Monthly Archives: March 2017

Should we Bribe Children to Behave?

counseling, parenting, Raising kids,

Train up a child…

 

Should We Bribe Children to Behave?

 

There are times when parents become so desperate to get children to behave that they are tempted to try almost anything…even a bribe! On the way to shopping, a parent may say, “If you behave, I will buy you some candy.” Another time a parent may say, “Sit still and be quiet, and I will let you stay up late tonight.” We could go on and on with examples of bribes that parents may use.

What’s wrong with using a bribe? We need to ask ourselves whether we want a child to behave simply for what is in it for him/her, or if we want the child to behave because that is the right thing to do.

“Virtue is its own reward” is a saying from long past that still applies today. We should want children to do well because it is the right thing to do. If we use bribes, it doesn’t take long for us to run out of things that make a bribe work. The child will start wanting more and more.

I heard of a school that gave pizza to children in kindergarten who did their work. In that same school they were having trouble with older children. Could it have been that pizza was given to those children in kindergartners, and when they got older, they expected more? In that same town at another school, those who did their homework were taken to McDonald’s each Friday. A teacher told me that seldom did that school have a five-day work week because one day each week was used to fulfill the bribe. “If you do your homework, you get to go to McDonalds,” the children were told.

There are times when rewards are in order. Rewards, in my opinion, are different from bribes. Expectations need to be clearly explained to children ahead of time and the child may not even know there is a reward involved. Rewards are given when children achieve or go beyond those expectations. Rewards are given to help a child understand that in real life there is what I call the “Law of Consequences”. The “Law of Consequences” says that good behavior produces good consequences and bad behavior produces bad consequences. It would be a dull world if we never got any rewards, but they should be given carefully. Rewards for little or no effort can cause a child to grow up thinking that nothing needs to be done unless someone is ready to give a reward.

The most effective rewards are those given spontaneously. We need to be constantly observing children for extra good behavior. When we see something that the child does “extra special”, we say something like, “I’m so proud of you. You did that all by yourself without being told. That shows that you are learning to think for yourself and you are choosing the right thing to do.” Then, after giving verbal praise, it is appropriate to talk with the child about a reward.

It is surprising to learn that some studies have shown that adult workers are more satisfied with verbal praise and recognition than with salary raises. An alert parent who constantly rewards a child with recognition for good with verbal praise gets much greater results than those parents who try to bribe their children with candy or trinkets.

 

 

 

 

Ways to Help Children Memorize

parenting, Raising kids, ,

Train up a child…

 

Ways to Help Children Memorize

 

There are many things that a child needs to memorize in order to be prepared mentally, physically, socially, and spiritually to deal with life. Some things are simply basic needs. For instance, every child needs to learn the multiplication tables, rules for English mechanics, Preamble to the Constitution, spelling, and several other things to be prepared mentally. Scripture verses need to be memorized to prepare spiritually. Health habits and nutrition facts need to be remembered for physical development, and rules of etiquette need to be memorized for social development.  Many may say, “Why memorize?  Information can be found on the Internet!”  These folks need to consider that decisions are made by what is in the head, not by what is on the Internet.

There are a few teaching techniques that can be used to help children remember. Even though there is no substitute for plain hard work, some things can be done to help.

  • Writing things down is probably the best way to memorize. “Engage pen, engage mind” is a saying of a colleague of mine. A child’s mind tends to wander less when writing. Copying things over and over and then writing without looking at the item being copied, is one of the very best ways to learn. A friend of mine won a national teaching award when her Pueblo Indian class tested higher than the national average in English. She said, “Pat, I do one thing. Every morning in class, the children are required to copy something that is good for them to know. By doing so, they learn spelling, they learn about what they are copying, and they pick up habits of punctuation usage.”
  • Making puzzles of scripture verses, short poems, or rules is helpful. Simply type the verse or rule on the computer in large print, print it out, cut it up, and have the children put it together. They have to think about the pieces as they put them together. Borders or art work can be added to make it more interesting.
  • Printing the item and then covering up one or more words at a time, is a good way to help the child recall missing words. This becomes a game and works especially well with a group of children, although it will also work with only one child. Children keep reading and repeating the rule or verse over and over, each time remembering a different word or words that the teacher or parent has covered up.
  • Arranging words in the right order is another way to memorize. Make one long strip with the verse or rule. Cut it apart word by word, and let the children put the words in the right order on the chalkboard tray or floor.
  • Using different colors of pens, pencils, or paper helps.
  • The use of acronyms, made up songs, or rhythm helps. For instance, H O M E can be used to remember the Great Lakes of Huron, Ontario, Michigan, and E Tapping on a desk the syllables of a word helps a child break the word down in parts. Knowing that each syllable must contain a vowel and learning to spell the word by syllables is easier than attacking the entire word at one time.
  • Recent studies indicate that classical music played in the background while a child is studying may help with memorization.
  • All learning is done better when broken in small chunks. Learning a little at a time is much easier than trying to learn a big passage.

 

 

We need to be creative as we help children. Ultimately, however, it is the child’s responsibility to learn. We are simply facilitators. This needs to be understood by all involved.

 

 

Teaching Children to be Resourceful

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Train up a child…

 

Teaching Children to be Resourceful

 

When I graduated from high school and was preparing to leave home                                 to go to college, the youth director at the little church I attended in Verona, MO, bought a small notebook and filled it with wise sayings to guide me through life. One of those sayings was, “An industrious man can do more with a rusty wrench than a lazy man with all the tools in the shop.” This saying has stuck with me through the years as there have been many times when I did not have everything I would have liked to achieve goals.

Life certainly can take some strange turns. Whether the country’s economy is good or bad, children should still be taught to be resourceful.   They should learn not to waste, but to save.

Children need to be prepared to learn how to do without new things and use what they have in more ways. Everyone likes to have new things, but those new things are appreciated much more when they are not so easy to get. It is good for each of us to take inventory of our many blessings and use everything wisely. We need to be good stewards of what we have whether we are poor or wealthy.

My dad used to say, “Your mom can fix anything with a bobby pin!” (A “bobby pin” was the name for a hairpin.) My dad sat each of my sisters and myself on his lap and taught us to tell time with his railroad watch before we ever started to school. Since this was during the time of the Great Depression, it was necessary for families to learn to get along with what they had. As children watched adults practice resourcefulness, they learned to think a little harder about saving money and using their own resources wisely. Today, children are still learning by watching adults either squander what they have or use their resources wisely.

Although we may not go back to darning socks to make them last longer, children can learn to use notebook paper on both sides instead of making one small mark or two and throwing it away. They can learn not to grind their pencils away in a sharpener. They can learn to take portions small enough to finish when they eat so that food is not wasted. They can learn to put away their belongings to prevent loss. They can learn to close bread wrappers so the bread doesn’t dry out. They can learn to stay out of mud puddles so their shoes last longer. They can even learn that brand names on clothing are not always important.

Although Leapfrog toys are wonderful for teaching children, there are many items in our homes that can be used effectively for teaching if we choose. Marshmallows, macaroni, popcorn, raisins, and other items in the kitchen pantry can be used for counting with children as we help them with math homework. Games can be created between brothers and sisters to teach resourcefulness. Give them a task to perform and a limited amount of resources for the project. See who can be the most creative in coming up with ways to accomplish the task. It is actually fun to be resourceful.

Some people accomplish so very little because they spend all of their time complaining that they don’t have what they need. Let’s help our children to become individuals who can get a job done with what they have! There is a big difference between needs and wants. They will learn this difference as they become more and more resourceful.

 

Are Soft Drinks Okay for My Child?

Train up a child…

 

Are Soft Drinks Okay for My Child?

 

Many schools around the country have either removed pop machines or substituted soft drinks with juice or milk. In my opinion, there is good reason for this. Not only is soda not good for children, but much money is wasted on buying these drinks. That money could certainly be used in a better way.

Children need to eat the recommended foods in the Basic 4 food groups. These groups include fruits, vegetables, cereals and grains, and meat. When a child fills up on soda or junk food, he/she is not hungry to eat what  should be eaten. We call things like soda “empty calories” because there is no nutritional benefit there for the child. The two main ingredients in soft drinks are caffeine and sugar. The caffeine in soda is definitely not good for children. It tends to make them overactive. Too much sugar for children is not good either. Some parents allow children to drink the brands of soda that do not have caffeine. This is a step in the right direction, but water is the best drink of all.

Let’s consider the sugar in soda. Four grams of sugar is one teaspoon of sugar. In a small can of soda, there are usually 8-10 teaspoons of sugar. Some of the juices for children contain just as much or more sugar and are not the best choice either. To supply the juice for children, parents should choose real juice, not juice “drinks”. You can figure how much sugar is in a drink. Look on the label. Check the number of grams of sugar per serving. Multiply this times the number of servings in the container. Divide by 4 and you have the number of teaspoons of sugar in the container. Some of the large sodas contain 2 ½ servings. When checked out, this is about 23-24 teaspoons of sugar.

What happens, then, if a child drinks sugary pop or juice drinks each day, eats a sugary cereal for breakfast or perhaps a pop tart? Then for a snack, he/she might be given something else with a lot of sugar. The child is getting way too much sugar. The body has to deal with it. If this pattern continues, the pancreas simply “wears out” over time because it is overworked due to having to deal with so much sugar. Type II diabetes may be the result.

An occasional soda without caffeine will not hurt the child providing he or she is getting proper nutrition the rest of the day. I would say that one each day is too many sodas. Someone has said that water is the cheapest medicine there is. We develop our tastes through habit. We can learn to really like water just as we learned to like soda.

What does a habit of one soda per day cost? If the soda is taken from a machine costing $1 per can and a person drinks one can per day, it is easy to see that the cost is about $30 per month. If we multiply that times 12 for the months of the year, we see that we are spending about $360 per year on something that is harmful to our bodies. If there are four people in the family drinking one can of pop a day at this price, this habit has cost almost $1500 per year. In addition, there are the future health costs of treatment for problems that may be caused by the habit.

I have heard many parents say, “I just have to have my Pepsi!” Is it any wonder, then, why the children want to drink soft drinks, too? As in so many cases, here, too, children learn by example. We can improve our health and save money as well by changing this habit.