Tag Archives: mental health of children

Children and Violence in the News

by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child…

 Children and Violence in the News

What do we tell our children about all the violence that is happening in our world?  Can we shield them from it?  Should we just ignore it?

Since the beginning of time, there has been a struggle between good and evil.  Children need to be told that God wants good for everyone.  Satan is the author of evil.  All people have to choose which they will follow.  No choice means that people just do what they feel like doing and that is usually bad.  It is the condition of the heart that determines our actions.  No law can make people be good on the inside.  Love cannot be legislated.  We hope our children will choose good, but as parents, we must teach them what is good and what is bad.

It is impossible to completely shield children from all bad news.  We may succeed in keeping part of it away from them, but as they grow older, they will hear more and more.  It takes wisdom to know the amount of information to give children.  Some children are able to handle more than others at certain ages.  The parent is in the best position to know what a child can process.  It is better to help a child with understanding rather than just leave it for the child to have to face alone in the future.  To ignore the bad news completely leaves a child wondering and often confused.

There is no doubt that our children have a great challenge in their future.  We need to do all we can to prepare them.  Nothing is better to prepare them than to give them a foundation of Scripture.  Parents can never go wrong in helping children memorize Scripture.  Taking them to church can go a long way in giving support for spiritual development.  Listening to their concerns and answering to the best of our ability is also important.  It is okay to say, “I don’t know.  Maybe we can figure it out together.”  

It is natural for children to ask why God lets bad people hurt others.  The answer is that God can do everything but one thing.  He created us so that we have the right to choose.  He cannot choose for us.  If He could, we would be like puppets.  He wants us to choose the good and not the bad.  He sees everything and it makes Him sad when people choose wrongly.  He gave us the Bible to tell us how to choose the right way.  He wants us to choose to love Him, not be forced to love Him.  He wants us to choose to love others.  If others were forced to love us, it would not seem like real love.  It is the same with God.  It is important to have a choice and to choose wisely.  

Create Memories on Memorial Day

by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book. Available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, www.patlambchristianauthor.com)

Train up a Child…

Create Memories on Memorial Day

         When we create positive memories for children, it is like investing in their future.  When they are grown, many of those memories become the basis for decision making in raising their own children. They remember how much it meant to them when their parents did certain things, so they, in turn, do those same things for their children.

         Children love it when parents take time to play with them.  There are many benefits associated with adults actually getting on the level of the children and playing with them.  It is an opportunity for bonding between parents and children.  It is also an opportunity to observe children in an informal setting to see how they act and react to circumstances thrust upon them through games.  It is also a time to just have fun.  The Bible tells us that laughter is a good medicine.  It is good for all of us to simply let go once in a while and enjoy our children and have fun ourselves.  Memorial Day is a good time to do this.  After the necessary actions of remembrances are done, such as visiting the cemetery and talking about the past, why not have a picnic with active games?

         There are many games that are great for an outdoor setting.  Work-up softball is a good game to play even if there are not the nine players available for a team. This can be adapted to any number of people.  If at least nine are present, three people are batters and the others take various positions in a made-up baseball diamond.  Use anything available for bases such as sticks, trees, or whatever can be found. (This develops resourcefulness and teaches children that they don’t always have to spend a lot of money to have fun.)  Things don’t have to be perfect.  In fact, it is more fun when they are not.  Sometimes there may be two right fielders, or no right fielder.  When a person goes to bat and is put out, he or she takes a place in the field and everyone moves up one spot and a new batter is added to the batting pool.  

         Red Rover is a game that some have restricted due to the rowdiness that sometimes develops.  With adults present, it can be kept under control and enjoyed immensely.  Two lines are formed and everyone holds hands.  One line shouts, “Red Rover, Red Rover, Send _________(fill in a name of a person on the opposite line) right over.”  The person named then runs and tries to break through the line of the people who did the calling.  If he or she breaks the line, a person is chosen to go to the line that sent a person over.  If the person is unable to break the line, that person has to remain with the line that called for someone to come over.  The object is to see which line can end up with everyone.

         Many other games such as wood tag or other forms of tag games can be played.  In wood tag, one person is “it” and tries to catch the others.  If they are touching wood, they are safe.  If not, and a person is tagged, that person must be “it”.  

A flour war is another possibility.  In a flour war, two teams are chosen and flour “bombs” are made by tying up flour with string in tissue.  “Bombs” are thrown at players on the other team.  If a player is hit, that player has to go as a prisoner to the team that hit him/her.

         Inevitably in games such as the ones just mentioned, things will happen that everyone will remember.  There will be lots of laughter and wonderful memories will be created.  

Music is Valuable for Children

Train up a child… by Pat Lamb www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Music is Valuable for Children

         Of the seven intelligences, music is probably the most universal.  It seems that almost everyone has some musical intelligence.  Even those who say they “couldn’t carry a tune if they had it in a basket with a lid on it” probably enjoy listening to music. There are, however, children who possess a real gift in this area.  We all know people whose love for music is so great that they almost live and breathe it. Our oldest son, for instance, could hardly walk past our piano without sitting down and playing for a while. There are those folks who can pick up almost any instrument and play it.  Occasionally, we meet those who “play by ear” almost any tune they hear.        Even very small children who have not yet learned to walk may be seen moving their bodies somewhat in rhythm to music. As soon as they learn to walk, many small children will make up and do little dances to rhythm.  

         The seven intelligences are linguistic, logical-mathematical, bodily-kinesthetic, spatial, musical, interpersonal, and intrapersonal.  Each person is born more dominant in some intelligences than others. Musical intelligence is the capacity to discern pitch, rhythm, timbre, and tone. It enables one to recognize, create, reproduce, and reflect on music.  Music connects with emotions.  Mathematical and music intelligences may share common thinking processes.

         Children with musical intelligence are often sensitive to sounds in the environment such as chirping of crickets, traffic, or rain on the roof.  They can often produce a melody after hearing it only once.  They are able to mimic sounds, language accents, and others’ speech patterns.  They can pick out different instruments in a musical composition.  

         It is important that all children are exposed to a variety of music.  In my opinion, all children should be given some music training. Learning to read music is a real asset. Studies have shown that children who have music training do better academically.  It is unfortunate that so many young people allow peer pressure to mold them into only one type of music.  One way to help avoid this is to expose children to different kinds of music when they are young.  When our four children were small, I had a collection of records that I played for them during their rest time.  The collection included classical as well as fun songs and stories put to music. Later, our oldest son played a great deal of classical music when he took piano lessons. Each of our children seems to enjoy different kinds of music even now that they are grown.

         Making up lyrics to different tunes works well with children with the musical intelligence.  In kindergarten, some teachers make up songs about picking up toys and putting them away.  Interjecting a child’s name in the lyrics is fun.  It is amazing how the children seem to respond to the music as opposed to simply being told to pick up their toys and put them away. When the child goes to school, multiplication tables put to tunes makes it easier for the child to learn.  Many things that need to be memorized can be put to music.  Allowing the child to make up songs themselves will enhance learning.  

         It is unfortunate that there are not many opportunities for careers for music lovers.  Only the really gifted and dedicated can make a living from music.  I noticed in Europe we would walk down the street in some places and pass perhaps two or three buildings where orchestras were playing.  It seemed to be possible there for more people who loved music to do it as a career: nevertheless, music is still very important for our own personal satisfaction and enjoyment here in America.  It provides a real outlet of expression of emotions whether we perform or just listen. We each need a song in the heart! 

Avoiding the Christmas “Letdown”

Train up a child…

Avoiding the Christmas “Letdown”

       Many people seem to experience a letdown feeling after gifts are opened at Christmas.  This is a natural feeling when one has built up in the mind for several weeks a vision of how wonderful Christmas will be.  Then when the gifts are all opened, it seems to be over.  Not only that, but if someone didn’t appear to like the gift we gave, or if we, ourselves, were disappointed with what we got, there is an added negative emotion.  We may even feel guilt for not doing as much as we thought we should or because we don’t appreciate our gifts as much as we think we should.

         There are things we can do ahead of time to prevent these unpleasant feelings.  Disappointment is in proportion to expectations.  Before Christmas, we need to control our expectations.  We need to be realistic and realize that seldom is there a picture-perfect Christmas.  If our family Christmas does not turn our just as we envisioned, the truth is that probably very few others did either.  It is nice to pretend that it was perfect…especially for the sake of not offending or disappointing someone else.  Nevertheless, let’s admit that there are not many perfect Christmases. People are people.  People are not perfect.  

         We have all seen or heard of jokes about the “off-the-wall” gifts that husbands sometimes buy wives. Why do the wives get so upset?  It usually is not about the gift as much as it is about the lack of understanding.  The wife is disappointed because she feels that her husband did not care enough about her to try to understand what she really wanted.  It may be possible that she feels that household items are for everyone, including him, not just her.  When a husband gives household items, it is like saying, “You are the housekeeper and you should be happy with this tool to make your work easier.” The wife feels that she should be more than a housekeeper to her husband, and he should feel that way, too.  

         The spirit of love that is felt at Christmas can be carried over throughout the year.  It does not need to end when the gifts are opened. There are many wonderful people who know how to carry this feeling on and on.  Some retired folks, especially, seem to understand that the new purpose in their lives is to serve others.  They no longer have to work to support a family and now have the time to be of assistance to others.  These people feel less of a letdown after Christmas because they have a purpose that is never ending.

         Having an immediate new family project in mind helps to keep the children focused on the future.  The truth is that playing with toys and using the gifts often is not as much fun as the anticipation of doing so.  To introduce a new project provides the anticipation now missing.  A discussion with the children about how to carry on the spirit of Christmas can be a valuable tool in ridding them of a letdown feeling.

         The best remedy for most ills is to keep busy doing activities that have a positive result. December 26 does not mean that we have to stop enjoying the wonderful feeling of making others happy.    

How to Explain Christmas to Children (patlambchristianauthor.com)

Train up a child…

 

How to Explain Christmas to Children

 

It is easy to get so caught up in the “busyness” of Christmas and forget to take the time to sit down with children and explain why we have the observance.  In addition, some adults feel incapable of coming up with the right words and explaining its meaning so children will understand. Here is a suggested way to tell children the basics of what all should know about Christmas.  It may be told in one’s own words or simply read to children.

*****

When the world was created, Jesus was with God.  Jesus is God’s son.  God made Adam and Eve and they began to have children.  Soon there were many people on earth and God told the people what he wanted them to do to worship him.  He gave the Ten Commandments.  He also required them to sacrifice animals to him.

The people sinned a lot. They did not follow the instructions God had given them.  God decided to send his only son, Jesus, to earth to live with people and teach them the right way to live.  John 3:16 in the Bible says, “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish but have everlasting life.”

Jesus came as a little baby. He was born in a stable because there was no room for Mary, his mother, and Joseph, His earthly father, anyplace else. Christmas is for celebrating the birthday of Jesus.

God sent angels to shepherds to announce the birth of Jesus.  When Jesus was about two years old, some wise men saw a strange star and followed it to Jesus.  They took gold, frankincense, and myrrh as gifts to him.  On the way, they stopped to see King Herod who was jealous of Jesus because he had heard that Jesus was going to be a king.  He wanted to kill Jesus, so he asked the wise men to come back and tell him where Jesus was.  They didn’t do it.  Herod ordered all little boys under the age of two killed.  Joseph and Mary took Jesus to Egypt to protect him.

When the danger was over, Joseph and Mary went home.  Jesus grew up helping Joseph in Joseph’s carpenter’s shop.  When He was about twelve years old, he was teaching in the temple.  When he was about 30 years old, he began his ministry.  He told many stories to teach us the right way to live, and he healed many people.  When he was about 33 years old, some people got angry with him and decided to try to do away with him.  He was crucified on a cross.  After three days, he came back alive.  We celebrate Easter to remember his crucifixion and his coming back to life. Jesus was the last sacrifice and people didn’t have to sacrifice animals any more.

Jesus stayed on earth for a while; then, he went up to heaven.  He is still alive and wants us all to believe in him and be saved.  If we truly believe in him, are really sorry for our sins, and ask him to save us, he will send the Holy Spirit into our hearts, and when we die, we can live with him forever in heaven.

 

 

Check out my new book!

Pat Lamb’s New Book ‘My Thinking Book’ is an Enriching Compendium of Hard Questions and Truthful Answers About Faith and Life for Kids.

“My Thinking Book” from author Pat Lamb is an engaging book for young readers who enter life abuzz with the questions about life, people, and God, a question-and-answer manual where they are not only given wise, honest, scripture-based, and age-appropriate answers for a given question each day of the year, but are also encouraged to think for themselves and grow in wisdom throughout their lives.

Pat Lamb, a widowed grandmother and distinguished educator for over sixty years now living in Branson, Missouri, where she is a parenting columnist for local newspapers, has completed her new book “My Thinking Book”: a helpful, stimulating book for curious young thinkers.

Pat writes, “‘Why are there wars?’ ‘If I am really good, will I go to heaven?’ ‘Why are some people mean to others?’

Children have many questions! They deserve truthful answers to their questions. As they learn the truth, a foundation of understanding is being established that will last a lifetime.

This book gives truthful answers in a concise way to stimulate thinking and conversation about many topics bothering children. What a confusing world our children are facing! Often, our efforts to make everything fun and easy simply confuse children all the more. The earlier in life children can understand answers to their questions, based on the Scripture, the easier their future will be. Children are constantly required to make decisions. Without the correct knowledge, how can they make the right decisions?

“My Thinking Book” is designed for children to read for themselves or have it read to them. Unless otherwise noted, Scripture is taken from the New King James Version of the Bible. Although reading ability varies, generally, third-graders or above can read it. Parents may choose to read “My Thinking Book” to the children to provide a springboard for conversation.

A parent would do well to make “My Thinking Book” available for every child!

Pat Lamb’s new book is an instructive and much-needed guide that takes children’s prescient questions seriously and points them in the right direction for truth.

Without downplaying the complexity of life or being unnecessarily vague, Lamb speaks to children with respect, compassion, and understanding.

Readers can purchase “My Thinking Book” at bookstores everywhere, or online at the Apple iTunes store, Amazon, or Barnes and Noble, at www.patlambchristianauthor.com, or patlee@centurytel.net

Source: Covenant Books

Additional Links

www.patlambchristianauthor.com

e-mail: patlee@centurytel.net

 

Give Your Children the Best Gift

Train up a child…

 

Give your Children the Best Gift

 

What is the best gift you can give your children?  Many experts agree that the best thing that parents and grandparents can give children is their time.  Yet, as the holiday season approaches, we find ourselves wanting more time, and we find it more difficult to give the time to children that they need.

How can we give more time to children, and what are the benefits of doing so?

One of the easiest ways to give more time to children is to include them in the activities we do. The benefits of giving more time are many.  Three of those benefits are bonding, learning more about our children, and giving the children a feeling of worth.

As we include children in activities, they relax and open up in more ways than they normally would. Children most often say and do the things that they know their parents expect of them.  This prevents adults from knowing what they are really thinking and feeling.  When they relax in activities, they drop their guard and we find out more about them. We are often surprised to find that our children may be thinking and feeling something entirely different from what we had thought.  This gives us clues as to their needs in guidance as they grow.

As children assist in activities such as decorating, baking, making gifts, shopping, or other holiday happenings, they bond with adults in achieving the common goal of making others happy. While doing so, they can discuss how they think the recipient will respond, and they feel happy about achieving something good with their parents. Little faces light up in anticipation of the happiness they are creating, and a special closeness is achieved as feelings of accomplishment are shared.

When parents take time to include children in activities, the children feel that their parents think their ideas are valuable.  They develop a feeling of worth because mom or dad wanted them to help. The opposite is true when they are pushed aside.  Children then feel that their ideas and help are not wanted or needed.  They look to find their own activities aside from parents. Children have an inner desire to feel that they are valuable to someone.  No toy or game purchased for a child can make up for that feeling.

It is not difficult to include children in activities.  The key is to find something within the child’s ability.  There is always something they can do if it is no more than holding a finger on the ribbon while a bow is being tied.  For Thanksgiving Dinner, children can help set the table and participate in ways to help in preparation of food.  The quality of the dish is not as important as the quality of child we are raising.

There is nothing we can buy or do for our children that is any more important than spending time with them.

 

“As the Twig is Bent”

Train up a child…

 

“As the Twig is Bent”

 

I remember an instructor in our child development class at Missouri University saying, “As the twig is bent, so grows the tree”.  She went to great lengths to explain that habits that are formed in childhood last a lifetime.  If left unchecked, the inclinations that a child has are reinforced through the years as the child grows. This is true for both good and bad inclinations.  It is the task of the parent to “prune” those inclinations as needed.  The parent needs to reinforce in positive ways the good, and do their best to eliminate the bad habits.

A common saying about children who are displaying problematic behavior is, “Don’t worry. He will grow out of it.”  This may be true as relating to physical changes, but in most behavioral changes, children do not “grow out of it”.  The problems, in most cases, gain strength as the child grows.

There are many examples of children growing worse when problems are left unchecked.  Take, for instance, the child who throws temper tantrums. When parents give in to the child and do not correct this problem, the child grows up believing that he/she can get whatever is wanted by displaying acts of temper.  Another example is the demanding child who does not learn good manners.  That child becomes the adult who “railroads” through anyone or everyone to achieve wants and desires.  Poor eating habits are very difficult to correct in adulthood. Many obese people are those who as children were allowed to eat whatever they wanted. Children who are allowed to act any way they want will not grow up respecting authority. Children who are given everything needed without having to earn anything will not grow up and suddenly say, “Oh, I can do everything for myself”.  These children will always be expecting handouts.

Young people seem to have a feeling of indestructibility.  They tend to think, “I’m different.  That will never happen to me.”  I recently talked to a man who is now an alcoholic.  He said, “I made the same mistake so many other people have made.  I thought it would never happen to me.”  It is our duty, as parents and grandparents, to point out examples to prove that it can happen to anyone.  Ultimately, each person is individually responsible for choices made, but we need to do all we can to influence those choices and help that person grow in the right direction.

My dad used pieces of string to illustrate to my sisters and me how habits get stronger and stronger. He handed us a piece of string and told us to break it.  It was easy.  Then he gave us two pieces of string and told us to break them.  It was harder.  Then he gave us three pieces of string and told us to break them all at the same time. Some of us were able to do it.  By the time he got to four pieces of string, it was not possible to break them all at the same time.  “That is how it is with habits,” he said.  He told us that when you first do something wrong, it is much easier to stop than after you have continued to do it for a time.  We understood that it is best not to form bad habits.

Raising children is somewhat like gardening.  We prune, feed, and water.  We guide and do our best to influence the choices our children make.  When they are little, we can prevent bad choices.  When they grow up, they will choose according to their own individual beliefs.  Other influences in the world compete with the influence of parents.  We simply try our very best and bathe our efforts with lots of prayer.

Stress the Positive

Train up a child…

 

Stress the Positive

 

When raising children, we sometimes find ourselves in situations that are undesirable. There are some things that simply cannot be prevented or avoided.  Society often throws customs and traditions our way that affect children.  Children, themselves, do not always perform as we would like and we are tempted to harshly scold them for poor performance. When these challenges occur, some parents stress the negative instead of the positive.  Some parents spend their time and energy trying to shelter their children from the inevitable.  The best thing to do, in my opinion, is to be truthful with the children about the negative, but put the major emphasis on the positive aspects of the occasion.

Halloween has a dark origin. It is based on the rituals of the druids who lived long ago.  There may be a few people in our country who actually associate the two things, but it is doubtful that the thought ever crosses the mind of most of our children. To most children, it is a time to dress up in a costume, have fun, and get candy.  There is nothing wrong with dressing up in a costume that does not reflect the negative aspects of the holiday.  In fact, it is good for a child to imagine they are someone or something else. It expands their thinking and understanding of others. Getting candy once a year is not harmful unless permissive parents allow their children to have too much candy at other times.

Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny certainly detract from the importance of Christmas and Easter.  They become an even greater distraction if we overemphasize them.  If we tell the children that talking about them is a game we play; then, we can move on and emphasize the real truth of the holidays. If we talk about them too much, or if we forbid the children to have anything to do with the custom, their minds become fixated on them and they want to play the game all the more.

When children “mess up” and make mistakes, it is best to acknowledge the mistakes and look for the positive to emphasize.  As a teacher, I have heard endless stories about how a child was embarrassed by being scolded for mistakes.  Those embarrassing moments are like chains that keep a child from wanting to break loose and try again to succeed.  They fear the hurt of failure.  On the other hand, when a child is praised for doing something, that is the very thing the child wants to do again in hope of more praise. As the child repeats the action, that child gains more expertise in the task.

Let’s face it!  There are some things we will never be able to change.  We waste our time and energy in trying to do so.  We can, however, emphasize the positive of situations to help a child grow in the truth.  There will probably be a Santa, Easter bunny, and witches at Halloween for a long time to come.  Our children don’t have to be caught up in the things of society.  They can look at such things knowing there is something better. When they make mistakes, they need not fear a harsh scolding, but rather they can progress in the positive aspect of the situation.  By accentuating the positive, we eliminate the negative.

How to Help Children Plan Ahead

Train up a child…

 

How to Help Children Plan Ahead

 

My husband and I were privileged to attend a workshop on poverty at the College of the Ozarks. One of the things we learned is that people in poverty usually just think about getting through one day at a time. In light of this fact, it would seem that it is very important to teach our children to think ahead and plan for upcoming happenings.

There are at least three things involved in planning ahead.  We need to know what is apt to happen in the future.  We need to know what our resources are, and we need to plan ways to use those resources to meet the needs the future events will necessitate.

Fall is a good time of year to teach planning ahead.  Even nature gives us illustrations as we watch animals scurry about storing food for the winter.     Scripture tells us in Proverbs 6:6-8, “Go to the ant you sluggard, consider its ways and be wise!  It has no commander, no overseer or ruler, yet it stores its provisions in summer and gathers its food at harvest.”

Instead of sheltering our children from unpleasant happenings, we need to let them know the important things that are happening in the world.  We need to tell them in such a way as to keep them from panicking, but at the same time letting the children know that these are things to contend with.   Nature presents additional future events for which we should plan.  The cold of winter, ice storms, and tornados are common in the Midwest.  Earthquakes are common many places.  When we tell children that everything is going to be all right, we are not telling the truth. If children believe this, they see no need to think ahead and plan for events.

A “sit-down” session with children is appropriate for planning ahead.  It is helpful for children to write a list, if they are old enough to write, of events to plan for as well as a list of resources and the plan itself.  Parents need to discuss with children the location of resources such as flashlights and candles in case the electricity goes off in a storm.  Parents need to be honest about the money situation and enlist the help of the children in deciding needs versus wants.  Letting the children help in preparing a budget for the family sets a good example of what they should do when they have a home of their own, and the children will feel like they are part of the family team.

The actual plans of what to do in the various events need to be reviewed occasionally.  Not only should children be helped to plan with the family for natural occurrences and worldwide events, but they should also be helped to make study plans for the school year.  Upcoming events in the family need to be discussed and planned ahead as well.

Discussing future events, and planning for those events, actually helps children feel more secure. It takes less time to plan ahead than it does to wait until we are in the middle of something and then try to deal with it.  All in all, it just makes life go more smoothly!