Tag Archives: Raising children

A Real Necessity

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; When the Stars Fall Down; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon; Barnes & Noble; www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child…

A Real Necessity

         There is one thing that is so very important for the success of a child in school and life.  Without this, a child will be stuck on approximately the third-grade level in math and not continue to progress. That child will be unable to manage money when s/he becomes an adult although the desire may be there to do so.

         What is that one thing?  A child must know the multiplication tables!

         It seems like such a “no-brainer” to say that children should learn their multiplication tables. However, during the 20+ years of teaching GED classes, I observed over and over that this vital part of the education of my students had not been fulfilled.  I have had students from at least ten different school systems including out of state, and the story is the same.  I have had nearly 1000 students enroll in the classes I have taught and probably 90% of them did not know their multiplication tables.  Many of these students were on college level in reading indicating that the ability to learn was certainly there.

         What accounts for the fact that the multiplication tables have not been learned?  In my opinion, there are several reasons (or perhaps excuses).  Parents often leave this kind of thing up to the teachers.  The teachers are pressured to cover a certain amount of material in large classes where individual attention is not possible.  Modern math, several years ago, promoted the philosophy that if a student understood math, drill was not necessary.  Our trend for fast food and fast learning tends to cause a child to expect learning to be easy. Attitudes of “somebody owes me something,” and “I am not responsible for myself,” cause a child to believe that s/he can get by without knowing the multiplication tables.  Social promotion has fostered that idea further by letting the child know that s/he will go on to the next grade whether or not all the material has been mastered.  

         What kind of logic says that if a child can’t do third grade work, that child can do fourth grade work?  Students grow up thinking they are dumb and just can’t “get it” simply because they have not been required to “get it”.  Some students go year after year in school, getting in deeper and deeper water and feeling more and more frustrated because they can’t handle the math that requires knowing the multiplication tables.

         In school, the multiplication tables are usually introduced at the end of second grade.  In real life, we can begin working with children when they are toddlers to help them understand some number concepts.

         When playing with small children, we can simply provide information by saying such things as, “Oh, I see two blue blocks here and two more blue blocks there.  That makes four blocks.  Two times two is four.”  We need to constantly include such comments in conversation to help children become aware of numbers.

         A great deal of math can be taught with a bag of M & M’s or a bag of jellybeans.  They can be sorted into groups and counted to see how many groups of different numbers and colors can be made. When they have succeeded in learning some of the facts, they can be rewarded by allowing them to eat the candy.

         We need to require older children to write the multiplication tables over and over.  The more senses we use in learning, the faster we learn.  By writing, the child is using touch and sight.  If the child says them aloud while writing, that child is also using hearing. 

         Spanking a child to learn is not appropriate, although it may be appropriate to spank a child to get that child to take time to do homework and try to learn.  Drill is appropriate.  There are many ways and opportunities to help the children with this vital information.  All the thousands of dollars and all the new programs for education do very little good with math if a child does not know these basic facts. 

         Parents, grandparents, and teachers, it is so very important to make sure that your third and fourth graders learn their multiplication tables! 

Children and Santa

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way, My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon.com; Barnes & Noble; www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child

Children and Santa

       For a long time, Santa has been our society’s focal point of Christmas.  He, no doubt, has sold many million dollars worth of toys.  He has produced much laughter.  He has caused the eyes of children to light up.  In reality, he has been the only reason many people observe Christmas.

         What is the current status of Santa?  Our computer-literate generation of children is not easily fooled.  In truth, how many of us grown-ups ever really believed in Santa?  Some children were fooled simply because they believed that their parents would never lie to them.  Others believed because they thought that by believing, they might get more gifts. Many of us could easily see the impossibility of someone flying around the whole world in one night and stopping at each house and going down each chimney.  We felt that it was insulting our intelligence to expect us to believe such a far-out story.  

         Today, we have many fat Santas at malls, department stores, parades, etc.  Do we really think that our children are not intelligent enough to figure out that they are too big to fit in a chimney?  Even a toddler can question why there are so many Santas.  

         A bigger question involves the feelings of a child who truly believes in Santa because he trusts his parents to never lie, and then finds out that the parents did, indeed, lie to him/her.  What happens, then, when the parents tell the child about an invisible Jesus?  For that matter, can the child believe the parents at any time if they deceived them with a Santa?  

         Our children cannot be shielded from Santa.  Our society sees to it that Santa is visible over and over.  It is a situation we must deal with.  We don’t want to rob our children of the fun of Christmas, but, at the same time, we don’t want our children to lose trust in us. A parent cannot avoid making a decision as to how to handle Santa.

         One idea for parents is to tell the children that to pretend there is a Santa is a fun game that is played at Christmastime.  Just as children play pretend in other areas, parents play pretend with the child about Santa. When little girls play pretend “mommy” with dolls, or little boys may play pretend” soldier with army toys, they do not really think they are grown.  It is alright to play pretend as long as children can come back to reality. This stimulates creativity. By letting the children know up front that Santa is a pretend game, future disappointment is eliminated.  It would be a good idea to explain that Santa represents giving and making others happy.  That is something that Jesus wants us to do. 

         Santa will probably be around for a long time to come, but deceiving children should end. We should never lie to children!   

         It is important that we create a pleasing experience for children at Christmas without leaving them with the feeling at a later time that they have been deceived.  Different personalities handle this in different ways.  Ultimately, whatever means is used, children should be left with understamding the real meaning of Christmas.  Children need to understand that Christmas is a celebration of the time that God sent his only son into the world to show His love for us.  

Choosing Gifts for Children

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child

Choosing Gifts for Children

            When our children were young, there were some Christmas days that my husband and I would look at each other in bewilderment as we watched our children open their presents, set them aside, and start playing with the cardboard boxes they came in! We had put much time and effort into selecting what we thought was just the right gift, yet they enjoyed the boxes more than what they had contained. It is easy to spend a good deal of money and time and still not come up with the right gift. 

         We all like to see children have fun and be happy on Christmas morning.  It is a temptation to overspend to make sure that the children will not be disappointed.  Sometimes we buy a gift, and then not feeling sure we chose the right gift, we go and buy another gift.  Where does it stop?

         It is great to give a gift that the kids really like and have fun with.  It is even greater if they can have fun and learn something valuable at the same time.

         Money spent on educational toys is money well invested.  It is unfortunate that there are also toys on the market that have little or no learning value and break easily.  Those toys are a waste of money.  Some last only a few minutes.  We, as parents and grandparents, need to use wisdom in deciding whether the toy asked for by a child is really the best purchase.  I have never been excited over Disney creations.  They may be alright but what do they really teach?  I see very little, if any, learning value in them.  Barbie dolls may actually have a negative effect on children.  After all, what kind of goals do we want our children to have?  I was glad when our daughter decided that she did not want to encourage our granddaughter to get excited about Barbie dolls.  Someone gave our granddaughter a Barbie book when she was small.  I was astonished when I read it to her and found what the book was about. Barbie was sad because she wasn’t going to get to model in a show until another model broke her leg, and she got the job after all.  Are we teaching our children to profit by the misfortune of others?

         We need to consider, also, that many toys are made overseas.  We may want to wash or sterilize some before the children play with them.  They may be made in factories that are not sanitary and come on ships a long way.  Someone told me that they worked one Christmas season unpacking toys that came from overseas and a big blue bug flew out of a box.  Everyone was sent out of the room while it was fumigated.  The children who got those toys not only got toys that had had bugs on them, but had also been sprayed with insect killer.  

         Let us keep our emotions under control and carefully think through the selection of gifts for our children.  

It Really is the Thought that Counts

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble; wwwpatlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child…

It Really is the Thought that Counts

         A lot of joking takes place at Christmas and birthdays when gifts don’t seem to match up with the recipients.  There are those who think that if you spend a lot of money, the gift should be appreciated. Some folks like handmade gifts; others think it is a sign that the giver has more time than money.  Some people fret and fret and still cannot come up with a gift that they feel comfortable in giving to someone. Then, thankfully, there are those who just seem to have a knack for gift-giving and always seem to come up with just the perfect gift.  

         I wonder if the secret to knowing the perfect gift for someone is knowing someone perfectly well.  The better we know someone, the better we know their likes and dislikes.  When we wait until the last minute and feel that we simply must find a gift, usually neither the giver nor the recipient enjoys the choice. In fact, there are those wonderful, efficient people who are alert to appropriate Christmas gifts all year long, picking up things they know someone would like when they happen to see them or making things ahead of time for those they love.

         I’m glad there are still those folks who enjoy handmade gifts.  They are getting scarce as time to make them becomes more and more limited.  I’ve always felt that someone must care for another very much to go to all the trouble to make something. Counted cross stitch, embroidery work, handmade pieces of furniture, crocheted or knitted work, and other handmade items are priceless.  

         In the movie, “Christmas in Canaan”, on the Hallmark channel a unique idea was given.  I had never heard the idea that was presented there.  The father wrapped up pictures from catalogs of items he wished he had money to buy for the family members.  In the story plot, the crops had been bad, and money was scarce.  The family remembered that special Christmas in the years to come and treasured the love shown by a father who truly wished he could do more.  The story was another reminder that Christmas is love, not things.

         It is so very noble when people ask that gifts not be given to them, but rather the money for those gifts be used to meet the needs of others. There are needy families who can really use some help.  On the other hand, there are those folks who have so much that it is hard to think of anything they don’t already have to give to them.  It is amusing to look through some catalogs and see some of the unusual creations that are there to lure people to spend money.  

         When we give to others from the heart, it is like giving to Jesus.  After all, it really is his birthday, not ours.  We need to teach our children to give from the heart by setting the right example for them.  Children need to understand that we give to others to show our love for them.  Emphasis needs to be put on what would make the other person happy.  We can help children avoid selfishness when we teach them that gifts should be given with a great deal of thought and love.  

Christmas Memories

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is….) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child

Christmas Memories

         Memories of childhood greatly influence decisions of adults.  That is why it is so important for parents and grandparents to make every effort to ensure good experiences for children that will create a good foundation for adulthood.  Christmas is a perfect time for doing so.

         Memories don’t necessarily have to be fun memories.  How a family works together in tough times is a memory that provides direction for a person in adulthood when that person faces difficult times.  Valuable memories do not necessarily require money.  How gifts are given from the heart at Christmas teaches a child that gifts should be given in love and do not necessarily need to be expensive.

         Those of us who lived during the years of the Great Depression are not as alarmed about the state of the nation’s economy because our memories teach us that we can survive well without many of the things we have come to enjoy.  I’m sure that many others remember, as I do, having a cedar tree cut from the woods for a Christmas tree.  Our tree was often decorated with red and green construction paper chains made in school by cutting strips and pasting the ends together in circles.  We would interlock the red in green, then the green in red, etc.  We made snowflakes by folding white paper and cutting it in various designs.  We would hang the snowflakes on the branches of the tree.  Sometimes, we would make strands of cranberries to drape around the tree.  We always felt important for contributing to the decorations.  

         A few years ago, our youngest son and his wife moved from Kentucky to Arkansas just before Christmas.  We spent Christmas with them sitting among unpacked boxes.  All Christmas decorations were packed away.  On Christmas Eve, we looked at each other and I could tell that our son was feeling a little apologetic for the situation.  I thought hard about what could be done.  I found a pen, reached in a box, pulled out some packing paper, and said, “We each have to make our own stocking.”  We found some scissors, designed our stockings, and laid them on the hearth of the fireplace.  I felt good when I heard our son chuckle.  A memory had been created.

         When my husband and I were working on the Navajo Reservation at Lukachukai, AZ, we had a big snow storm one Christmas.  The mail came only three times a week and during the storm, it could not get through at all. No gifts from our homes came in time for Christmas. We had already given each other our gifts thinking there would be more from our homes in MO and NE to open at Christmas.  On Christmas morning, we sat looking at each other and a bare tree.  That is a memory we will never forget, but it made us appreciate each other more.

         We can be very creative in making memories for children.  Sometimes it is a good thing to be short of money.  It causes us to be more resourceful.  We spoil our own Christmas when we place too much emphasis on “things”.  We should never forget that people are more important than things.  The real basis of the Christmas season is love.  When couples argue over how much money to spend, unpleasant memories are created for their children.  We should not be stingy, but we should never buy beyond our means.  We need to learn to make good use of what we have.  By doing so, we create good memories for children and set a good example for them.

Fostering an Attitude of Gratitude

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is….)

Raising kids online…

Fostering an Attitude of Gratitude

Train up a child…

Are We “Passing the Buck” in Disciplining Children?

         Children go to school and the school personnel say, “Why don’t the parents discipline their children?”  The children go home and the parents say, “Isn’t that school disciplining my children?”  The children go to church activities and the workers there wonder, “Aren’t these children getting any discipline at home or school?”  Children go out in public places and folks say, “These children are so undisciplined! Why doesn’t someone discipline these children nowadays?”

         Whose responsibility is it to discipline children?  I submit that it is the responsibility of those in charge wherever the children are.  Of course, the ones most responsible are the parents.  In addition to the discipline at home, it is the parents’ responsibility to make sure they are getting disciplined when someplace other than with the parents.  

Why do people not accept this responsibility?

         School personnel are highly restricted in the kinds of discipline they can administer.  This causes those in charge to be hesitant to step up to the plate and do what is necessary.  I am impressed to see how creative many teachers have become in helping the children behave correctly.  Still, often more discipline is needed than the children are getting.

         Church workers often hesitate to discipline for fear the children will not return to church.  “If the children don’t come back to church, how can we teach them?”  The truth of the matter is that unless we teach them and discipline them, what good is it for them to come back to church?  They are there to receive discipline and correction as well as knowledge.  By not disciplining the children, we are in reality teaching them that they can behave in unacceptable ways and get by with it. They may actually be thinking, “If they let me act like this at church, it must be all right to act this way all the time”.

         When children visit another person’s home or a public place, they need to be taught to observe the rules of that location.  Those in charge have the right to expect children to observe those rules.  

         Each of us needs to live up to the responsibility of disciplining children when they are under our care.  If we tell a child to do something, we should see to it that it is done.  Follow-through is probably the single most important thing we can do to teach a child to act properly.  For example, if we tell a child not to run, we should not let that child run.  If we don’t care that he/she runs, we shouldn’t give the instruction in the first place.  Unfortunately, it is usually the adult who gives in rather than the child.  What can we do in a situation like this?  We should love the children enough to risk not being liked.  We need to follow-through, get the child, take the child back to the place where he started running and walk with the child.  It may take a few times, but the child will get the message that obedience is a must.

         An undisciplined child is an unhappy child.  A disciplined child usually has good self-esteem because he/she has a sense of doing right.  Children cannot feel self-worth if they are always being looked upon with disdain due to poor behavior.  We really help children when we discipline them.  When there is no discipline, children become like little wild animals and are always looking for something to make them feel good.  We are created to have a good feeling when we do what is right, and when we know that what we have done is right. In other words, it just feels good to be good.

Knowing About the Past can Help Children with the Future

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble; www.patlambchristianauthor.com)

Train up a child…

Knowing About the Past Can Help Children with the Future

         It is unfortunate that many children are growing up with little or no knowledge of the past.  If children are knowledgeable about the past, they are more apt to appreciate what they now enjoy.  In addition, parents and grandparents can be drawn closer to children as the children learn to better understand those older folks. Learning about the resourcefulness and sacrifices of the past motivates children to become more resourceful and less demanding of conveniences.  The Thanksgiving season provides a good opportunity to delve into the past as we teach children about the pilgrims, the first Thanksgiving, and the early lifestyles of parents and grandparents.

         Grandparents can play an important role in assisting parents tell stories from their childhood. Unfortunately, many older people seem to feel that their job is done and do not make the effort to help bring up children.  Grandparents need to tell children of their happy times as well as the sad times they have experienced.

         Many older grandparents lived during the Great Depression.  Personally, I remember seeing a soup truck come to our little town, Verona, MO, and people line up behind it for a bowl of soup.  I remember the rationing stamps we had for sugar, gas, and other things.  Many children find it hard to believe that we could not have bubble gum because all the rubber was needed for tires for war equipment.  Children bought saving stamps to help fund WWII.  The blackout nights when everyone had to turn off their lights at a certain time for fear that enemy planes could see them and drop bombs were scary times that should be told to children.  

         Children find it amazing that older folks did not have computers, cell phones, and many other things they take for granted.  They need to know how older folks survived without running water, electricity, and indoor plumbing.  It was in my dad’s lifetime that automobiles were invented.  To imagine living without these conveniences is an exercise in creative thinking.

         One very important subject to cover is the role of our military in securing our freedom.  We are fortunate to live in an area where much attention is paid to our men and women who have fought for us. A Veteran’s Museum is an excellent place to take children. 

         Great books are available in local libraries to read to children about Thanksgiving. Unfortunately, many schools are not including much about how this country got started. Teachers are so pressed to cover certain things that they often do not have the time to adequately cover this topic.

         Making sure that children are taken to places to learn about the past and telling stories from the past go a long way in developing understanding and right attitudes in children.  The attitude of gratitude and resourcefulness become bricks in the foundation that children need to face the future.

“Why is this Happening to Me?”

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By Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me: When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is….) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble; and www.patlambchristianauthor.c

Train up a child…

A Thanksgiving Story

            Here is a story you can share about Thanksgiving. Reading or telling this story will help children appreciate what others have gone through in the past and how it affects us now.

Why is This Happening to Me?

            About four hundred years ago, there were some Indian tribes who lived in what is now Massachusetts.  White people did not yet live in this country, but some had been here exploring new lands. One time a ship carrying white men came to explore the coast.  They were fascinated with the Indians.  They decided to capture some and take them back to England to show people there what Indians looked like. A young man named Squanto was one of the Indian boys captured.

            While in England, the men decided to teach the Indian boys they captured to speak English. When Squanto had learned enough English, they took him back with them to what is now our country to use him as an interpreter and a guide as they continued exploring.

            While Squanto was back here in what is now America, he was tricked by some other white men and taken to Spain to be sold as a slave. Some monks bought him, and he lived with them for a time and learned about the “white man’s God”.  After living at the monastery for some time, someone took him back to England and from there he was taken to America to be used as an interpreter and guide once again.

            On this final trip back to our country, he did such a good job as interpreter and guide, that those who were exploring decided to let Squanto return to his tribe.  When he arrived at the place where his tribe lived, he found that his whole tribe had died of a disease, and he was the only Patuxent Indian left!

            Squanto moved in with another tribe of Indian people whose chief was named Samoset.  It was a short time later that the pilgrims arrived at Plymouth Rock. The pilgrims had prayed and prayed about going some place where they could have freedom to worship God as they felt they should.  They had asked God to watch over them and care for them.  Imagine how surprised they were when they arrived and met Squanto, an Indian man who could speak English!

            Squanto moved to the village that the pilgrims started.  He lived with the pilgrims and taught them to hunt, plant, fish, and make treaties with other tribes of Indians so they could live peacefully together. The winters were very harsh and many of the pilgrims died during the first year.  They did not have medicines then like we have now, and their food was scarce.  Some people starved to death. 

            Squanto died in 1622.  He asked Governor Bradford to pray for him that he might go to the Englishman’s God in heaven.

            Had it not been for Squanto, it’s possible that none of the pilgrims would have survived.  He played a very important part in our country’s history.

Note:  It is well that we remember this story.  It might be a good idea to clip it and keep it for future use.  I have used it before and plan to use it again.  It is a story we all need to know and remember.  

            After telling the story, discuss it with those present.  Here are some questions that may be used for discussion:

  • How do you think Squanto and the other boys felt when they were captured?
  • Do you think it was easy for Squanto to learn English?
  • Do you think Squanto ever said to himself, “Why is this happening to me?”
  • What would have probably happened to Squanto if he had not been captured?
  • What do you think the pilgrims were thinking when they arrived and found Squanto, an Indian man who could speak English?
  • Do you think God worked in Squanto’s life for a purpose?
  • Do you think God has a purpose for your life?

“As the Twig is Bent”

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is….) Books are available on Amazon; Barnes & Noble; patlambchristianauthor.co

Train up a child…

“As the Twig is Bent”

         I remember an instructor in our child development class at Missouri University saying, “As the twig is bent, so grows the tree”.  She went to great lengths to explain that habits that are formed in childhood last a lifetime.  If left unchecked, the inclinations that a child has are reinforced through the years as the child grows. This is true for both good and bad inclinations.  It is the task of the parent to “prune” those inclinations as needed.  The parent needs to reinforce in positive ways the good, and do their best to eliminate the bad habits.  

         A common saying about children who are displaying problematic behavior is, “Don’t worry. He will grow out of it.”  This may be true as relating to physical changes, but in most behavioral changes, children do not “grow out of it”.  The problems, in most cases, gain strength as the child grows.

         There are many examples of children growing worse when problems are left unchecked.  Take, for instance, the child who throws temper tantrums.  When parents give in to the child and do not correct this problem, the child grows up believing that he/she can get whatever is wanted by displaying acts of temper.  Another example is the demanding child who does not learn good manners.  That child becomes the adult who “railroads” through anyone or everyone to achieve wants and desires.  Poor eating habits are very difficult to correct in adulthood. Many obese people are those who as children were allowed to eat whatever they wanted. Children who are allowed to act any way they want will not grow up respecting authority.  Children who are given everything needed without having to earn anything will not grow up and suddenly say, “Oh, I can do everything for myself”.  These children will always be expecting handouts.

         Young people seem to have a feeling of indestructibility.  They tend to think, “I’m different.  That will never happen to me.”  I recently talked to a man who is now an alcoholic.  He said, “I made the same mistake so many other people have made.  I thought it would never happen to me.”  It is our duty, as parents and grandparents, to point out examples to prove that it can happen to anyone.  Ultimately, each person is individually responsible for choices made, but we need to do all we can to influence those choices and help that person grow in the right direction.

         My dad used pieces of string to illustrate to my sisters and me how habits get stronger and stronger. He handed us a piece of string and told us to break it.  It was easy.  Then he gave us two pieces of string and told us to break them.  It was harder.  Then he gave us three pieces of string and told us to break them all at the same time.  Some of us were able to do it.  By the time he got to four pieces of string, it was not possible to break them all at the same time.  “That is how it is with habits,” he said.  He told us that when you first do something wrong, it is much easier to stop than after you have continued to do it for a time.  We understood that it is best not to form bad habits.

         Raising children is somewhat like gardening.  We prune, feed, and water.  We guide and do our best to influence the choices our children make.  When they are little, we can prevent bad choices.  When they grow up, they will choose according to their own individual beliefs.  Other influences in the world compete with the influence of parents.  We simply try our very best and bathe our efforts with lots of prayer.

Children Build on Successes

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by Pat Lamb

Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is..

Train up a child…

Children Build on Successes

         What parent or teacher does not want to teach in such a way as to produce the optimum learning in a child?  Through the ages, much research and experimentation have been done to determine how a child learns best.  All of this, along with plain common sense, tells us that children learn best when they build on little successes.

         Keeping this fact in mind, we need to ask ourselves the following questions: “How does a child define success?”  “How can a teacher or parent make sure that a child succeeds as that child determines success?

         Children most often define success according to the amount of praise received for a task accomplished.  If the child receives a little praise, the child feels that s/he has done alright.  If a child receives a great deal of praise, that child feels especially good about what has been accomplished and feels success.  Immediately, the child wants to repeat the action to receive more praise.  Success gives a child hope and confidence in ability to achieve.  The child will automatically select activities similar to those for which praise was received.  Conversely, a child will avoid activities where success was not experienced. This demonstrates the need for praising children rather than scolding them. However, the praise should never be false praise!  When a child receives false praise, s/he feels like they are doing great and are not motivated to improve.   

Praise needs to be focused on the achievement rather than the child.  Too much praise for the child leads to a child having a feeling of superiority.  We don’t want children growing up feeling they are better than others.  However, we do want them to have confidence in their ability to do a good job.

         It is important that tasks be delegated commensurate with a child’s ability to succeed.  If tasks are too difficult, the child cannot experience satisfaction. There is a value in “instant success”.  When we introduce something new, it would be well to take a small portion that is easy to learn and start with that.  When the child succeeds in one little thing, s/he is encouraged to tackle more.  The child has instantly felt success and is eager to experience more success.

         “Chunk learning” is a phrase commonly used in education circles.  It simply means that it is better to take a chunk at a time rather than throw the whole thing at a child all at once.  “Chunk learning” allows a student to feel more success and avoids much confusion in processing information in the brain.  When too much is presented at one time, the child becomes confused and bewildered with information and is often not able to sort through and classify it to “file it away” in the mind for future use.  

         It takes understanding on the part of the parent or teacher to know how much to expect children to grasp at one time and still feel successful.  New teachers have been told, “Don’t try to teach them all you know on the first day!”  We need to give information in doses that can be processed in a manner for the child to feel successful.  It is difficult to do this when we think of how very much a child needs to know to survive in our culture.  When teachers are expected to cover a certain amount of material in a certain amount of time, it becomes tempting to speed up to get through the lessons.  It is counterproductive to do so.  It is as if children start “putting on the brakes” when pressure, rather than success, is felt. No matter what society demands of a person, forcing a child to learn, when that child is not ready, is like trying to force a flower to bloom.

         Some parents and teachers can readily sense when a child is feeling successful and others seem to go blindly along never knowing when a child is feeling good or bad about something.  Love is the quality that gives understanding.  We need to love the ones with whom we are working.  When we really care, we will want children to succeed and make efforts to teach accordingly.