Tag Archives: Raising children

When Does Mom Stop Being Mom?

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: “Let the Children Come”; “Children, Come to Me”; “When the Stars Fall Down”; “Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way”: “My Thinking Book”. Available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, www.patlambchristianauthor.com.)

Train up a child…

When Does Mom Stop Being Mom?

       From the time a child is born, mom is the one always there to feed, clothe, snuggle, and protect the little baby.  Dad is there also, but it is mom who is the closest at the early stage of life in a child.  When the child cries, mom can usually even tell what kind of cry it is.  Is it a hungry cry, a hurt cry, or an angry cry?  Mom knows.  The baby understands that mom is the one who will provide the basic needs.  The baby’s world revolves around its mom and the baby thinks mom is the greatest thing in the world.

         When the child starts to kindergarten, that child begins to discover that there are other people in the world who can make it happy.  Many children have a special bond with their kindergarten teacher.  At this point in life, mom begins to take back seat.  Mom has to stand back a little as the child begins to discover the world.  What mom hasn’t shed a tear or two as the child heads out the door for its first day of school?

         As the child begins to approach puberty, mom suddenly becomes perhaps the dumbest person in the world.  It is almost impossible to do anything right that pleases the son or daughter.  This is a time when many moms suffer a great deal of pain as their child begins to reject them.  Mom knows, however, that the child is “sprouting its own wings” and she patiently waits and watches, interjecting guidance wherever possible to help that child she still loves dearly, in spite of the fact that at times it seems that the child has no love for her.

         When the young adult goes to college, that son or daughter begins to sense the meaning of homesickness.  A reevaluation of mom and dad takes place and by the time the child is out of college, several hundred dollars later, the young adult is surprised at how much mom has learned in those four years!  The young adult still feels, however, that mom is behind the times and is not fully able to understand current situations.

         Through the adult years, the son or daughter gradually begins to understand that maybe mom wasn’t so far off base after all.  Little by little, the adult starts seeking advice from the person once thought to be ignorant of all modern behavior. “I wonder what mom would do?” the adult thinks in tough situations. “I’ll talk it over with her.”

         Finally, the time comes for mom’s life on this earth to end.  Mom is no longer there to go to for advice.  The son or daughter is now completely on its own unless dad is still around.  When tough situations come along, the individual thinks, “I wonder what mom would have done.  What would mom tell me to do?  I wish I could talk it over with her.”

         And in the coming years, the memory of mom’s words and actions still exist to help guide the child in decision-making.

         When does mom stop being a mom?  Never! The effects of her mothering are exhibited in grandchildren and great grandchildren.  Her teachings are felt in generations to come.  Mothering is a wonderful opportunity that knows no end.

A Mother’s Love is Special

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by Pat Lamb (Author of “Let the Children Come”; “Children, Come to Me”; “When the Stars Fall Down”; “Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way”; “My Thinking Book”. Available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble; www.patlambchristianauthor.com)

Train up a child…

A Mother’s Love is Special

         There are many heartwarming stories demonstrating the love of a mother for her children.  Much respect is deserved by those mothers of physically or mentally challenged children for the hours of patience and loving care they give.  Mothers seem to have a special something that fathers and others don’t have.  There is no disputing that fathers play a valuable role in the upbringing of their children, but mothers have a distinct nature for nurturing her children.  Both have an irreplaceable role as God intended when he planned for man and woman to unite to bring children into the world.  At this time of the year, our thoughts turn to mom. I recall three personal observations illustrating a mother’s love.

         When my husband and I were working with the Navajo in New Mexico and Arizona, we observed the love of the mothers for their children as they reluctantly brought them to the government boarding schools to live away from home to get an education.  The vast expanse of the reservation made it impossible to have schools nearby.  To give the children an education meant that most of them had to live in a dormitory. High school students had to go off the reservation to schools as far away as Oklahoma or Utah.  Mothers would come to the campus of our school with beautiful Navajo rugs they had woven.  They wanted to sell the rugs to get some money for their children who were going away. There were many times when we watched children cling to parents and parents to children, not wanting to let go and part from each other. Knowing the necessity of an education prompted the parents to do what only the love for a child would motivate them to do…walk off and leave the child in the hands of someone else to educate. 

         On one occasion in Ramah, NM, a little girl did not want to come to school.  Her mother knew how important it was for the child’s future. I was teaching second grade at the time and the little girl was in my class.  Her mother came carrying the girl, kicking and crying, and put her in my arms. The mother spoke very little English and I spoke even less Navajo, but the language of love is universal.  I nodded to her in understanding, took the little girl in my arms and carried her into the classroom where she immediately stopped crying. I later learned from the mother’s brother that the little girl, Karen, had jumped out of the pickup on the way to school, and started to run across the field and hide, so she wouldn’t have to come to school.  Her mother had jumped out of the moving pickup right behind her, climbed over a fence and taken off after her to catch her.  Her brother was laughing about how her squaw skirt and turquoise jewelry were flying as she climbed that fence. (She wore a full 3-tiered skirt like a square dance skirt but floor length and velvet blouse…the traditional dress of the Navajo women.)  Her brother laughed when he told us that she didn’t care what the tourists thought as they drove by on the busy highway, she was going to catch Karen and get her in school!

         Another example of a mother’s love was seen in Denver when I rode with a policeman one night as a project for a class I was taking in the psychology of prejudice. Shortly after we stopped at a convenience store for coffee, we received a call that a girl had been raped at that same store.  Since another car was in the vicinity, we didn’t pursue the case.  At the end of the tour, we went to the police headquarters.  I was curious as to what happened about the rape case, so the man I had ridden with asked the dispatcher to find out.  She communicated with the police car that had been assigned to the case.  The reply came back, “Male Caucasian, 6’4” tall, approximately 250 lbs., when last seen was being pursued by victim’s mother!”

         Yes, mothers have a special love for the welfare of their children.

Some Children are Self Smart

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book. Available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, www.patlambchristianauthor.com)

Train up a child…

Some Children are Self Smart

         “Still water runs deep” is an expression that is often used to describe a child who may be quiet and perhaps shy and doesn’t mind being alone.  This may very well be the child who has a dominant intrapersonal intelligence.

         Seven intelligences have been defined.  People are born with dominance in three or four of these intelligences.  The intelligences are known as verbal/linguistic, logical/mathematical, bodily/kinesthetic, spatial, musical, interpersonal, and intrapersonal.  Other names for these intelligences are word smart, numbers smart, body smart, picture smart, music smart, people smart, and self smart.

         Intrapersonal or self-smart is the capacity to understand oneself. This person can understand his/her own personal thoughts and feelings and use that knowledge to plan and direct his/her life.  Intrapersonal intelligence involves not only an appreciation of self, but also of the human condition and is evident in psychologists, spiritual leaders, and philosophers.

         The children who possess this intelligence to a strong degree may be thought of as “loners”. They don’t seem to mind being alone for extended periods of time. Sometimes parents worry unduly about these children for fear they may become anti-social when they are simply thinking about life and its meaning. They are usually in tune with their inner feelings, values, beliefs, and thinking processes.  These children may be “wise beyond their years”, can usually motivate themselves, and have intuition.  Since they spend much time in simply thinking, they may have well thought-out opinions on many issues.  Others often go to them for advice.  However, some may think of them as distant resulting in a small number of friends.

         Teachers would do well to give children who have this intelligence opportunities to describe their feelings or the feelings of others when essays are assigned. Any essay topic that asks for an opinion is a subject to be enjoyed by these children.  There will be an interest in the personalities of great mathematicians when studying math.  A parent or teacher might ask for a description of the feelings of others as history is studied because they like to imagine how people felt in various circumstances. 

         Job skills the intrapersonal person is likely to possess include working alone, setting goals and obtaining objectives, appraising, planning, initiating, and organizing.  This person is likely to be a self-motivator.  Jobs that these individuals seem to fit are clergyman or religious worker, psychologist, therapist, counselor, or entrepreneur.  At some point in time, they may want to write an autobiography.  They may not always be good in jobs where quick action is required because they like time to reflect and think before making a decision.  

         I am amazed when I think about the varying personalities that God created.  He knew what would be needed to sustain a society and he gave each of us unique ways of thinking and acting to meet those needs.  It would be so nice if each of us learned to appreciate the differences in people rather than expecting everyone else to think and feel as we do.  Ideally, we would all work together and compliment the skills and abilities of one another.    

Building a Spiritual Foundation in Children

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book. Available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and www.patlambchristianauthor.com)

Train up a child…

Building a Spiritual Foundation in Children

         Childhood is a foundation for life.  That foundation needs to be established in four areas. These areas are social, mental, physical, and spiritual.  How these four areas are developed in childhood influences the successful adjustment to adulthood.

         The spiritual development of children is often neglected.  Much emphasis is placed on a good education (mental), making friends (social), and health and wellness of children (physical), but when it comes to the spiritual side of a child, parents often feel inadequate to work in this area or for some other reason, simply don’t. Yet, it is this part of a human being that permeates all other parts and gives motivation and a set of values for functioning.

         Every person is born with an instinct to worship something.  As a small child begins to notice the many things created, questions begin to arise.  “Where did I come from?” is a natural curiosity.  “Who made the trees, flowers, and other things around me?” is also a natural question.  If a child is not given guidance in what to believe, he/she may end up in a cult or simply drift through life with little or no purpose searching for meaning to life.  That person will always be trying to fill a void that may never be satisfied in spite of many attempts.  “If we don’t stand for something, we will fall for anything,” is a saying I once heard.  This seems to play out in many lives of individuals who have not had a spiritual foundation as children.

         Some parents will say, “I will let my children decide for themselves about what they believe.”  How can they decide if they have no knowledge?  We don’t let children decide about whether to go to school.  We don’t let them eat only candy all the time.  We try to make sure they choose the right friends.  They need help in deciding what to believe.

         In my opinion, there are certain basic things that should be done to help develop a spiritual foundation in children.  First of all, they should go to church and learn about the Bible.  There are basic things about the Bible every child should learn.  Children need to learn about the crucifixion and the meaning of the cross.  In connection with this, children need to learn John 3:16.  The Ten Commandments and The Lord’s Prayer should be memorized by every child.  Children need to learn that God is love but that he is also a just God and that we don’t get by with wrong.  Even though God will forgive us of wrongdoing if we are sorry and ask Him to do so, there are still natural consequences of sin.  They need to understand that there is a heaven and a hell and that God sees them everywhere they are.  There is no hiding from God.  (This understanding is especially helpful when children get to the point of wanting to do something without parents knowing about it.) The more Scripture children can memorize, the better it is.   These Scripture verses will come back to them as they make decisions.  Purpose in life is obtained when children learn that God has a plan for each person. 

When my oldest sister was in her last days, at one point I stood beside her bed in St. John’s Hospital in Springfield.  She and I were holding hands, and she looked at me and said, “My biggest regret is that I didn’t get Gary and Steve (her sons) in Sunday school and church when they were little”.  We need to constantly work on the spiritual development of children just as we work on the development in other areas. When they hear about Christ arising from the grave, they take hold of a deeper meaning to life than simply pleasing mom and dad, the teacher, and friends.  No other religious leader has come back from death.  Knowing this fact will help a person decide to live for Christ.  

Helping Children with Fear

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book. Available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, www.patlambchristianauthor.com.)

Train up a child…

Helping Children with Fear

Many people are experiencing fear at this time concerning the virus being talked about so much.  Children sense those fears and are trying to deal with them.  They need the help of adults to do so.  How can we help them?

It is helpful if children understand that there have been times in the past that have presented challenges with sicknesses.  They also need to understand that some things are permanent and some things are not.  They need the security of knowing that they have the love of parents and others that will never be taken away.

Others in my age category may remember the small pox and tuberculosis epidemics that came through the Ozarks many years ago.  Yes, many people died, but many survived.  Of course, travel was not so prevalent and the media not as effective in their influence as now.  Just as there have been times in the past, there will probably be more times in the future when we are challenged. 

Part of a child’s education should include the fact that life has no guarantees.  It is tempting to avoid such subjects because no one wants to upset a child with scary thoughts.  However, truth is truth and can’t be avoided.  When we hold back truth, the children will not be prepared later to deal with it.  It never helps to tell a child, “Everything will be alright.”  It is actually insulting a child’s intelligence to do so.  Children see fear in the faces of parents and others; they hear fear in the voices of reporters and others.  They know better.  

Most of all, children need the assurance from parents, grandparents, and others that no matter what happens, they will be loved and cared for to the extent that caretakers are able.  Love is something that can never be taken away.  Life is full of uncertainties.  Children need to know that the love of parents is certain.  

Give children lots of hugs.  Don’t lie to them.  They can tell when you are.  Be honest in the gentlest way possible, but always be truthful.  Teach them health habits to be used at all times, not just now.  Point out those things that never change such as God’s love.  Set a good example of calmness and thoughtfulness.  Point out the difference between truth and hype.  Teach children to be thrifty with supplies, food, etc.  Teach the value of prayer, for God is in control of all.  

Music is Valuable for Children

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by Pat Lamb ( Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book. Available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and www.patlambchristianauthor.com)

Train up a child…

Music is Valuable for Children

         Of the seven intelligences, music is probably the most universal.  It seems that almost everyone has some musical intelligence.  Even those who say they “couldn’t carry a tune if they had it in a basket with a lid on it” probably enjoy listening to music.  There are, however, children who possess a real gift in this area.  We all know people whose love for music is so great that they almost live and breathe it.  Our oldest son, for instance, could hardly walk past our piano without sitting down and playing for a while.  There are those folks who can pick up almost any instrument and play it.  Occasionally, we meet those who “play by ear”.          Even very small children who have not yet learned to walk may be seen moving their bodies somewhat in rhythm to music. As soon as they learn to walk, many small children will make up and do little dances to rhythm. 

         The seven intelligences are linguistic, logical-mathematical, bodily-kinesthetic, spatial, musical, interpersonal, and intrapersonal.  Each person is born more dominant in some intelligences than others. Musical intelligence is the capacity to discern pitch, rhythm, timbre, and tone. It enables one to recognize, create, reproduce, and reflect on music.  Music connects with emotions.  Mathematical and music intelligences may share common thinking processes.

         Children with musical intelligence are often sensitive to sounds in the environment such as chirping of crickets, traffic, or rain on the roof.  They can often produce a melody after hearing it only once.  They are able to mimic sounds, language accents, and others’ speech patterns.  They can pick out different instruments in a musical composition.  

         It is important that all children are exposed to a variety of music.  In my opinion, all children should be given some music training.  Learning to read music is a real asset.  Studies have shown that children who have music training do better academically.  It is unfortunate that so many young people allow peer pressure to mold them into only one type of music.  One way to help avoid this is to expose children to different kinds of music when they are young.  When our four children were small, I had a collection of records that I played for them during their rest time.  The collection included classical as well as fun songs and stories put to music. Later, our oldest son played a great deal of classical music when he took piano lessons.  Each of our children seems to enjoy different kinds of music even now that they are grown.

         Making up lyrics to different tunes works well with children with the musical intelligence.  In kindergarten, some teachers make up songs about picking up toys and putting them away.  Interjecting a child’s name in the lyrics is fun.  It is amazing how the children seem to respond to the music as opposed to simply being told to pick up their toys and put them away.  When the child goes to school, multiplication tables put to tunes make it easier for the child to learn.  Many things that need to be memorized can be put to music.  Allowing the child to make up songs themselves will enhance learning.  

         It is unfortunate that there are not many opportunities for careers for music lovers.  Only the really gifted and dedicated can make a living from music.  I noticed while visiting in Europe, as we walked down the street in some places, we would pass perhaps two or three buildings where orchestras were playing.  It seemed to be possible there for more people who loved music to do it as a career; nevertheless, music is still very important for our own personal satisfaction and enjoyment here in America.  It provides a real outlet of expression of emotions whether we perform or just listen. We each need a song in the heart! 

Some Children are Number Smart

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by Pat Lamb (Author of “Let the Children Come”; “Children, Come to Me”; “When the Stars Fall Down”; “Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way”; “My Thinking Book”. Available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and patlambchristianauthor.com )

Train up a child…

Some Children are “Number Smart”

       It is common for parents and teachers to teach children believing that children will respond the same way they responded as children.  To have this mindset is to not take in consideration the differences in intelligences with which children are born.  To say that we are not the same is a “no-brainer”, yet we work with children as though they all are just like us.  

         Children are born with seven different intelligences.  They are:  verbal/linguistic, mathematical/logical, musical/rhythmic, bodily/kinesthetic, visual/spatial, interpersonal, and intrapersonal.  Those intelligences are also known as: word smart, numbers smart, picture smart, music smart, body smart, people smart, and self smart.

         Some people just seem to have a knack for math.  These are the number smart people. Number smart persons are logical thinkers.  They can do sequential reasoning, do inductive and deductive reasoning, and do abstract reasoning.  They enjoy doing number puzzles and can perceive connections and relationships of one thing to another.  They may like to study statistics and graphs.  Children may like to play with secret codes.  They do well with “If ….then” types of reasoning. They may do better at outlining stories and classifying items.  As a small child, you may notice these number smart individuals grouping their toys by size, color, etc.  This may be a clue that in the future they will do well in math.  These logically minded children may be argumentative and continually try to prove their point. Parents become frustrated as the children try to prove them wrong. Older persons with this intelligence will like solving mysteries.  Their favorite books or movies may be mysteries.

         In my own experience, I have noticed that many of those who excel in math may have difficulty in English usage and writing.  It seems to me that many people who have the “math brain” think in black and white and expect everything to be logical.  Our English language is not logical.  There are times when one thing applies and times when it does not.  This frustrates the person who wants everything to be logical.  The flip side of this is that word smart people sometimes have trouble with math because it does not have varying shades of correctness or incorrectness.  In math, only one way is right.    

         People who are number smart may end up in careers such as auditors, accountants, underwriters, scientists, statisticians, computer analysts, economists, technicians, bookkeepers, science teachers, engineers, retail buyers, physicists, bankers, math teachers, or investment brokers.  Some people from the past who were number smart include Albert Einstein, Thomas Edison, and George Washington Carver.      

         When we can recognize the intelligences of children and nurture those intelligences, we can steer them toward satisfying careers.  Understanding a child’s interests can create more harmony in the family.  Just because there are some who have this special interest is not to say that those who do not have this special interest cannot learn math.  Everyone needs math and in my opinion can learn math, but they may not go into careers where math is one of the most important skills. 

The Value of Storytelling

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by Pat Lamb, Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book (Available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, www.patlambchristianauthor.com)

Train up a child…

The Value of Storytelling

       In recent years there has been a significant emphasis on reading books to children.  Reading to children is a very good thing, but telling stories to children adds a dimension that reading to children does not.  Books for young children usually provide illustrations for children to use for understanding.  When children listen to stories, they must make their own mental images, and to do so, requires listening carefully. Storytelling has almost become a lost art in many households.  It is an art that, in my opinion, needs to be revived.

         As children listen to stories, they develop listening skills, become creative as they are required to visualize scenes, and are treated to many subjects not covered in books.  As parents or grandparents tell stories of past experiences, the children gain a better understanding of the storyteller.  

         What kind of stories can we tell children?  Our own experiences provide a wealth of material.  In addition, Bible stories or some of the oldies that contain morals are good.  Many of Aesop’s fables teach children valuable behavioral lessons.  “The Fox and the Crane” teaches consideration of others.  “The Fox and the Crow” teaches not to be taken in by flattery.  “The Lion and the Mouse” teaches that size is not always the important thing and that even a little mouse can be more powerful than a lion.  This story can help a child feel self worth.  The “Emperor’s New Clothes” is a story that teaches children to be careful what they believe.  “Stone Soup” helps children understand the power of persuasion.  It also helps a child understand how easily it is to be taken in and that we should not be selfish.  These are only a few of the old stories that children love to hear and provide good learning at the same time.

         Sometimes it is good to let children or others participate in telling the story.  It is good to let them be creative and change stories if they want.  For example, on one occasion two of our grandchildren, their mother, grandfather, and I were traveling.  I suggested we all participate in telling the story of the three pigs.  We took turns and each person added to what had been said before.  When it was grandpa’s turn, he said, “Those little pigs decided they didn’t want apples at all.  They said, ‘Let’s go get some ice cream and let that ole wolf get apples if he wants!” The grandchildren laughed for the next 10 miles or so.  That was a springboard for them to become creative and make up their own variations of the story.

         Telling stories costs no money but creates pleasant life-long memories.  They can be told while sitting and waiting in a car, at bedtime, while traveling, or perhaps on a cold winter evening.  Storytelling provides a great amount of satisfaction for both the storyteller and the listener while the children learn important lessons.

Note:  Some of the lessons in my book, Let the Children Come contain additional stories that can be told to children.  It is available on Amazon and  can also be ordered from me through my website or e-mail.

 patlee@centurytel.net

www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Stuffed Animals Can Be Teaching Tools

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and my website, patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child….

Stuffed Animals Can be Teaching Tools

         Playing with my young grandson and his stuffed animals reminded me of how much a child can learn from this activity.  As an adult plays with a child, the conversation can be guided in such a way that the child can learn about manners and consideration of the needs and feelings of others.  In addition, the child can develop empathy that can be transferred into real life in interrelationships with people.  Creative skills are enhanced and children learn social skills.

         Most children really enjoy playing “pretend”.  A child and adult may pretend any number of situations using the animals.  My grandson and I pretended that Leo, the Lion, had a birthday and we were giving him a birthday party.  We took the other animals shopping for Leo and talked about what would be appropriate for a lion.  I pointed out that Leo liked to eat meat while some of the other animals, such as the lambs, liked to eat grass.  We talked about how we should choose a gift that would make Leo happy and not pick a gift that would just make us happy.  Each animal knocked politely on the door before entering the home of Leo.  Each animal said “please”, “thank you”, and “excuse me” when appropriate.  Leo mentioned that he would be writing thank-you notes to all who brought a gift. In these actions, my grandson learned about saying “excuse me”, thank you”, and “please”.  He also learned about considering the wants and needs of others instead of self.  The play could have been carried further and play money could have been used to purchase a gift.  In doing so, proper use of money could have been taught.

         On another occasion, I used his stuffed roadrunner and his stuffed dog to tell a story patterned after Aesop’s fable, “The Fox and the Crane”.  This story emphasizes consideration of others.  Letting the roadrunner substitute for the crane and the dog substitute for the fox, I told how the dog invited the roadrunner for dinner and served milk in a flat plate.  The dog liked the flat plate because the dog laps the milk, but the roadrunner could not get the milk with his beak. The roadrunner decided to teach the dog a lesson and invited the dog to dinner at his house.  The roadrunner served milk in a tall, narrow, vessel that he could put his beak in, but the dog couldn’t lap the milk from.  They each realized that they should have considered the needs of the other and apologized.  I briefly mentioned that people have different needs and that we should consider those needs.

         Most children have at least one stuffed animal. There are many opportunities to use other common things around the house to teach children and develop good attitudes.  If we take advantage of these opportunities while the children are young, they grow up with proper feelings toward others and we save them, as well as ourselves, many headaches. My grandson begged me over and over to play with him with his stuffed animals.  I considered it time well spent.  As he enjoyed playing, he learned many important things to help him in later life and stimulated his creative ability at the same time.  He developed conversational skills and learned to think quickly as he responded to my conversation in our pretend games.  

Small Steps Can Lead to Big Gains

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book) Available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and www.patlambchristiansauthor.com

Train up a child…

Small Steps Can Lead to Big Gains

         
         “The longest journey starts with the first step”.  How true.  This philosophy can be applied to helping children set goals.  It is important to set short-term goals as a beginning to the achievement of long-term goals.  Parents often have the tendency to set ultimatums that overwhelm children; then, children tend to give up before they get started feeling that the task is impossible to achieve.

         Nothing succeeds like success.  Success breeds success; failure breeds failure.  When a child feels successful, that child will want to continue actions that achieved that success.  When a child experiences failure, that child will not want to continue.  If we help a child set goals that are easily achievable, the child will want to set another achievable goal.  

         How does this work in real life?  Suppose you want a small child to clean his/her bedroom. Instead of telling the child to clean the room, break the chore down in steps.  Perhaps start with telling the child to make the bed.  After that is accomplished, tell the child to pick up the things on the floor.  Next, the child could do the dusting of one piece of furniture at a time. Finally, the floor needs to be vacuumed or swept. Add other tasks as needed until the room is nice and clean. When the child then receives praise for a clean room, he/she feels a sense of pride and accomplishment and will be more apt to do it next time.  In addition, the child has been taught what is involved in cleaning a room.  

         Another example might involve a child learning the multiplication tables.  Instead of simply telling the child to learn the tables, help the child set a goal of learning the 8’s by a certain time.  Next, the child might learn the 9’s, etc.  This continues until all the tables are learned.

         If a child is struggling with homework, instead of simply telling the child to do the homework, a parent might say, “After this page is done, take a little break and get a glass of water or cookie.” Plan with the child by looking at how much is left to be done and dividing it up so that the child feels accomplishment along the way.  After each part is done, the child might be allowed to do something to have a little break.

         Still another example might be used in saving money.  Discuss with the child how much money can be saved by a certain time.  Make sure a special container is available for the money even if it is simply a clean jelly jar.  After the first goal has been reached, reset the goal for a certain date to have saved a greater amount.  It is helpful if a child has an object in mind to purchase or another plan for the money.  That would be the long-range goal.  The short-range goals along the way are very helpful in motivating the child to continue saving.

         Almost any task can be broken down in parts to encourage and motivate children.  It is good to have long-range goals as well, but the short- range goals are the stepping stones along the way.