Monthly Archives: September 2020

Helping Children with Fear

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…)Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and www.patlambchristianwriter.com)

Train up a child…

Helping Children with Fear

Many children have fears.  Right now, they may be having fears about what they hear adults saying about the Corona virus.  They may be having fears about changes at school. In addition, when they hear parents raise their voices to each other, they have inward fears that parents cannot or will not take care of them.

Even adults are displaying symptoms of fear concerning the Corona virus.Many are staying in and afraid to go anywhere.  Children hear adults talking about whether or not to wear masks.  To a young child, these things they hear conjure up visions in their minds of things we adults can hardly imagine.  They may think of the virus as a monster that they cannot see.  We need to be careful about not only what we say when children are listening, but also how we say it.  Since children have limited vocabularies, they often judge by tone of voice.

When children see the changes that have taken place in school, they may be afraid they might forget the new rules.  “What if I get in trouble?”  “Where is that virus?”  “What if I get sick?”  These are questions they may have in mind.  This not only affects their emotions, it also affects the learning process.  It is hard to concentrate with so much on the mind.

As simple as it may seem, one way we can help children with fear is to keep a calm voice.  Another way is for parents to give assurance to their children that they will be there to protect them as much as possible. (It is not wise to say, “Everything will be alright”,  because we don’t know that is true.  Children are smart enough to know it may not be true as well.)  Right now, it is a good idea to let the children know that most children do not get sick with the virus.  However, some will be worried about their grandmothers and grandfathers.  I suggest you let the children talk to their grandparents often, if possible.  Hearing their voices is a reassurance that they are okay.  

There are many uncertainties in life that we cannot control.  It is good that children learn this fact.  Many have found the best comfort in their prayer life and faith.  This time in our life is a good time to teach children about the love of God and that He wants the best for them.  Nevertheless, we have a choice as to our beliefs and actions because He created us that way.  There are many good programs available on the Internet for children to learn about God.  Even if church attendance is restricted at this time, there is an unlimited amount of Spiritual education available for both children and adults if we simply tap into it. 

Our lives will always have challenges and uncertainties. Some may be even worse than what we are now facing.  Helping children cope with these uncertainties is perhaps the most important thing we can do to train up our children in the way they should go.

Good Intentions are not Enough

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and www.patlambchristianauthor.com.

Train up a child…

Parents’ Good Intentions are not Enough

       It is wonderful when parents can truly enjoy their children and want to make them happy.  It presents a challenge, however, to make children happy and at the same time prepare them for their future.  It seems that the idea has permeated our society that we all should be happy and having fun all the time, and that the only good parent is the parent who entertains children and  protects them from hardships.  

         Just as a “hot-house” tomato has a difficult time adjusting to the challenges in nature when it is set out in a garden, so do children who have been sheltered from all rules and hardships have a difficult time adjusting to the real world.  Adults who work with children need to discover a balance between letting children be children and at the same time preparing them for a time when they are unprotected by adults.  Children must have guidelines and rules to live by and be required to abide by those rules for their own good.  They must be allowed to experience the consequences of the choices they make.  With a few exceptions such as birthday gifts, Christmas gifts, etc. they must earn what they receive. 

         Children who have no guidelines are always insecure and uncertain as to what behavior is acceptable and what punishment they may receive for their behavior.  They are at loose ends with the world and often express their frustration with unacceptable behavior.  By contrast, children who have rules and are required to abide by them, have a certainty in their minds that they are doing the right thing.  The stress of making decisions without necessary information is removed, and they are happier children.  Many well-intentioned parents think that letting their children do what they want to do is helping them.  Not true.  Children are not equipped to make many decisions by themselves and often make the wrong decisions and get in trouble for doing so.  It is much better to make sure they know what is right and wrong before they make the wrong decisions.  Important, also, is reinforcement of correct behavior.  When a child is told, “You did the right thing”, the child feels a real sense of relief and is inclined to repeat that behavior.

         It is hard for any parent or teacher to watch a child go through something unpleasant.  However, when we jump in and rescue the child from the consequences of his/her behavior, we become enablers.  When we enable a child to do wrong and get by with it, that child grows up thinking that whatever he/she desires is acceptable and someone will bail him/her out of trouble.  It is through the natural punishment of consequences that children learn many lessons that we may never be able to teach in another way.

         When children are continually rewarded for doing what is normally required, they grow up thinking that they don’t have to act in acceptable ways unless rewarded for doing so.  A teacher friend of mine often said, “Virtue is its own reward”.  There are some things that we are supposed to do whether there is a reward or not.  One school in IL, where our daughter taught, rewarded children for doing their homework by taking them to McDonalds on Fridays.  This, in my opinion, is not a good way to use rewards.  Homework is something that children should do without getting a material reward. One NEA magazine had an article some time back about paying children to go to school.  Is it any wonder that we are living in an entitlement generation when this kind of thinking abounds?

         Ideally, parents should decide in their own minds how they want their children to “turn out” as to character traits and keep this goal in mind in everyday contact with their children.  We can’t just let our children always be happy-go-lucky without responsibilities and rules and expect them to become good citizens.

Helping Children with Math

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, www.patlambchristianauthor.com.

Train up a child…

Helping Children with Math Homework

         A common phrase heard by parents is, “I was never any good in math either”.  My husband, a retired math teacher, says that you never hear parents say, “I was never any good in reading either”.  A parent’s attitude is transferred to children easily.  Undoubtedly, this attitude expressed about math influences a child and often causes the child to think that it is alright to be less proficient in math than in reading and “lets them off the hook” when it comes to doing math homework.  One of the best ways to help children with math homework is to have the right attitude about math itself.  In addition, parents need to be involved with the homework and need to provide opportunities for math usage to help children see its importance.

         Math is similar in one way to building a house.  You can’t put the walls up until the foundation is laid.  Often children miss out somewhere along the way in math and that affects the understanding of current assignments.  In such cases, the child simply needs to go back and find where he/she got off track and “fill in the chinks” in that foundation.    

         There are two reasons for learning math.  The first reason is obvious.  It is used in many, many aspects of life.  Adults should never say, “You’ll never use this.” This causes the child to think they don’t have to learn it.  The other reason for learning math is that it is a mental exercise that develops the thinking processes.  When children learn to do math, especially word problems, they are learning to consider all facts and are required to sort out what is needed and set priorities to solve the problem. These same procedures are used in all decision-making in real life. In this respect, all math is useful. It is interesting that at one time math was referred to as the math discipline.  That title is fitting as math truly disciplines the brain.

         Parents often shy away from becoming involved in math homework for fear they will do it wrong.  It is true that some different methods are being used in some schools, but often if the child is asked to explain the methods, the problem will be solved by the child during the explanation.  A good thing to do is to ask the child to tell you what he/she knows about a problem.  This helps the student break down the problem in parts.  It is not a good idea to try to teach children different methods until a child has mastered one method as it will cause confusion.  It is profitable to take the time to study the textbook to see what method is being taught rather than try to teach a child to solve the way we were taught.  

         When children hear parents comparing prices and noting how much money can be saved, they are being helped with math.  When children are restricted from impulse buying and required to compare prices, they are being helped with math.  When coupons are clipped and children are allowed to keep a portion of the savings, they are learning math.  When parents require children to learn multiplication tables, they are doing a very important action to help their children in math.

         In a recent workshop I attended, we were told that an unusual number of students nationwide are finding it necessary to take remedial math when they go to college.  There is a real concern about the low math achievement in this country. We can help not only our children with their math, but in doing so, we are helping our country.  

Helping Children with Writing

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble online; www.patlambchristianauthor.com, or myself.

Train up a child…

Helping Children with Writing

         The three r’s, reading, ‘riting’, and ‘rithmetic’, are still the most important subjects in school because everything else is based on these three things.  There are innumerable complaints that children are not learning these things as they should. Help from parents is definitely needed to make sure that children learn these basics.

         Parents can help their children learn to be good writers in a number of ways.  “Practice makes perfect” certainly applies to writing.  Practice helps with both the mechanical aspects of learning to make the letters and the mental organizing and creating of subject matter.

         Very young children who have toys requiring the use of motor skills in the hands are more apt to learn to print well using sticks and circles to make the letters of the alphabet.  Making dots for children in the shapes of the letters provides a guide to follow.  Cursive writing is not given a great deal of emphasis in today’s educational process since it is not used as much as in the past.  After all, most job applications say, “Please print,” and computers are available for composing letters and stories.  Although it is nice to know cursive writing, limited time in school demands that teachers emphasize subjects that are very practical. At one time, cursive writing was necessary for taking notes in college classes, but now students can record a lecture or download necessary information on their computers.

         When older children are required to write essays, a good way to tell them to organize the essay is the “five finger rule”.  One finger is for the introduction where three points are named.  The next finger is for a new paragraph to talk about the first item named.  The next finger represents the next paragraph to talk about the second thing and the next finger represents another paragraph to talk about the third thing.  The last finger is to summarize the essay by restating what was said in the first paragraph.  This five paragraph essay is taught to GED students to write an essay for passing the GED test. The format works in most cases and can also be used as an outline for making a speech. It is helpful to have a child draw around his/her hand on a piece of paper and label the five fingers for the five paragraphs. 

         Many students have trouble in knowing what to say when they write.  Questions help a child to expand thinking.  Taking the time to discuss a topic with a child helps give ideas.  A background of various experiences is always a big help in providing material for writing.  The Internet is a gold mine of information. 

         Reading, writing, and speaking form what educators call the language triangle.  As a child improves in any one of the three, the other two are also enhanced.  Children need to do a lot of reading and a great deal of writing.  Unfortunately, many inventions are harmful as well as helpful. Since the copy machine was invented, children often just fill in blanks to answer a question. Good writing should be required at home and in all classes at school, not just the communications class.  If a child is allowed to get by with sloppy writing in math, science, social studies, and health classes, the one class in language is not likely to succeed in teaching good writing skills.  Consistency is important. Parents would be wise to see that their children are doing plenty of writing and doing it well.