Monthly Archives: September 2023

When Our Children Don’t “Measure Up”

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by Pat Lamb

Author of: (Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, www.patlambchristianauthor

Train up a child…

When our Children “Don’t Measure Up”

         Much research has been done recently concerning children and problems they may be having.  It has led to labeling children with attention deficit disorder, dyslexia, or other scary names.  Recently there was a report on the news that one of every one hundred fifty baby boys born has autism.  I find it hard to believe that statistic.  

         What are parents to do when their child is diagnosed with one thing or another that would lead them to believe that their child does not measure up to expectations?  There are some basic things we can do regardless of the label put on the child.  First, we should always question who set the standard by which the child is rated.  Second, we need to realize that all children are of equal value.  Third, we need to apply teaching techniques appropriate to a child’s needs.

         It is necessary for teachers and doctors to have guidelines to follow to determine if a child is progressing at a “normal” rate.  However, we need to remember that those standards are set based on other children in the past.  When a baby is born, that baby is unaware of those standards and simply acts according to nature and environment.  New standards are being developed continually.  God creates each child uniquely, not according to the standards previously set by those who study behavior.  Quite often a child may be misdiagnosed simply because parents or teachers do not know how to help a child progress.  In addition to “book standards”, unfortunately, parents often have preconceived ideas of what they want their child to be like, and the child may fail to meet those expectations.

         In God’s eyes, all children measure up in value.  It should be the same with parents.  Children should always measure up in the sight of the parents as long as they are trying their best. God creates each individual with a plan and purpose.  Not all children are going to be good academically just as not all children will be good in sports or music. Our job, as parents, is to nurture and help a child be the best that child can be with the talents and abilities s/he has.

         When a child is expected to perform beyond his/her abilities, frustration sets in.  Teaching techniques should be chosen with consideration of the child’s abilities and accomplishments.  A good rule of thumb is to find out where a child is in development, start there, and take that child as far as possible.  Well-meaning parents and teachers often insist that a child be promoted in school, when that child is not ready, in order to keep the child from feeling badly about being left behind.  There is far more danger in making a child feel badly by placing that child in a situation where it is impossible to succeed.  Most children can progress if taken at the right pace, but just as a flower cannot be forced to bloom, so children cannot progress faster than they are ready.  

         Love is the key to working with all children.  Love means we are patient, kind, and don’t insist on having our own way in that we need to let the child develop as God has chosen.  In God’s sight, all children are equally loved.  Parents and teachers need to care equally for all children as well. There is no need to feel disappointed if a child doesn’t seem to measure up.  We simply value that child as God created him/her and do the best we can to train it up as God intended. 

That First Driver’s License!

parenting, Raising kids

by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children,Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble; www.patlambchristianauthor.co

Train up a child…

That First Driver’s License!

       The memory of our oldest son getting his first driver’s license is still vivid in my mind.  He came out of the license bureau waving his license with a big smile on his face.  “Scoot over, Mom!”  He said.  I reluctantly moved over from the driver’s spot.  He had aged one year.  I felt as though I had aged ten years! I tensely sat and watched as he started the car and backed up.  We finally got on the main street and headed home.  I am probably the only mother in the world who yelled “hurry up” to a son who was just learning to drive, but when he came to intersections with cars whizzing both ways, I had visions of being broad sided on both sides if he didn’t hurry and meld with the flow of the traffic.  I suppose that his inching along was to impress me with his cautiousness, but it wasn’t working.

         Many parents have experienced similar situations.  When a teen gets that first driver’s license, the world changes!  Household rules need to be adjusted.  Teens need to thoroughly understand the responsibility they have upon receipt of the license and parents may need to learn to get by with less sleep!

         A “sit-down” session with a teen needs to occur before going for the license.  It would be good if there were a place to take a teen prior to receipt of the license to see a film such as is shown to folks who are required to go to classes after traffic violations.  They need to know about the teenage driving statistics that are available on the Internet.  They need to be reminded that the brain development of teenagers is such that they tend to take more risks and be less cautious.  A teen needs to understand that the car keys will immediately be confiscated when certain things happen such as the abuse of the privilege, not adhering to curfew, etc.  Most of all, the teen needs to understand that driving is not a right, but it is a privilege for those who are responsible enough to handle such an expensive vehicle. Each family needs to set rules before the license is obtained.  

         I seriously question the wisdom of a 16 yr. old having a driver’s license.  I believe the law should be changed and licenses be given to 16 yr. olds in hardship cases only.  In addition, I believe that teens under 18 should have to maintain good grades in school. Teens (or anyone else) who has attention deficit disorder should not be given a license to operate a vehicle.  Driving a car requires constant attention.  Why should a person who can’t pay attention be given a license to drive? 

There is no real need for most 16 yr. olds to drive. Let’s be honest.  Many parents want their children to have a license so the parents won’t be bothered with driving the children where they need to go. 

Many times a student will drop out of school upon receipt of a driver’s license.  By raising the age to qualify for a license and requiring acceptable grades in school, we undoubtedly would have less dropouts, students studying harder to learn, and best of all, less deaths of sixteen-year-olds.   

         Since the law currently allows a driver’s license with few qualifications, parents must be even more vigilant to see that their children drive responsibly.  This involves making sure that the teens completely understand the responsibilities involved and that the privilege of driving can be revoked at any time.  Further, they need to understand the seriousness of making a mistake that could haunt them for life. 

It’s Tough to be the Parents of a Teen

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is….) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes and Noble; www.patlambchristianauthor.co

Train up a child…

It’s Tough to be the Parents of a Teen

         “Who is this new child in my home?  This can’t be the child I held on my lap and read to, then heard prayers, gave a hug and kiss and tucked in for a nice night’s sleep!  Now I see a child that is much different from anything I ever imagined my child would be!  I’m bewildered.  My child seems bewildered.  To be truthful, I’m scared.  I thought I was being the perfect parent, but my child is not being the perfect child. The results I am seeing are not what I expected.”

         Many parents of teenagers may very well be thinking the above thoughts.  There is no doubt that being the parent of a teenager is a tough task.

         We may tell our children that we will always love them.  When children become teens, that love is truly tested.  Now, we must prove that love.  We must put our pride aside and do what is best for the child, even if it may be embarrassing at times.  Love is understanding.  Love is patient.  Love doesn’t keep score.  Love is long-suffering.  Love is kind. Love doesn’t have to have its own way. Love is gentle.  Can we really display these characteristics with this seemingly new person?  When the apostle, Paul, described love in I Corinthians 13, he didn’t say to show these characteristics except with teenagers! Even when our children are not so lovable, we are still supposed to love them and that means displaying the characteristics of love named in the Bible. 

         We need to remember that the teen years are tough for the child as well as for the parent.  The “acting out” that often accompanies a teen is often the result of the same feelings we may be having as parents.  They are scared, bewildered, uncertain, dealing with a new body (a body that is larger and looks different).  The teen has not learned the proper way to vent deep feelings.  (Unfortunately, many parents have not learned this lesson either.) The result may be a shouting match between parent and child.

         When you stop and think about it, isn’t it rather ridiculous for a parent to be shouting at a child to tell the child not to shout at the parent?  Two wrongs don’t make a right!  “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”  (Proverbs 15:1) This truly works.  To shout to a child who is already shouting is like pouring gasoline on a fire.  It just causes more shouting.  No one says it is easy, but we must set an example of the behavior we expect from a child.  Quite often, teens say things they don’t really mean, so we need to learn to look at the heart rather than simply going by the words spoken.  A teen may shout, “I hate you!”  What they are really thinking and feeling may be “I loved you and I don’t feel you loving me back, and now I am hurting and wish I could feel that love!”  It is common for teens to feel all alone and that no one understands them.  If they can’t feel understanding at home, they will look for it elsewhere.  Does this mean that we should let the child get away with being disrespectful?  No.  It should be pointed out that disrespect has been shown, and the child needs to be told what is acceptable and what is not acceptable.  Also, the child needs to be told that disagreement is alright, but there is a correct way to disagree.  He/she then needs to be taught the acceptable way to disagree.  Parents and children can then discuss the issues that are really at the root of the trouble.

         “Keeping cool” when a teenage child is showing a hot temper is not easy, but the love for the child can be the very thing that gives us the strength to do just that.  It helps to know that many parents have gone through the same challenges, many parents are going through those challenges now, and many more parents will do so in the future.  We are not alone, and we must not abandon our teens just because it is not pleasant to deal with them.

Why Do Children Bully Others?

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is….) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, www.patlambchristianauthor

Train up a Child…

Why Do Children Bully Others?

It is so sad to watch a child duck its head and try to keep from crying because another child has said something cruel about him/her.!  Why does this happen?

Sometimes children bully others because they inwardly think that if they can bring another person down, people will think they are better.

Sometimes children bully because they are jealous.

Sometimes children bully because inwardly they convince themselves they, themselves are not so bad.  

There are other reasons as well. The person bullying may think this makes them the most important person in the room.  Of course, we know that isn’t true, but often they do not.

 How can we handle bullying?  Here are some suggestions:

1.  When a child says something derogatory about another, require that child to write a paper about the good qualities of that person.  This will require them to think deeper and give them practice in writing as well.

2.  Require the child to apologize.  If this is a school setting, it may or may not be wise to have the apology done in front of the class.

3. Sometimes a child bullies because they, themselves, feel inadequate.  If we can bring others down, we look bigger!

4.  The person doing the bullying may be required to tell the class  about the good qualities of the person being bullied.  

It is interesting to note that many of the reasons children bully are the same reasons that adults gossip about others or are overly critical of others.  If we can “nip bullying in the bud”, we would have a much happier world!