Tag Archives: parenting

“Children are People, Too”

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by Pat Lamb (www.patlambchristianauthor.com)

Train up a child…

“Children Are People, Too”

         When our youngest child, Charles, was in kindergarten, his teacher posted on the door of his classroom, “Children are people, too”.  At first I wondered what she was talking about.  Of course, children are people, too.  Then I started thinking about times when I had talked with other adults and left my children standing quietly without joining in the conversation.  I began to notice other adults and how so often they would talk and forget about the children listening to everything they said.  Sometimes, parents would talk about their children while the children were standing right in front of them.  It was almost as though they thought the children were deaf and did not hear their comments.  I remembered a time when my husband and I had done this very thing.

         When Charles was still small enough to sit on the armrest between my husband and me, (car seats for children were not required then), my husband and I were driving somewhere and having a conversation about a person we were concerned about.  Charles was sitting quietly between us.   We were driving along, expressing one opinion after another, when Charles suddenly spoke up and said, “Don’t forget, Mom, God hears everything you say!”  I was stunned.  My husband and I were not only reminded of what we had been teaching him, but we were also  reminded that children hear everything we say in their presence.

         When I was very young, my mom would make dresses of printed chicken-feed sacks for my sisters and me.  She would starch and iron them and dress us up with ribbons in our hair.  Every Saturday afternoon, she would load up her crate of eggs, and we would go to Monett, MO to sell them.  Part of this ritual was a trip to the J.C. Penney store.  On one such occasion, one of my mom’s acquaintances came up to her and started talking.  The lady looked down at my sisters and me and said, “Ethel, you have such pretty girls. I don’t know how you do it.  They always look so nice!  Every one of them is so pretty!”  My four sisters and I stood there in our starched and ironed feed sack dresses feeling so very proud.  As the lady said her goodbyes and started to leave, she looked down at me and said, “Now, Ethel, is this one yours, too?  She doesn’t look like the rest of them!” True, my hair was blonde; theirs was dark brown. Their hair was curly; mine was very straight. I felt so ugly!  I grew up feeling like the ugly duckling!

         When children are around, let’s include them in our conversations.  They learn to converse as we treat them with respect and talk to them as equals.  At church, shake hands with the children as though they are just as important as adults, because they are.  Let’s be careful about the comments we make in the presence of children.  Let’s remember, “Children are people, too.”

Plan a Meaningful Easter

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by Pat Lamb www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child…

Plan a Meaningful Easter

         Easter is the most important holiday of the year.  Without Easter, Christmas would lose its importance.  For this reason, we should put much effort into making sure that children understand the real meaning of the time as well as enjoying the holiday to create a pleasant memory.

         Many would like to do away with the great amount of commercialism that accompanies Easter. Realistically, that isn’t likely to happen.  It would seem to me that the best way to deal with the commercialism is to adapt it to positive learning.  Egg hunts are fun.  Children who are not allowed to participate will probably resent it.  Why not simply tell the children that the eggs represent new life that we can find in Jesus.  We are promised in the Bible that if we seek, we can find that new life. Easter baskets can be explained as a way that parents show love to children by giving gifts just as God gave the best gift of all, his Son. I don’t know many children who are truly tricked into thinking that a rabbit brings an Easter basket.  In my opinion, it is best to tell the children that the Easter bunny is part of a game that adults like to play with children. Those who choose to purchase new clothes can tell children that we want to look our best for church and that the new clothes symbolize the new life we can find when we believe Jesus died on the cross and rose again, repent, and invite the Holy Spirit into our lives. 

         What better time than Easter to teach John 3:16.  All children should know this verse that says, “For God so loved the world that he gave His only son that whosoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life”.  In addition to teaching the verse, the family needs to attend the church of choice on Easter. Most churches have special services. There is no better way to teach children than through visual demonstration. Many churches provide thought-provoking drama that help all to understand Easter.

         It is sad to think that so many people in our country do not know the meaning of Easter.  When Tim Tebow wrote John 3:16 under his eyes while playing football, it was reported that approximately two million people googled the Internet to find out what it was.  Our children have a great deal to face in their adulthood.  Hopefully, we can make sure that those children with whom we personally come in contact will have the spiritual foundation they need to deal with the issues facing them. One way to help give children this needed spiritual foundation for the future is to make Easter meaningful.

Some Children are Self Smart

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by Pat Lamb www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child…

Some Children are Self Smart

         “Still water runs deep” is an expression that is often used to describe a child who may be quiet and perhaps shy and doesn’t mind being alone.  This may very well be the child who has a dominant intrapersonal intelligence.

         Seven intelligences have been defined.  People are born with dominance in three or four of these intelligences.  The intelligences are known as verbal/linguistic, logical/mathematical, bodily/kinesthetic, spatial, musical, interpersonal, and intrapersonal.  Other names for these intelligences are word smart, numbers smart, body smart, picture smart, music smart, people smart, and self smart.

         Intrapersonal or self-smart is the capacity to understand oneself. This person can understand his/her own personal thoughts and feelings and use that knowledge to plan and direct his/her life.  Intrapersonal intelligence involves not only an appreciation of self, but also of the human condition and is evident in psychologists, spiritual leaders, and philosophers.

         The children who possess this intelligence to a strong degree may be thought of as “loners”. They don’t seem to mind being alone for extended periods of time. Sometimes parents worry unduly about these children for fear they may become anti-social when they are simply thinking about life and its meaning. They are usually in tune with their inner feelings, values, beliefs, and thinking processes.  These children may be “wise beyond their years”, can usually motivate themselves, and have intuition.  Since they spend much time in simply thinking, they may have well thought-out opinions on many issues.  Others often go to them for advice.  However, some may think of them as distant resulting in a small number of friends.

         Teachers would do well to give children who have this intelligence opportunities to describe their feelings or the feelings of others when essays are assigned. Any essay topic that asks for an opinion is a subject to be enjoyed by these children.  There will be an interest in the personalities of great mathematicians when studying math.  A parent or teacher might ask for a description of the feelings of others as history is studied because they like to imagine how people felt in various circumstances. 

         Job skills the intrapersonal person is likely to possess include working alone, setting goals and obtaining objectives, appraising, planning, initiating, and organizing. This person is likely to be a self-motivator.  Jobs that these individuals seem to fit are clergyman or religious worker, psychologist, therapist, counselor, or entrepreneur.  At some point in time, they may want to write an autobiography. They may not always be good in jobs where quick action is required because they like time to reflect and think before making a decision.  

         I am amazed when I think about the varying personalities that God created.  He knew what would be needed to sustain a society and he gave each of us unique ways of thinking and acting to meet those needs.  It would be so nice if each of us learned to appreciate the differences in people rather than expecting everyone else to think and feel as we do.  Ideally, we would all work together and compliment the skills and abilities of one another.    

Some Children are People Smart

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by Pat Lamb www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child…

Some Children are People Smart

       I recently spoke to a group of young mothers and enjoyed hearing them talk about the differences in their children.  Some were saying how hard it is to have two or three children with very different personalities.  I was reminded of the seven intelligences experts have defined.  It is thought that each person is born with preferences in three or four of these intelligences.  They are verbal/linguistic, logical/mathematical, bodily/kinesthetic, spatial, musical, interpersonal, and intrapersonal.  They are also known as word smart, numbers smart, body smart, picture smart, music smart, people smart, and self smart.

         In previous columns I have discussed all of the intelligences except the interpersonal and intrapersonal.  In this column, I will give information about the interpersonal intelligence.

         Interpersonal intelligence is the ability to understand and interact effectively with others.  It involves good communication skills and an ability to note differences in others.  Persons with this intelligence are able to be sensitive to the moods and temperaments of those with whom they come in contact.

         We can recognize this intelligence in children when we see them constantly wanting to be around others. They seem to thrive off of contact with people and can complete tasks better if not working alone.  Also, these children often can sense weaknesses in adults and can “wiggle” their way out of assigned tasks.  They may like to argue with an adult when they sense that the adult is not really certain of the instructions being given to the child. They will know when mom or dad is in the right mood to be asked for something. Being sent to their room to be alone is real punishment for children with dominance in this intelligence.

         The person with this intelligence is a social person.  He/she likes to go to parties. The radio or TV must be on almost constantly. Adults with this intelligence like to host others in their home. They can sense motives of their children and others. They simply seem to have an innate ability to know what to do and say to get along with others and are probably “joiners” of clubs or various organizations.  

         Children with this intelligence may grow up to become administrators, teachers, personnel workers, counselors, salespersons, social workers, political leaders, doctors, or religious leaders.

         It needs to be remembered that we can have the intelligences to varying degrees and that not all characteristics fit all people.  However, knowing the general characteristics helps us to better understand our children and those around us.  Just as God made no two snowflakes exactly alike, so he made no two humans exactly alike. As we attempt to follow His command to “Love one another”, it certainly helps if we can understand those around us.

Some Children are Picture Smart

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by Pat Lamb www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child…

Some Children are Picture Smart

         We make a mistake as parents, teachers, and grandparents when we believe that children will act and respond in the same way that we do.  God created each of us uniquely and each person is born with dominance in particular intelligences.  That dominance influences the way we think and act.  Sometimes children are born with the same dominant intelligences as their parents, but often they are not.  

         Experts in the field of personality have isolated seven intelligences of humans.  They are verbal/linguistic, logical/mathematical, visual/spatial, musical/rhythmic, body/kinesthetic, interpersonal, and intrapersonal.  These intelligences are also known as word smart, numbers smart, picture smart, music smart, body smart, people smart, and self smart.

         Picture smart children are those who have a sense of spatial relationships.  They think in images and pictures. They are often aware of colors, shapes, objects, and patterns in their environment.  They have strong opinions about colors that go together, textures that are appropriate and pleasing, and decorating.  They can “see with the mind’s eye”.  They can pretend and imagine.  They are our artists.  

         When teaching children who are dominant in the spatial/ visual intelligence, we need to give many opportunities for graphing, drawing, working with clay or other mediums. Using posters and charts will be the most effective way of presenting material.  They are definitely visual learners.  Appealing bulletin boards in classrooms are very effective.  Since they are good at “seeing with the mind’s eye”, they will be able to visualize scenes and act them out. Role-playing past times in history helps in reinforcing learning in history lessons. Color coding parts of written material with highlighters is effective as well.  

         Children who are dominant in the visual intelligence may grow up to be an engineer, surveyor, architect, artist, graphic designer, photographer, inventor, pilot, layout editor, designer, interior decorator, or any career requiring skills such as drawing, painting, visualizing, creating visual presentations, graphing, or filming. 

         It is interesting to observe children for behavioral characteristics that are clues to dominant intelligences.  Many of the Navajo children that my husband and I were privileged to teach displayed dominance in spatial intelligence. I recall an incident while teaching second grade on the Navajo reservation when I asked the children to draw a picture about a field trip we had taken.  One little boy drew a school bus on a road with puffs of dust coming up from behind the exhaust.  There was a tree with a squirrel and bird in it watching the bus go by.  A little rabbit was peeking from behind the tree watching the bus.  Children were waving out the windows of the bus and the sun had a smile on its face. I was astonished at so much detail in this one picture.  He was definitely picture smart.  Most Navajo children that I taught seemed to have the same love for art. Some children do well to draw a stick house with a tree and a sun.  When a young child puts a lot of detail in drawings, it is probably an indication that there is some dominance in the visual/spatial intelligence. 

         It is nice that we have different personality tendencies.  It certainly makes the world more interesting.  It is of great value to understand these characteristics of children in order to better prepare them for their future. 

Music is Valuable for Children

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Train up a child… by Pat Lamb www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Music is Valuable for Children

         Of the seven intelligences, music is probably the most universal.  It seems that almost everyone has some musical intelligence.  Even those who say they “couldn’t carry a tune if they had it in a basket with a lid on it” probably enjoy listening to music. There are, however, children who possess a real gift in this area.  We all know people whose love for music is so great that they almost live and breathe it. Our oldest son, for instance, could hardly walk past our piano without sitting down and playing for a while. There are those folks who can pick up almost any instrument and play it.  Occasionally, we meet those who “play by ear” almost any tune they hear.        Even very small children who have not yet learned to walk may be seen moving their bodies somewhat in rhythm to music. As soon as they learn to walk, many small children will make up and do little dances to rhythm.  

         The seven intelligences are linguistic, logical-mathematical, bodily-kinesthetic, spatial, musical, interpersonal, and intrapersonal.  Each person is born more dominant in some intelligences than others. Musical intelligence is the capacity to discern pitch, rhythm, timbre, and tone. It enables one to recognize, create, reproduce, and reflect on music.  Music connects with emotions.  Mathematical and music intelligences may share common thinking processes.

         Children with musical intelligence are often sensitive to sounds in the environment such as chirping of crickets, traffic, or rain on the roof.  They can often produce a melody after hearing it only once.  They are able to mimic sounds, language accents, and others’ speech patterns.  They can pick out different instruments in a musical composition.  

         It is important that all children are exposed to a variety of music.  In my opinion, all children should be given some music training. Learning to read music is a real asset. Studies have shown that children who have music training do better academically.  It is unfortunate that so many young people allow peer pressure to mold them into only one type of music.  One way to help avoid this is to expose children to different kinds of music when they are young.  When our four children were small, I had a collection of records that I played for them during their rest time.  The collection included classical as well as fun songs and stories put to music. Later, our oldest son played a great deal of classical music when he took piano lessons. Each of our children seems to enjoy different kinds of music even now that they are grown.

         Making up lyrics to different tunes works well with children with the musical intelligence.  In kindergarten, some teachers make up songs about picking up toys and putting them away.  Interjecting a child’s name in the lyrics is fun.  It is amazing how the children seem to respond to the music as opposed to simply being told to pick up their toys and put them away. When the child goes to school, multiplication tables put to tunes makes it easier for the child to learn.  Many things that need to be memorized can be put to music.  Allowing the child to make up songs themselves will enhance learning.  

         It is unfortunate that there are not many opportunities for careers for music lovers.  Only the really gifted and dedicated can make a living from music.  I noticed in Europe we would walk down the street in some places and pass perhaps two or three buildings where orchestras were playing.  It seemed to be possible there for more people who loved music to do it as a career: nevertheless, music is still very important for our own personal satisfaction and enjoyment here in America.  It provides a real outlet of expression of emotions whether we perform or just listen. We each need a song in the heart! 

Some Children are Number Smart

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Train up a child… by Pat Lamb, www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Some Children are “Number Smart”

       It is common for parents and teachers to teach children believing that children will respond the same way they responded as children.  To have this mindset is to not take in consideration the differences in intelligences with which children are born.  To say that we are not the same is a “no-brainer”, yet we work with children as though they all are just like us.  

         Children are born with seven different intelligences.  They are: verbal/linguistic, mathematical/logical, musical/rhythmic, bodily/kinesthetic, visual/spatial, interpersonal, and intrapersonal.  Those intelligences are also known as: word smart, numbers smart, picture smart, music smart, body smart, people smart, and self smart.

         Some people just seem to have a knack for math.  These are the number smart people. Number smart persons are logical thinkers.  They can do sequential reasoning, do inductive and deductive reasoning, and do abstract reasoning.  They enjoy doing number puzzles and can perceive connections and relationships of one thing to another.  They may like to study statistics and graphs.  Children may like to play with secret codes.  They do well with “If ….then” types of reasoning. They may do better at outlining stories and classifying items.  As a small child, you may notice these number smart individuals grouping their toys by size, color, etc.  This may be a clue that in the future they will do well in math.  These logically minded children may be argumentative and continually try to prove their point. Parents become frustrated as the children try to prove them wrong. Older persons with this intelligence will like solving mysteries.  Their favorite books or movies may be mysteries.

         In my own experience, I have noticed that many of those who excel in math may have difficulty in English usage and writing.  It seems to me that many people who have the “math brain” think in black and white and expect everything to be logical.  Our English language is not logical.  There are times when one thing applies and times when it does not.  This frustrates the person who wants everything to be logical. The flip side of this is that word smart people sometimes have trouble with math because it does not have varying shades of correctness or incorrectness.  In math, only one way is right.    

         People who are number smart may end up in careers such as auditors, accountants, underwriters, scientists, statisticians, computer analysts, economists, technicians, bookkeepers, science teachers, engineers, retail buyers, physicists, bankers, math teachers, or investment brokers.  Some people from the past who were number smart include Albert Einstein, Thomas Edison, and George Washington Carver.      

         When we can recognize the intelligences of children and nurture those intelligences, we can steer them toward satisfying careers.  Understanding a child’s interests can create more harmony in the family.  Just because there are some who have this special interest is not to say that those who do not have this special interest cannot learn math.  Everyone needs math and in my opinion can learn math, but they may not go into careers where math is one of the most important skills. 

Some Children are “Word Smart”

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by Pat Lamb (www.patlambchristianauthor.com)

Train up a child…

Some Children are “Word Smart”

       People who study such things say that we are born with seven intelligences.  Each of us is dominate in a few of the intelligences and weaker in others.  They are identified as:  verbal/linguistic, logical/mathematical, visual/spatial, musical/rhythmic, body/kinesthetic, interpersonal, and intrapersonal.  These are also known as: word smart, number smart, picture smart, music smart, body smart, people smart, and self smart.

         It is important that parents, teachers, or others working with children learn how to recognize the dominate interests of children, nurture those interests, and guide children toward careers that use those interests.

         When we observe the behavior of children, we see clues that help us recognize their dominate interests. Children who are word smart generally like to read and write and often express themselves well verbally.  They may be the children who have the most books read on the teacher’s chart.  They have the ability to think in words and express and appreciate complex meanings. People with this interest may also enjoy learning foreign languages. They can usually understand the different shades of meanings of words and develop a larger vocabulary than children who do not have this dominate interest.  As they get older, they will probably be the best note-takers in classes.  Some will like to keep diaries or journals.  They may like to write letters or send cards to others.  Some persons with this interest will come up with unique uses of words.  For instance, our second son once described our donkey’s “grass-stained toothy grin” when he wrote an essay.  He came up with unique nicknames and was humorous in his conversations because he was able to select and use descriptive words effectively.  

         We nurture this interest by providing good reading material and opportunities for writing.  These children need to be called upon to participate in drama presentations, debate, or public speaking. They may want to help with the school newspaper or yearbook.  Organizing a book club for the word smart children would be good.  It would also be good to ask the word smart teens to read to children.  In addition, they should be given opportunities to participate in discussions.  

         Word smart people are the people who become authors, poets, journalists, and effective public speakers. They become the television news people. Teachers, pastors or other religious leaders, proofreaders, librarians, speech pathologists, talk show hosts, or salespersons are other careers that suit this interest.  

         It is fascinating to be able to observe and identify the interests of children.  It is rewarding to be able to nurture those interests and guide children toward suitable careers.  

         Isn’t it nice that God made us with differing gifts, interests, and talents?  It makes the world a more interesting place and meets the differing needs of society. 

Parents Need to Understand the Interests of their Children

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Train up a child…

Parents Need to Understand the Interests of their Children

         Any parent of two or more children knows that each child is unique.  Just when you think you have caught on to what the first child is like and how to take care of that child, another comes along seemingly entirely different. It keeps us on our toes to try to understand and meet the needs of each child.

         There is a great deal of research being done concerning how the brain works, how birth order affects a child’s personality, and how children are born with tendencies to like some things and dislike other things.  There was a time when educators were told that all children were like a blank page when they were born, and it was environment that affected their behavior. Now we know that we are born with certain tendencies that, along with environment, affect our behavior.

         Those who study such things are telling us that there are seven intelligences and that each of us has three or four where we are stronger. We tend to develop in these areas more and disregard the areas where we are not strong. It is important to know the areas of strength in our children in order to better understand and teach them.

         These seven intelligences are classified as: verbal linguistic, logical/mathematical, visual/spatial, musical/rhythmic, body/kinesthetic, interpersonal, and intrapersonal.  A simpler way of saying them is: language smart, numbers smart, picture smart, music smart, body smart, people smart, and self smart.  In future columns, I hope to talk about each one individually.

         We have all heard comments about how talented someone seems to be musically.  People are also talented in each of the other areas.  When we look around and observe those we know, we will see that each person has talents.  The verbal linguistic person has a talent in learning language and writing. The mathematical person has a talent in working with numbers.  The visual/spatial person is the person who can draw or paint pictures.  Dancers and sports lovers are the body/kinesthetic people. An interpersonal person is the social person who is perceptive in working with others.  The intrapersonal person is the philosopher type who thinks deeply and is often very spiritual.  Most people do not concentrate in one area only, but they also have at least two or three other areas of interest.

         When parents can understand what the intelligences of their children are, they can better work with them in developing those interests.  It is futile to try to force a child to be something he/she is not “born” to do.  For instance, some people will never be good in sports or dancing.  Others may never be really great in music.  We can, however, learn to appreciate those areas and develop to a point in each of them, but we will excel in the areas of our interests.

         There is a great deal of information on the Internet about the seven intelligences.  One can simply Google “seven intelligences” and read about the studies done by several people.  Even if we don’t completely understand all about it, it helps just to know that each child has particular things in which they are interested and we need to ascertain what those interests are to better work with that child.

A Real Necessity

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Train up a child… patlamb@centurytel.net; www.patlambchristianauthor.com

A Real Necessity

         There is one thing that is so very important for the success of a child in school and life.  Without this, a child will be stuck on approximately the third grade level in math and not continue to progress. That child will be unable to manage money when he/she becomes an adult in spite of the fact that the desire may be there to do so.

         What is that one thing? A child must know the multiplication tables!

         It seems like such a “no-brainer” to say that children should learn their multiplication tables. However, during the 20+ years of teaching GED classes, I observed over and over that this vital part of the education of my students had not been fulfilled.  I have had students from at least ten different school systems including out of state,  and the story is the same.  I have had nearly 1000 students enroll in the classes I have taught and probably 90% of them did not know their multiplication tables.  Many of these students were on college level in reading indicating that the ability to learn was certainly there.

         What accounts for the fact that the times tables have not been learned?  In my opinion, there are several reasons (or perhaps excuses). Parents often leave this kind of thing up to the teachers.  The teachers are pressured to cover a certain amount of material in large classes where individual attention is not possible.  Modern math, several years ago, promoted the philosophy that if a student understood math, drill was not necessary.  Our trend for fast food and fast learning tends to cause a child to expect learning to be easy. Attitudes of “somebody owes me something,” and “I am not responsible for myself,” cause a child to believe that he/she can get by without knowing the times tables.  Social promotion has fostered that idea further by letting the child know that he/she will go on to the next grade whether or not all the material has been mastered.  

         What kind of logic says that if a child can’t do third grade work, that child can do fourth grade work? Students grow up thinking they are dumb and just can’t “get it” simply because they have not been required to “get it”.  Some students go year after year in school, getting in deeper and deeper water and feeling more and more frustrated because they can’t handle the math that requires knowing the times tables. Eventually, they give up and drop out.

         In school, the multiplication tables are usually introduced at the end of second grade.  In real life, we can begin working with children when they are toddlers to help them understand some number concepts.

         When playing with small children, we can simply provide information by saying such things as, “Oh, I see two blue blocks here and two more blue blocks there.  That makes four blocks.  Two times two is four.”  We need to constantly include such comments in conversation to help children become aware of numbers.

         A great deal of math can be taught with a bag of M & M’s or a bag of jelly beans.  They can be sorted into groups and counted to see how many groups of different numbers and colors can be made. When they have succeeded in learning some of the facts, they can be rewarded by allowing them to eat the candy.

         We need to require older children to write the tables over and over.  The more senses we use in learning, the faster we learn.  By writing, the child is using touch and sight. If the child says them aloud while writing, that child is also using hearing. 

         Spanking a child to learn is not appropriate although it may be appropriate to spank a child to make that child take time to do homework and try to learn.  Drill is appropriate.  There are many ways and opportunities to help the children with this vital information. All of the thousands of dollars and all of the new programs for education do very little good with math if a child does not know these basic facts. 

         Parents, grandparents, and teachers, it is so very important to make sure that your third and fourth graders learn their multiplication tables!