Tag Archives: counseling

Utilizing Teachable Moments

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Train up a child…

Utilizing Teachable Moments

 

We’ve all heard the expression, “It’s too late to close the gate after the horse is gone”. Well, it is much better to teach children right from wrong early in life than to wait until they have “escaped the corral” and gone in the wrong direction. Unfortunately, it seems that many parents do not think of teaching until something happens to demand their attention. They tend to react to bad situations rather than act ahead of time to prevent those situations in the first place.

There are many teachable moments in a child’s life when we can instill real truths that will last a lifetime. By instilling these attitudes early, much heartache can be avoided later. However, it takes real awareness on the part of the parents or guardians to recognize these moments when a child is most receptive to the truth being taught.

I remember remarking to my husband when I taught kindergarten, “You know, I think you could teach anything to a kindergartner if you just go about it the right way!” Five-year-olds seem to be so very eager to learn. They love their teachers and will forgive them almost anything. This whole year of life seems to be made up of teachable moments. It is such an important year!

Children will inevitably get sick at some time or another. This is probably the best time for parent and child to bond. Children learn compassion as they experience the compassion and care of others. It is at a time like this that a parent needs to hold a child, sing to the child, and perhaps tell stories, and give encouragement. Children learn so much about love at a time like this. They learn also that they are vulnerable. People who are extremely healthy sometimes have an attitude of indestructibility. Children who have been sick a lot often grow up with an attitude of humility.

When a child watches a movie with a parent, there are usually many things that happen in the movie that could stimulate conversation for discussion of correct and incorrect behavior. Events and happenings in everyday life offer many teachable moments as well. When arrests of acquaintances are made, it is appropriate to have discussions with children about the choices that person made. Help children see what the consequences of bad choices are.

At bedtime, when the children are tucked in and prayers are heard, discuss with the children choices, both good and bad, that were made that day by the child. Children are often receptive at this time and it is a time of closeness between parent and child.

Unless a parent is constantly on the lookout for teachable moments, they will be missed. Parents need to be conscious at all times of what their children are doing and thinking. It is only a caring parent who will do this. Raising children is a 24 hour task. It is tiring mentally, physically, and spiritually and means often giving up one’s social life. As a person in the autumn of life, I can tell you that when you reach this age, you will think back and say that you had those children close to you for only a short time. . When they are little, they step on your toes. When they are grown, they step on your heart. The more we take advantage of the teachable moments while they are still at home, the less they will step on our heart when they are gone away from home.

Children Need to Respect Mom

counseling, parenting, Raising kids, , , , , ,

Train up a child…

 

Children Need to Respect Mom

 

For many mothers, Mother’s Day is the favorite holiday of the year. It is so nice to be honored and hear the expressions of love and appreciation. However, in many cases, mothers are not given the respect or honor they should receive not only on Mother’s Day but also during the remainder of the year.

In order for a mother to be respected, she must do some things to earn that respect, dad needs to encourage the children to respect their mother, and a family needs to attend a church where children are taught the importance of the family and the command to honor parents.

Although we should each respect our mother whether the respect is earned or not, it is so much easier when the mother does and does not do certain things. Mothers should have the well-being of the family in her mind and heart first after love for God. A Godly woman is a woman who is filled with love as described in the 13th chapter of I Corinthians in the Bible. She is patient with her children and understands each child is unique. She needs to do her best to see that the children are getting proper food and have a clean, orderly house to live in. She needs to be an encourager. Her speech should be gentle. Mothers who use profanity and “street talk” have a hard time getting real respect from children.

Dad plays a big role in teaching children proper respect. He needs to set a good example for the children by showing respect to their mother. In addition to setting the example, he needs to require the children to always speak respectfully and to listen to the mother. Under no circumstances should he override the mother’s decision in the presence of the children. To do so indicates that he does not believe that she is capable of making right decisions for them. Children quickly pick up on this attitude and they, too, decide that she is not capable of giving them advice. If dad disagrees with mom, the issue should be settled between the two of them out of the presence of the children. When men talk down to their wives in front of the children, the children get the impression that their mother is inferior. Mother’s Day presents an opportunity for dad to work with the children to remind them to do something to show their appreciation and love for their mother.

Families who do not attend church are robbing themselves of a great deal of help. In church, the children are taught the Ten Commandments. They usually are required to memorize them. One of the commandments tells us to honor our fathers and mothers. This is not an option. God holds us responsible to obey this commandment as well as the others. It really helps to have someone outside the family teaching the children to act properly and to respect their parents. As I watch children in church recite Scripture, sing songs, and learn how to behave properly, I often feel sad to think how many children are missing out on these activities. These activities, along with camp opportunities, enhance the learning they get at school and home. They get practice in memorizing and they learn Scripture verses about acting correctly which better prepares them for life.

Although Mother’s Day comes only one time each year, we should teach children to love and respect their mothers at all times. This positive behavior should become a pattern of behavior to last a lifetime.

Challenges of High School Seniors

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Train up a child…

Challenges of High School Seniors

Across the nation there are thousands of young people getting ready to enter their senior year of high school. There are those who are scared about what the future holds. Others are perhaps overly confident and can’t wait to get away from home and out from under the rules of home and constant watch and care of parents. Still others enter their senior year of high school partially aware of the challenges ahead and with a firm foundation that gives them peace inside that whatever the future holds, their faith and family will be there to guide them.

I dare say that most young people entering their senior year are really quite frightened. Of course, it isn’t “cool” to show this fear, so they often bluff by being loud and boisterous. Their fear is compounded every time someone asks, “What are you going to do when you get out of school?” That is why I try to never ask that question. Most young people feel that they must give an answer and will say the name of a career that they are not really sure about. It is much better, in my opinion, to say, “Are there some careers you are considering?” This does not pin the student down and leaves the person free to change his/her mind. Too many times, when a student is pinned down, that student feels an obligation to follow through on what has been said. A career path may be chosen simply to save face when that may not have been the best choice.

Parents can help alleviate fears in children by not putting undue pressure on them to make a definite decision in a certain time frame. Rather, parents can help by making sure the young person has the opportunity to take aptitude tests and gain the knowledge of careers available and the requirements for those careers. Right now, the demand for nurses is high nationwide. We can be assured that whether or not healthcare undergoes changes, there will be a big need for people in that field. High school counselors can help students find what they are best suited for.

There are, unfortunately, those students entering their senior year who haven’t a clue as to what lies ahead. Many actually refuse to think about a future, almost in denial that they will have to make important decisions. Their only thought is on fun and getting through the year with the unrealistic expectation that life will be rosy once they get away from rules and discipline. Our society has fostered the notion that everyone will be taken care of with no regard to past behavior. Some homes have fostered this notion as well. From kindergarten until now, some students have been passed from grade to grade whether or not they met requirements for each grade. It is no surprise that they may feel that everything will be all right whether or not they do anything about it. Some way, some how, these students must be brought to face reality.

Thankfully, there are those students entering their senior year who have been coached by parents and know that our country is not in great shape right now, and that nothing is guaranteed. Families who have worked together as a team have instilled the confidence that the family is always there for support. There was a time when parents told children, “When you are eighteen, you can start taking care of us!” There is nothing in the Bible to indicate that we ever stop being parents. We should always do the best we can for our children. There comes a time when total monetary support should end, but prayer support should never end.

One suggestion I would like to make is that seniors use this year to catch up on math if they need to. Nationwide, many high school graduates are being required to take remedial math when they go on to college. They get no college credit for remedial math and it is costing money to take it. They will save time and money to make sure they are where they should be in math upon graduation.

It would be good if all of us would do everything we can to encourage our high school seniors. They have a tough road ahead of them.

 

Hints for Talking with your Teen

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Train up a child…

Hints for Talking with your Teen

One of the problems in talking with teens is that we tend to talk “to” them rather than “with” them. Listening is part of a conversation with teens. We need to be good listeners, but we are being unrealistic to think that teens are always listening. Quite often they tune us out and are thinking about something entirely different from the topic we are addressing. Following are some hints for communicating with teens. None are guaranteed to work all the time, but they will work some of the time. Love of our teens gives us understanding and patience. Conversations are vital to knowing how teens are thinking and feeling. Consider these hints:

Always show respect for ideas and opinions even if they are a mile away from yours. To respect doesn’t mean that you have to agree. Be honest in telling that you do not agree, but don’t try to teach everything you know in a few minutes. Growth and understanding take time.
Ask questions that cannot be answered with yes or no. This type of question requires more talking; therefore, you get more information.
Ask the same question three times in different ways. The first time we are asked something, we usually give a casual answer. (e.g. What do you say when someone asks how you are? If they ask again, don’t you usually go into more detail.)
If possible, talk to a teen in private. When teens are in a group, they will answer to please their peers and you may not get the truth.
Try to never embarrass a teen in front of their peers.
Don’t preach. Telling is not teaching. A teen must make up his/her own mind or the learning won’t stick. Feel free to say how you feel and tell why you think as you do, or ask questions as to the reasoning of the person to have them explain their opinions. Often they will see the folly or illogic of what they are saying for themselves.
Be fair and sincere. Although teens are often unfair themselves, many are quick to recognize unfairness or lack of sincerity in others. Parents and teen workers quickly lose credibility if they are not consistent and fair.
Don’t expect more than the teen can produce. They are still growing. They are not adults and will not always act like adults. You can’t force a flower to bloom. Teach as much as they are able to handle.
Remember that Bible principles relate to teens as well as adults and they must not be given exceptions. They will reap any wild oats that they sow. They need to be told this in conversations.
Pray a lot while talking that you will say and do the right things!

Although raising teens is tough, it is worth all the effort in the end. They need much time and attention. They are a gift from God and a real trial at times to us! They often have a way of breaking down any pride we may have. That can be a good thing!