Tag Archives: parenting

The Value of Physical Activity

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Train up a child…

 

The Value of Physical Activity

 

Children need to develop in four areas. Those four areas are mental, social, spiritual, and physical. Quite often one or more of these areas may be neglected, but each area is important.

Physical development does not come automatically. Even though a child is growing bigger, he may not be growing healthier. An old expression says, “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy”. Children get most of their physical activity from play, but they can also get it from work.

What are the benefits of physical activity? Physical activity strengthens the body. A child who is physically active is usually a happier child. Children involved in team sports learn teamwork and what it means to give one’s best.

The blood in our bodies bathes every muscle and organ bringing nourishment to every part. When we exercise, the heart pumps harder ensuring that each part is reached with the nutrients needed. When a person sits around all the time, the blood doesn’t move as fast and nutrients are not carried throughout the body as needed. Body parts do not work at their maximum without the stimulation of exercise. The brain needs to be bathed by the blood just as does all of the body. We do not think as clearly and as well without exercise.

We’ve heard of those who have been unfortunate and had to spend a lengthy amount of time in the hospital having to learn to walk again. The muscles become very weak without usage. The heart is a muscle. When we exercise and it beats more rapidly, it is getting strengthened, too.

Exercise creates endorphin. Endorphin is a substance that fights pain and depression. We often forget that children can be depressed as much or more than adults. People who don’t exercise often start feeling sorry for themselves and become depressed. Physical exercise helps to prevent this from happening. It is best to keep busy. Teenagers often like to stay in their rooms for long periods of time. This is an emotional time in their lives and at this time they especially need to exercise.

Team sports at school provide a fun way to get exercise. While getting the physical activity, they also learn to put themselves in background positions for the overall good of others. The cheering they hear while playing builds self-esteem and motivates them to go beyond what they have accomplished and reach for more. They often discover that they can do more than they ever thought they could. This transfers to other areas of their lives as well and they develop the attitude that they can do better. This becomes a motivation to be the best they can be.

Sometimes it seems that there is not enough time to do everything a child needs. Exercise can be worked into the schedule in subtle ways. Parents can ask children to run a race to the mailbox. When shopping, the car can be parked at the back of the parking lot to require more walking. The TV, phone, and computer can be limited, and children should have chores to do. Even when dad is wrestling or “rough-housing” the kids on the floor, they are getting some exercise. When I taught second grade, the children in our class planned their own obstacle course. They climbed a 4 ft. wall, leapfrogged over a rock, crawled through a barrel, skipped, hopped, and scissor-stepped back to the starting place. They did this at recess, but a similar course could be made at home.

Let’s keep our kids moving so they can get the exercise they need!

 

 

 

How Can We Develop Compassion in Children?

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Train up a child…

How can we Develop Compassion in Children?

We often wonder why we see so much violence in the news. Why do people hurt others? Why do people do things to property that eventually causes trouble for others? Could it be that those individuals have never learned to feel compassion?

When we feel compassion for others, we usually feel sympathy and concern as well. It causes us to stop and think about the feelings of others. It follows, then, that if we can help children develop compassion, they will probably act in compassionate ways.
One way to develop compassion is to talk about hurt and pain. Caring for animals may lead to compassionate feelings. Guiding activities that help others is a third way to help children understand the feelings and cares of others.

What we say to children is very important. When we see someone hurting, a comment such as, “I know that person must hurt badly”, draws attention to suffering. Opposite type comments such as, “That person must be lazy and not want to work”, keeps a child from feeling compassion. Watching selected news provides opportunities to talk about pain and suffering.

When a child learns to care for an animal, that child can learn to care about whether the animal is hungry, cold, scared, etc. Anytime a child can identify with feelings of another person or animal, that child is learning compassion. On the other hand, if a child is allowed to let a pet go hungry, be cold, etc., the child is learning not to be compassionate.
When families or groups do activities such as taking food to the sick or helping the needy, they are developing compassion in children. There are many worthwhile projects that can be done by children.

Many people are not able to recognize the feelings of others by what they say or do. Pointing out actions or words of others that indicate hurt will help the child become aware of others. When a child acts like a bully, it may well be because that child is hurting and taking feelings out on another. When a child puts another child down for an accomplishment, it may be because the child is hurting for a lack of attention. We are all guilty of often judging people’s actions only by their words when we should be looking a little deeper. If we can help children look deeper, they are many steps ahead in life.

The careful choice of words and activities we use with children cannot be overemphasized. Compassion is an attitude. Attitudes are often caught, instead of being taught. Although we can do and say certain things to help develop compassion, as in so many other areas, example is the most effective teacher.

How to Talk so Kids can Learn

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How to Talk so Kids Can Learn

 

People do not like to be yelled at! Children are people, too. Children do not like to be yelled at!

The way we talk to children greatly affects their learning. Our tone and volume of voice is very important as we relate to the little ones. We need to take the time, whenever possible, to explain and reason with children.

I have observed over the years that many parents constantly bark orders to children, often so rapidly that the children do not have time to mentally process one order before being given another. When this happens, children become resentful, confused, embarrassed, and often give up trying to obey. They may pout or act out in frustration. They hurt inside because they feel that the one yelling at them does not love them. It becomes even more confusing when, after barking orders to the children, a few minutes later that same parent may say, “I love you”. This scenario gives an untrue example of love. Love is patient. On the other hand, if we slow down, take time to let the child process instructions, and explain where needed, the child calms down, is more likely to obey, and senses love as shown through patience. Sometimes a parent will get better results to simply go to the child, put an arm around that child, and whisper instructions slowly.

Children can often understand more than we give them credit for if we take the time to give the explanations in words they understand. We forget that they do not have the same vocabulary that we have. They increase their vocabulary as we explain why we expect them to do certain things. When they have the understanding, they are more apt to act appropriately on their own when parents are not around. Many believe that if they just get their children in the habit of doing certain things that they will grow up and maintain those habits. Habits only go so far. Understanding of reasons for acting appropriately will extend the correct behavior. There comes a time in a child’s life when that child begins to question what parents have told them. If they have the basic understanding of the “whys”, they are more apt to stick with what they have been taught.

The use of questions instead of statements is so very important in helping children reason out the “whys” of behavior. Telling is not teaching! When we ask questions, a child is forced to think. Following are some examples of common questions that can be asked in various situations:

  • How would your friend feel if you told him/her that?
  • What would happen if you did that?
  • What were you thinking when you did that?
  • What do you think your friend was thinking when he/she did that?
  • Why do you want to do that?
  • How would the people around you feel if they heard you say that?

These are just general questions to help a child think through his/her actions before making a decision. They also help to develop empathy and teach decision-making.

Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish wrote a book titled, How to Talk so Kids Can Learn. I highly recommend it. It is available on Amazon.com and may also be available in your local library. Although I do not agree with everything in the book, it certainly helps us rethink how we are talking to our children.

Me, Them, or Us

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Train up a child…

Me, Them, or Us

In parenting, as in so many other areas of life, much more can be accomplished when we work together as a team. It is easy to fall into a habit of pitting one group against another. Where children are concerned, we naturally assume that because they are younger, we are much wiser and knowledgeable. However, every individual is unique and needs to be treated with respect. Children have ideas that are worth considering. Each age group has advantages and limitations. There are common goals that can be set for all ages.

It is difficult to see things from a child’s point of view. If we can win the confidence of the child, the child can share with us thoughts and feelings. We can then understand that child. This becomes the basis of the actions we choose as we attempt to be a good parent. We gain that confidence by listening to the child’s ideas with respect. It is surprising how children can come up with ideas that really work. They can do this because they can better understand how children feel and think since they feel and think the same way.

There are many things children can do that adults cannot do. With their boundless energy, they can run errands for adults who are tired and don’t have that much energy. They can get in small places where adults cannot. Have you noticed that each age group has limitations and certain abilities? Toddlers wish they could do what older brothers and sisters can do. Children wish they could do what teens do. Teens wish they could drive and have more freedom. Young marrieds wish they could get more sleep when they have crying babies! Middle age couples adjust to an empty nest. Older people have aches and pains and loss of energy. When all ages work together, we can help supply the needs of others.

Nothing unites a family or group more than common goals. When each group member understands the goals, they can begin to realize the needs for reaching those goals. When the needs are understood, they can each begin to determine what they can contribute to meeting those needs.Short term goals work best with children, but long term goals are necessary, also. Using the ideas of each family member to set goals helps in motivating each to want to be a part of reaching the goals.

As parents, we need to remember that setting an example is the best teaching method. We set a good example by showing respect to children and doing our part to reach worthy goals that have been set incorporating the ideas of each person involved. Much more can be accomplished and everyone is happier when we work together.

Utilizing Teachable Moments

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Train up a child…

Utilizing Teachable Moments

 

We’ve all heard the expression, “It’s too late to close the gate after the horse is gone”. Well, it is much better to teach children right from wrong early in life than to wait until they have “escaped the corral” and gone in the wrong direction. Unfortunately, it seems that many parents do not think of teaching until something happens to demand their attention. They tend to react to bad situations rather than act ahead of time to prevent those situations in the first place.

There are many teachable moments in a child’s life when we can instill real truths that will last a lifetime. By instilling these attitudes early, much heartache can be avoided later. However, it takes real awareness on the part of the parents or guardians to recognize these moments when a child is most receptive to the truth being taught.

I remember remarking to my husband when I taught kindergarten, “You know, I think you could teach anything to a kindergartner if you just go about it the right way!” Five-year-olds seem to be so very eager to learn. They love their teachers and will forgive them almost anything. This whole year of life seems to be made up of teachable moments. It is such an important year!

Children will inevitably get sick at some time or another. This is probably the best time for parent and child to bond. Children learn compassion as they experience the compassion and care of others. It is at a time like this that a parent needs to hold a child, sing to the child, and perhaps tell stories, and give encouragement. Children learn so much about love at a time like this. They learn also that they are vulnerable. People who are extremely healthy sometimes have an attitude of indestructibility. Children who have been sick a lot often grow up with an attitude of humility.

When a child watches a movie with a parent, there are usually many things that happen in the movie that could stimulate conversation for discussion of correct and incorrect behavior. Events and happenings in everyday life offer many teachable moments as well. When arrests of acquaintances are made, it is appropriate to have discussions with children about the choices that person made. Help children see what the consequences of bad choices are.

At bedtime, when the children are tucked in and prayers are heard, discuss with the children choices, both good and bad, that were made that day by the child. Children are often receptive at this time and it is a time of closeness between parent and child.

Unless a parent is constantly on the lookout for teachable moments, they will be missed. Parents need to be conscious at all times of what their children are doing and thinking. It is only a caring parent who will do this. Raising children is a 24 hour task. It is tiring mentally, physically, and spiritually and means often giving up one’s social life. As a person in the autumn of life, I can tell you that when you reach this age, you will think back and say that you had those children close to you for only a short time. . When they are little, they step on your toes. When they are grown, they step on your heart. The more we take advantage of the teachable moments while they are still at home, the less they will step on our heart when they are gone away from home.

Step Up or Stand Back?

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Stand Back or Step Up?

 

When raising children, there are times to stand back and let the children experience consequences of behavior, and then there are times when a parent or guardian must step up and take control of the child or situation. Some parents tend to always stand back and pretty much let their children raise themselves. Other parents may go to the other extreme and try to take control of practically every move the child makes and also control the circumstances of the child. It takes a great deal of wisdom to know when to stand back and when to step up.

My dad had a favorite comment he often made to my four sisters and me. He would say, “If you won’t listen, you will have to learn the hard way!” My dad was always willing to step up and give advice and do his best to tell us the right way to handle a situation. However, we did not always heed his advice. Sometimes he would step back and watch as we learned through experiencing the natural consequences of our actions. He did not hesitate to tell us, “I told you so”!

Many dads are not stepping up to teach children right from wrong. This may be because they, themselves, are not sure of what is right. It may also be because they are afraid that they will be criticized for making the wrong decision. Wives may be too critical and make him feel badly when the husband tries and falls short of her expectations. If we are honest, we have to admit that it seems that some dads (and moms) simply care more about other things than they do about raising their children to be productive citizens.

Parents need to take the initiative in providing a good home environment, good education, good experiences, good nutrition, good spiritual training, and good families of friends with whom to associate. They need to try to always be one step ahead of the children and provide instruction to children for the situations they are about to encounter. However, after parents have done all they can to instruct and encourage children to make the right choices; they are not responsible for how that child chooses. When children are young, they can be punished for choosing wrongly. Older children who get in trouble and go to jail, in my opinion, should, in most cases, stay there and face the consequences of their behavior.

Dads and moms have separate roles. Moms are to be more gentle and sympathetic. Dads need to be the firm one. He has the final word. Moms, especially, tend to want to jump in and rescue children from consequences. When parents continually rescue children from consequences, they become enablers and this causes the children to think that no matter what they do, they will be rescued. Parents who continually step in and rescue children are actually hurting them. It is usually best to say something like, “You knew what the consequence was for that decision. I’m sorry you chose the way you did.” This lets the child know that the parents are not to be blamed for the situation, but rather the child is the cause. It also lets the child know that the parent does not want the child to suffer but feels that it is necessary for the future welfare of that child. This attitude goes along with the old saying, “This hurts me worse than it hurts you”. Some parents have said this in the past indicating that they, too, are suffering because they want the best for their children and really do not want them to be hurt.

It takes a lot of prayer to raise children. Knowledge of the Bible is the biggest help in knowing what is right and wrong. Without the instruction of the Bible, everyone invents his/her own set of values and society becomes chaotic. Try as hard as we may, we will still make mistakes. Some have said, “We do the best we can with the tools we have at the time.” This is true. It would behoove us, then, to continually study and get better and better tools!

 

The Value of Looking Back

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The Value of Looking Back

 

There is much learning value in taking the time to look back and remember on the Memorial Day holiday. Actually, it is valuable for adults as well as children. Examples of the past help us in innumerable ways. Knowing the results of past actions help us in knowing how to set the course of our own lives. Meditating on sacrifices and hardships of those who have worked so hard to give us what we now have helps us appreciate our present circumstances more. Realizing the accomplishments of others gives us a greater respect for the use of the time we have available to us.

Memorial Day was once called “Decoration Day” because everyone went to decorate the graves of past relatives. It was a time to talk about both the good and bad things those relatives had done. The good mentioned helps children set goals for what they want to accomplish in their lives to live up to the family expectations. The bad things mentioned help children know what they need to avoid as they make hard choices in behavior. This is an opportune time for parents to instill the knowledge that drugs, tobacco and alcohol are really bad choices. We need not be hesitant to point out that someone might still be alive today had they not chosen to use drugs, alcohol, or tobacco. We have great visual aids right in front of us in a cemetery.

By contrast, show the graves of the military who gave their lives for a cause. Talk about some of the freedoms we enjoy and some of the reasons that wars have been fought. As children see these graves and hear discussion about causes of death, they cannot help but do some serious thinking about what they want to accomplish with their lives. As they internalize what they are hearing and seeing, they are setting goals for themselves.

How can we help but feel gratitude and thankfulness for what we have as we learn about the sacrifices that have been made for us? As mom and dad talk about how ancestors did the laundry, planted gardens, and worked so hard in so many other ways, the children may want to take better care of the modern-day appliances they have. A greater respect will be gained for elderly people when children realize what those strong and tough individuals endured. Children might even want to stand up and let an elderly person have their seat the next time they have that opportunity!

No person can help but think about his/her length of time on earth before going to meet the Creator as they visit a cemetery. We become more conscious of the time we have to make any accomplishment for the good. It is the tendency of young people to think “someday” as they plan their lives. Seeing the graves of those who died young helps one to understand that “someday” may never come.

Many might say, “It is all well and good to say that children will learn a lot by going to a cemetery on Memorial Day, but how do you get them to go? What if they don’t want to go and would rather stay home or do something else?” You are the parents. You make them go. Set the family tradition so that there is no question about it. It only takes part of one day to make the trip to the graves. Then, plan another activity that will be fun for the other time. If you live too great a distance from the graves of relatives, take the children to visit the grave of a family friend , or go to a military cemetery.

We wonder why so many young people seem to have a lack of respect for the elderly and make improper choices about the use of harmful substances. A tradition of annual visits to the cemetery is such a simple thing that can be done to prevent so many problems in children and teens. Why should we wait until a problem occurs when we can head it off before it begins? This family tradition can instill in children and adults the desire to use time wisely and set appropriate goals of behavior.

 

 

Children Need to Respect Mom

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Children Need to Respect Mom

 

For many mothers, Mother’s Day is the favorite holiday of the year. It is so nice to be honored and hear the expressions of love and appreciation. However, in many cases, mothers are not given the respect or honor they should receive not only on Mother’s Day but also during the remainder of the year.

In order for a mother to be respected, she must do some things to earn that respect, dad needs to encourage the children to respect their mother, and a family needs to attend a church where children are taught the importance of the family and the command to honor parents.

Although we should each respect our mother whether the respect is earned or not, it is so much easier when the mother does and does not do certain things. Mothers should have the well-being of the family in her mind and heart first after love for God. A Godly woman is a woman who is filled with love as described in the 13th chapter of I Corinthians in the Bible. She is patient with her children and understands each child is unique. She needs to do her best to see that the children are getting proper food and have a clean, orderly house to live in. She needs to be an encourager. Her speech should be gentle. Mothers who use profanity and “street talk” have a hard time getting real respect from children.

Dad plays a big role in teaching children proper respect. He needs to set a good example for the children by showing respect to their mother. In addition to setting the example, he needs to require the children to always speak respectfully and to listen to the mother. Under no circumstances should he override the mother’s decision in the presence of the children. To do so indicates that he does not believe that she is capable of making right decisions for them. Children quickly pick up on this attitude and they, too, decide that she is not capable of giving them advice. If dad disagrees with mom, the issue should be settled between the two of them out of the presence of the children. When men talk down to their wives in front of the children, the children get the impression that their mother is inferior. Mother’s Day presents an opportunity for dad to work with the children to remind them to do something to show their appreciation and love for their mother.

Families who do not attend church are robbing themselves of a great deal of help. In church, the children are taught the Ten Commandments. They usually are required to memorize them. One of the commandments tells us to honor our fathers and mothers. This is not an option. God holds us responsible to obey this commandment as well as the others. It really helps to have someone outside the family teaching the children to act properly and to respect their parents. As I watch children in church recite Scripture, sing songs, and learn how to behave properly, I often feel sad to think how many children are missing out on these activities. These activities, along with camp opportunities, enhance the learning they get at school and home. They get practice in memorizing and they learn Scripture verses about acting correctly which better prepares them for life.

Although Mother’s Day comes only one time each year, we should teach children to love and respect their mothers at all times. This positive behavior should become a pattern of behavior to last a lifetime.

Teaching Children to be Resourceful

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Teaching Children to be Resourceful

 

When I graduated from high school and was preparing to leave home                                 to go to college, the youth director at the little church I attended in Verona, MO, bought a small notebook and filled it with wise sayings to guide me through life. One of those sayings was, “An industrious man can do more with a rusty wrench than a lazy man with all the tools in the shop.” This saying has stuck with me through the years as there have been many times when I did not have everything I would have liked to achieve goals.

Life certainly can take some strange turns. Whether the country’s economy is good or bad, children should still be taught to be resourceful.   They should learn not to waste, but to save.

Children need to be prepared to learn how to do without new things and use what they have in more ways. Everyone likes to have new things, but those new things are appreciated much more when they are not so easy to get. It is good for each of us to take inventory of our many blessings and use everything wisely. We need to be good stewards of what we have whether we are poor or wealthy.

My dad used to say, “Your mom can fix anything with a bobby pin!” (A “bobby pin” was the name for a hairpin.) My dad sat each of my sisters and myself on his lap and taught us to tell time with his railroad watch before we ever started to school. Since this was during the time of the Great Depression, it was necessary for families to learn to get along with what they had. As children watched adults practice resourcefulness, they learned to think a little harder about saving money and using their own resources wisely. Today, children are still learning by watching adults either squander what they have or use their resources wisely.

Although we may not go back to darning socks to make them last longer, children can learn to use notebook paper on both sides instead of making one small mark or two and throwing it away. They can learn not to grind their pencils away in a sharpener. They can learn to take portions small enough to finish when they eat so that food is not wasted. They can learn to put away their belongings to prevent loss. They can learn to close bread wrappers so the bread doesn’t dry out. They can learn to stay out of mud puddles so their shoes last longer. They can even learn that brand names on clothing are not always important.

Although Leapfrog toys are wonderful for teaching children, there are many items in our homes that can be used effectively for teaching if we choose. Marshmallows, macaroni, popcorn, raisins, and other items in the kitchen pantry can be used for counting with children as we help them with math homework. Games can be created between brothers and sisters to teach resourcefulness. Give them a task to perform and a limited amount of resources for the project. See who can be the most creative in coming up with ways to accomplish the task. It is actually fun to be resourceful.

Some people accomplish so very little because they spend all of their time complaining that they don’t have what they need. Let’s help our children to become individuals who can get a job done with what they have! There is a big difference between needs and wants. They will learn this difference as they become more and more resourceful.

 

It’s Not Just Child’s Play!

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Train up a child…

It’s Not Just Child’s Play!

 

It is a wonderful thing when parents will play with their children. There is great value in time spent simply having fun with them. This time is an opportunity for bonding, teaching, and creating memories.

Right after Christmas there is an opportunity to explore the new toys and games together. When dad or mom get on the level of the child and explore the new possibilities of enjoyment, the child learns to appreciate the fact that the parent has interest in his/her world. A special relationship between the child and parent is created. This new relationship results in a better understanding of each another.

In the event that a toy breaks, as many are apt to do, as the parent helps repair that toy, the child learns about how things work. Parents have an opportunity to teach new words and understandings to the child.

Even if there are no new games or toys, parents and children can create their own games. Our grown children still laugh about playing “sandwich” or “slobber ear” with their dad, and I laugh when I see them play the same games with their children. These are rough and tumble games on the floor (or grass in the summer) where all involved laugh and giggle as they try to get away from each other to avoid having an ear chewed or to become the bottom bread of a sandwich. They laugh as “the meat” wriggles out to try to become the top bread and the bottom bread tries even harder to escape being the bottom bread. It is important, however, for the parent to know when enough is enough in these games. It is cruel to tickle children too much. Also, weight of individuals needs to be considered so no person is hurt.

Many board games offer opportunities for learning as well as having fun. Long winter evenings are well spent in playing games such as Monopoly, Balderdash, Sequence, or others with older children. In Monopoly, children learn much about money. They learn to count the money as well as a great deal about how business works. Balderdash is a great game for teaching writing, persuasion, and vocabulary. Our family has laughed until we cried at some of the silly definitions written for some of the words in Balderdash. Board games designed for younger children teach a child to take turns and that they cannot always win. They can learn to lose graciously.

Laughter is a good medicine. King Solomon tells us in Proverbs 17:22, “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine”. Playing and laughing with our children relieves our stress as well as theirs. We sometimes forget that children, too, have stress as they seek to please their parents and teachers.

Time spent playing with children is a wonderful investment that yields dividends for eternity. Children grow up so fast! Let’s take advantage of the opportunities we have to spend time with them while we can.