often kneel by an old stump on the farm and his voice could be heard far away pleading to God to save his children and grandchildren. It is heartening to see how so many of those prayers have been answered.
Daddy didn’t believe in going in debt. He never bought a vehicle until he could take a load of calves or pigs to the stockyards in Springfield to get money to pay cash. He did, however, occasionally borrow a small amount. His reputation was so good that I think any one of my sisters or I could have borrowed money from that bank with few questions asked. His financial secret…”Don’t spend money unless it will make money for you”.
Daddy loved poetry and once wrote a poem that was printed in a Springfield paper. He said, “Poetry and inventin’ jes go together”. He invented a contraption to help him track bees for his beehives. He invented chicken roosts for chickens to kill mites, and a machine to take kernels out of black walnuts. He grafted a black walnut tree with English walnut. One Christmas, my gift was a quart of nut kernels from the produce of that tree.
When Daddy died, at age 84, he had saved enough money to care for my mom until she died. Then there was enough that each of my sisters and I received some.
My dad was a man who did everything with purpose and intensity. He was respected as an honest, hard-working man. When I looked at my dad lying in his casket, I thought, “Daddy, the greatest thing you did for me was to give me the assurance of where you are now.” There was no doubt in my mind that my dad had gone to be with his Lord.

Utilizing Teachable Moments

Train up a child…

Utilizing Teachable Moments

 

We’ve all heard the expression, “It’s too late to close the gate after the horse is gone”. Well, it is much better to teach children right from wrong early in life than to wait until they have “escaped the corral” and gone in the wrong direction. Unfortunately, it seems that many parents do not think of teaching until something happens to demand their attention. They tend to react to bad situations rather than act ahead of time to prevent those situations in the first place.

There are many teachable moments in a child’s life when we can instill real truths that will last a lifetime. By instilling these attitudes early, much heartache can be avoided later. However, it takes real awareness on the part of the parents or guardians to recognize these moments when a child is most receptive to the truth being taught.

I remember remarking to my husband when I taught kindergarten, “You know, I think you could teach anything to a kindergartner if you just go about it the right way!” Five-year-olds seem to be so very eager to learn. They love their teachers and will forgive them almost anything. This whole year of life seems to be made up of teachable moments. It is such an important year!

Children will inevitably get sick at some time or another. This is probably the best time for parent and child to bond. Children learn compassion as they experience the compassion and care of others. It is at a time like this that a parent needs to hold a child, sing to the child, and perhaps tell stories, and give encouragement. Children learn so much about love at a time like this. They learn also that they are vulnerable. People who are extremely healthy sometimes have an attitude of indestructibility. Children who have been sick a lot often grow up with an attitude of humility.

When a child watches a movie with a parent, there are usually many things that happen in the movie that could stimulate conversation for discussion of correct and incorrect behavior. Events and happenings in everyday life offer many teachable moments as well. When arrests of acquaintances are made, it is appropriate to have discussions with children about the choices that person made. Help children see what the consequences of bad choices are.

At bedtime, when the children are tucked in and prayers are heard, discuss with the children choices, both good and bad, that were made that day by the child. Children are often receptive at this time and it is a time of closeness between parent and child.

Unless a parent is constantly on the lookout for teachable moments, they will be missed. Parents need to be conscious at all times of what their children are doing and thinking. It is only a caring parent who will do this. Raising children is a 24 hour task. It is tiring mentally, physically, and spiritually and means often giving up one’s social life. As a person in the autumn of life, I can tell you that when you reach this age, you will think back and say that you had those children close to you for only a short time. . When they are little, they step on your toes. When they are grown, they step on your heart. The more we take advantage of the teachable moments while they are still at home, the less they will step on our heart when they are gone away from home.

What Can a Dad Do?

Train up a child…

 

What Can A Dad Do?

 

Dad is so very important! He sets the tone of the family and should be the head of the house. He is the leader. It is his responsibility to see that the family is cared for physically, mentally, socially and spiritually. It is a daunting task. It is understandable that many times a husband and father may feel overwhelmed and confused by the expectations placed upon him.

There are some definite things a dad may do and, having done those things, have a sense of confidence that he has made a good effort. I would like to suggest a few things for dads to consider.

  • Tell your wife and children each day that you love them. Don’t assume that they know it. They need to be told.
  • Spend time with your wife and children. No amount of money or things can substitute for time spent bonding with the family.
  • Admit it when you make a mistake. Be patient and understanding when other family members make mistakes.
  • Learn to turn off or record your TV program when the family needs you. There is no program on TV as important as your family.
  • Lend a hand with chores around the house such as helping to clear the table, picking up things, putting things away, and keeping things neat and clean. It is not fair that others should have to clean up after you and you are setting an example for the children.
  • When you are away from home, phone often to check on the welfare of the family.
  • Have reasonable expectations. Do not expect children to be just like you. They may have inherited other traits, likes, and dislikes.
  • Play with your children.
  • Have at least a weekly time together with Bible reading and discussion. A daily time is even better.
  • Allow children to make suggestions and consider them. Give explanations as to reasoning in decision making when possible.
  • Learn to fix small things around the house and have your children help you so that they may learn how to do those things.
  • Use good manners to set a good example. Say, “Excuse me”, “thank you”, “please”, and “I’m sorry” when appropriate.
  • Give hugs often.
  • Praise the wife and children at every opportunity.

 

Dad should be earth’s picture of our heavenly Father. Children who grow up with loving fathers seldom crave love out of the home. Mom is to be a helper to Dad as he directs the home. When we each play our appropriate roles, life is much more pleasant and everything seems to go more smoothly.

Happy Father’s Day to our important dads!

Step Up or Stand Back?

Train up a child…

 

Stand Back or Step Up?

 

When raising children, there are times to stand back and let the children experience consequences of behavior, and then there are times when a parent or guardian must step up and take control of the child or situation. Some parents tend to always stand back and pretty much let their children raise themselves. Other parents may go to the other extreme and try to take control of practically every move the child makes and also control the circumstances of the child. It takes a great deal of wisdom to know when to stand back and when to step up.

My dad had a favorite comment he often made to my four sisters and me. He would say, “If you won’t listen, you will have to learn the hard way!” My dad was always willing to step up and give advice and do his best to tell us the right way to handle a situation. However, we did not always heed his advice. Sometimes he would step back and watch as we learned through experiencing the natural consequences of our actions. He did not hesitate to tell us, “I told you so”!

Many dads are not stepping up to teach children right from wrong. This may be because they, themselves, are not sure of what is right. It may also be because they are afraid that they will be criticized for making the wrong decision. Wives may be too critical and make him feel badly when the husband tries and falls short of her expectations. If we are honest, we have to admit that it seems that some dads (and moms) simply care more about other things than they do about raising their children to be productive citizens.

Parents need to take the initiative in providing a good home environment, good education, good experiences, good nutrition, good spiritual training, and good families of friends with whom to associate. They need to try to always be one step ahead of the children and provide instruction to children for the situations they are about to encounter. However, after parents have done all they can to instruct and encourage children to make the right choices; they are not responsible for how that child chooses. When children are young, they can be punished for choosing wrongly. Older children who get in trouble and go to jail, in my opinion, should, in most cases, stay there and face the consequences of their behavior.

Dads and moms have separate roles. Moms are to be more gentle and sympathetic. Dads need to be the firm one. He has the final word. Moms, especially, tend to want to jump in and rescue children from consequences. When parents continually rescue children from consequences, they become enablers and this causes the children to think that no matter what they do, they will be rescued. Parents who continually step in and rescue children are actually hurting them. It is usually best to say something like, “You knew what the consequence was for that decision. I’m sorry you chose the way you did.” This lets the child know that the parents are not to be blamed for the situation, but rather the child is the cause. It also lets the child know that the parent does not want the child to suffer but feels that it is necessary for the future welfare of that child. This attitude goes along with the old saying, “This hurts me worse than it hurts you”. Some parents have said this in the past indicating that they, too, are suffering because they want the best for their children and really do not want them to be hurt.

It takes a lot of prayer to raise children. Knowledge of the Bible is the biggest help in knowing what is right and wrong. Without the instruction of the Bible, everyone invents his/her own set of values and society becomes chaotic. Try as hard as we may, we will still make mistakes. Some have said, “We do the best we can with the tools we have at the time.” This is true. It would behoove us, then, to continually study and get better and better tools!

 

Places to Go and Things to Show

Train up a child…

 

Places to Go and Things to Show

 

Now that summer is almost here, thoughts turn to family outings. We are blessed to have many places in our area that are fun and educational for the entire family. I know that all children love theme parks and I have nothing to say against them. However, it would be wise to provide a variety of experiences for children to enhance their understanding and enrich their vocabulary. Providing worthwhile experiences for children goes a very long way toward improving their performance in school and life itself.

Following are some ideas for family trips within the area that would be of great benefit to children: It is important to take the time while there to thoroughly see all there is to offer and talk about what is seen. Some of these places have good books that can be purchased and brought home to give the children excellent reading material during the summer months.

  • Wilson Creek Battlefield is located near Republic within easy driving distance.
  • Pea Ridge Battlefield located this side of Rogers, AR.
  • George Washington Carver Memorial near Joplin at Diamond, MO
  • Roaring River State Park located near Cassville. There is a trout farm at the park and one-day fishing permits can be purchased. Campgrounds are available for tents or RV’s. There is a beautiful lodge and restaurant and they will cook a trout that you catch for you. You will want to visit the gift shop and pick up a copy of the book, “Roaring River Heritage”. There are interesting stories in the book about a woman doctor who came there in the old days. Also, there is a story about the CCC boys who worked there during the depression years and a woman who claimed to be a seer. …
  • The Passion Play at Eureka Springs, AR, draws visitors from all over the world, yet many people in our area have never seen it. It would be good to go early and take the Holy Land tour. Replicas have been built showing many things from Bible times. A replica of a tabernacle with the Holy of Holies, the altar used in Old Testament times, a vineyard with a watchtower, Christ’s tomb, Peter’s fishing boat, and the upper room where the last supper was held before the crucifixion are a few of the things one might see.
  • The Butterfly Palace is a wonderful place for children to learn some science.
  • Manufacturing sites are very educational for children in helping them understand what goes into making some of the products we use or preparing some of the foods we eat.
  • Particularly for those who like rocks, there is a museum at Golden, MO, that has many interesting rock formations as well as arrowheads and other items.
  • The museum at College of the Ozarks has arrowheads found in this area and grandparents will appreciate seeing the car used in the Beverly Hillbillies TV series.

 

These are just a few ideas. With a little investigation, I’m sure many more could be found.

Let’s plan a summer with worthwhile activities and not let it slip away wondering where it has gone. Children are only young once. We need to enjoy them and do all we can to prepare them for their future.

 

The Value of Looking Back

Train up a child…

 

The Value of Looking Back

 

There is much learning value in taking the time to look back and remember on the Memorial Day holiday. Actually, it is valuable for adults as well as children. Examples of the past help us in innumerable ways. Knowing the results of past actions help us in knowing how to set the course of our own lives. Meditating on sacrifices and hardships of those who have worked so hard to give us what we now have helps us appreciate our present circumstances more. Realizing the accomplishments of others gives us a greater respect for the use of the time we have available to us.

Memorial Day was once called “Decoration Day” because everyone went to decorate the graves of past relatives. It was a time to talk about both the good and bad things those relatives had done. The good mentioned helps children set goals for what they want to accomplish in their lives to live up to the family expectations. The bad things mentioned help children know what they need to avoid as they make hard choices in behavior. This is an opportune time for parents to instill the knowledge that drugs, tobacco and alcohol are really bad choices. We need not be hesitant to point out that someone might still be alive today had they not chosen to use drugs, alcohol, or tobacco. We have great visual aids right in front of us in a cemetery.

By contrast, show the graves of the military who gave their lives for a cause. Talk about some of the freedoms we enjoy and some of the reasons that wars have been fought. As children see these graves and hear discussion about causes of death, they cannot help but do some serious thinking about what they want to accomplish with their lives. As they internalize what they are hearing and seeing, they are setting goals for themselves.

How can we help but feel gratitude and thankfulness for what we have as we learn about the sacrifices that have been made for us? As mom and dad talk about how ancestors did the laundry, planted gardens, and worked so hard in so many other ways, the children may want to take better care of the modern-day appliances they have. A greater respect will be gained for elderly people when children realize what those strong and tough individuals endured. Children might even want to stand up and let an elderly person have their seat the next time they have that opportunity!

No person can help but think about his/her length of time on earth before going to meet the Creator as they visit a cemetery. We become more conscious of the time we have to make any accomplishment for the good. It is the tendency of young people to think “someday” as they plan their lives. Seeing the graves of those who died young helps one to understand that “someday” may never come.

Many might say, “It is all well and good to say that children will learn a lot by going to a cemetery on Memorial Day, but how do you get them to go? What if they don’t want to go and would rather stay home or do something else?” You are the parents. You make them go. Set the family tradition so that there is no question about it. It only takes part of one day to make the trip to the graves. Then, plan another activity that will be fun for the other time. If you live too great a distance from the graves of relatives, take the children to visit the grave of a family friend , or go to a military cemetery.

We wonder why so many young people seem to have a lack of respect for the elderly and make improper choices about the use of harmful substances. A tradition of annual visits to the cemetery is such a simple thing that can be done to prevent so many problems in children and teens. Why should we wait until a problem occurs when we can head it off before it begins? This family tradition can instill in children and adults the desire to use time wisely and set appropriate goals of behavior.

 

 

Children Need to Respect Mom

Train up a child…

 

Children Need to Respect Mom

 

For many mothers, Mother’s Day is the favorite holiday of the year. It is so nice to be honored and hear the expressions of love and appreciation. However, in many cases, mothers are not given the respect or honor they should receive not only on Mother’s Day but also during the remainder of the year.

In order for a mother to be respected, she must do some things to earn that respect, dad needs to encourage the children to respect their mother, and a family needs to attend a church where children are taught the importance of the family and the command to honor parents.

Although we should each respect our mother whether the respect is earned or not, it is so much easier when the mother does and does not do certain things. Mothers should have the well-being of the family in her mind and heart first after love for God. A Godly woman is a woman who is filled with love as described in the 13th chapter of I Corinthians in the Bible. She is patient with her children and understands each child is unique. She needs to do her best to see that the children are getting proper food and have a clean, orderly house to live in. She needs to be an encourager. Her speech should be gentle. Mothers who use profanity and “street talk” have a hard time getting real respect from children.

Dad plays a big role in teaching children proper respect. He needs to set a good example for the children by showing respect to their mother. In addition to setting the example, he needs to require the children to always speak respectfully and to listen to the mother. Under no circumstances should he override the mother’s decision in the presence of the children. To do so indicates that he does not believe that she is capable of making right decisions for them. Children quickly pick up on this attitude and they, too, decide that she is not capable of giving them advice. If dad disagrees with mom, the issue should be settled between the two of them out of the presence of the children. When men talk down to their wives in front of the children, the children get the impression that their mother is inferior. Mother’s Day presents an opportunity for dad to work with the children to remind them to do something to show their appreciation and love for their mother.

Families who do not attend church are robbing themselves of a great deal of help. In church, the children are taught the Ten Commandments. They usually are required to memorize them. One of the commandments tells us to honor our fathers and mothers. This is not an option. God holds us responsible to obey this commandment as well as the others. It really helps to have someone outside the family teaching the children to act properly and to respect their parents. As I watch children in church recite Scripture, sing songs, and learn how to behave properly, I often feel sad to think how many children are missing out on these activities. These activities, along with camp opportunities, enhance the learning they get at school and home. They get practice in memorizing and they learn Scripture verses about acting correctly which better prepares them for life.

Although Mother’s Day comes only one time each year, we should teach children to love and respect their mothers at all times. This positive behavior should become a pattern of behavior to last a lifetime.

Remembering Mama

Train up a child…

 

Remembering Mama

 

Whether it is mom, mama, mommy, ma, or mother, we all have our memories of that special person. In my case, sometimes it was mom, and sometimes it was mama.

Each summer when I listen to the weather report, I hear that record heat temperatures in the Ozarks were set in the summer of 1936. That was the summer my mom was carrying me. I was born in October of that year. There was no air conditioning in the little farmhouse outside Verona, MO. Mom cooked on a wood stove. There was no electricity until I was in upper elementary school.

About ten years before I was born, my dad’s mom had passed away, leaving four younger brothers of my dad to be raised without a mother. The job fell to my mom. She took them into our home. She and my dad raised them along with my four sisters and me.

I can barely remember a gasoline powered washing machine with a wringer on top. Mom built a fire outside to heat water in a washtub. She carried the water to the screened-in back porch and poured it in the washing machine to do the weekly laundry each Monday. She had two clotheslines strung between two trees. When they were full, the clothes were spread over the barbed wire fence that separated the yard from the pasture. She cooked starch to use. When the clothes dried, they were stiff. She sprinkled them with water and wrapped them up in a sheet. Then she put her two old flatirons on the wood stove to heat them up to do the ironing. When the one she was using cooled off, she would put it on the stove and pick up the other one to use until it cooled off while the first one got hot. She never let her girls go out in public without starched and ironed dresses that she had made of feed sacks.

This was during the Great Depression so there was the added worry of what to feed the family. Mom told me once that she could remember going to the chicken house, sitting on a tomato crate, putting her head in her hands and crying because she didn’t know what she was going to feed everyone. She remarked that she could still remember, after several years had passed, hearing one of my dad’s brothers saying, “More beans, please.” Beans, fried potatoes, and cornbread were served often. On Sundays, mom would wring the head off a chicken and we would have fried chicken. Thankfully, we never had to line up for soup behind the soup truck that came to town like many others did. I can barely remember standing beside my dad and seeing the line of folks holding their bowls, cups, and spoons, waiting for soup to be ladled into their containers.

Mom helped my dad plant a garden and milk cows. I can remember seeing her hands so chapped that they were cracked and bleeding. I don’t ever remember seeing her have hand lotion.   Things got easier for mom when my dad’s brothers married and moved out of our home. Gradually the country came out of the depression and daddy built a house in town and opened a grocery store. He kept the farm and leased it out. Mom and another lady opened a restaurant in the back of the store and mom cooked there every day except Sunday.

Mom had only a scant sixth grade education but she knew to “stand by her man”. When my sisters and I married, she told us each the same thing: “When you have problems —and everybody does—don’t come home. Work them out.” Not one of us ever thought of divorce as an option. She had set a wonderful example for us and taught us to be faithful to our husbands.

I realize that many people have memories similar to mine and that my stories are not unique. I believe it is important to remember how things have been in the past and pass that information along to children of today so they will understand and appreciate the contributions that have been made. This Mother’s Day, let’s take a moment to say thanks to, or for, those moms who worked so very hard.

 

 

Time to Step up to the Plate, Dad!

Train up a child…

 

Time to Step up to the Plate, Dad!

 

Mother’s Day is almost here! Now it wouldn’t be proper for Mom to remind the kids to give her a present. Moms have to depend on Dad to do this. It’s Dad’s place to work with the children and not only remind them that they need to do something to show appreciation for Mom, but help them to truly appreciate her.

If you wait until the last minute, you won’t have time to get the children to put real thought into what their mother really does for them. You need to talk to them and ask them to tell you all the things they can think of that their mother does for them and others. You need to discuss their mother’s likes and dislikes, so they will know what would please her. This time of year may be your best opportunity to instill an appreciation in the children for their mother.

Help the children understand that the gift needs to be from them. Chances are they may try to con you into giving them money so they can quickly go buy something. The truth is, in such a case, the gift is not from them but from you. It is better that the children consider their own resources and come up with something. Mothers appreciate gifts from the heart.

What mother does not feel like a queen when dad and the kids come bringing her breakfast in bed on Mother’s Day? Sure, the toast may be burned and the kitchen a mess, but it is the thought that counts. Of course, it is even better if she finds the kitchen clean and the toast is not burned! The most memorable gifts are those where time and effort have been combined with thoughtfulness in their creation.

I remember a Mother’s Day when our youngest son could hardly wait to give me his gift. He was so excited that I could tell he wanted me to push him to give it to me early. He had made a gumball machine in his shop class by using a pint jar turned upside down on a board with a hole drilled in it. The gumball would drop in the hole and another board could be pulled out yielding a gumball.

One Mother’s Day my husband called me to the kitchen where three of our four children were gathered. One by one, each gave me a gift personally chosen. This was in the 70’s when the fruit odors became popular. I received a bottle in the shape of an apple with green apple cologne inside. One of the children gave me some watermelon flavored bubble bath. The third child gave me some peach bath powder. I looked around for the fourth child. Finally, he came in the door from outside holding a used paper cup with a rose in it. He had been out picking a rose for me! He had not heeded his dad’s advice and had waited until the last minute.

Even if Mom goes to church smelling like a fruit basket like I did that morning, she will cherish the fact that the children made an effort to show their love and appreciation for her. Dad, help your children to do just that! Then, in a month, it is Mom’s turn to do the same for you!