Category Archives: counseling

Teaching Children to Be Resourceful

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Train up a child…

Teaching Children to be Resourceful

         When I graduated from high school and was preparing to leave home                                 to go to college, the youth director at the little church I attended in Verona, MO, bought a small notebook and filled it with wise sayings to guide me through life.  One of those sayings was, “An industrious man can do more with a rusty wrench than a lazy man with all the tools in the shop.”  This saying has stuck with me through the years as there have been many times when I did not have everything I would have liked to achieve goals.

         Life certainly can take some strange turns. We never know when the time may come that we cannot afford to buy what we want or need.  It is important for children to realize this fact.  Most people find themselves, at one time or another, in a situation where they are short of money.  

         Children need to be prepared to learn how to do without new things and use what they have in more ways. Everyone likes to have new things, but those new things are appreciated much more when they are not so easy to get. It is good for each of us to take inventory of our many blessings and use everything wisely.  We need to be good stewards of what we have whether we are poor or wealthy.  

         My dad used to say, “Your mom can fix anything with a bobby pin!”  (A “bobby pin” was the name for a hairpin.)  My dad sat each of my sisters and myself on his lap and taught us to tell time with his railroad watch before we ever started to school. Since this was during the time of the Great Depression, it was necessary for families to learn to get along with what they had. As children watched adults practice resourcefulness, they learned to think a little harder about saving money and using their own resources wisely.  Today, children are still learning by watching adults either squander what they have or use their resources wisely.

         Although we may not go back to darning socks to make them last longer, children can learn to use notebook paper wisely instead of making one small mark or two and throwing it away. They can learn not to grind their pencils away in a sharpener.  They can learn to take portions small enough to finish when they eat so that food is not wasted.  They can learn to put away their belongings to prevent loss.  They can learn to close bread wrappers so the bread doesn’t dry out. They can learn to stay out of mud puddles so their shoes last longer.  They can be taught to close doors right away to save on the utility bill. They can even learn that brand names on clothing are not always important.  

         Although there are many good educational toys to purchase for teaching children, there are many items in our homes that can be used effectively for teaching if we choose. Marshmallows, macaroni, popcorn, raisins, and other items in the kitchen pantry can be used for counting with children as we help them with math homework.  Games can be created between brothers and sisters to teach resourcefulness. Give them a task to perform and a limited amount of resources for the project. See who can be the most creative in coming up with ways to accomplish the task.  It is actually fun to be resourceful!

         Some people accomplish so very little because they spend all of their time complaining that they don’t have what they need.  Let’s help our children  become individuals who can get a job done with what they have!  There is a big difference between needs and wants. They will learn this difference as they become more and more resourceful. 

Checklists: Real Voice Savers

counseling, parenting, Raising kids

Train up a child…by Pat Lamb, www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Checklists: Real Voice Savers

         Have you ever found yourself yelling at the kids?  Dr. James Dobson says that trying to direct children by yelling is like trying to drive a car by honking the horn.  Have you ever thought about how tired you get telling the kids things over and over? There is a better way.

         Now, at the beginning of the new year, is a good time to make sure everyone understands individual responsibilities.  If responsibilities, consequences, and rewards are discussed now, things will go smoothly during the year.  Consequences and rewards need to be clarified so there is no misunderstanding later. Then, when children face consequences, it is by their own choice, not the parents, because they clearly understood ahead of time what would happen according to the choices they made.  No heated discussions need occur.  Parents can simply say, “I’m sorry that you made that choice.  You knew what the consequences were when you made your decision.”

         Making checklists can not only save your voice, but they can save much time and effort.  You may say, “But I don’t have time to make a checklist!” Believe me, it takes less time to make a list than to repeat the same thing over and over and then backtrack to see that things have been done.

         Start with making a list of chores that children need to do.  It helps to have the children actually do the list themselves with your input.  Children have a pretty good sense of what they can and can’t do. Our daughter, a single mom, used to have her children sit at the dinner table while she cooked the evening meal and have them do their homework and make out a list of what they needed to do the next day.  It worked beautifully.  The next day, she simply looked at the list to see what had been checked off.  If something had not yet been done, they discussed that evening how it could be accomplished.  They worked as a team.  The children fixed their own lunches in the morning before school and were able to do so because they had discussed ahead of time what they would have and listed those items.  After a few times, the list was not needed.  They knew what to do without the list.

         When our daughter’s children were in upper elementary and high school, a color-coded chart was put on the refrigerator.  It could be told at a glance what had or had not been accomplished.  When something was not done, our daughter simply said, “Dylan, I noticed that you haven’t checked off ________.  When do you plan to do it?”  The children were responsible for the task but were permitted to “trade off” with each other if soccer practice or something else interfered. If they wanted to go to a friend’s house, they knew that they could not go unless chores were done, and they didn’t even bother to ask.  

         I’ve never heard our daughter yell at her children.  Now her son is working in a responsible position and her daughter has a Master’s degree in civil engineering and works for a reputable company..  They are both very responsible individuals.  

         If you haven’t tried checklists, I urge you to do so.  They really work!

Avoiding the Christmas “Letdown”

Christmas gifts, counseling, parenting, Raising kids

Train up a child…

Avoiding the Christmas “Letdown”

       Many people seem to experience a letdown feeling after gifts are opened at Christmas.  This is a natural feeling when one has built up in the mind for several weeks a vision of how wonderful Christmas will be.  Then when the gifts are all opened, it seems to be over.  Not only that, but if someone didn’t appear to like the gift we gave, or if we, ourselves, were disappointed with what we got, there is an added negative emotion.  We may even feel guilt for not doing as much as we thought we should or because we don’t appreciate our gifts as much as we think we should.

         There are things we can do ahead of time to prevent these unpleasant feelings.  Disappointment is in proportion to expectations.  Before Christmas, we need to control our expectations.  We need to be realistic and realize that seldom is there a picture-perfect Christmas.  If our family Christmas does not turn our just as we envisioned, the truth is that probably very few others did either.  It is nice to pretend that it was perfect…especially for the sake of not offending or disappointing someone else.  Nevertheless, let’s admit that there are not many perfect Christmases. People are people.  People are not perfect.  

         We have all seen or heard of jokes about the “off-the-wall” gifts that husbands sometimes buy wives. Why do the wives get so upset?  It usually is not about the gift as much as it is about the lack of understanding.  The wife is disappointed because she feels that her husband did not care enough about her to try to understand what she really wanted.  It may be possible that she feels that household items are for everyone, including him, not just her.  When a husband gives household items, it is like saying, “You are the housekeeper and you should be happy with this tool to make your work easier.” The wife feels that she should be more than a housekeeper to her husband, and he should feel that way, too.  

         The spirit of love that is felt at Christmas can be carried over throughout the year.  It does not need to end when the gifts are opened. There are many wonderful people who know how to carry this feeling on and on.  Some retired folks, especially, seem to understand that the new purpose in their lives is to serve others.  They no longer have to work to support a family and now have the time to be of assistance to others.  These people feel less of a letdown after Christmas because they have a purpose that is never ending.

         Having an immediate new family project in mind helps to keep the children focused on the future.  The truth is that playing with toys and using the gifts often is not as much fun as the anticipation of doing so.  To introduce a new project provides the anticipation now missing.  A discussion with the children about how to carry on the spirit of Christmas can be a valuable tool in ridding them of a letdown feeling.

         The best remedy for most ills is to keep busy doing activities that have a positive result. December 26 does not mean that we have to stop enjoying the wonderful feeling of making others happy.    

How to Explain Christmas to Children (patlambchristianauthor.com)

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Train up a child…

 

How to Explain Christmas to Children

 

It is easy to get so caught up in the “busyness” of Christmas and forget to take the time to sit down with children and explain why we have the observance.  In addition, some adults feel incapable of coming up with the right words and explaining its meaning so children will understand. Here is a suggested way to tell children the basics of what all should know about Christmas.  It may be told in one’s own words or simply read to children.

*****

When the world was created, Jesus was with God.  Jesus is God’s son.  God made Adam and Eve and they began to have children.  Soon there were many people on earth and God told the people what he wanted them to do to worship him.  He gave the Ten Commandments.  He also required them to sacrifice animals to him.

The people sinned a lot. They did not follow the instructions God had given them.  God decided to send his only son, Jesus, to earth to live with people and teach them the right way to live.  John 3:16 in the Bible says, “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish but have everlasting life.”

Jesus came as a little baby. He was born in a stable because there was no room for Mary, his mother, and Joseph, His earthly father, anyplace else. Christmas is for celebrating the birthday of Jesus.

God sent angels to shepherds to announce the birth of Jesus.  When Jesus was about two years old, some wise men saw a strange star and followed it to Jesus.  They took gold, frankincense, and myrrh as gifts to him.  On the way, they stopped to see King Herod who was jealous of Jesus because he had heard that Jesus was going to be a king.  He wanted to kill Jesus, so he asked the wise men to come back and tell him where Jesus was.  They didn’t do it.  Herod ordered all little boys under the age of two killed.  Joseph and Mary took Jesus to Egypt to protect him.

When the danger was over, Joseph and Mary went home.  Jesus grew up helping Joseph in Joseph’s carpenter’s shop.  When He was about twelve years old, he was teaching in the temple.  When he was about 30 years old, he began his ministry.  He told many stories to teach us the right way to live, and he healed many people.  When he was about 33 years old, some people got angry with him and decided to try to do away with him.  He was crucified on a cross.  After three days, he came back alive.  We celebrate Easter to remember his crucifixion and his coming back to life. Jesus was the last sacrifice and people didn’t have to sacrifice animals any more.

Jesus stayed on earth for a while; then, he went up to heaven.  He is still alive and wants us all to believe in him and be saved.  If we truly believe in him, are really sorry for our sins, and ask him to save us, he will send the Holy Spirit into our hearts, and when we die, we can live with him forever in heaven.

 

 

Children Need Help with Gift Giving

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patlambchristianauthor.com

 

Train up a child…

 

Children Need Help with Gift Giving

 

There is so very much emphasis on the excitement of children at Christmastime and the need to make sure that children get the things they desire to make them happy.  In fact, some have even said that Christmas is for children.  Truth is, Christmas is a time to recognize the birth of our Savior and it is for everyone, but we can’t help but want to make sure that children enjoy this very special time.

It is more important for children to experience the joy of giving than it is for them to enjoy the experience of getting, and the giving can make them happier than the receiving.  Some may think that this is not possible, but if we look closely with our mind’s eye, we can see that we quite often remember the gifts we gave more than the gifts we received.  It is the same with children.  Children, however, need help in their planning and giving.  This requires time, patience, and resourcefulness.

We need to take the time to help children make a gift list. This list should include parents, teachers, grandparents, and other special people in their lives.  It takes time, also, to help the children discover resources they have available such as money or materials for making gifts.  After this is done, we help the children make or purchase gifts.

It is not easy to be patient with children when we, ourselves, are so busy trying to prepare gifts for others. Time spent making a plaster of Paris handprint, a jar of brownie mix, or a jar of soup mix takes a little time that we may not feel we have available.  Making such gifts, however, provides a time of bonding and learning and is well worth the time involved. Many ideas are available on the Internet, and just looking up those ideas is a learning experience for children.

Children learn to be resourceful and at the same time are learning to manage their money as they work to provide gifts for the ones they love.  It is difficult for children to find anything to purchase with the limited funds they have. It is nice when adults help out with this problem.  Some have provided a “Holiday Store” for children.  The children go to the store with an adult and a list of names for whom they will purchase gifts.  The list also indicates the amount of money the child has to spend.  Items that have been provided by adults are available in the store, and they are priced very low so that the children can afford them. Some items are only twenty-five cents. Those on hand who volunteer to work in the store help the children count and figure how much money each thing costs and how much change they will get in return.

Who among us does not have some treasure from the past given to us by our children?  This year I hung, once again, a wreath made of plastic bags by our youngest son when he was in elementary school.  It provides another year of remembering his love for me.  I still have ornaments made of play-doh that go on the Christmas tree. They are still feeling the joy of giving as they see their mom still being happy at having received those gifts.   Christmas truly is a time to remember that it is better to give than to receive.

Check out my new book!

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Pat Lamb’s New Book ‘My Thinking Book’ is an Enriching Compendium of Hard Questions and Truthful Answers About Faith and Life for Kids.

PRESS RELEASE UPDATED: NOV 5, 2018

“My Thinking Book” from author Pat Lamb is an engaging book for young readers who enter life abuzz with the questions about life, people, and God, a question-and-answer manual where they are not only given wise, honest, scripture-based, and age-appropriate answers for a given question each day of the year, but are also encouraged to think for themselves and grow in wisdom throughout their lives.

REEDS SPRING, Mo., November 5, 2018 (Newswire.com) – Pat Lamb, a widowed grandmother and distinguished educator for over sixty years now living in Branson, Missouri, where she is a parenting columnist for local newspapers, has completed her new book “My Thinking Book”: a helpful, stimulating book for curious young thinkers.

Pat writes, “‘Why are there wars?’ ‘If I am really good, will I go to heaven?’ ‘Why are some people mean to others?’

Children have many questions! They deserve truthful answers to their questions. As they learn the truth, a foundation of understanding is being established that will last a lifetime.

This book gives truthful answers in a concise way to stimulate thinking and conversation about many topics bothering children. What a confusing world our children are facing! Often, our efforts to make everything fun and easy simply confuse children all the more. The earlier in life children can understand answers to their questions, based on the Scripture, the easier their future will be. Children are constantly required to make decisions. Without the correct knowledge, how can they make the right decisions?

“My Thinking Book” is designed for children to read for themselves or have it read to them. Unless otherwise noted, Scripture is taken from the New King James Version of the Bible. Although reading ability varies, generally, third-graders or above can read it. Parents may choose to read “My Thinking Book” to the children to provide a springboard for conversation.

A parent would do well to make “My Thinking Book” available for every child!

Pat Lamb’s new book is an instructive and much-needed guide that takes children’s prescient questions seriously and points them in the right direction for truth.

Without downplaying the complexity of life or being unnecessarily vague, Lamb speaks to children with respect, compassion, and understanding.

Readers can purchase “My Thinking Book” at bookstores everywhere, or online at the Apple iTunes store, Amazon, or Barnes and Noble, at www.patlambchristianauthor.com, or patlee@centurytel.net

Source: Covenant Books

Additional Links

www.patlambchristianauthor.com

e-mail: patlee@centurytel.net

 

Help Children be Truly Thankful

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Note:  My new book, “My Thinking Book”, has just been released.  It is a daily devotional book for children.  Check out: https://covenantbooks.newswire.com/news/pat-lambs-new-book-my-thinking-book-is-an-enriching-compendium-of-hard-20694242  It is available on my website shown below as well as Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and bookstores throughout the country.

Train up a child—

Help Children be Truly Thankful

It is not easy to achieve a true thankfulness in children when they often do not understand that all they have is because of God.  Also, many children, in today’s time, have so many things that they do not understand what it means to do without, and the blessings they have are often taken for granted. We should, therefore, make sure that children understand that the holiday of Thanksgiving is for the purpose of being thankful to our Creator for our many blessings.  Secondly, we need to help children identify what their blessings are in order to be thankful for them.

There have been many good books written about the holiday we are about to observe.  We are fortunate, in our area, to have an excellent library where many books are available for parents to read to children, or for the children to read for themselves.  The first chapter of the book of Genesis in the Bible is a good chapter to read to children to let them know of God’s creation.  When children are told that God created everything, they are apt to say something like, “Did God make cars, too?”  It needs to be explained that God made the things that are used in making the cars, like the metal, and he also gave man the knowledge to invent them.

Once children understand the source of their blessings, they need to identify those blessings.  One way to help children be aware of their helpful conveniences is to play a “hide and thank” game.  Each day the parents could take one thing that is important to the children and hide it until the child misses it.  Keep it hidden long enough to let the child experience the inconvenience of not having it; then, give it to the child and say something like, “I’ll bet you are thankful that you have _______!”  After a few days of this, the children catch on to the fact that they have many things to be thankful for.  It has been said that “We never miss the water until the well runs dry.” That is probably true and the idea applies to many more things than just water.  I’m not sure it is possible to be truly thankful unless we know what it is to do without.

Our country has experienced many tragedies in the recent years.  Many people involved in those tragedies had perhaps never known what it was like to do without many of the things we take for granted each day.  We need to teach our children to not only be thankful for what we have, but to be prepared to do without many of those things. We have no guarantee that we will have them the rest of our lives.  Those of us who lived during the Great Depression know that it is possible to survive on much less than most of us enjoy at this time.  We have much for which to be thankful.  Let us pattern the example of thankfulness for our children. Just as we expect people to be thankful for any gift we may give them, God also expects us to be thankful for the gifts he gives to us.

 

patlee@centurytel.net

www.patlambchristianauthor.com

 

 

 

Teaching Children to Work in a Team

counseling, parenting, Raising kids

Train up a child…

 

Teaching Children to Work in a Team

 

Most of the inventions we enjoy today are a result of teamwork.  There was a time when Benjamin Franklin or Thomas Edison could take credit for inventions, but the day of a person working alone to invent is practically over.  Now engineers brainstorm, compare ideas, evaluate plans, and come up with solutions as they work together.

Effective training of children to fit in today’s business world includes the teaching of teamwork. Not only does the business world require teamwork, but teachers work as teams in education.  Quite often, a person is hired in a line of work based on whether that person can fit into the team currently working.

For children to become good team workers, they must first understand the importance of doing so. Opportunities need to be given both at home and in school for children to develop skills in teamwork.  Sports activities play a huge role in teaching teamwork.

Children need to be told that teamwork is necessary in today’s world.  By incorporating the children in the reasons for almost any task, more can be accomplished. The cell phone is a good example to illustrate that inventions are done in a group.  No one person takes credit for inventing the cell phone.  It is because of the teamwork of NASA that we have many of today’s wonderful technological inventions.  The satellites in the sky are necessary for our GPS systems. Those satellites are a result of teamwork.  Ask the children if they can imagine one person being able to put a satellite in the sky!

Team activities can be provided in the classroom and at home.  The family can work together on projects.  A teacher can give an assignment for children to figure out together. It doesn’t take long to discover that some children do not want to work with others.  Some children are born as “loners” and some children are simply more social and love to be around others.  It takes skillful guidance on the part of parents and teachers to help the “loner” open up and the social person to perhaps stand down.  However, it is this very activity that teaches children to work in a group.  Some children will not want to share credit for achievements while others will want to sit and let someone else do all the work.  Teachers and parents need to stay on top of the activities to make sure all are contributing to the efforts being made.

Sports activities require teamwork for winning.  The most successful teams are those whose members have learned to work together. This is one of the best justifications for sports in schools.  The peer pressure of other members of a team often works in a positive way when a game is won or lost.

Learning to be a good team worker goes far in making sure a child becomes successful in life.  No matter how good an idea an individual may have, it takes more than one person to make that idea marketable.  If we can help our children learn to work in a team, our little creative geniuses are more likely to get along well as adults.

Stress the Positive

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Train up a child…

 

Stress the Positive

 

When raising children, we sometimes find ourselves in situations that are undesirable. There are some things that simply cannot be prevented or avoided.  Society often throws customs and traditions our way that affect children.  Children, themselves, do not always perform as we would like and we are tempted to harshly scold them for poor performance. When these challenges occur, some parents stress the negative instead of the positive.  Some parents spend their time and energy trying to shelter their children from the inevitable.  The best thing to do, in my opinion, is to be truthful with the children about the negative, but put the major emphasis on the positive aspects of the occasion.

Halloween has a dark origin. It is based on the rituals of the druids who lived long ago.  There may be a few people in our country who actually associate the two things, but it is doubtful that the thought ever crosses the mind of most of our children. To most children, it is a time to dress up in a costume, have fun, and get candy.  There is nothing wrong with dressing up in a costume that does not reflect the negative aspects of the holiday.  In fact, it is good for a child to imagine they are someone or something else. It expands their thinking and understanding of others. Getting candy once a year is not harmful unless permissive parents allow their children to have too much candy at other times.

Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny certainly detract from the importance of Christmas and Easter.  They become an even greater distraction if we overemphasize them.  If we tell the children that talking about them is a game we play; then, we can move on and emphasize the real truth of the holidays. If we talk about them too much, or if we forbid the children to have anything to do with the custom, their minds become fixated on them and they want to play the game all the more.

When children “mess up” and make mistakes, it is best to acknowledge the mistakes and look for the positive to emphasize.  As a teacher, I have heard endless stories about how a child was embarrassed by being scolded for mistakes.  Those embarrassing moments are like chains that keep a child from wanting to break loose and try again to succeed.  They fear the hurt of failure.  On the other hand, when a child is praised for doing something, that is the very thing the child wants to do again in hope of more praise. As the child repeats the action, that child gains more expertise in the task.

Let’s face it!  There are some things we will never be able to change.  We waste our time and energy in trying to do so.  We can, however, emphasize the positive of situations to help a child grow in the truth.  There will probably be a Santa, Easter bunny, and witches at Halloween for a long time to come.  Our children don’t have to be caught up in the things of society.  They can look at such things knowing there is something better. When they make mistakes, they need not fear a harsh scolding, but rather they can progress in the positive aspect of the situation.  By accentuating the positive, we eliminate the negative.

How to Help Children Plan Ahead

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Train up a child…

 

How to Help Children Plan Ahead

 

My husband and I were privileged to attend a workshop on poverty at the College of the Ozarks. One of the things we learned is that people in poverty usually just think about getting through one day at a time. In light of this fact, it would seem that it is very important to teach our children to think ahead and plan for upcoming happenings.

There are at least three things involved in planning ahead.  We need to know what is apt to happen in the future.  We need to know what our resources are, and we need to plan ways to use those resources to meet the needs the future events will necessitate.

Fall is a good time of year to teach planning ahead.  Even nature gives us illustrations as we watch animals scurry about storing food for the winter.     Scripture tells us in Proverbs 6:6-8, “Go to the ant you sluggard, consider its ways and be wise!  It has no commander, no overseer or ruler, yet it stores its provisions in summer and gathers its food at harvest.”

Instead of sheltering our children from unpleasant happenings, we need to let them know the important things that are happening in the world.  We need to tell them in such a way as to keep them from panicking, but at the same time letting the children know that these are things to contend with.   Nature presents additional future events for which we should plan.  The cold of winter, ice storms, and tornados are common in the Midwest.  Earthquakes are common many places.  When we tell children that everything is going to be all right, we are not telling the truth. If children believe this, they see no need to think ahead and plan for events.

A “sit-down” session with children is appropriate for planning ahead.  It is helpful for children to write a list, if they are old enough to write, of events to plan for as well as a list of resources and the plan itself.  Parents need to discuss with children the location of resources such as flashlights and candles in case the electricity goes off in a storm.  Parents need to be honest about the money situation and enlist the help of the children in deciding needs versus wants.  Letting the children help in preparing a budget for the family sets a good example of what they should do when they have a home of their own, and the children will feel like they are part of the family team.

The actual plans of what to do in the various events need to be reviewed occasionally.  Not only should children be helped to plan with the family for natural occurrences and worldwide events, but they should also be helped to make study plans for the school year.  Upcoming events in the family need to be discussed and planned ahead as well.

Discussing future events, and planning for those events, actually helps children feel more secure. It takes less time to plan ahead than it does to wait until we are in the middle of something and then try to deal with it.  All in all, it just makes life go more smoothly!