Monthly Archives: November 2015

Fun, Fun, Fun

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Train up a child…

Fun, Fun, Fun

What is the primary goal of raising children? Is it not to prepare them to face life’s challenges? Life is not always fun. If we are to prepare our children adequately, we need to prepare them with this fact in mind. Fun should be a product of activity, not a goal.
It often seems in today’s society that we constantly hear, “It’ll be fun!” Teachers often use this phrase as much as parents to entice children to do certain things. It would be wise to rethink this strategy.
Of course, children need to have fun, but not at all times. We need to be honest with them to let them know that there are times for hard work and serious thinking. What happens when children are constantly told that they will have fun? How can children be motivated to action without using the thought of fun as an enticement?
When a teacher or parent entices children by telling them that something will be fun, it sets them up to think that they are free to do many things that will create fun. Often this results in discipline problems. Children have been told that they will have fun, so they set about to make sure it happens. Surprisingly, then adults begin to fret and become upset because the children won’t settle down and do serious work. Why should they? They have been told that they will have fun! Serious work is not fun!
Further, when they are told over and over that something will be fun, they tend to think that everything should be fun. They will start to reject anything that they don’t consider entertaining. In the minds of the children, thoughts of having fun become the priority for existence. Without realizing it, adults have instilled a belief that having fun is very, very, important.
It is basically dishonest to tell children that everything is going to be fun. Yet, what are we to tell children to motivate them to action? Children are capable of understanding much more than most adults realize. They actually want to be a part of something important. Self-esteem means self-worth. Constant self pleasure does not create self-worth. On the other hand, if children are honestly told that something might be hard work, but we believe they are up to the task, it becomes a challenge. Children become a part of something larger than self. A real sense of worth comes with accomplishment. It is much better to tell a child, “Some of what we need to do may not be fun, but we need to do it.” It is always good to explain the worth of tasks. Explaining the “whys” of requirements helps children to participate.
Fun is pleasurable, but other emotions are valuable as well. Very little compares to the feeling of a job well done. If children experience giving another person pleasure, an inner feeling is instilled that lasts longer than momentary fun. The teamwork used in accomplishing a task produces relationships that may last a long time, and often fun is a by-product of the process. Spontaneous fun is a better memory than conjured up fun, and making fun a constant goal is not wise.

Pat Lamb
patlee@centurytel.net
www.patlambchristianauthor.com
blog: raisingkidsonline.com

“Love never fails” I Corinthians 13:8

We practice what we believe; all the rest is just talk.

Dealing with the “Impossible Child”

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Dealing with the “Impossible” Child

Possibly everyone who has ever worked with children has at one time or another come across a child who seemed impossible to reach. Various tactics are tried seemingly to no avail. When this happens, parents and teachers alike are tempted to “throw up their hands and quit”. There is a pathway to every heart if we can only find it!
When we come to the point of despair, we need to try extra hard to understand why the child is the way he/she is. There could be one reason or a combination of reasons. A child could be acting in a way to gain attention, but why? The child could be frustrated, but why? The child could have given up on trying to please others, but why? The child could be rebelling, but why? The list goes on and on.
Perhaps the first thing to do with such a child is to start spending time one-on-one with him/her. Start listening to what the child is not saying as well as what is being said. Watch the child for expression of personal interests. Look for clues as to what the child is feeling and thinking.
Admittedly, it is often difficult to spend time one-on-one with a child. This is especially true in a classroom when a teacher has so many other children to help. In such a case, I would suggest calling in a volunteer such as a parent or a retired teacher to work with the child. Even though we have special education programs, a special volunteer for the one child would be good. Personally, I feel that every teacher should have an assistant just as doctors have nurses and lawyers have paralegals. There is no way a teacher can do all that needs to be done without help. Many “impossible” children keep moving along in school until they leave school and perhaps end in prison. The lack of time and help makes it imperative for the home to handle problem children and to think that all homes will do this is not facing reality. However, it would be good for parents to spend time alone with each child periodically to get to know the child better.
Getting to know a child will often reveal the why of a child’s actions. If a child is trying to get more attention, spending one-on-one time will help fulfill that need. In addition, the attention should be given in positive ways only. We often make the mistake of giving attention to negative behavior rather than positive behavior. Sometimes we need to ignore the negative and wait for something positive to give a good comment. Even scolding a child is giving attention and if that is the only way the child can gain the attention being craved, the child will act out to gain it. Negative attention is better than no attention at all to some children. Sometimes just whispering instructions in the ear of a child is much better than saying things aloud. This is unexpected and the child will take notice and is more likely to obey. It eliminates the negative attention because no one knows what is said other than the child
Quite often children simply give up trying to please adults because they get scolded so much they think it is no use trying. They become frustrated in their efforts, give up hope, and begin just acting on impulse rather than trying to be good.
Time spent with these youngsters early on will possibly prevent much heartache and save time in the future.

A Child’s Fear is Real

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Train up a child…

A Child’s Fear is Real

It is easy for adults to forget that children may be afraid of many things. Usually each of us is afraid of what we do not understand. Since children have not yet learned many things, they have many things to fear.
There are some legitimate fears, but there are many fears parents can help children overcome.
Since most fears derive from a lack of understanding, one of the best things we can do is help a child understand why or how something is happening. Sometimes just being with a child or planning can help the child overcome a fear. We should make an effort to protect children from unnecessary fears.
Many children are afraid of thunder and lightning. A scientific explanation of what causes them can help. This is a legitimate fear. According to one site on the Internet, lightning is an electrical charge that is about 54,000 degrees F. It heats the air around it and the air expands rapidly. This causes an explosion of air resulting in the sound of thunder. Detailed information can be found on the Internet as well as a map showing where lightning is striking in the U.S. at the time of viewing. Explaining this, and being with a child during a thunderstorm can help a child feel more secure. Planning what to do for safety as a family during a storm will help a child feel more comfortable as well.
If a child is afraid of the dark, adults can walk into a dark room with a child to give comfort and security. Lifting bed covers to prove there is no monster under the bed helps. Night lights are good to have in a child’s room.
Some children are afraid of insects and worms. I remember an occasion when my husband sat with our small daughter on one knee with one arm wrapped around her while holding an earthworm in the other hand to show her it would not hurt her. Sometimes we need to provide proof through illustrations.
It is unfortunate that some adults like to purposely scare children. This is not good. Some children carry scars for a lifetime from being frightened. Adults should find a better way to amuse themselves! At Halloween, extremely scary costumes should be avoided. There are many fun costumes children can wear without having to deal with the scary ones.
It is good if adults can be alert and understanding to know when a child is frightened and do what they can to help a child through the frightening time. What may seem trivial to us may be a big thing to a child. We can’t protect children from all fears, but there are enough fears that come naturally that we certainly don’t have to add to them. Learning to cope with fears is a part of life. When we help our children to do so, we are helping them be more successful as they continue to grow.