Tag Archives: parenting

Moms Have Tough Times to Tolerate

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child…

Moms Have Tough Times to Tolerate

         I’m sure every mom has some really tough times.  Some of those times we can later look back on and have a good laugh, but at the time they occurred, we may have been frustrated and ready to “throw up our hands” in dismay.  Here are three such times that occurred in our family.

         When our grandson was a toddler, his mom was very proud that she had taught her firstborn at such an early age to help by picking up things and throwing them in the trash.  He would pick up bits of trash on the floor and proudly toddle to the trash bin and put them in and turn and look at his mom for her praise and approval. One day she got ready to go to work but could not find her watch.  This was a very special watch that her dad and I had given to her for her graduation.  After searching through the trash and not finding it, she could only conclude that it had already gone to the dumpster and been picked up by the garbage truck!  At that moment, she was not so proud of her son for putting things in the trash for her.

         Our second son was gifted with the use of words, but was never able to master math.  When he was in first grade, I would sit at the kitchen table at night and work with him to teach him to subtract whole numbers through ten.  To make the learning more interesting, I would use popcorn, spaghetti, raisins, or miniature marshmallows.  We would put down a certain number, take away a certain number, and count what was left so he could write the answer on his homework paper.  On one occasion, we were using marshmallows when the phone rang and I had to leave to answer it.  “Go ahead and finish this row,” I told him.  When I came back, there was not a single problem completed and he had eaten the marshmallows! It has been seven years since we lost this son. Before he passed away, we laughed together about the incident and he said, “Yeah.  Those little colored marshmallows were tasty!”

         Our oldest son had a curious nature.  He liked to touch things when we went shopping or wherever we happened to be.  I tried and tried to teach him to keep his hands off things, but he seemed not able to resist checking out whatever was available to examine. On one occasion our family was invited to dinner at a friend’s home.  They thoughtfully seated our four children in the kitchen while we ate at the dining table.  There was a shelf in the cabinet beside where they were seated that had a number of items on it.  As we were enjoying a pleasant conversation and all seemed to be going well, we suddenly heard a loud “pop”.  I couldn’t imagine what could have happened, but we soon knew when we all started rubbing our eyes and the tears started rolling down our cheeks.  We quickly made our way to the front yard as our host explained that our son had set off a tear bomb!  The tear bomb looked like a pen.  Kenneth had picked it up to look at it thinking it might have different colors of ink in it.  As the neighbors came running out of their houses to see why we were all in the yard crying, the host angrily said, “He shouldn’t have been bothering that!” He had a few other comments as well and repeated some of them several times! He was not happy with us!

         Mother’s Day is such a special day to honor moms for all they have tolerated as well as the pleasures they have had in raising their children.  Quite possibly each and every mom has stories they remember or are presently experiencing with their children.  Each day is a day to invest in future memories to enjoy.  Most of the older moms will readily tell the younger ones, cherish each moment with your children.  They grow up so very fast and are gone before you know it!

How Does A Mom Gain Respect?

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and www.patlambchristianauthor.com.

Train up a child…

How Does a Mom Gain Respect?

         Have you noticed how some children really seem to respect their moms while others don’t?  What makes the difference?  Although children should be taught to respect their parents no matter what the circumstances, there are some things a mom can do to make it easier for a child to fulfill this requirement.  Moms who are always firm, live good clean lives as examples to their children, and are willing to sacrifice their own comforts and desires usually have the respect of their children.

         Sadly, some parents are afraid to be firm for fear that their children will get mad at them and not like them.  Mothers who do this will surprisingly find a lack of respect.  I observed an example of this when I taught kindergarten. A mother brought her son to class every morning and they were almost always late.  She would beg her son to come on into the room.  On one occasion I heard her tell the little boy that if he would go on into the room that she would give him a candy bar that she had in her hand.  Finally, after much pleading, the little boy took the candy bar and came on into the room.  When Mother’s Day was approaching, I had a group time with the children and talked to them about how they should love their mothers and what they could do for their mothers to show it.  The same little boy defiantly said, “I hate my mother!”  I was shocked, but it reinforced my understanding that you don’t gain respect without firmness to require a child to do what should be done.

         When moms are firm about certain things, they must “practice what they preach” and set a good example.  Children do not respect anyone who tells them not to do something and then they, themselves, go ahead and do those things. Children immediately catch on to our weaknesses.  They see weaknesses as disgusting, especially when they have been told to be strong and resist the same temptations.  “Do as I say and not as I do” simply does not work with children.  They learn more by example than by what they are told.  Moms should set the example of respecting their own parents, respecting God and his commands, as well as respecting the country and its laws.  

         If moms expect children to do more than they are willing to do, they are fooling themselves.  Moms can gain respect of their sons and daughters when they are willing to sacrifice for the good of the family.  I still have a visual image in my mind of my mom’s cracked and bleeding hands from milking cows with my dad every night and morning.  How I respect her for that! When she sold her eggs each week and bought shoes for my sisters and me instead of pretty things for herself, she gained the respect of each of us.  Self-sacrifice speaks love loud and clear and it certainly gains respect.

         Mother’s Day is somewhat of a test of the mother.  Will her children respect her enough to make an effort to show that respect to her?  Of course, it is also a test of dad.  Has dad taught the children to show respect to their mom? Has dad shown proper respect to mom as an example? Actions speak louder than words.  It is not the expensive gift that really counts, but rather the actions of the children in showing proper respect to their mothers.  Have we done all we can to gain that respect?  

Raising Children is Like Raising Flowers

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Barnes & Noble, Amazon, and www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child…

Raising Children is Like Raising Flowers

         Even those who do not have a “green thumb” can relate to the idea that raising children is somewhat like raising plants in a number of ways.

The problem is, however, that when we fail with a plant, we can throw it away and get another.  What we do with children lasts for eternity. When spring arrives and our thoughts turn to gardening, it is easy to think of some of the things we must do in order to produce good plants.  Do we give as much consideration to what we must do to produce adults pleasing to our Lord? 

         Following are some of the similarities found in raising children and raising plants:

  • Both need almost constant care when very small because they are unable to care for themselves.
  • Both need water and fertilizer to survive.  We can think of fertilizer in children as the knowledge we give them.  If too much is given all at once, it is harmful.  It must be given in doses that can be processed.  When children are given too much knowledge, they become overwhelmed and frustrated.  This is happening in our culture now as children are bombarded with much on TV and other places that they are not prepared to deal with.  Also, the fertilizer is like good nutrition for children by making sure they eat properly.  Just as plants need certain nutrients, so do children need certain nutrients.
  • Plants and children each need pruning.  We snip off parts of plants to make them grow in the right direction.  Children need to have certain actions and behavior cut out of their lives to steer them in the right direction.  When this is not done, both plants and children may grow crooked and not in good form.
  • We cannot force flowers to bloom and we cannot force children to grow up too fast.  Growth comes from the inside on God’s time table.  Just as one might take a budding flower and pull the petals open, when we try to force children to grow up faster than they are ready, they become bruised and hurt.
  • We cannot change a rose to make a daisy, nor can we make children become something that God did not intend.  Each child is born with certain tendencies.  We cause harm when we try to get children to become something different from what God gifted them to do.
  • Plants and children need the proper environment in which to thrive.  Just as some plants need bright sunlight and some need shade, children need to be in an environment of encouragement and love to thrive.  They need to be around those who will be good friends.  They need clean air and proper exercise in sunshine to grow healthy bodies.  They need church fellowship to grow spiritually, and they need good schools to grow mentally.

Knowing that children are a gift from God, we can take those gifts and nurture and watch them grow into the men and women God intended them to be.  We cannot do the growing for them.  God provides the growing, we are the ones who care and tend them.

How We Harm Our Children

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…)Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child…

How We Harm our Children

       The Bible tells us that children are a gift from God.  When this gift first arrives, we are all excited at the precious little miracle and have high hopes of it becoming the perfect adult.  However, as the little bundle grows into a demanding individual, we are tempted to lose our original intentions of raising a perfect child and may begin pulling away and even resenting the intrusion on our own pleasure and self-fulfillment.

         As children grow, we tend to become confused.  It isn’t as much fun as we thought it would be to have a child.  There seems to be a constant demand on our time and energy.  We begin to do things that are harmful to children as we draw back from our responsibilities of raising the God-given gift as the giver intended.  Many times we do things that harm a child while having good intentions.  Following are some things that we do that I believe harm children:

  • Neglect to step in when a child needs instruction.  (Children are left wondering what to do.)
  • Think that all children should have fun all the time.  (Fun does not develop character. Hardships develop character.)
  • Let a child always do what it wants to do.  (Children need boundaries for security.)
  • Substitute things for time. (Time with parents is far more valuable than things that money can buy.)
  • Give a child all the freedom it wants. (Children learn self-discipline by obeying rules.)
  • Over-discipline a child.  (Children learn by suffering consequences of the decisions they make. Sometimes we need to let children make their own decisions and suffer the results.  Experience is the best teacher.)
  • Stepping in and rescuing a child from the consequences of a decision the child has made. (We become enablers by letting the child think that whatever he/she does, we will always bail him/her out.
  • Letting a child eat whatever and whenever it wants. (The body needs proper nutrition to function well.  Parents should see that a child eats healthy foods. (Soda is not a healthy food!)
  • Letting a child talk so as to dominate conversations.  (Children need to learn to listen to others and respect opinions of others.)
  • Insisting that a child be promoted in school when that child has not mastered the skills of the grade level he/she is in. (Children just get in deeper and deeper, become frustrated, and develop low self-esteem.)
  • Not seeing to it that children have chores to do to contribute to the family.  (Children need to learn that things in life should be earned and most are not free.)

These are a few things we can watch out for as we raise our most cherished gifts—our children.  There is no such thing as a perfect parent, but each of us can strive to improve in our parenting skills.  Children are a real pleasure if they learn to live as Christ would have them live, but children who are neglected and left to their own desires seldom are a pleasure to be around.   Proverbs 23:24 tells us that, “The father of a righteous man has great joy; he who has a wise son delights in him.”  

Plan a Meaningful Easter

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child…

Plan a Meaningful Easter

         Easter is the most important holiday of the year.  Without Easter, Christmas would lose its importance.  For this reason, we should put much effort into making sure that children understand the real meaning of the time as well as enjoying the holiday to create a pleasant memory.

         Many would like to do away with the great amount of commercialism that accompanies Easter.  Realistically, that isn’t likely to happen.  It would seem to me that the best way to deal with the commercialism is to adapt it to positive learning.  Egg hunts are fun.  Children who are not allowed to participate will probably resent it.  Why not simply tell the children that the eggs represent new life that we can find in Jesus.  We are promised in the Bible that if we seek, we can find that new life.  Easter baskets can be explained as a way that parents show love to children by giving gifts just as God gave the best gift of all, his Son. I don’t know many children who are truly tricked into thinking that a rabbit brings an Easter basket.  In my opinion, it is best to tell the children that the Easter bunny is part of a game that adults like to play with children. Those who choose to purchase new clothes can tell children that we want to look our best for church and that the new clothes symbolize the new life we can find when we believe Jesus died on the cross and rose again, repent, and invite the Holy Spirit into our lives. 

         What better time than Easter to teach John 3:16.  All children should know this verse that says, “For God so loved the world that he gave His only son that whosoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life”.  In addition to teaching the verse, the family needs to attend the church of choice on Easter.  Most churches have special services. There is no better way to teach children than through visual demonstration.  Many churches provide thought-provoking drama that help all to understand Easter.

         It is sad to think that so many people in our country do not know the meaning of Easter.  When Tim Tebow wrote John 3:16 under his eyes while playing football, it was reported that approximately two million people googled the Internet to find out what it was.  Our children have a great deal to face in their adulthood.  Hopefully, we can make sure that those children with whom we personally come in contact will have the spiritual foundation they need to deal with the issues facing them. One way to help give children this needed spiritual foundation for the future is to make Easter meaningful.

To Spank or Not to Spank

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, www.patlambchristianauthor.com.

Train up a child…

To Spank or Not to Spank

         There have been many heated arguments as to whether children should be spanked.  My opinion is that sometimes a spanking may be a good thing. However, most of the time, there are many more effective ways to teach a child than to spank.  Spankings are often substituted for a lack of knowledge of better ways to discipline.  Many times spankings are done because a parent does not want to use time and effort to use other methods of teaching.  It is way too easy for parents to think that their job is done simply because they spanked a child. A spanking may force a child to act a certain way at the moment, but probably does not convince a child to always act the preferred way.  Unless a child decides for self the preferred way to act, there may be no follow-through.  The time comes when the children grow up and no longer have to obey parents.  What that person truly believes determines behavior.

         Spankings often do not work with children.  A school principal once told me that he asked four boys who had misbehaved on the playground if they would rather have a spanking or stay in from recess.  Without exception, the boys chose the spanking.  Many times a child will take a spanking and get it over with, then go on about doing what they want and just try harder to not get caught.  They really haven’t learned anything other than to try to hide their misbehavior better.

         Many parents have the misconception that a spanking will cure any bad behavior.  This simply is not true.  If a child is spanked too much, resentment and anger is the result and the child has learned nothing about the reason the behavior was bad.  The Bible tells us not to provoke children to anger.  If a parent wants to spank a child, there is a question as to whether it should be done.  There should be hesitancy on the part of the adult to give the spanking. When a parent says, “This hurts me more than it hurts you,” the spanking is more likely needed.  Even though we laugh about that saying, the truth is that the parent is probably spanking for the child’s good rather than for the purpose of venting anger toward that child. I remember an incident where a child was spanked and both the child and adult ended up crying and hugging each other.  The child learned a real lesson.

         On one occasion, I knew of a parent who called a family conference about a child’s misbehavior and a number of licks for the child was decided.  Even the child agreed to the number of licks.  After the discussion, the father handed the belt to the child, bent over a chair, and told the child to give him the licks.  After the child had finished giving the ten licks, the father said, “When Jesus died for us, he took our licks for us.”  The whole family learned a lesson from that!

         Parents and teachers must be creative in choosing ways to teach that will last a lifetime.  When children know that teachers are forbidden to give spankings, they sometimes take advantage of the teachers and act out.  When children know that spankings are given fairly and only if needed, they show more respect to the authoritarian figure. 

 Children at this time in our society are in desperate need of a moral compass.  Since the Ten Commandments are not posted in many places and the golden rule is often not taught, children are left wondering what is really right and wrong.  They are often passed from one teacher, parent, stepparent, or relative to another, each with a different set of values. They become very confused. If we truly love our children as we should, we will be patient and as gentle as possible with them and guide them by the Bible that has proved to be true through the ages. 

Are We Raising an Entitlement Generation?

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and www.patlambchristianauthor.com.

Train up a child…

Are We Raising an Entitlement Generation?

       It is not uncommon to hear folks complain that we are living in an “entitlement” culture.  Their complaint is that it seems that most people feel they are entitled to certain things whether or not they earn them.  If this is true, and I believe that it is, one has to wonder if we aren’t making the same mistake with the younger generation we are raising now.  To avoid making the same mistake twice, we need to try to understand the cause of this “you owe me” attitude and come up with ways to overcome those things that have given this result.

         We hear over and over on the news that our country is in bad shape financially right now.  In spite of all of this information, rather than being willing to sacrifice for the sake of the country, many are balking at the idea.  Many seem to think that the government should take care of them.  That is not the principle upon which our country was founded.  It is not surprising that many feel that good things should happen to them even if they are not earned.  For several years now, children from the first grade on up in our nation’s schools have been passed from one grade to another without being held responsible for achieving the work required for each grade.  Even upon graduation from high school, time and again I have heard a principal or superintendent say, “I now present the class of ____ who has fully met the requirements for graduation.”  Statistics showed, when I was teaching GED classes,  that approximately one-third of high school graduates could not pass the GED test.  In my GED classes, I have asked my students to tell me the last math course they took in high school.  Quite often they told me that they were in algebra.  I was amazed to hear this because they did not know their multiplication tables.  I taught GED classes more than twenty years, and I could count on both hands the number of students I enrolled who knew their multiplication tables. The fact that children have not been held accountable in the past is one of the biggest reasons they feel that they do not have to be accountable in adulthood. If children are not held accountable and given rewards when the work is not mastered, they will grow up thinking it is the same way in society.  They expect rewards without earning them.

         We need to start helping children early in life to understand that they must be accountable for their actions.  They also need to learn skills to become independent.  From the time a toddler first starts putting on his/her own clothes, we need to let the child do as much as it can by itself.  Sometimes it is easier to do things for the child, but the child does not learn to do things for self when this happens.  Little things that may seem unimportant help shape a child’s attitude.  If a child is told to finish eating vegetables before getting dessert, and the parent gives in and gives dessert anyway, this seemingly little act is teaching the child that good things will happen whether deserved or not. Children should be constantly helped to learn to take care of self and required to obey and perform according to instructions.

         Teenagers should have to earn money for car insurance and be able to care for a car before getting one.  I remember a student who told me that his dad said he would buy him a car if he got his GED.  A couple of classes later, the student came to class and told me his dad had bought him a car since he promised to go ahead and get his GED. Naturally, the student dropped out of class.  He already had his reward without earning it.  

Another way teenagers can learn to be responsible is to give them a clothing allowance and require them to be responsible for buying their own clothes within the boundaries set by parents as to style.  If they run out of money, they do without what they may want.  It is surprising how fast some of the name brands lose importance! 

         If we are to change the entitlement culture in this country, we must start with ourselves and our families.  We can all do better at being thrifty and self-sufficient! 

“As a Twig is Bent”

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by Pat Lamb Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is… Available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and patlambchristianauthor.com

 “As a twig is bent, so grows the tree” is an old saying meaning that a child grows in the way it is influenced. A child enters the world with inherent gifts and traits.  It is God’s intent that each child grow in wisdom, stature, favor with God, and favor with man.  It is the task of those nurturing the child to do all possible to help the child grow to be a “straight tall tree”. There are three major influences in our society to help that child grow.  The home is the basic place for attitudes to be developed.  The school focuses on   academic development, and the church focuses on the spiritual development.  There is overlapping of areas at each location, but the focus is as described.

         The home teaches attitude mostly through example.  It has been said that attitudes are caught, not taught.  Probably, attitudes are both caught and taught.  Attitudes are developed by where emphasis is placed. If emphasis is placed on self pleasure, then an attitude of “If it feels good, do it” will probably be produced and the child will spend his/her time and effort on pleasing self. If an emphasis is placed in the home of service to others, an attitude of self-sacrifice will be produced. If an attitude of eagerness to learn and humility is in the home, a child will more likely do well in school and society.  If children are constantly praised and told how wonderful they are, they may develop an attitude of “I’m alright the way I am. I don’t need to learn anything.” If a child is corrected in a loving way when needed and praised when deserving, he/she will be more likely to see the need to learn and improve, knowing that making a mistake is a way to learn. If a child is rewarded undeservedly, an attitude of entitlement may be the result. 

         Schools receive children with many different attitudes.  Teachers can do a limited amount to correct an attitude. Some have said that the basis of attitudes is formed before a child ever begins first grade. Praise and correction can help mold attitudes, but if the teacher has to spend a great deal of time correcting attitudes, less time is available for teaching the academic needs of the child. (Sometimes we fail to realize that when things are added to a teacher’s requirements, something must be subtracted.  There is a limited amount of time available and teachers must work within that time frame.) Quite often, teachers in many schools must spend so much time on discipline that very little time is left for instruction of subject matter. Why is there a discipline problem?  Usually, the discipline problem is due to the wrong attitude.  A child with a good attitude is the child most likely to behave in class, want to learn, and succeed in a job as an adult.

         The church focuses on the spiritual foundation of children.  Without a spiritual foundation, children have no moral compass.  They do not know what is right or wrong and become very confused and frustrated.  Children move from one teacher to another in school and each teacher may have a different set of values.  Children from broken homes often must deal with a different set of values from each of their biological parents, stepparents and grandparents.  Church can help a child sort through the philosophies and differing values required of them and come to a place of certainty as to behavior. 

         It is not easy to be a child and have to make many decisions before being equipped to do so.  Children need the help of loving parents, teachers, and church workers to “bend” them in a direction pleasing to the God who created them.

Do You Have a Gifted Child?

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by Pat Lamb Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child…

Do You Have a Gifted Child?

         Do you sometimes weary of hearing parents and grandparents talk about how smart a child is?  Then, they continue to tell of some of the many marvelous things that child can do such as read or count at a younger age than other children, say extremely intelligent things, or memorize quickly. As we listen, we know very well that the child may or may not be gifted academically, but it seems to be a common dream of most adults to have a “really smart child”.

         It is true that there are children who are gifted intellectually and can think quickly and reason easily.  It would seem that most of us think of a gifted child as being gifted in the intellectual field only.

         In truth, every child is gifted in one area or another.  It is too bad that we often don’t seem to recognize gifts other than the ones that make a child look really smart.  Every child is born with certain hereditary tendencies or preferences.  These special interests are the hereditary gifts of the child given by God. After the child makes its appearance into the world, it may or may not be gifted with loving and caring parents to nurture and appreciate the hereditary abilities.

         Some children are born with gifted ability in math.  Some are born with gifted ability with words, pictures, body usage (such as sports), social skills, introspective skills, and music skills.  The world needs all of these abilities.  To say that the intellectual ability is the most important is to not understand the importance of the other gifts. The math and word skills are the skills identified with the intellect, but in God’s eyes, each person is of equal value and He loves each person equally. Should we adults not do the same?

         While children are born with three or four of the gifts named, unfortunately they are not always born with the gift of a parent’s love.  Every parent can give the gift of love that includes patience and understanding of a child. One reason parents do not give that gift of love is that the parent may value one of the hereditary gifts more than another. To value one gift over another in children can be very damaging.  It can lead to preferring one child over another.  We tend to favor those who have the same gifts that we have. This should not be so. Adults need to recognize the value of all of the gifts. Instead of encouraging a child, some parents harangue a child for not living up to that parent’s expectations.  We need to recognize that there is a plan for each person’s life and it may not necessarily be the plan we have for that life.

         A truly gifted child is the child who recognizes his/her abilities, whatever they may be, and has parents who also recognize and appreciate the way the child was created. The Bible tells us that children are a gift from God.  God gifts the parents with the child and He gifts the child with certain abilities.  His plan is to gift the child also with parents who are thankful for the child that was given to them. Every parent has a gifted child from God.  Parents need to further gift that child with their love.

Children Can Learn Good Manners

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 One might wonder if everyone has given up on teaching children good manners. In most casual conversations, it is common to hear, “Oh, that’s the way kids are nowadays!”  This is usually said in a tone of resignation as though there is nothing that can be done about it. Not true!

         Children can be taught good manners if we work at it and refuse to accept the status quo of behavior.  We must not permit bad manners.  We need to set an example of using good manners.  We need to condemn the use of bad manners in society.

         Are we too tired to take the trouble to correct children?  Do we give up and think it is hopeless to teach children when seemingly everyone around is using bad manners?  Most of us would agree that better manners are needed not only by children, but good manners are needed by adults in today’s society as well.  

         The basis of all good manners is kindness and consideration of others. At any point where we see a child being inconsiderate of another person, that child should be stopped.  Questions stimulate thinking.  A good question to ask such a child is, “How would you feel if someone did or said that to you?”  Most children will not think about the feelings of others unless they are taught to do so by such questions.  Also, children should be required to apologize when they have been inconsiderate of others.  Some children who may continue to hurt others should be turned over a parent’s knee and given a good hard spanking. Since teachers are not allowed to do as much discipline as in past days, it is left up to the parents to do the spanking. We must be consistent in our expectations and punishment.  If we tell a child not to do something, we should not let the child get by with doing it even one time.  Every time a child is allowed to get by with something he/she has been told not to do, that child thinks that the adult did not mean what was said and continues the action.

         It is not surprising that so many children seem to have bad manners considering the example that they constantly see in adults around them.  We are living in a society that seems to have forgotten about good manners.  In our homes, we get so busy that good manners are pushed aside to hurry and get something done.  Adults often interrupt when others are talking.  On TV the sitcoms seem to try to outdo each other in the amount of rudeness that is portrayed to bring laughs.  Our politicians do not set a good example in conversation.  Protestors often demonstrate more bad manners than they demonstrate the need for a cause.  We need to set an example at home and in society of kindness and consideration of others.

         It would be nice if all children could quickly recite the golden rule.  “Do to others as you would have others do to you” is certainly a wonderful rule to live by.  Perhaps we should post it in every home and classroom and require the children to recite it often. Not until we take action will children develop good manners, but they can learn to behave in pleasing ways.