Tag Archives: Raising children

What is your Heart’s Desire?

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a Child…

What Does Your Heart Desire?

       Have you ever watched a group of children when one of them happened to take a tumble?  Did you notice how the other children reacted?  I have been in such a situation many times and wondered why other children would laugh when someone fell down.  Sometimes there would be a caring person in the group, usually an adult, who would go to the child to see if he/she were hurt.  It seems strange that people would laugh at potential harm. This is especially strange considering the fact that most children fall down at some time or another and probably experience the same embarrassment and hurt.  Why, then, are children not more concerned about the welfare of others instead of laughing?

         “Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth,” we read in the 6th verse of the 13thchapter I Corinthians.  In the 5th verse of the same chapter, we read, referring to love, “It is not rude…”  One test as to whether we have love in our hearts is whether we enjoy seeing others have trouble.  If we really love others, we will desire the best for them.  Many children have not yet learned the true meaning of love or even that we are supposed to love others.  Children often respond according to natural inclinations rather than acceptable behaviors.

         Adults who have not yet learned to love as they should will be heard to say things like, “Aha, he finally got what was coming to him!” or “He deserved that! I’m glad to see that it happened!”  Both comments and other similar comments indicate a heart with the desire for hurt.

         On the other hand, people who are sad when someone “gets what is coming to them” are people whose heart desires good.  They feel sorry for people who suffer even if they did seem to cause their own trouble.  A heart of love wishes that the bad things were not done in the first place and want no one to have to suffer.

         Is it funny to see someone stumbling around drunk?  Is it funny when a family breaks up because of adultery?  We might hear someone laugh and say, “I knew that marriage wouldn’t last!” Should we laugh and make fun when others believe and worship differently from us?  Real love finds no humor in these situations.  Rather, a person who loves others would be sad to hear or see someone do something wrong and would respect the beliefs of others.  

         Children should be reprimanded for laughing when someone gets hurt.  Adults need to set a good example before children of compassion for those who are having troubles.

Love is so very different from the picture painted by society.  Society would have us believe that love is finding someone who pleases us.  Love is really a matter of putting others before ourselves and trying to please them.  This is the meaning of love that should be taught to children.

Cherish the “Sweet” Days

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child…

Cherish the “Sweet” Days

         In a phone conversation with our daughter-in-law, she told me that our four-year-old grandson was having a “sweet” day.  She related that when they went shopping and she lifted him out of the car, he softly and gently said, “Mommy, I love you.”  Later, when they were in the store and she had him by the hand, he pulled her hand to his lips and kissed it.  What precious moments!

         “Oh,” you say, “but it doesn’t last!”  Well, actually it can last.  Of course, it cannot be every moment of every day that children express their love, but there can be an ongoing inner love that leads to respect of parents.  This in-dwelling love should also be present in the parents for the children.  

         Most people would quickly bring to mind the teenage years when children so often tend to disrespect parents as they struggle to “leave the nest” and become independent.  I dare say, even though there are times of friction between parent and child, the foundation can be laid that ensures that children always come back to that expression of love.  

When our oldest grandson reached puberty, I called him aside and said, “Now, Dylan, you are about to become a teenager.  I want you to be like your Uncle Charles.  When he was in high school, he was never afraid to give me a hug no matter who was watching.”  It worked.  Dylan gave me hugs in front of his peers all through his teenage years. He was never afraid to show affection to his mother as well.  His younger sister followed his example and also showed affection to her mom and grandparents.

         A worse scenario than a teen who refuses to show affection to parents, is the grown-up who speaks sharply to aging parents or shows disdain when a parent does something that the grown-up child finds distasteful.  How often have we heard, also, of the aging parent in the nursing home who receives few or no visits from adult children?  

         Dr. Adrian Rogers once remarked in a sermon that he would never allow his children to speak disrespectfully to their mother.  He said that their mother went through much pain to bring their children into the world.  As they grew, she changed their diapers and cared for them in many ways. As a father, he wanted his children to know that they owed their mother respect and that they should treat her with dignity.

         Wouldn’t it be nice if everyone would love and respect everyone else?  As Valentine’s Day approaches, we think of love and its meaning.  Let’s teach our children that love means that we care for others whether or not they see things the same way we do.  When others make their best efforts, let’s appreciate those efforts and not be judgmental and critical.  There are ways of expressing our beliefs without hurting others.  After all, we are all learning and growing every day.  Everyone makes mistakes.  The mistakes of others are no worse than our own.  To love others doesn’t mean that we must agree, but it does mean that we should be kind, patient, and longsuffering.  Let us practice this love to our children as we expect them to practice it to us in return.  

         I know of no better description of love than that given in the 13th chapter of I Corinthians in the New Testament.  It would be good if we all read this chapter often.

It’s Not Just Child’s Play

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child…

It’s Not Just Child’s Play!

         It is a wonderful thing when parents will play with their children.  There is great value in time spent simply having fun with them.  This time is an opportunity for bonding, teaching, and creating memories.

Right after Christmas there is an opportunity to explore the new toys and games together.  When dad or mom get on the level of the child and explore the new possibilities of enjoyment, the child learns to appreciate the fact that the parent has interest in his/her world.  A special relationship between the child and parent is created.  This new relationship results in a better understanding of each another. 

In the event that a toy breaks, as many are apt to do, as the parent helps repair that toy, the child learns about how things work.  Parents have an opportunity to teach new words and understandings to the child.

Even if there are no new games or toys, parents and children can create their own games. Our grown children still laugh about playing “sandwich” or “slobber ear” with their dad, and I laugh when I see them play the same games with their children.  These are rough and tumble games on the floor (or grass in the summer) where all involved laugh and giggle as they try to get away from each other to avoid having an ear chewed or to become the bottom bread of a sandwich.  They laugh as “the meat” wriggles out to try to become the top bread and the bottom bread tries even harder to escape being the bottom bread.  It is important, however, for the parent to know when enough is enough in these games.  It is cruel to tickle children too much.  Also, weight of individuals needs to be considered so no person is hurt.

Many board games offer opportunities for learning as well as having fun.  Long winter evenings are well spent in playing games such as Monopoly, Balderdash, Sequence, or others with older children. In Monopoly, children learn much about money.  They learn to count the money as well as a great deal about how business works.  Balderdash is a great game for teaching writing, persuasion, and vocabulary.  Our family has laughed until we cried at some of the silly definitions written for some of the words in Balderdash. Board games designed for younger children teach a child to take turns and that they cannot always win.  They can learn to lose graciously.

Laughter is a good medicine. King Solomon tells us in Proverbs 17:22, “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine”.  Playing and laughing with our children relieves our stress as well as theirs.  We sometimes forget that children, too, have stress as they seek to please their parents and teachers.  

Time spent playing with children is a wonderful investment that yields dividends for eternity.  Children grow up so fast!  Let’s take advantage of the opportunities we have to spend time with them while we can. 

 

Checklists: Real Voice Savers

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child…

Checklists:  Real Voice Savers

         Have you ever found yourself yelling at the kids?  Dr. James Dobson says that trying to direct children by yelling is like trying to drive a car by honking the horn.  Have you ever thought about how tired you get telling the kids things over and over?  There is a better way.

         Now, at the beginning of the new year, is a good time to make sure everyone understands individual responsibilities.  If responsibilities, consequences, and rewards are discussed now, things will go smoothly during the year.  Consequences and rewards need to be clarified so there is no misunderstanding later.  Then, when children face consequences, it is by their own choice, not the parents, because they clearly understood ahead of time what would happen according to the choices they made.  No heated discussions need occur.  Parents can simply say, “I’m sorry that you made that choice.  You knew what the consequences were when you made your decision.”

         Making checklists can not only save your voice, but they can save much time and effort.  You may say, “But I don’t have time to make a checklist!”  Believe me, it takes less time to make a list than to repeat the same thing over and over and then backtrack to see that things have been done.

         Start with making a list of chores that children need to do.  It helps to have the children actually do the list themselves with your input.  Children have a pretty good sense of what they can and can’t do. Our daughter, a single mom, used to have her children sit at the dinner table while she cooked the evening meal and do their homework and make out a list of what they needed to do the next day.  It worked beautifully.  The next day, she simply looked at the list to see what had been checked off.  If something had not yet been done, they discussed that evening how it could be accomplished.  They worked as a team.  The children fixed their own lunches in the morning before school and were able to do so because they had discussed ahead of time what they would have and listed those items.  After a few times, the list was not needed.  They knew what to do without the list.

         When our daughter’s children were in upper elementary and high school, a color-coded chart was put on the refrigerator.  It could be told immediately what had or had not been accomplished.  When something was not done, our daughter simply said, “Dylan, I noticed that you haven’t checked off ________.  When do you plan to do it?”  The children were responsible for the task but were permitted to “trade off” with each other if soccer practice or something else interfered.  If they wanted to go to a friend’s house, they knew that they could not go unless chores were done, and they didn’t even bother to ask.  

         I’ve never heard our daughter yell at her children.  When Dylan was in college and LeAndra was a senior in high school, they both were very responsible individuals and made good grades. LeAndra took her senior year online and was salutatorian of her online class. She now has a master’s degree in civil engineering and is doing very well with her job at an engineering firm in Denver.  Dylan is doing well working at Trader Joe’s in California.

         If you haven’t tried checklists, I encourage you to do so.  They really work!

When Children Get Sick

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is….) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child…

When Children Get Sick

         When children get sick, as they inevitably do, we often ponder about how much to “baby” them or just how to care for them.  What mother has not sat by the side of a sick child and thought, “I’d rather it were me feeling that way than my child”?  It hurts us emotionally while at the same time it is hurting the child physically.

         Of course, we try to do all we can to prevent that sickness in the first place.  We encourage the children to wash their hands often, singing “Happy Birthday” while scrubbing with soap and warm water to make sure the hands are scrubbed long enough to get clean.  We do our best to make sure the child has plenty of fruit and vegetables in the diet to provide the vitamin C and other nutrients needed to fight the germs.  We try to see that the child is dressed properly for the cold weather, and we try to keep the child away from places where we know germs are present.  In spite of all our care, we often feel at least a little guilt when the child gets sick as we wonder if we did all we could have done to prevent the illness.

         There are actually some positive things that come from sickness.  One such positive learning is that children come to realize that they are vulnerable.  Many young people often feel as though they can do anything and nothing bad will ever happen.  Sickness teaches a child that we each need to be careful with how we care for ourselves. A time of sickness in the home can become a time of bonding between family members as all pitch in and help the sick one.  The sick child may learn to appreciate the love and care of others.  A third benefit is a possible development of sympathy and understanding of others when they become sick.  It seems that we can never truly appreciate the feelings of others until we, ourselves, have experienced what they are going through.  People who seldom get sick often are impatient with those who do get sick more often.

         How much care should be given to a sick child?  In my opinion, we need to take advantage of this time to “coddle” the child a bit.  There are, of course, occasions when this is not true.  If a child starts to take advantage of the extra attention, we need to back off.  When a child is truly sick, however, that child needs assurance of love and care.  We need a balance of not seeming overly concerned but, at the same time, children need to know that we wish the best for them. To this day, I can remember my mom’s hand on my forehead when, as a child, I would get sick and throw up.  I’m sure that hand did no physical good, but it showed that she cared.  Another memory is a time when my dad brought a pretty colored ear of corn from the field for me when I had tonsillitis.  

         Should a child be allowed to watch TV?  Yes, but only educational programs. Should a child do homework?  The child should do homework only if he/she is not feeling too badly.  I would not force it but would check occasionally to see if he/she feels like it, and then I would give assistance. Should a child be allowed to get up and run around?  Generally, we need to allow a child to do what that child feels like doing until the temperature has been normal for at least 24 hours.  Then the child probably needs to go back to school.  Sometimes, medicine can make a child feel better while he/she is getting worse.  This may be the case when medicine is given to treat symptoms only and the medicine does not treat the cause of the symptoms.  

         We probably will not do everything perfectly when our children get sick.  We simply try to give proper physical and emotional care to the best of our ability and pray that the Great Physician will do whatever else is needed.  

Explaining Christmas to Children

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child…

Explaining Christmas to Children

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.  John 3:16  KJV

Many parents are hesitant to explain the meaning of Christmas to children for fear they might make a mistake.  Here is the story that may be read to children to make sure they understand what Christmas is about.

The Christmas Story

In the Bible, we can read in the Old Testament that Isaiah predicted that some day a savior would be born.  The word “savior” is like the word “save”. The savior was to save the people.  This was predicted about 700 years before Jesus was actually born.  All those years, people were waiting for this savior.

One day, an angel appeared to a teenage girl who was not yet married and told her she was going to have a baby and the father of this baby was God.  She did get pregnant when the Holy Spirit hovered over her.  It was hard for her because in those days, if a woman got pregnant before getting married, people thought it was awful and caused lots of trouble.  She was engaged to a man named Joseph and people thought she had been unfaithful to him.  An angel appeared to him also and told him to go ahead and marry the girl named Mary.

Later on, before the baby was born, they had to go pay taxes in Bethlehem.  It was time for the baby to be delivered but there was no place for them to stay because lots of other people had gone to pay taxes, too.  They finally found  a place in a stable where animals were kept and the baby was born there.

Meanwhile, there were shepherds out in the field watching their sheep.  Angels appeared to them and told them about the baby.  They hurried to see it.  There it was!  It was in a manger where the animals were fed.

Later on, a star appeared to some wise men.  They followed the star to a house where the baby and Mary and Joseph were now staying.  They took gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh.  King Herod heard about the baby and thought it was going to be the kind of king that would take his place and he would no longer be king.  He ordered all little babies under the age of two to be killed!  He didn’t understand that Jesus was not going to be that kind of king.  An angel talked to Joseph again and told him to take the baby to Egypt to get away from the wicked king.  They went to Egypt.

Later, the angel told them when it was safe to come back.  They came back and the baby grew up helping his earthly father, Joseph, who was a carpenter.

When the baby was about 30 years old, He began preaching and telling people about heaven and how to make sure we can go there when we die.  Some people got really mad at him and had him crucified on a cross.  At Easter, we remember about the crucifixion.  

That baby was JESUS, the son of God that came to save us.  That is why we celebrate Christmas.  We are thankful to Him for teaching us how to be saved from sin and someday go to heaven.  He brought His Father’s love to us and wants us to love each other.

Finding Time for the Kids in the Christmas Season

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child…

Finding Time for the Kids in the Christmas Season

         It is ironic that most of what we busy ourselves with in the Christmas season is for the kids, yet because we are so busy, we don’t have time for the kids.  The truth of the matter is that time spent with the kids may be far more valuable than any toy or other gift that we may give them.

         There is no doubt that intentions are good as we scurry about decorating, baking, buying, making gifts, singing songs, and all the other things that go along with the ideal picture we have painted in our minds of Christmas. Even with the best of intentions, we often miss the true meaning of Christmas and fall short of the ideal goal we have set for ourselves.

         It is unrealistic to think that we can go all year filling every moment and doing all we can, and then at Christmas time add “umpteen” other activities without subtracting something.  If our schedules are already full, how can we add anything?  Yet, we seem to think we can be super parents and do just that.  If we are already doing all we can, something must be subtracted before we can add anything else.  

         What can be subtracted from our schedules in order to add the special Christmas activities?  Of course, this is an individual matter.  Each of us must scrutinize the daily schedule to see what can be eliminated.  Perhaps this is the time to check the freezer for foods that can be heated and served without a great deal of cooking.  Deep cleaning is not a necessity.  It can wait until after the holidays.  Family togetherness can be accomplished in doing Christmas projects together rather than going places.  Many things may simply be put off until after the first of the year.

         Incorporating the children in the Christmas activities allows us to accomplish the special tasks and spend time with the children at the same time.  Children love to be a part of secrets.  They can help select a gift for dad from mom or for mom from dad or for grandparents.    It is surprising what children can think of that we often overlook.  They can be a big help in providing ideas.  While on that shopping outing, have lunch with the children at a special place of their choosing.

         By all means, let the children help decorate.  Their ideas may not be perfect in our eyes, but that is not the important thing.  The children will remember more about what they contributed than what we thought looked acceptable to our friends and neighbors.  To this day, I remember pasting together red and green strips of construction paper to make chains to go on the Christmas tree or to hang around the elementary classroom at school Those chains were not the prettiest decorations, but we had a part in making them! 

         Planning ahead and grouping activities together really helps to save time and nerves.  The more trips we make, the more time it takes.  (Also, the more gas it takes!)  

         A child can do without “a perfectly decorated home” or “the perfect toy” easier than that child can do without his/her parent’s time and attention.  Perhaps we should put on a DVD of soothing Christmas music, calm down, and really enjoy time with the children as all work together to show love to one another.  After all, isn’t showing love what Christmas is all about?  John Peterson wrote a cantata titled, “Love Transcending”. Christmas is “love transcending” from heaven to earth.  We can help spread that love around the earth as we remember the real purpose of Christmas. 

Giving Should be from the Heart

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child

Giving Should be from the Heart

         When my husband and I worked on the Navajo reservation several years ago, at one time we had a principal of our school who was one of the last survivors of the Mandan Indian tribe.  On one occasion, his cousin came to visit him and gave him an air-conditioning unit for his car.  Mr. Bearghost, our principal, in turn gave his cousin his favorite rifle.  He explained to us that the custom of the Mandan tribe had always been to give as a gift to someone else the thing that meant the most to self.  In keeping with this custom, when a man went deer hunting, the first deer killed was to be given away to someone else.  The hunter could keep only the second deer killed.

         “It is more blessed to give than to receive,” is a difficult lesson to teach children.  It is something we adults often forget ourselves.  However, it really is true.  Some of the best memories of Christmas are those of pleasing someone else with a gift.  

         True love means giving up the wants and wishes of self for the benefit of others.  The purpose of giving gifts at Christmas is to show love for others. It follows then, that to truly show love for others, we need to sacrifice the wants of self.

         We should not go in debt to give gifts.  By doing so, we are not really giving the gift, but the gift is being given by the one providing the money.  A gift should come from our own means. When we give money to children to buy gifts, it is really the person who gave the money who is buying the gift.  Children should examine their own means and abilities to see what they can give.  

         One of the best gifts that can be given is time.  How wonderful it is when our grown children now come to visit  me and they look around the house to see what needs to be done that is difficult for me to do.  Every time they visit and leave, they have left the place in better shape than when they came.  Small children, too, can learn that obeying and helping with chores can be a good gift for parents and others.

         At a missions conference I attended, we were told that people in another country were praying for America because we had become too materialistic.  Christmas is a time when we have a special opportunity to choose whether to put emphasis on materialism or to teach children that material things are not lasting and that there are more important things in life.  At the current time, as we look at pictures on TV of homes burned in California and other places, we see a visual lesson of how material things do not last.  In recent years and months, we have seen over and over belongings of people destroyed in floods, hurricanes, fires, ice storms, earthquakes, or tornados.  These happenings should serve as a reminder to us that there are more important things in life than material possessions.

         This Christmas season may we truly put emphasis on love of family and others instead of just accumulating “things”.

A Thanksgiving Story

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child…

A Thanksgiving Story

            Here is a story you can share about Thanksgiving. Reading or telling this story will help children appreciate what others have gone through in the past and how it affects us now.

Why is This Happening to Me?

            About four hundred years ago, there were some Indian tribes who lived in what is now Massachusetts.  White people did not yet live in this country, but some had been here exploring new lands. One time a ship carrying white men came to explore the coast.  They were fascinated with the Indians.  They decided to capture some and take them back to England to show people there what Indians looked like. A young man named Squanto was one of the Indian boys captured.

            While in England, the men decided to teach the Indian boys they captured to speak English. When Squanto had learned enough English, they took him back with them to what is now our country to use him as an interpreter and a guide as they continued exploring.

            While Squanto was back here in what is now America, he was tricked by some other white men and taken to Spain to be sold as a slave. Some monks bought him and he lived with them for a time and learned about the “white man’s God”.  After living at the monastery for some time, someone took him back to England and from there he was taken to America to be used as an interpreter and guide once again.

            On this final trip back to our country, he did such a good job as interpreter and guide, that those who were exploring decided to let Squanto return to his tribe.  When he arrived at the place where his tribe lived, he found that his whole tribe had died of a disease, and he was the only Patuxet Indian left!

            Squanto moved in with another tribe of Indian people whose chief was named Samoset.  It was a short time later that the pilgrims arrived at Plymouth Rock. The pilgrims had prayed and prayed about going some place where they could have freedom to worship God as they felt they should.  They had asked God to watch over them and care for them.  Imagine how surprised they were when they arrived and met Squanto, an Indian man who could speak English!

            Squanto moved to the village that the pilgrims started.  He lived with the pilgrims and taught them to hunt, plant, fish, and make treaties with other tribes of Indians so they could live peacefully together. The winters were very harsh and many of the pilgrims died during the first year.  They did not have medicines then like we have now, and their food was scarce.  Some people starved to death. 

            Squanto died in 1622.  He asked Governor Bradford to pray for him that he might go to the Englishman’s God in heaven.

            Had it not been for Squanto, it’s possible that none of the pilgrims would have survived.  He played a very important part in our country’s history.

            After telling the story, discuss it with those present.  Here are some questions that may be used for discussion:

  • How do you think Squanto and the other boys felt when they were captured?
  • Do you think it was easy for Squanto to learn English?
  • Do you think Squanto ever said to himself, “Why is this happening to me?”
  • What would have probably happened to Squanto if he had not been captured?
  • What do you think the pilgrims were thinking when they arrived and found Squanto, an Indian man who could speak English?
  • Do you think God worked in Squanto’s life for a purpose?
  • Do you think God has a purpose for your life?

Give Your Children the Best Gift

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child…

Give your Children the Best Gift

         What is the best gift you can give your children?  Many experts agree that the best thing that parents and grandparents can give children is their time.  Yet, as the holiday season approaches, we find ourselves wanting more time, and we find it more difficult to give the time to children that they need.  

         How can we give more time to children, and what are the benefits of doing so?

         One of the easiest ways to give more time to children is to include them in the activities we do.  The benefits of giving more time are many.  Three of those benefits are bonding, learning more about our children, and giving the children a feeling of worth.

         As we include children in activities, they relax and open up in more ways than they normally would.  Children most often say and do the things that they know their parents expect of them.  This prevents adults from knowing what they are really thinking and feeling.  When they relax in activities, they drop their guard and we find out more about them.  We are often surprised to find that our children may be thinking and feeling something entirely different from what we had thought.  This gives us clues as to their needs in guidance as they grow.

         As children assist in activities such as decorating, baking, making gifts, shopping, or other holiday happenings, they bond with adults in achieving the common goal of making others happy. While doing so, they can discuss how they think the recipient will respond, and they feel happy about achieving something good with their parents.  Little faces light up in anticipation of the happiness they are creating, and a special closeness is achieved as feelings of accomplishment are shared.

         When parents take time to include children in activities, the children feel that their parents think their ideas are valuable.  They develop a feeling of worth because mom or dad wanted them to help. The opposite is true when they are pushed aside.  Children then feel that their ideas and help are not wanted or needed.  They look to find their own activities aside from parents.  Children have an inner desire to feel that they are valuable to someone.  No toy or game purchased for a child can make up for that feeling.

         It is not difficult to include children in activities.  The key is to find something within the child’s ability.  There is always something they can do if it is no more than holding a finger on the ribbon while a bow is being tied.  For Thanksgiving Dinner, children can help set the table and participate in ways to help in preparation of food.  The quality of the dish is not as important as the quality of child we are raising.  

         There is nothing we can buy or do for our children that is any more important than spending time with them.