Monthly Archives: January 2018

Words to Encourage a Child

counseling, parenting, Raising kids

Train up a child…

 

Words to Encourage a Child

 

Words are so powerful! Our grandson’s kindergarten teacher sent home with each child a list of words and phrases parents can use to encourage their children. It is too good not to share. Here are simple words and phrases to use by those who work with children:

 

Wow * Way To Go * Super * Outstanding * Excellent * Great * Good * Neat * Well Done * Remarkable * I Knew You Could Do It * I’m Proud Of You * Fantastic * Nice Work * Looking Good * You’re On Top Of it * Now You’re Flying * Beautiful * You’re Catching On * Now You’ve Got It * Incredible * Bravo * Fantastic * Hurray For You * You’re On Target * You’re On Your Way * How Nice * How Smart * Good Job * That’s Incredible * Hot Dog * Dynamite * Nothing Can Stop You Now * Good For You * I Like It * You’re A Winner * Remarkable Job * Beautiful Work * Precious * Great Discovery * You’ve Discovered The Secret * You Figured It Out * Hip, Hip Hurray * Bingo * Magnificent * Marvelous * Terrific * You’re Important * Phenomenal * You’re Sensational * Super Work * Creative Job * Super Job * Fantastic Job * Exceptional Performance * You’re A Real Trooper * You Are Responsible * You Are Exciting * You Learned it Right * What An Imagination * What A Good Listener * You Are Growing Up * You Tried Hard * You Care * Beautiful Sharing * Outstanding Performance * You’re A Good Friend * I Trust You * You’re Important * You Mean A Lot To Me * You Make Me Happy * You Belong * You’ve Got A Friend * You Brighten My Day * I Respect You * You Mean The World To Me * That’s Correct * You’re A Joy * You’re A Treasure * You’re Wonderful * You’re Awesome * You Made My Day * That’s The Best * A Big Hug * A Big Kiss * I Love You * Keep Up The Good Work *

 

We should never overlook an opportunity to praise children; however, all praise should be genuine. Kids are quick to catch on when someone is faking it. They know when someone is sincere. A smile is worth many words. When talking to a child, tone of voice and body language are as important as the words chosen. It’s surprising how children relax and get to work when they are truly praised. They will show such body language as relaxed shoulders, big smiles, scooting around in their chair, or even a big hug. Almost always, the child will immediately start working harder on the project at hand. It pays off!

 

Dealing with Negative Influences on Children

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Train up a child…

 

Dealing with Negative Influences on Children

 

There was a time when educators thought that a child was born as a blank page and that child became the result of the influences of its surroundings and what was put on that blank page. Now educators concede that children are born with tendencies, but the influences of the surroundings of children cannot be denied. Parents are charged with the responsibility of guarding the influences of the environment on their children.

There are many influences that can affect our children negatively. Occasionally there is a debate as to whether video games or movies can truly influence young people to be violent. Not only do these have a negative effect, but the child’s friends, and the family environment can also either positively or negatively influence children.

Millions of dollars are spent on advertisement on TV and other places to sell products, yet the same people who spend this money will often try to persuade us that media has no effect on children. If it didn’t affect the thoughts and preferences of those who watch the ads, I’m sure the people would not spend the money. Children who participate in violent media often become hardened to violence and lose a sense of compassion. The repetition of bad manners displayed and the violent behavior becomes acceptable behavior to children. In addition, the time spent on these negative influences is taking time away from any positive influence. Young people should be involved in positive learning activities to prepare them for the future.

Friends greatly influence each other. Some children are born with a tendency to lead; others are born with a tendency to follow. Parents need to encourage their children to lead others in the right direction if they have the tendency to lead. Parents need to be especially careful about the associations of children who tend to be followers. Children need to understand that true friends will not try to get them to do things that are harmful. True friends want the best for their friends and will not try to persuade them to do things that would hurt them. Parents would do well to place their children in groups of children where there are good friends to be made. Some organizations and churches provide good places to make friends.

The home environment has the strongest influence on the attitude of young people. What they hear in daily conversation and what they observe in actions molds their opinions and values. When young people feel love and acceptance at home, they are less apt to resort to drastic measures to get it elsewhere. Even if they stray from what they have been taught for a time, they tend to return to the values instilled in their young minds.

It is difficult to select proper movies or programs for children that will be beneficial to them. Focus on the Family that was started by Dr. James Dobson publishes a magazine called “Plugged In” that has commentary and help for parents in making the right choices for their children. Information can be obtained by going on their website on the Internet and simply typing in “Plugged In”. This magazine reviews and comments on movies as they become available as well as TV programs and other things affecting our young people. An informed parent is a parent more likely to protect his/her children from harmful environmental influences.

Children Need Purpose

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Train up a child…

 

Children Need Purpose

 

Many comments made by children show that they seem to have no purpose in their actions. Such comments as “What’s the use?” or “What difference does it make?” or “Who cares?” are indications that a child sees no real meaning in actions that may be expected of him or her.

The lack of real meaning leads to a lack of hope for a child. This in turn leads to such drastic actions that teenagers take with guns, suicide, or deliberate car accidents. Many of our young people seem to be drifting with no real purpose in their lives.

Many efforts are made by adults to entertain children thinking that if a child gets what it wants, that child will in turn produce according to the parents’ wishes. Without realizing it, parents who do this are actually bribing a child and holding the child hostage to perform as the parent wishes. This is not good. No amount of gifts, material things, or wishes granted can give a child purpose in life.

What really does work for a child is the realization that God created each of us with an individual plan for our life. When a child realizes that there is a unique plan for him/her, the child automatically feels a sense of value and curiosity to identify that plan. The child can then begin to understand that preparation to carry out that plan involves education, health, and wisdom. Goals can then be set to gain basic education, take care of health, and use wisdom in applying the education obtained.

Sadly, many young people look for a sense of achievement in video games, fun times, or various other ways. The things they try give only short-lived satisfaction and leave the child with a hollow feeling inside. That lonely, hollow feeling leads the child to continue searching for more and more thrills or activities to find meaning or purpose to their efforts. Quite often, the young person will simply give up, thinking all is hopeless or useless. The negative actions chosen then lead to failure in the eyes of self and others which in turn lead to more hopelessness and lack of purpose. The young person then begins spiraling downhill getting into deeper and deeper trouble.

What is the remedy for the hopeless child who has lack of purpose? Of course, it is to help that child find a purpose in life. This can be done by taking children to church and teaching the Bible at home. There is no substitute for parental prayer with a child. The prayers should include a request for God to reveal His plan for the child’s life. Also, the child needs to be helped in realizing his/her talents and abilities by the reinforcement of positive achievements. Parents and teachers need to point out, whenever possible, the reasons for learning certain things and for acting certain ways.

None of us likes to be expected to blindly follow rules without knowing the reasons for those rules. Children are best motivated when they can understand the purpose in doing what is expected of them, as well as the purpose of existence itself.

 

 

Every Child Needs Hope

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Train up a child…

 

Every Child Needs Hope

 

It is very sad to witness a child who has lost hope. A child with no hope is a child who has given up on life. Disastrous behavior such as suicide, violence, experimentation with forms of escapism, or other unwanted acts occur. To prevent these things, we need to understand the causes of the feeling of hopelessness in a child. Understanding the causes can help us prevent or remedy the results of hopelessness.

What makes a child give up hope? When more is expected of a child than that child can produce, a child gives up hope. When a child never seems to measure up to expectations of parents, teachers, or society, the child eventually gets to the point of thinking “What’s the use?” Promoting a child in school year after year, when the child is not mastering the skill level of each grade puts a child in an impossible situation where he/she is unable to accomplish the work assigned. This often causes a child to drop out of school and seek success elsewhere. When a child does not feel well physically, tasks often seem insurmountable. Rejection by others is another reason a child may lose hope. This is especially true with teenagers whose fragile egos are bruised very easily.

We can help prevent hopelessness by using caution in the methods of discipline we use. A child should never be disciplined in such a way as to strip that child of a sense of value. Verbal abuse is often more harmful to children than a hard spanking. Discipline should be geared to inspiring a child to do better rather than condemning a child for making a mistake. Yelling at a child or telling the child that he/she is bad, takes away the child’s value as a person. Good discipline distinguishes between the act of the child being bad and the child, itself, being bad. If a child is told he/she is bad, that child comes to believe it, and the child simply gives up hope of ever being good.

We can help a child have hope by making sure that success is experienced. Even if it is a small success, the child gains hope through the accomplishment. When we put a child in too difficult a situation, we are setting the child up for failure. Each child must grow at his/her own rate. We cannot force a child to do more than he/she is able to do.

When a child knows he/she is loved even when mistakes are made, rejection by others is not so difficult to endure. Children need to know that they are loved unconditionally by parents and by God.

Ultimately, the only hope for any of us is in God, Himself. Things of this world are all temporary. The Bible is our best instruction book for raising children. In I Corinthians, chapter 13, we are told that we need faith, hope, and love. We find all three of these in Christ. Parents, grandparents, and other family members should model the unconditional love of God. In doing so, the child is helped to have hope and can experience love.

Help Children Set Clear Goals

counseling, parenting, Raising kids

 

 

Train up a child…

 

Help Children set Clear Goals

 

A new year gives us all a chance to evaluate ourselves and see where improvement is needed. We need to work with our children to do the same. Children need to grow mentally, physically, spiritually, and socially. Goals need to be set with this fact in mind. Good goals are specific and obtainable. There are both long range and short range goals. Goals can be adjusted as the child progresses. Setting goals is better than making resolutions. When a child makes a resolution and fails, there is a tendency to give up. When a child sets a goal and does not reach it, the goal can be adjusted.

In this column, I will address setting goals for mental growth. Goals for spiritual, physical, and social growth will be addressed in future columns.

Goals for mental growth hopefully would include learning the basics necessary for success in school, practicing what has been learned, and setting aside a sufficient amount of time for mental stimulation.

There are certain basics that every child should learn in order to succeed in life. Every child needs to learn to add, subtract, multiply, divide, read fluently, write easily, a certain amount of history of our country and world, and a basic knowledge of our country and its government.

Children who do not learn the basics in math will find it difficult or impossible to progress in math past fourth grade level. Multiplication tables are usually taught in third and fourth grade, so if a child hasn’t learned them, the child is stuck at that level in math. Specific goals should be set for every child to learn the multiplication tables and the other basics of math. Even though there are calculators to use, learning the basic facts is mental exercise and develops recall ability that is important in every life.

There is a limited amount of time that any teacher has in school, so children need to practice at home what has been learned there. Specific time for homework should be a part of goal-setting. In addition to regular homework assignments, parents should look for opportunities for children to apply what they are learning in school to real life. One of the reasons many graduates cannot make change is that they have not had opportunities to practice doing so outside of school. Unless the home provides this opportunity, they simply have the short lessons they have had in school to rely on. Both children and parents need to set a goal of having children participate in family activities to use what they learn in school.

Mental stimulation goals could include doing more reading, attending events and visiting places that are educational. This might mean a limit on video games, use of cell phones, or TV time. Everyone has twenty-four hours in each day. How we spend that time determines our success or failure.

Hopefully, parents can sit down with children and write goals together that are appropriate for the individual child. Doing so will help the child become aware of needs and successes. The more the child participates in the setting of goals, the more likely the child will be to try to stick with the goals. It is always best if the child can make the decisions rather than have the parents tell the child what to do. The parent’s role is to provide guidance to ensure that the child makes the right goals.