Monthly Archives: May 2017

Step Up or Stand Back?

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Train up a child…

 

Stand Back or Step Up?

 

When raising children, there are times to stand back and let the children experience consequences of behavior, and then there are times when a parent or guardian must step up and take control of the child or situation. Some parents tend to always stand back and pretty much let their children raise themselves. Other parents may go to the other extreme and try to take control of practically every move the child makes and also control the circumstances of the child. It takes a great deal of wisdom to know when to stand back and when to step up.

My dad had a favorite comment he often made to my four sisters and me. He would say, “If you won’t listen, you will have to learn the hard way!” My dad was always willing to step up and give advice and do his best to tell us the right way to handle a situation. However, we did not always heed his advice. Sometimes he would step back and watch as we learned through experiencing the natural consequences of our actions. He did not hesitate to tell us, “I told you so”!

Many dads are not stepping up to teach children right from wrong. This may be because they, themselves, are not sure of what is right. It may also be because they are afraid that they will be criticized for making the wrong decision. Wives may be too critical and make him feel badly when the husband tries and falls short of her expectations. If we are honest, we have to admit that it seems that some dads (and moms) simply care more about other things than they do about raising their children to be productive citizens.

Parents need to take the initiative in providing a good home environment, good education, good experiences, good nutrition, good spiritual training, and good families of friends with whom to associate. They need to try to always be one step ahead of the children and provide instruction to children for the situations they are about to encounter. However, after parents have done all they can to instruct and encourage children to make the right choices; they are not responsible for how that child chooses. When children are young, they can be punished for choosing wrongly. Older children who get in trouble and go to jail, in my opinion, should, in most cases, stay there and face the consequences of their behavior.

Dads and moms have separate roles. Moms are to be more gentle and sympathetic. Dads need to be the firm one. He has the final word. Moms, especially, tend to want to jump in and rescue children from consequences. When parents continually rescue children from consequences, they become enablers and this causes the children to think that no matter what they do, they will be rescued. Parents who continually step in and rescue children are actually hurting them. It is usually best to say something like, “You knew what the consequence was for that decision. I’m sorry you chose the way you did.” This lets the child know that the parents are not to be blamed for the situation, but rather the child is the cause. It also lets the child know that the parent does not want the child to suffer but feels that it is necessary for the future welfare of that child. This attitude goes along with the old saying, “This hurts me worse than it hurts you”. Some parents have said this in the past indicating that they, too, are suffering because they want the best for their children and really do not want them to be hurt.

It takes a lot of prayer to raise children. Knowledge of the Bible is the biggest help in knowing what is right and wrong. Without the instruction of the Bible, everyone invents his/her own set of values and society becomes chaotic. Try as hard as we may, we will still make mistakes. Some have said, “We do the best we can with the tools we have at the time.” This is true. It would behoove us, then, to continually study and get better and better tools!

 

Places to Go and Things to Show

parenting, Raising kids,

Train up a child…

 

Places to Go and Things to Show

 

Now that summer is almost here, thoughts turn to family outings. We are blessed to have many places in our area that are fun and educational for the entire family. I know that all children love theme parks and I have nothing to say against them. However, it would be wise to provide a variety of experiences for children to enhance their understanding and enrich their vocabulary. Providing worthwhile experiences for children goes a very long way toward improving their performance in school and life itself.

Following are some ideas for family trips within the area that would be of great benefit to children: It is important to take the time while there to thoroughly see all there is to offer and talk about what is seen. Some of these places have good books that can be purchased and brought home to give the children excellent reading material during the summer months.

  • Wilson Creek Battlefield is located near Republic within easy driving distance.
  • Pea Ridge Battlefield located this side of Rogers, AR.
  • George Washington Carver Memorial near Joplin at Diamond, MO
  • Roaring River State Park located near Cassville. There is a trout farm at the park and one-day fishing permits can be purchased. Campgrounds are available for tents or RV’s. There is a beautiful lodge and restaurant and they will cook a trout that you catch for you. You will want to visit the gift shop and pick up a copy of the book, “Roaring River Heritage”. There are interesting stories in the book about a woman doctor who came there in the old days. Also, there is a story about the CCC boys who worked there during the depression years and a woman who claimed to be a seer. …
  • The Passion Play at Eureka Springs, AR, draws visitors from all over the world, yet many people in our area have never seen it. It would be good to go early and take the Holy Land tour. Replicas have been built showing many things from Bible times. A replica of a tabernacle with the Holy of Holies, the altar used in Old Testament times, a vineyard with a watchtower, Christ’s tomb, Peter’s fishing boat, and the upper room where the last supper was held before the crucifixion are a few of the things one might see.
  • The Butterfly Palace is a wonderful place for children to learn some science.
  • Manufacturing sites are very educational for children in helping them understand what goes into making some of the products we use or preparing some of the foods we eat.
  • Particularly for those who like rocks, there is a museum at Golden, MO, that has many interesting rock formations as well as arrowheads and other items.
  • The museum at College of the Ozarks has arrowheads found in this area and grandparents will appreciate seeing the car used in the Beverly Hillbillies TV series.

 

These are just a few ideas. With a little investigation, I’m sure many more could be found.

Let’s plan a summer with worthwhile activities and not let it slip away wondering where it has gone. Children are only young once. We need to enjoy them and do all we can to prepare them for their future.

 

The Value of Looking Back

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Train up a child…

 

The Value of Looking Back

 

There is much learning value in taking the time to look back and remember on the Memorial Day holiday. Actually, it is valuable for adults as well as children. Examples of the past help us in innumerable ways. Knowing the results of past actions help us in knowing how to set the course of our own lives. Meditating on sacrifices and hardships of those who have worked so hard to give us what we now have helps us appreciate our present circumstances more. Realizing the accomplishments of others gives us a greater respect for the use of the time we have available to us.

Memorial Day was once called “Decoration Day” because everyone went to decorate the graves of past relatives. It was a time to talk about both the good and bad things those relatives had done. The good mentioned helps children set goals for what they want to accomplish in their lives to live up to the family expectations. The bad things mentioned help children know what they need to avoid as they make hard choices in behavior. This is an opportune time for parents to instill the knowledge that drugs, tobacco and alcohol are really bad choices. We need not be hesitant to point out that someone might still be alive today had they not chosen to use drugs, alcohol, or tobacco. We have great visual aids right in front of us in a cemetery.

By contrast, show the graves of the military who gave their lives for a cause. Talk about some of the freedoms we enjoy and some of the reasons that wars have been fought. As children see these graves and hear discussion about causes of death, they cannot help but do some serious thinking about what they want to accomplish with their lives. As they internalize what they are hearing and seeing, they are setting goals for themselves.

How can we help but feel gratitude and thankfulness for what we have as we learn about the sacrifices that have been made for us? As mom and dad talk about how ancestors did the laundry, planted gardens, and worked so hard in so many other ways, the children may want to take better care of the modern-day appliances they have. A greater respect will be gained for elderly people when children realize what those strong and tough individuals endured. Children might even want to stand up and let an elderly person have their seat the next time they have that opportunity!

No person can help but think about his/her length of time on earth before going to meet the Creator as they visit a cemetery. We become more conscious of the time we have to make any accomplishment for the good. It is the tendency of young people to think “someday” as they plan their lives. Seeing the graves of those who died young helps one to understand that “someday” may never come.

Many might say, “It is all well and good to say that children will learn a lot by going to a cemetery on Memorial Day, but how do you get them to go? What if they don’t want to go and would rather stay home or do something else?” You are the parents. You make them go. Set the family tradition so that there is no question about it. It only takes part of one day to make the trip to the graves. Then, plan another activity that will be fun for the other time. If you live too great a distance from the graves of relatives, take the children to visit the grave of a family friend , or go to a military cemetery.

We wonder why so many young people seem to have a lack of respect for the elderly and make improper choices about the use of harmful substances. A tradition of annual visits to the cemetery is such a simple thing that can be done to prevent so many problems in children and teens. Why should we wait until a problem occurs when we can head it off before it begins? This family tradition can instill in children and adults the desire to use time wisely and set appropriate goals of behavior.

 

 

Children Need to Respect Mom

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Train up a child…

 

Children Need to Respect Mom

 

For many mothers, Mother’s Day is the favorite holiday of the year. It is so nice to be honored and hear the expressions of love and appreciation. However, in many cases, mothers are not given the respect or honor they should receive not only on Mother’s Day but also during the remainder of the year.

In order for a mother to be respected, she must do some things to earn that respect, dad needs to encourage the children to respect their mother, and a family needs to attend a church where children are taught the importance of the family and the command to honor parents.

Although we should each respect our mother whether the respect is earned or not, it is so much easier when the mother does and does not do certain things. Mothers should have the well-being of the family in her mind and heart first after love for God. A Godly woman is a woman who is filled with love as described in the 13th chapter of I Corinthians in the Bible. She is patient with her children and understands each child is unique. She needs to do her best to see that the children are getting proper food and have a clean, orderly house to live in. She needs to be an encourager. Her speech should be gentle. Mothers who use profanity and “street talk” have a hard time getting real respect from children.

Dad plays a big role in teaching children proper respect. He needs to set a good example for the children by showing respect to their mother. In addition to setting the example, he needs to require the children to always speak respectfully and to listen to the mother. Under no circumstances should he override the mother’s decision in the presence of the children. To do so indicates that he does not believe that she is capable of making right decisions for them. Children quickly pick up on this attitude and they, too, decide that she is not capable of giving them advice. If dad disagrees with mom, the issue should be settled between the two of them out of the presence of the children. When men talk down to their wives in front of the children, the children get the impression that their mother is inferior. Mother’s Day presents an opportunity for dad to work with the children to remind them to do something to show their appreciation and love for their mother.

Families who do not attend church are robbing themselves of a great deal of help. In church, the children are taught the Ten Commandments. They usually are required to memorize them. One of the commandments tells us to honor our fathers and mothers. This is not an option. God holds us responsible to obey this commandment as well as the others. It really helps to have someone outside the family teaching the children to act properly and to respect their parents. As I watch children in church recite Scripture, sing songs, and learn how to behave properly, I often feel sad to think how many children are missing out on these activities. These activities, along with camp opportunities, enhance the learning they get at school and home. They get practice in memorizing and they learn Scripture verses about acting correctly which better prepares them for life.

Although Mother’s Day comes only one time each year, we should teach children to love and respect their mothers at all times. This positive behavior should become a pattern of behavior to last a lifetime.

Remembering Mama

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Train up a child…

 

Remembering Mama

 

Whether it is mom, mama, mommy, ma, or mother, we all have our memories of that special person. In my case, sometimes it was mom, and sometimes it was mama.

Each summer when I listen to the weather report, I hear that record heat temperatures in the Ozarks were set in the summer of 1936. That was the summer my mom was carrying me. I was born in October of that year. There was no air conditioning in the little farmhouse outside Verona, MO. Mom cooked on a wood stove. There was no electricity until I was in upper elementary school.

About ten years before I was born, my dad’s mom had passed away, leaving four younger brothers of my dad to be raised without a mother. The job fell to my mom. She took them into our home. She and my dad raised them along with my four sisters and me.

I can barely remember a gasoline powered washing machine with a wringer on top. Mom built a fire outside to heat water in a washtub. She carried the water to the screened-in back porch and poured it in the washing machine to do the weekly laundry each Monday. She had two clotheslines strung between two trees. When they were full, the clothes were spread over the barbed wire fence that separated the yard from the pasture. She cooked starch to use. When the clothes dried, they were stiff. She sprinkled them with water and wrapped them up in a sheet. Then she put her two old flatirons on the wood stove to heat them up to do the ironing. When the one she was using cooled off, she would put it on the stove and pick up the other one to use until it cooled off while the first one got hot. She never let her girls go out in public without starched and ironed dresses that she had made of feed sacks.

This was during the Great Depression so there was the added worry of what to feed the family. Mom told me once that she could remember going to the chicken house, sitting on a tomato crate, putting her head in her hands and crying because she didn’t know what she was going to feed everyone. She remarked that she could still remember, after several years had passed, hearing one of my dad’s brothers saying, “More beans, please.” Beans, fried potatoes, and cornbread were served often. On Sundays, mom would wring the head off a chicken and we would have fried chicken. Thankfully, we never had to line up for soup behind the soup truck that came to town like many others did. I can barely remember standing beside my dad and seeing the line of folks holding their bowls, cups, and spoons, waiting for soup to be ladled into their containers.

Mom helped my dad plant a garden and milk cows. I can remember seeing her hands so chapped that they were cracked and bleeding. I don’t ever remember seeing her have hand lotion.   Things got easier for mom when my dad’s brothers married and moved out of our home. Gradually the country came out of the depression and daddy built a house in town and opened a grocery store. He kept the farm and leased it out. Mom and another lady opened a restaurant in the back of the store and mom cooked there every day except Sunday.

Mom had only a scant sixth grade education but she knew to “stand by her man”. When my sisters and I married, she told us each the same thing: “When you have problems —and everybody does—don’t come home. Work them out.” Not one of us ever thought of divorce as an option. She had set a wonderful example for us and taught us to be faithful to our husbands.

I realize that many people have memories similar to mine and that my stories are not unique. I believe it is important to remember how things have been in the past and pass that information along to children of today so they will understand and appreciate the contributions that have been made. This Mother’s Day, let’s take a moment to say thanks to, or for, those moms who worked so very hard.