Monthly Archives: April 2019

“Preventive Discipline”

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by Pat Lamb (www.patlambchristianauthor.com)

Train up a child…

“Preventive Discipline”

         We’ve all heard of preventive maintenance.  We check the roof of our house to make sure we replace it before we get leaks to cause greater damage.  We get regular oil changes for our cars to prevent engine damage, etc.  Why not do some preventive work with our children so we won’t have to discipline them later??

         What kind of preventive discipline can we do?  Believe it or not, one of the very best actions we can take is to teach children good manners.  Since the basis of all good manners is kindness and consideration of others, by teaching this, many future problems can be avoided.  

         Take, for instance, the fussing and arguing that so often occurs with youngsters.  If the child has been taught to be kind and considerate to others, he will not always demand his own way.  Instead, he will think of making the other person happy.  Don’t most arguments occur because someone wants his or her own way?  If that person has been taught to be kind and considerate of others, many arguments can be avoided.  

         Often, we adults are guilty of punishing a child for doing something wrong when the child has not previously been made to understand that that particular action was unacceptable. Children should have clear concepts of what is expected ahead of time else the punishment is really unfair.  We can prevent much discipline by taking the time to teach the child why or why not he should act a certain way.  Only then is it fair to punish a child for poor behavior.

         Another way to prevent the need for discipline is to control the environment of the child.  To some extent we can control situations and see that a child does not get put in a place where his weaknesses will undoubtedly lead to misbehavior.  This is especially true with very young children.  If you know two children are going to fight over a toy, take one child with you to do something else before he sees the toy.  As children grow older, become acquainted with families whose children will be a good influence on your children.  Control the child’s acquaintances.  My dad used to say, “One boy a whole boy, two boys a half boy, and three boys no boy at all”.

         A part of controlling a child’s environment includes choosing a good school and taking children to acceptable places of recreation.  We need to be involved in the social life of children.  Some might say, “Teens don’t want their parents around”. This may be true but they need parents whether they want them or not.  The flip side is that parents should try not to embarrass their children. However, our parenting does not end when children become teenagers.  In fact, I dare say, we are needed much more at this time.  It is so great to see teenagers who are not afraid to give mom and dad a hug and kiss in front of their friends!

         If we watch closely, we will find many ways to stop the need for discipline.  We will never get to the place where no discipline is needed, but we can certainly eliminate a great deal of it. Much of the time, we can guide and direct children in the way they should go without being harsh.

“Children are People, Too”

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by Pat Lamb (www.patlambchristianauthor.com)

Train up a child…

“Children Are People, Too”

         When our youngest child, Charles, was in kindergarten, his teacher posted on the door of his classroom, “Children are people, too”.  At first I wondered what she was talking about.  Of course, children are people, too.  Then I started thinking about times when I had talked with other adults and left my children standing quietly without joining in the conversation.  I began to notice other adults and how so often they would talk and forget about the children listening to everything they said.  Sometimes, parents would talk about their children while the children were standing right in front of them.  It was almost as though they thought the children were deaf and did not hear their comments.  I remembered a time when my husband and I had done this very thing.

         When Charles was still small enough to sit on the armrest between my husband and me, (car seats for children were not required then), my husband and I were driving somewhere and having a conversation about a person we were concerned about.  Charles was sitting quietly between us.   We were driving along, expressing one opinion after another, when Charles suddenly spoke up and said, “Don’t forget, Mom, God hears everything you say!”  I was stunned.  My husband and I were not only reminded of what we had been teaching him, but we were also  reminded that children hear everything we say in their presence.

         When I was very young, my mom would make dresses of printed chicken-feed sacks for my sisters and me.  She would starch and iron them and dress us up with ribbons in our hair.  Every Saturday afternoon, she would load up her crate of eggs, and we would go to Monett, MO to sell them.  Part of this ritual was a trip to the J.C. Penney store.  On one such occasion, one of my mom’s acquaintances came up to her and started talking.  The lady looked down at my sisters and me and said, “Ethel, you have such pretty girls. I don’t know how you do it.  They always look so nice!  Every one of them is so pretty!”  My four sisters and I stood there in our starched and ironed feed sack dresses feeling so very proud.  As the lady said her goodbyes and started to leave, she looked down at me and said, “Now, Ethel, is this one yours, too?  She doesn’t look like the rest of them!” True, my hair was blonde; theirs was dark brown. Their hair was curly; mine was very straight. I felt so ugly!  I grew up feeling like the ugly duckling!

         When children are around, let’s include them in our conversations.  They learn to converse as we treat them with respect and talk to them as equals.  At church, shake hands with the children as though they are just as important as adults, because they are.  Let’s be careful about the comments we make in the presence of children.  Let’s remember, “Children are people, too.”

Plan a Meaningful Easter

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by Pat Lamb www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child…

Plan a Meaningful Easter

         Easter is the most important holiday of the year.  Without Easter, Christmas would lose its importance.  For this reason, we should put much effort into making sure that children understand the real meaning of the time as well as enjoying the holiday to create a pleasant memory.

         Many would like to do away with the great amount of commercialism that accompanies Easter. Realistically, that isn’t likely to happen.  It would seem to me that the best way to deal with the commercialism is to adapt it to positive learning.  Egg hunts are fun.  Children who are not allowed to participate will probably resent it.  Why not simply tell the children that the eggs represent new life that we can find in Jesus.  We are promised in the Bible that if we seek, we can find that new life. Easter baskets can be explained as a way that parents show love to children by giving gifts just as God gave the best gift of all, his Son. I don’t know many children who are truly tricked into thinking that a rabbit brings an Easter basket.  In my opinion, it is best to tell the children that the Easter bunny is part of a game that adults like to play with children. Those who choose to purchase new clothes can tell children that we want to look our best for church and that the new clothes symbolize the new life we can find when we believe Jesus died on the cross and rose again, repent, and invite the Holy Spirit into our lives. 

         What better time than Easter to teach John 3:16.  All children should know this verse that says, “For God so loved the world that he gave His only son that whosoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life”.  In addition to teaching the verse, the family needs to attend the church of choice on Easter. Most churches have special services. There is no better way to teach children than through visual demonstration. Many churches provide thought-provoking drama that help all to understand Easter.

         It is sad to think that so many people in our country do not know the meaning of Easter.  When Tim Tebow wrote John 3:16 under his eyes while playing football, it was reported that approximately two million people googled the Internet to find out what it was.  Our children have a great deal to face in their adulthood.  Hopefully, we can make sure that those children with whom we personally come in contact will have the spiritual foundation they need to deal with the issues facing them. One way to help give children this needed spiritual foundation for the future is to make Easter meaningful.

Some Children are Self Smart

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by Pat Lamb www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child…

Some Children are Self Smart

         “Still water runs deep” is an expression that is often used to describe a child who may be quiet and perhaps shy and doesn’t mind being alone.  This may very well be the child who has a dominant intrapersonal intelligence.

         Seven intelligences have been defined.  People are born with dominance in three or four of these intelligences.  The intelligences are known as verbal/linguistic, logical/mathematical, bodily/kinesthetic, spatial, musical, interpersonal, and intrapersonal.  Other names for these intelligences are word smart, numbers smart, body smart, picture smart, music smart, people smart, and self smart.

         Intrapersonal or self-smart is the capacity to understand oneself. This person can understand his/her own personal thoughts and feelings and use that knowledge to plan and direct his/her life.  Intrapersonal intelligence involves not only an appreciation of self, but also of the human condition and is evident in psychologists, spiritual leaders, and philosophers.

         The children who possess this intelligence to a strong degree may be thought of as “loners”. They don’t seem to mind being alone for extended periods of time. Sometimes parents worry unduly about these children for fear they may become anti-social when they are simply thinking about life and its meaning. They are usually in tune with their inner feelings, values, beliefs, and thinking processes.  These children may be “wise beyond their years”, can usually motivate themselves, and have intuition.  Since they spend much time in simply thinking, they may have well thought-out opinions on many issues.  Others often go to them for advice.  However, some may think of them as distant resulting in a small number of friends.

         Teachers would do well to give children who have this intelligence opportunities to describe their feelings or the feelings of others when essays are assigned. Any essay topic that asks for an opinion is a subject to be enjoyed by these children.  There will be an interest in the personalities of great mathematicians when studying math.  A parent or teacher might ask for a description of the feelings of others as history is studied because they like to imagine how people felt in various circumstances. 

         Job skills the intrapersonal person is likely to possess include working alone, setting goals and obtaining objectives, appraising, planning, initiating, and organizing. This person is likely to be a self-motivator.  Jobs that these individuals seem to fit are clergyman or religious worker, psychologist, therapist, counselor, or entrepreneur.  At some point in time, they may want to write an autobiography. They may not always be good in jobs where quick action is required because they like time to reflect and think before making a decision.  

         I am amazed when I think about the varying personalities that God created.  He knew what would be needed to sustain a society and he gave each of us unique ways of thinking and acting to meet those needs.  It would be so nice if each of us learned to appreciate the differences in people rather than expecting everyone else to think and feel as we do.  Ideally, we would all work together and compliment the skills and abilities of one another.    

Some Children are People Smart

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by Pat Lamb www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child…

Some Children are People Smart

       I recently spoke to a group of young mothers and enjoyed hearing them talk about the differences in their children.  Some were saying how hard it is to have two or three children with very different personalities.  I was reminded of the seven intelligences experts have defined.  It is thought that each person is born with preferences in three or four of these intelligences.  They are verbal/linguistic, logical/mathematical, bodily/kinesthetic, spatial, musical, interpersonal, and intrapersonal.  They are also known as word smart, numbers smart, body smart, picture smart, music smart, people smart, and self smart.

         In previous columns I have discussed all of the intelligences except the interpersonal and intrapersonal.  In this column, I will give information about the interpersonal intelligence.

         Interpersonal intelligence is the ability to understand and interact effectively with others.  It involves good communication skills and an ability to note differences in others.  Persons with this intelligence are able to be sensitive to the moods and temperaments of those with whom they come in contact.

         We can recognize this intelligence in children when we see them constantly wanting to be around others. They seem to thrive off of contact with people and can complete tasks better if not working alone.  Also, these children often can sense weaknesses in adults and can “wiggle” their way out of assigned tasks.  They may like to argue with an adult when they sense that the adult is not really certain of the instructions being given to the child. They will know when mom or dad is in the right mood to be asked for something. Being sent to their room to be alone is real punishment for children with dominance in this intelligence.

         The person with this intelligence is a social person.  He/she likes to go to parties. The radio or TV must be on almost constantly. Adults with this intelligence like to host others in their home. They can sense motives of their children and others. They simply seem to have an innate ability to know what to do and say to get along with others and are probably “joiners” of clubs or various organizations.  

         Children with this intelligence may grow up to become administrators, teachers, personnel workers, counselors, salespersons, social workers, political leaders, doctors, or religious leaders.

         It needs to be remembered that we can have the intelligences to varying degrees and that not all characteristics fit all people.  However, knowing the general characteristics helps us to better understand our children and those around us.  Just as God made no two snowflakes exactly alike, so he made no two humans exactly alike. As we attempt to follow His command to “Love one another”, it certainly helps if we can understand those around us.