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The Most Important Gift we Give

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Train up a child…

The Most Important Gift We Give

 

Isn’t it strange how it is Jesus’ birthday and yet we sometimes forget to give a gift to him? How would we like to go to a birthday party and have all the gifts there be given to someone else? Our children need to understand that we are celebrating the birthday of Christ. They need to think of a gift that they can give to Jesus.

Of course, we all know that the reason for the season is the gift that God gave the earth by sending his only son to the world for our sakes. We are told that in John 3:16. So, what could we possibly give that would begin to show our appreciation for that gift?

In the book of Matthew we read, “Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you? The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did for the least of these brothers of mine; you did for me’. (Matthew 26: 7, 8) We see by this passage that we give gifts to Jesus by doing things for others.

It is so heartening to see the many wonderful things being done at Christmas time for others. I stopped to make a deposit at the bank recently and saw a notice that the bank had adopted a family to help this Christmas. . One TV station had a report about someone providing coats to children. A church in a nearby town gave a ham to every family in town. Many of the shows in Branson, MO,  have collected food to disperse. Many of the clubs and organizations have selected special Christmas projects that consider the needs of those around us. All of these things provide ways to give to Jesus.

We are tempted to think that we should spend our money on our own family, but really we need to teach our family to think of others. In my opinion, each family should choose at least one thing to do to give a gift to Jesus by giving to others. There are wonderful stories of children taking some of their own Christmas gifts and giving them to children in other countries, or even in America, who have less than they have.

Let’s make sure that our children experience the wonderful feeling of giving to others. Let’s discuss with our children how they would like to give the most important gift of all—a gift to Jesus.

 

Knowing about the Past can Help Children with the Future

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Train up a child…

 

Knowing About the Past Can Help Children with the Future

 

It is unfortunate that many children are growing up with little or no knowledge of the past. If children are knowledgeable about the past, they are more apt to appreciate what they now enjoy. In addition, parents and grandparents can be drawn closer to children as the children learn to better understand those older folks. Learning about the resourcefulness and sacrifices of the past motivates children to become more resourceful and less demanding of conveniences. The Thanksgiving season provides a good opportunity to delve into the past as we teach children about the pilgrims, the first Thanksgiving, and the early lifestyles of parents and grandparents.

Grandparents can play an important role in assisting parents tell stories from their childhood. Unfortunately, many older people seem to feel that their job is done and do not make the effort to help bring up children. Grandparents need to tell children of their happy times as well as the sad times they have experienced.

Many older grandparents lived during the Great Depression. Personally, I remember seeing a soup truck come to our little town, Verona, MO, and people line up behind it for a bowl of soup. I remember the rationing stamps we had for sugar, gas, and other things. Many children find it hard to believe that we could not have bubble gum because all the rubber was needed for tires for war equipment. Children bought saving stamps to help fund WWII. The blackout nights when everyone had to turn off their lights at a certain time for fear that enemy planes could see them and drop bombs were scary times that should be related to children.

Children find it amazing that older folks did not have computers, cell phones, and many other things they take for granted. They need to know how older folks survived without running water, electricity, and indoor plumbing. It was in my dad’s lifetime that automobiles were invented. To imagine living without these conveniences is an exercise in creative thinking.

One very important subject to cover is the role of our military in securing our freedom. We are fortunate to live in an area where much attention is paid to our men and women who have fought for us. The Veteran’s Museum is an excellent place to take children.

Great books are available in local libraries to read to children about Thanksgiving. Unfortunately, many schools are not including much about how this country got started. Teachers are so pressed to cover certain things that they often do not have the time to adequately cover this topic.

Making sure that children are taken to places to learn about the past and telling stories from the past go a long way in developing understanding and right attitudes in children. The attitude of gratitude and resourcefulness become bricks in the foundation that children need to face the future.

“As the Twig is Bent”

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“As the Twig is Bent”

 

I remember an instructor in our child development class at Missouri University saying, “As the twig is bent, so grows the tree”. She went to great lengths to explain that habits that are formed in childhood last a lifetime. If left unchecked, the inclinations that a child has are reinforced through the years as the child grows. This is true for both good and bad inclinations. It is the task of the parent to “prune” those inclinations as needed. The parent needs to reinforce in positive ways the good, and do their best to eliminate the bad habits.

A common saying about children who are displaying problematic behavior is, “Don’t worry. He will grow out of it.” This may be true as relating to physical changes, but in most behavioral changes, children do not “grow out of it”. The problems, in most cases, gain strength as the child grows.

There are many examples of children growing worse when problems are left unchecked. Take, for instance, the child who throws temper tantrums. When parents give in to the child and do not correct this problem, the child grows up believing that he/she can get whatever is wanted by displaying acts of temper. Another example is the demanding child who does not learn good manners. That child becomes the adult who “railroads” through anyone or everyone to achieve wants and desires. Poor eating habits are very difficult to correct in adulthood. Many obese people are those who, as children, were allowed to eat whatever they wanted. Children who are allowed to act any way they want will not grow up respecting authority. Children who are given everything needed without having to earn anything will not grow up and suddenly say, “Oh, I can do everything for myself”. These children will always be expecting handouts.

Young people seem to have a feeling of indestructibility. They tend to think, “I’m different. That will never happen to me.” I recently talked to a man who is now an alcoholic. He said, “I made the same mistake so many other people have made. I thought it would never happen to me.” It is our duty, as parents and grandparents, to point out examples to prove that it can happen to anyone. Ultimately, each person is individually responsible for choices made, but we need to do all we can to influence those choices and help that person grow in the right direction.

My dad used pieces of string to illustrate to my sisters and me how habits get stronger and stronger. He handed us a piece of string and told us to break it. It was easy. Then he gave us two pieces of string and told us to break them. It was harder. Then he gave us three pieces of string and told us to break them all at the same time. Some of us were able to do it. By the time he got to four pieces of string, it was not possible to break them all at the same time. “That is how it is with habits,” he said. He told us that when you first do something wrong, it is much easier to stop than after you have continued to do it for a time. We understood that it is best not to form bad habits.

Raising children is somewhat like gardening. We prune, feed, and water. We guide and do our best to influence the choices our children make. When they are little, we can prevent bad choices. When they grow up, they will choose according to their own individual beliefs. Other influences in the world compete with the influence of parents. We simply try our very best and bathe our efforts with lots of prayer.

A Real Balancing Act

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A Real Balancing Act

 

“I don’t favor any one of my children. I treat them all the same!”

“I know it isn’t right, but I just can’t help being partial to John. He is so much like me and understands me!”

The above two statements reflect a parent’s understanding that one child in a family should not be favored over another child. Parents struggle with the “balancing act” of treating each child fairly.

Why is it so difficult to be fair? At the outset, we as parents and grandparents know that there are no two children the same, so how can we treat them the same? We can’t treat them the same.

Each child comes with its own set of needs. We try to meet those needs as we labor to be a good parent. Then we find that not only does each child have its own unique set of needs, but that one child might have greater needs than another. What is a parent to do?

There is one area in which a parent can be the same with each child. The parent can love each child equally. Children need to be told that they are loved equally. They need to be told that you are trying to meet their needs but that their needs vary. Let them understand as early as possible that they will not each be treated the same, but that you will make every effort to show equal love. Tell them that sometimes you may call on them to help a brother or sister. As a family unit, we each should be concerned for the other members of the family.

When it comes to birthdays and Christmas, spend an equal amount of time, money, or effort on gifts. When you find yourself spending more time on one child than another, perhaps you could make a luncheon date with the slighted child so he or she can have a “place in the spotlight”. In fact, some parents try to rotate and take one child at a time to a special event. This is a great idea. A special time alone with each child gives an opportunity to discuss anything that may be on the mind of either the parent or child.

To choose one child over another because he or she understands or pleases us is purely selfish. We need to look deep enough into each child to appreciate that child’s qualities. Unfortunately, sometimes a problem arises in single parent families. For instance, a single mom who feels she has been treated poorly by an ex-husband may have a son bearing physical characteristics of that ex-husband. Every time she looks at the son, she is reminded of her former husband. She may pick on that child without realizing it due to the fact that he constantly reminds her of an unpleasant past. In such cases, she must make a special effort to control her inner feelings to prevent punishing a child for what its father did. The same can be true of a single father and daughter when a daughter may remind the dad of her mother who made him unhappy.

Being fair can be tough, but it can be done. Children can easily sense unfairness and find it difficult to forgive a parent. Children may carry grudges for life. No parent wants a child to have a grudge against him/her, so it would behoove parents to make a special effort to let their children know they are loved equally.

 

The Value of Physical Activity

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Train up a child…

 

The Value of Physical Activity

 

Children need to develop in four areas. Those four areas are mental, social, spiritual, and physical. Quite often one or more of these areas may be neglected, but each area is important.

Physical development does not come automatically. Even though a child is growing bigger, he may not be growing healthier. An old expression says, “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy”. Children get most of their physical activity from play, but they can also get it from work.

What are the benefits of physical activity? Physical activity strengthens the body. A child who is physically active is usually a happier child. Children involved in team sports learn teamwork and what it means to give one’s best.

The blood in our bodies bathes every muscle and organ bringing nourishment to every part. When we exercise, the heart pumps harder ensuring that each part is reached with the nutrients needed. When a person sits around all the time, the blood doesn’t move as fast and nutrients are not carried throughout the body as needed. Body parts do not work at their maximum without the stimulation of exercise. The brain needs to be bathed by the blood just as does all of the body. We do not think as clearly and as well without exercise.

We’ve heard of those who have been unfortunate and had to spend a lengthy amount of time in the hospital and then they have to learn to walk again. The muscles become very weak without usage. The heart is a muscle. When we exercise and it beats more rapidly, it is getting strengthened, too.

Exercise creates endorphin. Endorphin is a substance that fights pain and depression. We often forget that children can be depressed as much or more than adults. People who don’t exercise often start feeling sorry for themselves and become depressed. Physical exercise helps to prevent this from happening. It is best to keep busy. Teenagers often like to stay in their rooms for long periods of time. This is an emotional time in their lives and at this time they especially need to exercise.

Team sports at school provide a fun way to get exercise. While getting the physical activity, they also learn to put themselves in background positions for the overall good of others. The cheering they hear while playing builds self-esteem and motivates them to go beyond what they have accomplished and reach for more. They often discover that they can do more than they ever thought they could. This transfers to other areas of their lives as well and they get the attitude that they can do better. This becomes a motivation to be the best they can be.

Sometimes it seems that there is not enough time to do everything a child needs. Exercise can be worked into the schedule in subtle ways. Parents can ask children to run a race to the mailbox. When shopping, the car can be parked at the back of the parking lot to require more walking. The TV, phone, and computer can be limited, and children should have chores to do. Even when dad is wrestling or “rough-housing” the kids on the floor, they are getting some exercise. I remember when I taught second grade the children in our class planned their own obstacle course. They climbed a 4 ft. wall, leapfrogged over a rock, crawled through a barrel, skipped, hopped, and scissor-stepped back to the starting place. They did this at recess, but a similar course could be made at home.

Let’s keep our kids moving so they can get the exercise they need!

 

 

 

Challenges of High School Seniors

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Challenges of High School Seniors

Across the nation there are thousands of young people getting ready to enter their senior year of high school. There are those who are scared about what the future holds. Others are perhaps overly confident and can’t wait to get away from home and out from under the rules of home and constant watch and care of parents. Still others enter their senior year of high school partially aware of the challenges ahead and with a firm foundation that gives them peace inside that whatever the future holds, their faith and family will be there to guide them.

I dare say that most young people entering their senior year are really quite frightened. Of course, it isn’t “cool” to show this fear, so they often bluff by being loud and boisterous. Their fear is compounded every time someone asks, “What are you going to do when you get out of school?” That is why I try to never ask that question. Most young people feel that they must give an answer and will say the name of a career that they are not really sure about. It is much better, in my opinion, to say, “Are there some careers you are considering?” This does not pin the student down and leaves the person free to change his/her mind. Too many times, when a student is pinned down, that student feels an obligation to follow through on what has been said. A career path may be chosen simply to save face when that may not have been the best choice.

Parents can help alleviate fears in children by not putting undue pressure on them to make a definite decision in a certain time frame. Rather, parents can help by making sure the young person has the opportunity to take aptitude tests and gain the knowledge of careers available and the requirements for those careers. Right now, the demand for nurses is high nationwide. We can be assured that whether or not healthcare undergoes changes, there will be a big need for people in that field. High school counselors can help students find what they are best suited for.

There are, unfortunately, those students entering their senior year who haven’t a clue as to what lies ahead. Many actually refuse to think about a future, almost in denial that they will have to make important decisions. Their only thought is on fun and getting through the year with the unrealistic expectation that life will be rosy once they get away from rules and discipline. Our society has fostered the notion that everyone will be taken care of with no regard to past behavior. Some homes have fostered this notion as well. From kindergarten until now, some students have been passed from grade to grade whether or not they met requirements for each grade. It is no surprise that they may feel that everything will be all right whether or not they do anything about it. Some way, some how, these students must be brought to face reality.

Thankfully, there are those students entering their senior year who have been coached by parents and know that our country is not in great shape right now, and that nothing is guaranteed. Families who have worked together as a team have instilled the confidence that the family is always there for support. There was a time when parents told children, “When you are eighteen, you can start taking care of us!” There is nothing in the Bible to indicate that we ever stop being parents. We should always do the best we can for our children. There comes a time when total monetary support should end, but prayer support should never end.

One suggestion I would like to make is that seniors use this year to catch up on math if they need to. Nationwide, many high school graduates are being required to take remedial math when they go on to college. They get no college credit for remedial math and it is costing money to take it. They will save time and money to make sure they are where they should be in math upon graduation.

It would be good if all of us would do everything we can to encourage our high school seniors. They have a tough road ahead of them.

 

Is Fun Highly Overrated?

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Raising Children…

Is Fun Highly Overrated?

“Even in laughter the heart may sorrow, And the end of mirth may be grief.” Proverbs 14:13

Recently a little boy dropped out of summer school. When asked why he didn’t want to go, he said, “They told us two things. They said that it would be fun and that we wouldn’t have homework. Well, the first day they gave us a journal to take home each day and bring back, and it wasn’t fun at all while we were there.”
How often we hear parents, leaders, teachers, and others tell children, “It will be fun!” Well-meaning adults use the phrase to motivate children. Actually, it often builds up expectations to the point that nothing can match; then, children become disappointed. Perhaps it would be better to let the child decide for self whether something will be fun. Even better, perhaps fun should not be the reason for doing something.
In my concordance, the word “fun” had zero results. The Bible does not teach that the reason for doing something is to have fun. Fun may very well be the by-product of an activity, but should it be the goal?
We often forget that there are four personality types and only one of them is fun-loving. In today’s environment, the idea of fun often seems out of place when children come from broken homes or homes where drugs are used and terrible things happen. On the news, older children hear of beheadings and killings. Should we really be emphasizing the goal of fun?
As we observe our young adults entering the work force, it is troubling to see many who believe their jobs should be fun. Could that be true because fun has been emphasized so much as they were growing up? Are we shortchanging our children by over-emphasizing fun? Many jobs are not fun. Many things in life are not fun.
Fun is more fun when it just happens…not when it is expected. Summer church camps provide good clean fun for kids, but it may be better to not over-hype the fact. The same is true for church activities. We should be honest with children. Not all of the activities may be fun. Laughter is a good thing, and we certainly need laughter from time to time. It is unrealistic, however, to promote the idea that everything should be fun.
How can we motivate children if we don’t use fun as the motivating factor? There is nothing to compare to the feeling of a job well done. Honest praise is a real motivator. Praise works, however, only if it is genuine. Children can sense “phony” praise. When praise is given sparingly, it means more and encourages a child to try again.
It is easy to get into the habit of saying, “It will be fun!” Perhaps we should come up with better motivational phrases.

Children and Violence in the News

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Children and Violence in the News

What do we tell our children about all the violence that is happening in our world? Can we shield them from it? Should we just ignore it?
Since the beginning of time, there has been a struggle between good and evil. Children need to be told that God wants good for everyone. Satan is the author of evil. All people have to choose which they will follow. No choice means that people just do what they feel like doing and that is usually bad. It is the condition of the heart that determines our actions. No law can make people be good on the inside. Love cannot be legislated. We hope our children will choose good, but as parents, we must teach them what is good and what is bad.
It is impossible to completely shield children from all bad news. We may succeed in keeping part of it away from them, but as they grow older, they will hear more and more. It takes wisdom to know the amount of information to give children. Some children are able to handle more than others at certain ages. The parent is in the best position to know what a child can process. It is better to help a child with understanding rather than just leave it for the child to have to face alone in the future. To ignore the bad news completely leaves a child wondering and often confused.
There is no doubt that our children have a great challenge in their future. We need to do all we can to prepare them. Nothing is better to prepare them than to give them a foundation of Scripture. Parents can never go wrong in helping children memorize Scripture. Taking them to church can go a long way in giving support for spiritual development. Listening to their concerns and answering to the best of our ability is also important. It is okay to say, “I don’t know. Maybe we can figure it out together.”
It is natural for children to ask why God lets bad people hurt others. The answer is that God can do everything but one thing. He created us so that we have the right to choose. He cannot choose for us. If He could, we would be like puppets. He wants us to choose the good and not the bad. He sees everything and it makes Him sad when people choose wrongly. He gave us the Bible to tell us how to choose the right way. He wants us to choose to love Him, not be forced to love Him. He wants us to choose to love others. If others were forced to love us, it would not seem like real love. It is the same with God. It is important to have a choice and to choose wisely.

Time to Step up to the Plate, Dad!

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Time to Step up to the Plate, Dad!

 

Mother’s Day is almost here! Now it wouldn’t be proper for Mom to remind the kids to give her a present. Moms have to depend on Dad to do this. It’s Dad’s place to work with the children and not only remind them that they need to do something to show appreciation for Mom, but help them to truly appreciate her.

If you wait until the last minute, you won’t have time to get the children to put real thought into what their mother really does for them. You need to talk to them and ask them to tell you all the things they can think of that their mother does for them and others. You need to discuss their mother’s likes and dislikes, so they will know what would please her. This time of year may be your best opportunity to instill an appreciation in the children for their mother.

Help the children understand that the gift needs to be from them. Chances are they may try to con you into giving them money so they can quickly go buy something. The truth is, in such a case, the gift is not from them but from you. It is better that the children consider their own resources and come up with something. Mothers appreciate gifts from the heart.

What mother does not feel like a queen when dad and the kids come bringing her breakfast in bed on Mother’s Day? Sure, the toast may be burned and the kitchen a mess, but it is the thought that counts. Of course, it is even better if she finds the kitchen clean and the toast is not burned! The most memorable gifts are those where time and effort have been combined with thoughtfulness in their creation.

I remember a Mother’s Day when our youngest son could hardly wait to give me his gift. He was so excited that I could tell he wanted me to push him to give it to me early. He had made a gumball machine in his shop class by using a pint jar turned upside down on a board with a hole drilled in it. The gumball would drop in the hole and another board could be pulled out yielding a gumball.

One Mother’s Day my husband called me to the kitchen where three of our four children were gathered. One by one, each gave me a gift personally chosen. This was in the 70’s when the fruit odors became popular. I received a bottle in the shape of an apple with green apple cologne inside. One of the children gave me some watermelon flavored bubble bath. The third child gave me some peach bath powder. I looked around for the fourth child. Finally, he came in the door from outside holding a used paper cup with a rose in it. He had been out picking a rose for me! He had not heeded his dad’s advice and had waited until the last minute.

Even if Mom goes to church smelling like a fruit basket like I did that morning, she will cherish the fact that the children made an effort to show their love and appreciation for her. Dad, help your children to do just that! Then, in a month, it is Mom’s turn to do the same for you!

Children are People, Too

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“Children Are People, Too”

 

When our youngest child, Charles, was in kindergarten, his teacher posted on the door of his classroom, “Children are people, too”. At first I wondered what she was talking about. Of course, children are people, too. Then I started thinking about times when I had talked with other adults and left my children standing quietly without joining in the conversation. I began to notice other adults and how so often they would talk and forget about the children listening to everything they would say. Sometimes, parents would talk about their children while the children were standing right in front of them. It was almost as though they thought the children were deaf and did not hear their comments. I remembered a time when my husband and I had done this very thing.

When Charles was still small enough to sit on the armrest between my husband and me, (car seats for children were not required then), my husband and I were driving somewhere and having a conversation about a person we were concerned about. Charles was sitting quietly between us. Our other children were in school. We were driving along, expressing one opinion after another, when Charles suddenly spoke up and said, “Don’t forget, Mom, God hears everything you say!” I was stunned. My husband and I were not only reminded of what we had been teaching him, but we were also reminded that children hear everything we say in their presence.

When I was very young, my mom would make dresses of printed chicken-feed sacks for my sisters and me. She would starch and iron them and dress us up with ribbons in our hair. Every Saturday afternoon, she would dress us up, load up her crate of eggs, and we would go to Monett, MO to sell them. Part of this ritual was a trip to the J.C. Penney store. On one such occasion, one of my mom’s acquaintances came up to her and started talking. The lady looked down at my sisters and me and said, “Ethel, you have such pretty girls. I don’t know how you do it. They always look so nice! Every one of them is so pretty!” My four sisters and I stood there in our starched and ironed feed sack dresses feeling so very proud. As the lady said her goodbyes and started to leave, she looked down at me and said, “Now, Ethel, is this one yours, too? She doesn’t look like the rest of them!”

True, my hair was blonde, theirs was dark brown. Their hair was curly, mine was very straight. I felt so ugly! I grew up feeling like the ugly duckling!

When children are around, let’s include them in our conversations. They learn to converse as we treat them with respect and talk to them as equals. At church, shake hands with the children as though they are just as important as adults, because they are. Let’s be careful about the comments we make in the presence of children. Let’s remember, “Children are people, too.”