Monthly Archives: October 2021

Give Your Children the Best Gift

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child…

Give your Children the Best Gift

         What is the best gift you can give your children?  Many experts agree that the best thing that parents and grandparents can give children is their time.  Yet, as the holiday season approaches, we find ourselves wanting more time, and we find it more difficult to give the time to children that they need.  

         How can we give more time to children, and what are the benefits of doing so?

         One of the easiest ways to give more time to children is to include them in the activities we do.  The benefits of giving more time are many.  Three of those benefits are bonding, learning more about our children, and giving the children a feeling of worth.

         As we include children in activities, they relax and open up in more ways than they normally would.  Children most often say and do the things that they know their parents expect of them.  This prevents adults from knowing what they are really thinking and feeling.  When they relax in activities, they drop their guard and we find out more about them.  We are often surprised to find that our children may be thinking and feeling something entirely different from what we had thought.  This gives us clues as to their needs in guidance as they grow.

         As children assist in activities such as decorating, baking, making gifts, shopping, or other holiday happenings, they bond with adults in achieving the common goal of making others happy. While doing so, they can discuss how they think the recipient will respond, and they feel happy about achieving something good with their parents.  Little faces light up in anticipation of the happiness they are creating, and a special closeness is achieved as feelings of accomplishment are shared.

         When parents take time to include children in activities, the children feel that their parents think their ideas are valuable.  They develop a feeling of worth because mom or dad wanted them to help. The opposite is true when they are pushed aside.  Children then feel that their ideas and help are not wanted or needed.  They look to find their own activities aside from parents.  Children have an inner desire to feel that they are valuable to someone.  No toy or game purchased for a child can make up for that feeling.

         It is not difficult to include children in activities.  The key is to find something within the child’s ability.  There is always something they can do if it is no more than holding a finger on the ribbon while a bow is being tied.  For Thanksgiving Dinner, children can help set the table and participate in ways to help in preparation of food.  The quality of the dish is not as important as the quality of child we are raising.  

         There is nothing we can buy or do for our children that is any more important than spending time with them. 

Seven Words that Could Change the World

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by Pat Lamb

Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…

Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child…

Seven Words that could Change the World

         Wouldn’t it be nice if everyone in the world had good manners and an attitude of humility? There are seven words that could create a humble, repentant, and thankful attitude.  They are words that every child should learn to use intuitively.  They are words that would do away with rudeness and self-centeredness.  They are “excuse me,” “I’m sorry,” “please,” and “thank you”.  

         To say “excuse me” and “I’m sorry” in a meaningful way requires an attitude of repentance.  It requires an individual to put the other person’s feelings before one’s own feelings.  It also creates within a child an attitude of caution in the use of words or actions that may be offensive to another.  It requires giving up one’s own desires for the benefit of those in the immediate vicinity.  

         The word “please”, when said in a meaningful way, requires an attitude of humility.  Rather than feeling above a person to demand something for self, an individual must lower self to a position of “if you think I am worthy, I request a favor of you.”  The very act is a demonstration that the person saying the word considers him/herself in a lower position than the person to whom the request is being given. It is a “magic word” that causes the person being addressed to be more apt to give the favor than if it were demanded.

         Obviously, the words “thank you” express appreciation when said in a meaningful way.  As we observe children who are required to say these two words, we often see them pause just a bit before they are spoken.  In this time of pause, a child is forced to realize that something is owed to the person doing the favor.  As the child realizes this fact, he/she also realizes, although perhaps unaware of it, that their enjoyment of the favor is dependant on the other person.  In this respect, humility is fostered in the same way that saying “please” fosters humility. 

         It is so easy to teach children to say these seven words, yet parents often forget to do so.  If all children were taught to say them, they would grow up with better attitudes and everyone would get along with each other.  People who are humble do not put themselves above others.  People who appreciate what they get are not people who demand more and more of others.  People who appreciate what they have are not constantly trying to get more at the expense of others.  People who are humble do not put others down.

         Using the seven words named are simply a matter of good manners.  We know that the basis of all good manners is kindness and consideration of others.  It is such a simple and easy thing to teach children to use these words and mean them.  Wouldn’t it be nice if parents, teachers, grandparents, and other adults in positions of influence would help to change our world by doing so?  

Fact or Fiction

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child…

Fact or Fiction?

         Occasionally, in school textbooks, there will be a section or two to help students determine whether something they have read is fact or fiction.  It is important for children to be able to determine what to believe and what not to believe. Some things in a child’s experiences affect their ability to determine the truth from something that is made up.  One thing that affects this ability is the source of the information received.  Customs in society sometimes influence a child’s ability to determine truth.  The extent to which a child’s vocabulary is developed also plays a part in this ability.

         Children are taught to believe their parents, teachers, and church workers.  Sometimes, these same people like to tease children and tell them things that are not true because the reaction may be fun to watch.  An example of this is when parents scare children with scary stories and don’t let the children know that they are simply made up.  Children tend to believe them because they believe their parents would not tell them something that is not true.  Other examples include the stories of Santa, the Easter bunny, and goblins at Halloween.  Parents need to be sure that the fun ends with the truth and not leave children wondering.  Children can simply be told that these are games that are played in our society; then, if desired, the pretend games can be continued.  Otherwise, when children find out the truth, they will wonder what other things they have been told that are not true.

         In recent years there has been a tendency to lead people to believe that truth varies from person to person. “What is true for you may not be true for me,” they say.  Certain facts, such as those in the Bible, never change.  The law of gravity does not change from person to person and neither do any of the other laws of God’s creation.  Although we do have differing talents and abilities, all should be honest and use integrity in dealing with others.  The Ten Commandments apply to all.  The Ten Commandments are summed up by loving God with all our hearts and loving our neighbors.  This truth will never change.

         There are many misunderstandings because children have not yet developed enough vocabulary to discern meanings of much conversation.  One of the best things parents can do to help in this area is to give varied experiences and encourage children to read and ask questions.  The spin used by many people comes across to children more from a tone of voice than words spoken.  If we were able to block out in our own minds the word meanings and just listen to the tone of voice and watch the body language used, we could easily be persuaded to believe certain things.  This is a little like what children do when they do not understand words being used.  Attitudes and ideas then come from impressions rather than facts.  When children express opinions derived from others in such a manner, a good question to ask is, “What facts did you use to form that opinion?”  

         When children are unable to discern fact from fiction, they grow up believing much that is not factual.  They have a difficult time making decisions for their own lives because they do not know how to consider facts in making those decisions.  If we, as adults, can help children develop a good vocabulary, always point out the truth to them, and guard against unfavorable influences in society, our children will be more able to determine fact from fiction.

Parents’ Good Intentions are not Enough

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: “Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child…

Parents’ Good Intentions are not Enough

       It is wonderful when parents can truly enjoy their children and want to make them happy.  It presents a challenge, however, to make children happy and at the same time prepare them for their future.  It seems that the idea has permeated our society that we all should be happy and having fun all the time, and that the only good parent is the parent who entertains children and protects them from hardships.  

         Just as a “hot-house” tomato has a difficult time adjusting to the challenges in nature when it is set out in a garden, so do children who have been sheltered from all rules and hardships have a difficult time adjusting to the real world.  Adults who work with children need to discover a balance between letting children be children and at the same time preparing them for a time when they are unprotected by adults.  Children must have guidelines and rules to live by and be required to abide by those rules for their own good.  They must be allowed to experience the consequences of the choices they make.  With a few exceptions such as birthday gifts, Christmas gifts, etc. they must earn what they receive. 

         Children who have no guidelines are always insecure and uncertain as to what behavior is acceptable and what punishment they may receive for their behavior.  They are at loose ends with the world and often express their frustration by exhibiting unacceptable behavior.  By contrast, children who have rules and are required to abide by them, have a certainty in their minds that they are doing the right thing.  The stress of making decisions without necessary information is removed, and they are happier children.  Many well-intentioned parents think that letting their children do what they want to do is helping them.  Not true.  Children are not equipped to make many decisions by themselves and often make the wrong decisions and get in trouble for doing so.  It is much better to make sure they know what is right and wrong before they make the wrong decisions.  Important, also, is reinforcement of correct behavior.  When a child is told, “You did the right thing”, the child feels a real sense of relief and is inclined to repeat that behavior.

         It is hard for any parent or teacher to watch a child go through something unpleasant.  However, when we jump in and rescue the child from the consequences of his/her behavior, we become enablers.  When we enable a child to do wrong and get by with it, that child grows up thinking that whatever he/she desires is acceptable, and someone will bail him/her out of trouble.  It is through the natural punishment of consequences that children learn many lessons that we may never be able to teach in another way.

         When children are continually rewarded for doing what is normally required, they grow up thinking that they don’t have to act in acceptable ways unless rewarded for doing so.  A teacher friend of mine often said, “Virtue is its own reward”.  There are some things that we are supposed to do whether there is a reward or not.  One school in IL, where our daughter taught, rewarded children for doing their homework by taking them to McDonalds on Fridays.  This, in my opinion, is not a good way to use rewards.  Homework is something that children should do without getting a material reward. One NEA magazine had an article some time back about paying children to go to school.  Is it any wonder that we are living in an entitlement generation when this kind of thinking abounds?

         Ideally, parents should decide in their own minds how they want their children to “turn out” as to character traits and keep this goal in mind in everyday contact with their children.  We can’t just let our children always be happy-go-lucky without responsibilities and rules and expect them to someday display responsibilities without material rewards.