Tag Archives: parenting

Christmas Programs are Great for Kids!

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by Pat Lamb …(Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book)

Train up a child…

         What fun to go to a Christmas program and see the children perform!  It is almost as much fun to watch the parents and grandparents stretch and strain looking to find the child that is most important to them, and then to watch their faces light up when that child is discovered!  In their mind and eyes, that might as well be the only child up front performing, for little attention is paid to the others.  Every move of the child is watched and usually admired!

         There are many valuable things that children learn when they participate in a program such as a Christmas program.  They learn to memorize and recall information.  They learn to participate in a group, and, hopefully, they learn to get over stage fright.

         A friend of mine, who received a national award for teaching from the U.S. Department of Education, once commented that she felt that children do not do enough memorizing in school now.  Preparing to make speeches or sing songs provides an opportunity for memorization.  Memorization might be thought of as a brain exercise much as one might exercise various muscles of the body. Memorization sharpens the mind.  Depending on what material is memorized, memorization can be the storing of material in the brain that can be used throughout life. Memorization requires a child to use self-discipline and to focus.  These two qualities carry over into all areas of life.  When a child must recall the information learned to recite it before a group, the child learns that just being able to do a job half-heartedly isn’t enough.  Material must be thoroughly learned before it can be recited or mistakes will be made.  When a child learns to be thorough in a task, again this carries over into other areas of life.

         In a program presented to an audience, all program parts must fit together to make sense. Children learn that they play a vital part in a larger picture.  They learn to “fit in” and work with a team to accomplish the goal of presenting a good program.  This is a valuable component of good citizenship as over and over adults are required to work as teams at work and in projects outside of work.

         As I watch children’s programs, I envision some of those children some day standing in front of a board of directors of a company and leading discussions.  This can only be done by those who have overcome stage fright.  As children perform time and time again in programs, they learn to conquer that stage fright to prepare them to be leaders in the future.  Some will be standing before city councils, school boards, town hall meetings, etc.  In order to be effective leaders, they must be able to speak to groups.  Children’s programs help prepare them for this task.

         Bravo to those teachers in church and school who work so diligently with our children to help them give programs.  Bravo to those parents and grandparents who work at home to help children learn their parts and see that the children behave properly.  Bravo to people that no longer have children at the age to participate in programs, but who attend the programs to show their support. 

Children Need to Give

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by Pat Lamb Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book

Train up a child…

Children Need to Give

       At Christmas time each year, thoughts turn to what we can give children to make them happy and excited.  The emphasis is often simply on what toys or other things we can give children. Actually, one of the best things we can give a child is the understanding of the joy of giving itself. Children are often only recipients of gifts, but they need to learn that it is more blessed to give than to receive; otherwise, they will grow up selfishly thinking only of self pleasure.

         I learned the lesson of letting someone give, no matter how meager their means, when we lived on the Navajo reservation.  Just as we often think that children can’t give, many of us often think that grownups of meager means can’t give.  We forget the value of giving.  

Several years ago, when our two older boys were small, we worked with the Navajo Indian people.  On one occasion, we were in Gallup, NM, when a Navajo gentleman from Ramah, NM, saw us and asked us for a ride back to Ramah.  We gladly told him we would give him a ride.  As we went down the road, he said, “Lamb, stop. Get pop.”  In his broken English he was telling us to stop and buy him some soda.  My husband, Keith, said, “You buying, McDaniel??”  I was shocked!  To think that my husband would expect this poor Indian man to buy pop for us!  McDaniel was taken by surprise as well.  He grinned and kind of chuckled under his breath, and finally said, “OK”.  My husband pulled up to the trading post, McDaniel got out and went inside.  When he returned, he had soda for Keith, himself, and me and had even bought ice cream bars for our boys!  He had a big broad grin on his face of complete satisfaction!  He had bought something for those “rich” white people.  I almost choked as I drank the pop, but realized as we drove on down the road what a wonderful thing had happened.  McDaniel had changed from a dependent person to making us dependent on him.  He had found real worth and felt real pleasure in being able to give to someone else.

         It is the same way with children.  As long as they are unable to give, they have less self worth.  When children can give, they feel a real sense of accomplishment and worth in making someone else happy. There is no feeling that compares.

         Children do not have to give big, expensive gifts, but the gifts do need to be from them personally.  It is not the same for parents to give money to children to buy gifts, for then the gifts are actually from the parents.  The gifts should be something that the child has an active part in.  There are many things that children can make.  Some of them take a little help from parents, but the rewards are worth the effort.  For my birthday, I received a handmade card from our grandson.  As his mom was getting it ready to mail, he said, “Wait!”  He ran and got a quarter, a dime, and some pennies.  “I want to send these to Nana”, he said.  When I received the card, there was a little baggie stapled to the top with the change in it.  He was giving me all he had at the moment because he loved me.  I still have it in a plastic bag and will probably keep it for a long time.

         The Bible says, “It is more blessed to give than to receive”. (Acts 20:35)  The best way to teach this fact is to help children experience the real joy of giving. Doing so proves the point!

Children Build on Successes

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by Pat Lamb (www.patlambhristianauthor.com) Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book

Train up a child…

Children Build on Successes

         What parent or teacher does not want to teach in such a way as to produce the optimum learning in a child?  Through the ages, much research and experimentation has been done to determine how a child learns best.  All of this research and experimentation along with plain common sense tells us that children learn best when they build on little successes.

         Keeping this fact in mind, we need to ask ourselves the following questions: “How does a child define success?”  “How can a teacher or parent make sure that a child succeeds as that child determines success? How can a teacher or parent keep children progressing at a pace to keep up with expectations of society?

         Children most often define success according to the amount of praise received for a task accomplished.  If the child receives a little praise, the child feels that he/she has done alright.  If a child receives a great deal of praise, that child feels especially good about what has been accomplished and feels success.  Immediately, the child wants to repeat the action to receive more praise.  Success gives a child hope and confidence in ability to achieve.  The child will automatically select activities similar to those for which praise was received.  Conversely, a child will avoid activities where success was not experienced. This demonstrates the need for praising children rather than scolding them. However, the praise should never be false praise. 

Praise needs to be focused on the achievement rather than the child.  Too much praise for the child leads to a child having a feeling of superiority.  We don’t want children growing up feeling they are better than others.  However, we do want them to have confidence in their ability to do a good job.

         It is important that tasks be delegated commensurate with a child’s ability to succeed.  If tasks are too difficult, the child cannot experience satisfaction. There is a value in “instant success”.  When we introduce something new that a child needs to learn, it would be well to take a small portion that is easy to learn and start with that.  When the child succeeds in one little thing, he/she is encouraged to tackle more.  The child has instantly felt success and is eager to experience more success.

         “Chunk learning” is a phrase commonly used in education circles.  It simply means that it is better to take a chunk at a time rather than throw the whole thing at a child all at once.  “Chunk learning” allows a student to feel more success and avoids much confusion in processing information in the brain.  When too much is presented at one time, the child becomes confused and bewildered with information and is often not able to sort through it all and classify it to “file it away” in the mind for future use.  

         It takes understanding on the part of the parent or teacher to know how much to expect children to grasp at one time and still feel successful.  New teachers have been told, “Don’t try to teach them all you know on the first day!”  We need to give information in doses that can be processed in a manner for the child to feel successful.  It is difficult to do this when we think of how very much a child needs to know to survive in our culture.  When teachers are expected to cover a certain amount of material in a certain amount of time, it becomes tempting to speed up to get through the lessons.  It is counterproductive to do so.  It is as if children start “putting on the brakes” when pressure rather than success is felt. No matter what society demands of a person, forcing a child to learn when that child is not ready is like trying to force a flower to bloom.

         Some parents and teachers can readily sense when a child is feeling successful and others seem to go blindly along never knowing when a child is feeling good or bad about something.  Love is the quality that gives understanding.  We need to love the ones with whom we are working.  When we really care, we will want children to succeed and make efforts to teach accordingly.   

Closing the Generation Gap

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by Pat Lamb (www.patlambchristianauthor.com) Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book

Train up a child…

Closing the Generation Gap

         How often do we use the generation gap as an excuse to write off our inability to communicate with teens?  Does the generation gap really exist?  Do we really make the effort we should to close that gap in order to meet the needs of our teens?

         There truly is a difference from one generation to another when it comes to the culture of our society.  However, there is no change from generation to generation when it comes to emotional needs of individuals. There is no doubt that the world of today’s teen seems foreign to those of us who grew up without cell phones, texting, play stations, facebook, twitter, and the like; nevertheless, the emotional needs of people many generations ago were the same as the emotional needs of our teens today.  Everyone wants to feel loved no matter the generation.  Everyone wants to feel self-worth.  Everyone wants to feel acceptance.  Everyone wants friends and family for support.  I believe everyone has an inner desire to worship and serve something.  

         The wise grandparent, parent, teacher, or any other person who works with a teen would do well to concentrate on the emotional needs of teens because it is there that we will always be able to identify.  To concentrate on the differences instead of the likenesses is a waste of time that could be well spent in bonding with a young person.  Who, of any age, does not appreciate an understanding person who can quickly recognize hurts and offer consolation?  Who does not appreciate an encouraging word from another person whether old or young? 

         We don’t have to understand all of the technology being used by the younger generation.  If we should decide to learn about some of the things so commonly used, we can ask a teen to teach us.  By doing so, we have actually contributed to that teen’s self-worth.  It feels good to be able to teach an older person something!  On a visit to CA some time back, my granddaughter taught me to text while we were riding to her house from the airport.  I even sent a text to her boyfriend and he sent one back!  It was fun.  She was definitely enjoying teaching Nana about her gadget.  As we admit that we don’t know everything and submit to the younger generation to teach us, we are creating an environment where the younger people will listen to us more readily when we want to teach them something from our experience.

         Each generation has its special set of “tools” with which to confront life.  Upon close examination, we find that those tools are simply for the purpose of fulfilling the emotional needs that never change.  Cultures and temptations may change, but the inner heartfelt needs of individuals do not.

To recognize and accept this fact is a big step in the right direction to closing that generation gap.

That First Driver’s License

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by Pat Lamb (www.patlambchristianauthor.com) Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book

Train up a child…

That First Driver’s License!

       The memory of our oldest son getting his first driver’s license is still vivid in my mind.  He came out of the license bureau waving his license with a big smile on his face.  “Scoot over, Mom!”  He said.  I reluctantly moved over from the driver’s spot.  He had aged one year.  I felt as though I had aged ten years! I tensely sat and watched as he started the car and backed up.  We finally got on the main street and headed home.  I am probably the only mother in the world who yelled “hurry up” to a son who was just learning to drive, but when he came to intersections with cars whizzing both ways, I had visions of being broad-sided on both sides if he didn’t hurry and meld with the flow of the traffic.  I suppose that his inching along was to impress me with his cautiousness, but it wasn’t working.

         Many parents have experienced similar situations.  When a teen gets that first driver’s license, the world changes!  Household rules need to be adjusted.  Teens need to thoroughly understand the responsibility they have upon receipt of the license and parents may need to learn to get by with less sleep!

         A “sit-down” session with a teen needs to occur before going for the license.  It would be good if there were a place to take a teen prior to receipt of the license to see a film such as is shown to folks who are required to go to classes after traffic violations.  They need to know about the teenage driving statistics that are available on the Internet.  They need to be reminded that the brain development of teenagers is such that they tend to take more risks and be less cautious.  A teen needs to understand that the car keys will immediately be confiscated when certain things happen such as the abuse of the privilege, not adhering to curfew, etc.  Most of all, the teen needs to understand that driving is not a right, but it is a privilege for those who are responsible enough to handle such an expensive machine. Each family needs to set rules before the license is obtained.  

         I seriously question the wisdom of a 16 yr. old having a driver’s license.  I believe the law should be changed and licenses be given to 16 yr. olds in hardship cases only.  In addition, I believe that teens under 18 should have to maintain good grades in school. Teens (or anyone else) who has attention deficit disorder should not be given a license to operate a vehicle.  Driving a car requires constant attention.  Why should a person who can’t pay attention be given a license to drive? 

There is no real need for most 16 yr. olds to drive. Let’s be honest.  Many parents want their children to have a license so the parents won’t be bothered with driving the children where they need to go. 

Many times a student will drop out of school upon receipt of a driver’s license.  By raising the age to qualify for a license and requiring acceptable grades in school, we undoubtedly would have less dropouts, students studying harder to learn, and best of all, less deaths of sixteen-year-olds.   

         Since the law currently allows a driver’s license with few qualifications, parents must be all the more vigilant to see that their children drive responsibly.  This involves making sure that the teens completely understand the responsibilities involved and that the privilege of driving can be revoked at any time.  Further, they need to understand the seriousness of making a mistake that could haunt them for life. 

Teens Expect Much from Parents

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by Pat Lamb (www.patlambchristianauthor.com) Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book

Train up a child…

Teens Expect Much from Parents

         “Leave me alone!” “You don’t trust me!” “I can do it without you!” “Just don’t bother me!” “Will you take me shopping?”  

         These are some of the confusing outcries of teens.  On the one hand, they want to be independent.  On the other hand, they want to be taken care of.  How is a parent to know what to do??

         Transitioning from total independence as a child to complete independence as an adult is not easy for a teen.  Needless to say, this transition time is not easy for a teen parent either.  Parents must know when to step in and when to step out of the teen’s world.  Parents need to know how to be supportive of the teen and still keep the teen safe from harm.  Most of all, parents need to know how to nurture the teen’s independence and respect that teen’s desire for independence.

         Being a good teen parent begins with the understanding of what the teen is going through.  Recognizing the physical, emotional, and social changes taking place makes patience and understanding easier.  Rapid physical growth brings about a bigger appetite and sometimes a need for extra sleep.  Emotional changes cause the teen to question the meaning of life and to become upset more easily.  Social changes cause the teen to easily be embarrassed and confused as to proper behavior. The teen must figure out all of these things.  In doing so, the teen needs the parent at times to interject facts or questions to guide thinking.  The emotional side of the teen causes the teen to reject an adult’s advice when it becomes too much to handle.  When this happens, the parent needs to step back and let the teen calm down.  

         It is important for a parent to be observant and quickly recognize positive decisions made by the teen.  In doing so, the parent becomes supportive of the proper behavior, and the teen will gravitate toward the behavior that is gaining the positive support.  When a teen does something right and gets no recognition, that teen is not as likely to repeat the positive action.  Teens hunger for positive recognition and will do almost anything to gain it.  That is why peer pressure plays such an important role in a teen’s behavior.  It follows, then, that if the teen is getting plenty of positive reinforcement at home, school, or church, peer pressure will not have as great an influence as otherwise.  Every time a parent is able to positively and honestly compliment the teen, it is like investing in insurance for the time the parent must reject a teen’s decision for that teen’s own safety and well-being.  If the teen has received a lot of positive support, that teen is not as likely to be upset when a “no” comes from parents.  

         Teens need to be given opportunities for “instant success”.  Small tasks where a teen easily succeeds build confidence.  This is a way of nurturing independence.  The teen builds on success.  On the other hand, if a teen is put in a position where failure is almost inevitable, a lack of self-confidence is the result and frustration, and possibly even anger, is sure to follow.  Simply said, we need to accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative.  Of course, it isn’t always possible to do so, but the more we can reinforce the positive, the better the results will be.  

         Many parents seem to think that as the child becomes a teen, parents are needed less.  Perhaps just the opposite is true.  Parents must be flexible and change some of the ways of dealing with their child, but very close scrutiny is still required.  It takes a great deal of wisdom to raise a teen.  Where do we get that wisdom?  The Bible tells us that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. Raising a teen is much easier with a great deal of prayer!

How to Talk to a Teen

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by Pat Lamb (www.patlambchristianauthor.com) Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book (Available on my website, Amazon, and Barnes & Noble)

Train up a child…

How to Talk to a Teen

         Many parents complain about trying to communicate with their teen son or daughter.  “They just clam up and won’t talk”, they often say.  There are a few things to consider when trying to “get inside” a teen.  Three of those many things are timing, location, and choice of words.

         Too many times we want to talk to a teen when it is convenient for us rather than thinking about whether it is convenient for the teen.  Teens have many adjustments to make in growing up resulting in many things on their minds and many differing moods.  One minute they may be on top of the world and the next minute down in the dumps. It is helpful to determine the mood of the teen at the moment and choose a time when that person is more receptive to conversation. It is not wise to try to talk to a teen if that teen is watching a favorite show on TV, in the middle of a conversation with a friend, or otherwise occupied with something he/she considers very important.  It is best to watch for an opportunity when the child is not focused on something else  To interrupt in the middle of something very important to the teen simply causes the teen to become frustrated and usually unable to concentrate fully on what we might want to discuss. 

         If a time can be arranged for just the two of you to be alone, that is best.  Teens are very self-conscious and are always worried about what those around them may think of them. The teen cannot be expected to reveal true feelings when friends are around.  They will tend to be worried about what their friends may be thinking and will choose answers to impress the friends.  It is best to have only the parent or parents present with the teen when serious matters are to be discussed.  The teen will usually feel freer to talk with one parent rather than two, but the parent should be alert to any effort on the part of the child to pit one parent against another. Parents need to support each other. 

 I have found in my past experience that one of the very best places to talk with a teen is in a car.  If the teen has a driver’s license, ask to be driven to a drive-in for a coke.  For some reason, it seems that teens will open up and tell you almost anything while sitting behind the steering wheel with just the two of you present.  I’m not sure why that works, but it seems to always work for me.  Another possibility is to take the son or daughter to lunch or shopping where just the two of you are present.  The teen feels special for getting the undivided attention and is more apt to talk with you when no one else is present.

         Choice of words is so very important.  There are key words that upset a teen.  Words that deal with how a teen looks can be very cutting.  “You” is a word that makes the discussion personal and often carries the connotation of blame.  Most of the time, it is better to generalize when discussing behavior rather than personalize.  Never butt in when the child is talking.  Wait until the child pauses for you to say something.  Don’t condemn.  Lecturing the child or condemning the child will most certainly keep that child from talking to you in the future.  Try to be understanding and ask questions that will cause the person to think and figure out for him/herself the best way to handle a situation.  Telling is not teaching.  We should always try to get the son or daughter to decide for self the proper way to act or react.  Try not to be shocked no matter what you are told.  Stay calm and let the teen get everything “off the chest”.  Even if you know the child is wrong, remember that you will not convince him/her that it is wrong simply by saying that it is.  They must know the reasoning behind the words.  The value of asking questions cannot be overestimated.  Questions that cannot be answered with a simple “yes” or “no” will stimulate more conversation and thinking. 

         Teen years are difficult years.  It is so much better to get values taught before the teen years arrive, but it is impossible to achieve this goal completely.  Our love for our teens requires that we be patient, gentle, and understanding.  Emphasis should be placed on the feelings of the teen rather than our own discomfort or feelings.  Choosing the right time and location to talk to teens helps to allay discomfort for both.  Words can hurt and therefore must be chosen carefully.

Teens Need Help Making Decisions

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by Pat Lamb (www.patlambchristianauthor.com) Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book

Train up a child…

Teens Need Help Making Decisions

         There is a great deal of research now occurring concerning the brain and how it works.  Recent research indicates that the part of the brain that influences decision-making and problem solving is not fully developed during the teen years. The frontal lobes which help control risk-taking and thrill-seeking are not fully developed until around age 20. This causes teenagers to feel invincible and not fully consider the consequences of their choices. If teens know about this research, they might possibly be more open to the acceptance of the advice of parents, teachers, and others who are older.

         According to Jeremy Elliot-Engel, a 4-H youth development specialist with the University of Missouri Extension, there are six primary steps to decision-making for teens.  If parents are aware of these steps, they can pass them along to their daughters and sons and better help them with decision-making.

         The six steps recommended for decision-making by teens are:

  • List the choices.
  • Think about the pros and cons of each choice.
  • Assess the likelihood of the consequences actually happening.
  • Compare the consequences and their importance.
  • Decide and act.
  • Evaluate the consequences, both expected and unexpected.

Parents need to help teens see options when they list choices.  It is 

difficult for teens to see more than one or two options.  At this point, they may feel more influence from the opinions of friends.  Parents may need to point out that the friends may not have thought of all of the options available.

         If parents are patient, teens often welcome their advice.  When parents become involved, it is evidence to the young person that the parent cares.  There are times when the parent must make the final decision no matter how much conversation has occurred.  However, the process of involving the teen has long-lasting benefits.  Although the teen may not seem cooperative, the process itself becomes imbedded in the mind of that person to help in the next decision. This process should be repeated over and over to ensure that the teen understands the steps to decision-making. When young people are involved in the decision, they are more likely to follow it.

         The teen years are a transitioning time between the total dependence on parents as a child and independence from parents as an adult.  The safety of the teen is foremost, but as much as possible with this in mind, teens need to be allowed to make decisions with the understanding that the parent has the last word.

It’s Tough to be a Teen

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book) www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child…

It’s Tough to be a Teen

         I once viewed a video from the Missouri School Board Association that started off with a statement that one out of every five students in Missouri high schools contemplates suicide at one time or another.  What a terrible statistic!  The gentleman speaking went on to encourage all school workers in Missouri to be on the lookout for troubled students.

         Why would teens want to commit suicide?  One of the reasons given by experts is lack of hope.  Another reason is the use of drugs.  A third reason, in my opinion, may be a lack of religious training to educate them with the fact that suicide is not an end, but a beginning of an after life.

         It is difficult for teenagers to cope in society.  Most adults expect teens to be a problem.  This causes teens to feel that it is normal for them to do things they shouldn’t be doing.  I believe, as do many other teachers with whom I’ve spoken, that around age 12 a child comes to a crossroad in life. At this point, the child makes a decision as to whether he/she will try to live a good life or just go for doing what feels good at the moment.  Peer pressure influences this decision greatly.  In addition to peer pressure, children at this age have generally come in contact with many different sets of values.  Each teacher in school has his/her own set of rules and values. Parents have a set of rules and values. If the child comes from a broken home, the rules and values of step-parents have also probably differed. The children have to deal with the values and rules of grandparents from both the real parents and the step parents. Is it any wonder that children become confused?  This is especially true considering the fact that most children have not attended church to learn the real values taught there.

         Hormonal changes at this point in life have a great effect on the child.  Studies show that the cerebellum, the back part of the brain, is actually larger in puberty in proportion to the cerebrum, the front part of the brain.  This causes the teen to act on impulse rather than thinking things through.  It isn’t until about age 20 that the two parts of the brain come to correct proportion.  Rapid growth accompanies the hormonal changes and causes a child to be awkward. One week, when a child reached for a glass of water, the arm was at one length. Soon after, the arm is longer and the brain hasn’t adjusted to the new length, and the child may turn the glass over and spill the water.  On top of all of this, horror of horrors, pimples start appearing on the face!

         While all of these things are happening, children can be very cruel to each other.  Bullying is terrible, but it does exist.  We can’t guard every word that comes from the mouth of someone, but, thankfully, efforts are being made in many schools to stop bullying.

         Is it any wonder that teens are looking for a way out of all of this?  It is too bad that they don’t understand that suicide is not the answer. We need to remind teens that all that is happening is temporary, and if they can hold on, things will get better. 

         The very best thing parents can do is to get their children in a good church that teaches the love of Christ.  If they understand this principle, they will always feel loved.  As they are taught that God has a plan for each life, they experience hope that is so desperately needed.  It is difficult to understand why more parents don’t get their children in church.  It costs no money.  Additional people are concerned for the child’s welfare.  Many activities are provided that are wholesome activities. I could go on and on about the positive values of church and can think of no negative things.  Let’s do what is best for our children and put our personal likes and dislikes aside.

Questions Stimulate Thinking

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by Pat Lamb (www.patlambchristianauthor.com) Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book

Train up a child…..

Questions Stimulate Thinking

       Telling is not teaching.  Many people seem to feel that if they have told a child something, the child has learned it.  Not true! When a child is told something, or for that matter when any of us are told something, our first response may be, “Well, maybe that is true and maybe it is not true”.  There may even be resistance to being told something, especially if there is even a hint of animosity toward the one doing the telling.

         A much better way to get ideas across is to ask questions.  Any time someone is asked a question, thought processes are required for the person to answer.  The person being asked must weigh in his/her own mind the pros and cons of the point being addressed.  This requires the consideration of many facets of a topic and eventually the person comes up with a conclusion on his/her own.  It is only when we genuinely believe something that we act upon it.  The belief has to become a part of us before it truly affects behavior.  Otherwise, a child being told something may act on it temporarily out of fear or respect for parents or those doing the telling.  When they later are no longer under the control of that person, they may not continue the required behavior. When children become teenagers, if they have already concluded certain things, they will not stop acting accordingly.  Those teenagers who have simply been told to act a certain way and have not come to the conclusion on their own, may completely throw away those principles.

         How do we go about asking questions or what kind of questions do we ask?

         Children need to be asked many “why” questions.  Very young children need to be asked simple questions such as “Why do we wear a coat on cold days?”  Their answers may include things such as to keep from feeling cold, to keep from being sick, to do what others are doing, etc.  Other follow-up questions might be: “What happens to us if we don’t wear coats when it is cold?” “Remember when you were sick last year? Did you forget to wear your coat before that and you got really cold? “With these questions, the child begins to see the connection between keeping warm and getting sick. If he/she has come to that conclusion, in the future the child is more likely to wear a coat without being told.

         In elementary school, questions need to be asked such as, “What happens to people when they use illegal drugs?  Do they affect the mind?  Why do you think those drugs are illegal?  Do many people end up in prison because of drug usage?  What is happening in places where many people use drugs? As children ponder these questions, they begin to conclude that it is going to be harmful to them to use drugs.

         Other questions that can be used over and over are: “Why did you do what you did? How do you think that would make you feel? How do you think the other person feels?” The more probing the questions, the more thinking there is involved.

         True learning has not taken place until a person acts out automatically the principle being taught. Until that happens, we need to keep teaching that principle.