Tag Archives: Children and Chores

Helping Kids with Homework

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child…

Helping Kids with Homework

         Teachers do not have enough time in the classroom to give children enough practice in skills learned to “make it stick”.  Homework is a method of giving that practice and providing an opportunity to enhance the material covered in the classroom.  Many parents find themselves at a loss as to how to best help their children with their homework.

         Children can be helped greatly to do their homework by having a special time and place to work.  Routine is important for helping a child to remember as well as helping that child feel more secure in knowing what to do.  A child feels great when sensing a feeling of accomplishment and knowing that the right thing has been done.

         Every child should have a special place to belong to him/her.  Even if that special place is a cardboard box made into a desk, it is the child’s and the child’s alone.  I knew one person who placed a desk in a closet under a stairwell.  The door could be closed and complete privacy was provided.  A place should be chosen by the child.  Perhaps a sign saying, “My thinking place,” could be placed at this spot.  If there is absolutely no private place, a portable sign could be made and put on the kitchen table while the child is doing homework to let others know to respect that place.  Additional little signs could be made and posted around a desk or special place.  One sign might read, “I may not make an ‘A’, but I will do my best!” The child chooses a time each day to do homework at the “Thinking place”.  Since we are always trying to help children learn to make responsible decisions, the child can choose to do his/her homework in chunks or all at once.  Each child is different.  Some children like snacks; some do not.  Some children like noise; some do not. Some educators believe that classical music enhances learning. A music player of classical music only should be allowed. TV or radio should be turned off during homework time.

         When homework is finished, the child should put it in the backpack for school the next day.  That should become a routine.  In the event that the child does not remember to take the homework to school, unless there are special circumstances, the parent should not take it, but rather the parent should allow the student to experience the consequences of his/her actions.

         One idea is to give the child a little bell to ring for help on homework.  There is a danger of a parent wanting to throw that bell as far as possible.  If this happens, simply take the bell away.  If it isn’t overdone, the child feels a sense of self-sufficiency by determining when help is needed.  At the same time, the child is being taught to think for self and not depend on someone else.  By doing satisfactory work alone, self-esteem is enhanced.  Under no circumstances should a parent do a child’s homework. It is good if the parent is patient and can explain things, especially if real life situations are used as examples to make the work more meaningful. If the homework is too difficult, the teacher should be informed and steps need to be taken to put the child in a class where a feeling of accomplishment can be experienced.  When children are pushed into work they cannot handle, they get in deeper and deeper water and become discouraged.  It is akin to adults in jobs they cannot handle and yet are expected to perform satisfactorily.  When a parent signs off on work that is not done, the teacher assumes that it was done and expects the child to perform accordingly. This makes it more difficult on the child.

         There is little in life more satisfying than knowing that a job is well done.  When a child does homework, a clear conscience is experienced and the child is happier. When we “fudge” for the child, we are causing harm to the child even though intentions may be good. 

Children Can Learn to Think Ahead

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book, Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, www.patlambchristianauthor,com.

Train up a child…

Children Can Learn to Think Ahead

         “Children will be children” is a comment often heard from grown-ups.  The truth is that adults will still act like children if they have never learned otherwise.  If we don’t teach children how to be responsible adults, they will likely never become responsible adults.

         At birth all actions are done on impulse.  As the child grows, that child should become more and more aware of reasons for actions and become able to think well enough to know that certain actions produce certain results.  It has been said that right-brain dominant persons tend to act more on impulse than reason.  Even if this is true, much can still be taught to help any person to think before acting.  One method for teaching a child to think before acting is to sit down with a child, take a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle.  On one side of the paper write the word “If” and on the other side of the paper write the word “Then”.  After the line has been drawn and it has been explained to the child that you are giving help so they will understand actions better, list actions on the “If” side and results of those actions on the “Then” side.  Following are suggestions of actions and results to list:

  • If I yell at someone/Then that person will probably yell back at me.
  • If I hit someone/Then that person will probably hit me back
  • If I say something ugly about someone/Then that person will probably say something ugly back to me.
  • If I don’t do my homework/Then I will feel badly when I go to school and the teacher asks for the homework.  I will also not learn what I need to learn and will not make good grades.
  • If I don’t obey my parents/Then I will not learn to obey the laws and my teacher.  I will be punished and feel badly.
  • If I don’t take care of my health/Then I will probably get sick.
  • If I make a mess/Then someone will have to clean it up and since I made the mess, it should be me who has to clean it up.
  • If I am unfriendly to others/Then they will not be friendly to me.
  • If I do not get a good education/Then I will probably not get a good job when I am older.
  • If I don’t learn to use money wisely/Then I will probably never have much money.
  • If I don’t keep things put away/Then they will probably get lost or broken.
  • If I don’t share/Then others will not share with me.
  • If I don’t control myself/Then I will probably get in trouble.

Sitting down and listing these and other things with a child helps to make life seem a little clearer.  These are simple facts of life that every child should know, but often children do not learn.  Even very young children can learn these facts. For example, I once heard two church nursery workers tell about two little boys in the nursery.  One little boy kept hitting the other.  The second little boy kept moving away and the first boy kept following and hitting him.  The second boy did not hit back but finally looked at the first boy and said, “You should learn to control yourself!”  

         We would be wise as teachers, parents, and grandparents to understand that very young children can learn these facts of life and learn to think before acting.

Checklists: Real Voice Savers

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child…

Checklists:  Real Voice Savers

         Have you ever found yourself yelling at the kids?  Dr. James Dobson says that trying to direct children by yelling is like trying to drive a car by honking the horn.  Have you ever thought about how tired you get telling the kids things over and over?  There is a better way.

         Now, at the beginning of the new year, is a good time to make sure everyone understands individual responsibilities.  If responsibilities, consequences, and rewards are discussed now, things will go smoothly during the year.  Consequences and rewards need to be clarified so there is no misunderstanding later.  Then, when children face consequences, it is by their own choice, not the parents, because they clearly understood ahead of time what would happen according to the choices they made.  No heated discussions need occur.  Parents can simply say, “I’m sorry that you made that choice.  You knew what the consequences were when you made your decision.”

         Making checklists can not only save your voice, but they can save much time and effort.  You may say, “But I don’t have time to make a checklist!”  Believe me, it takes less time to make a list than to repeat the same thing over and over and then backtrack to see that things have been done.

         Start with making a list of chores that children need to do.  It helps to have the children actually do the list themselves with your input.  Children have a pretty good sense of what they can and can’t do. Our daughter, a single mom, used to have her children sit at the dinner table while she cooked the evening meal and do their homework and make out a list of what they needed to do the next day.  It worked beautifully.  The next day, she simply looked at the list to see what had been checked off.  If something had not yet been done, they discussed that evening how it could be accomplished.  They worked as a team.  The children fixed their own lunches in the morning before school and were able to do so because they had discussed ahead of time what they would have and listed those items.  After a few times, the list was not needed.  They knew what to do without the list.

         When our daughter’s children were in upper elementary and high school, a color-coded chart was put on the refrigerator.  It could be told immediately what had or had not been accomplished.  When something was not done, our daughter simply said, “Dylan, I noticed that you haven’t checked off ________.  When do you plan to do it?”  The children were responsible for the task but were permitted to “trade off” with each other if soccer practice or something else interfered.  If they wanted to go to a friend’s house, they knew that they could not go unless chores were done, and they didn’t even bother to ask.  

         I’ve never heard our daughter yell at her children.  When Dylan was in college and LeAndra was a senior in high school, they both were very responsible individuals and made good grades. LeAndra took her senior year online and was salutatorian of her online class. She now has a master’s degree in civil engineering and is doing very well with her job at an engineering firm in Denver.  Dylan is doing well working at Trader Joe’s in California.

         If you haven’t tried checklists, I encourage you to do so.  They really work!

Parents’ Good Intentions are not Enough

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: “Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child…

Parents’ Good Intentions are not Enough

       It is wonderful when parents can truly enjoy their children and want to make them happy.  It presents a challenge, however, to make children happy and at the same time prepare them for their future.  It seems that the idea has permeated our society that we all should be happy and having fun all the time, and that the only good parent is the parent who entertains children and protects them from hardships.  

         Just as a “hot-house” tomato has a difficult time adjusting to the challenges in nature when it is set out in a garden, so do children who have been sheltered from all rules and hardships have a difficult time adjusting to the real world.  Adults who work with children need to discover a balance between letting children be children and at the same time preparing them for a time when they are unprotected by adults.  Children must have guidelines and rules to live by and be required to abide by those rules for their own good.  They must be allowed to experience the consequences of the choices they make.  With a few exceptions such as birthday gifts, Christmas gifts, etc. they must earn what they receive. 

         Children who have no guidelines are always insecure and uncertain as to what behavior is acceptable and what punishment they may receive for their behavior.  They are at loose ends with the world and often express their frustration by exhibiting unacceptable behavior.  By contrast, children who have rules and are required to abide by them, have a certainty in their minds that they are doing the right thing.  The stress of making decisions without necessary information is removed, and they are happier children.  Many well-intentioned parents think that letting their children do what they want to do is helping them.  Not true.  Children are not equipped to make many decisions by themselves and often make the wrong decisions and get in trouble for doing so.  It is much better to make sure they know what is right and wrong before they make the wrong decisions.  Important, also, is reinforcement of correct behavior.  When a child is told, “You did the right thing”, the child feels a real sense of relief and is inclined to repeat that behavior.

         It is hard for any parent or teacher to watch a child go through something unpleasant.  However, when we jump in and rescue the child from the consequences of his/her behavior, we become enablers.  When we enable a child to do wrong and get by with it, that child grows up thinking that whatever he/she desires is acceptable, and someone will bail him/her out of trouble.  It is through the natural punishment of consequences that children learn many lessons that we may never be able to teach in another way.

         When children are continually rewarded for doing what is normally required, they grow up thinking that they don’t have to act in acceptable ways unless rewarded for doing so.  A teacher friend of mine often said, “Virtue is its own reward”.  There are some things that we are supposed to do whether there is a reward or not.  One school in IL, where our daughter taught, rewarded children for doing their homework by taking them to McDonalds on Fridays.  This, in my opinion, is not a good way to use rewards.  Homework is something that children should do without getting a material reward. One NEA magazine had an article some time back about paying children to go to school.  Is it any wonder that we are living in an entitlement generation when this kind of thinking abounds?

         Ideally, parents should decide in their own minds how they want their children to “turn out” as to character traits and keep this goal in mind in everyday contact with their children.  We can’t just let our children always be happy-go-lucky without responsibilities and rules and expect them to someday display responsibilities without material rewards.

Checklists: Real Voice Savers

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, www.patlambchristianauthor.com.

Train up a child…

Checklists:  Real Voice Savers

         Have you ever found yourself yelling at the kids?  Dr. James Dobson says that trying to direct children by yelling is like trying to drive a car by honking the horn.  Have you ever thought about how tired you get telling the kids things over and over?  There is a better way.

         Now, at the beginning of the new year, is a good time to make sure everyone understands individual responsibilities.  If responsibilities, consequences, and rewards are discussed now, things will go smoothly during the year.  Consequences and rewards need to be clarified so there is no misunderstanding later.  Then, when children face consequences, it is by their own choice, not the parents, because they clearly understood ahead of time what would happen according to the choices they made.  No heated discussions need occur.  Parents can simply say, “I’m sorry that you made that choice.  You knew what the consequences were when you made your decision.”

         Making checklists can not only save your voice, but they can save much time and effort.  You may say, “But I don’t have time to make a checklist!”  Believe me, it takes less time to make a list than to repeat the same thing over and over and then backtrack to see that things have been done.

         Start with making a list of chores that children need to do.  It helps to have the children actually do the list themselves with your input.  Children have a pretty good sense of what they can and can’t do. Our daughter, a single mom, used to have her children sit at the dinner table while she cooked the evening meal and do their homework and make out a list of what they needed to do the next day.  It worked beautifully.  The next day, she simply looked at the list to see what had been checked off.  If something had not yet been done, they discussed that evening how it could be accomplished.  They worked as a team.  The children fixed their own lunches in the morning before school and were able to do so because they had discussed ahead of time what they would have and listed those items.  After a few times, the list was not needed.  They knew what to do without the list.

         When our daughter’s children were in upper elementary and high school, a color-coded chart was put on the refrigerator.  It could be told at a glance what had or had not been accomplished.  When something was not done, our daughter simply said, “Dylan, I noticed that you haven’t checked off ________.  When do you plan to do it?”  The children were responsible for the task but were permitted to “trade off” with each other if soccer practice or something else interfered.  If they wanted to go to a friend’s house, they knew that they could not go unless chores were done, and they didn’t even bother to ask.  

         I’ve never heard our daughter yell at her children.  When Dylan was in college and LeAndra was a senior in high school, they both were very responsible individuals and made good grades. LeAndra actually took her senior year online and was salutatorian of her online class. She now has a Master’s degree in civil engineering and is doing very well with her job at an engineering firm in Denver.  Dylan is doing well working at Trader Joe’s in California.

         If you haven’t tried checklists, I encourage you to do so.  They really work!

Teaching Children to do their Share of Work

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available at Amazon on line, Barnes & Noble, www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child…

Teaching Children to do their Share of Work

         There is dignity in hard work.  There is an inner joy that can be obtained no other way than simply straining to do a job well and then knowing the satisfaction of having done just that.  The work ethic is missing in many places in our country.  We desperately need to teach our children not only the pleasure found in doing hard work, but the responsibility that each of us has to contribute to the betterment of the situations in which we find ourselves. How to accomplish this task is a real challenge, but it can be done.

         We must start when children are very young– even as early as toddler age– teaching the value of hard work. When a toddler picks up a toy and puts it away, that toddler needs to be praised.  As mommy and daddy help the young child pick up all toys and put them away, the parents can talk about how nice it is to have a clean room and how good it feels to see how pretty everything looks when toys are put away in the right places.  Even a young toddler notices how hard mommy and daddy work and at this age, they want to help.  Little children like to help hold the vacuum cleaner with parents and even try to sweep the floor.  Parents need to capitalize on this interest and let children help as much as possible.

         As children leave the toddler stage, chores need to be assigned and children need to be made to understand that they have a role to play in keeping the household running smoothly.  At all ages, children need to have responsibilities and be held to those responsibilities.  To yell at children and force them to do things beyond their ability will simply make them hate to work.  Keeping chores assigned commensurate with their ability and expressing satisfaction at jobs well done, will go a long way toward helping them experience pleasure in work.  

         Too much praise for normal expectations of a child is not good.  There are some things in life we need to do whether we receive praise or not.  Too much praise may cause a child to think that they don’t have to do something unless they receive a reward.  Also, in my opinion money should not be given to do regular chores.  Children have a responsibility to do their part without pay.  It is good to give an allowance simply to teach a child to plan and make purchases wisely for needs and wants, but not for doing things that they should do as their responsibility in the home.

         I know a personnel manager of a company who told me that he loved to recruit from College of the Ozarks because those kids had a work ethic that was better than students at other places where he recruited. In the past, this part of the country has been known for its work ethic.  If our children are to not only succeed, but perhaps even survive in the future, they are going to have to know how to work.  It is a good idea to talk to children before they go back to school this fall and tell them how important it is for them to work hard at their school work and learn all they can to prepare themselves for their future.

         Ideally, a child will learn to “pitch in” and help any time help is needed anywhere when s/he is able.  To let children go for years just having fun with no responsibilities, and then when they are grown expect them to suddenly change and be responsible, simply doesn’t make sense.  Children must be required to work and be responsible in order to learn responsibility.  It isn’t automatic!

Check out my new book!

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Pat Lamb’s New Book ‘My Thinking Book’ is an Enriching Compendium of Hard Questions and Truthful Answers About Faith and Life for Kids.

PRESS RELEASE UPDATED: NOV 5, 2018

“My Thinking Book” from author Pat Lamb is an engaging book for young readers who enter life abuzz with the questions about life, people, and God, a question-and-answer manual where they are not only given wise, honest, scripture-based, and age-appropriate answers for a given question each day of the year, but are also encouraged to think for themselves and grow in wisdom throughout their lives.

REEDS SPRING, Mo., November 5, 2018 (Newswire.com) – Pat Lamb, a widowed grandmother and distinguished educator for over sixty years now living in Branson, Missouri, where she is a parenting columnist for local newspapers, has completed her new book “My Thinking Book”: a helpful, stimulating book for curious young thinkers.

Pat writes, “‘Why are there wars?’ ‘If I am really good, will I go to heaven?’ ‘Why are some people mean to others?’

Children have many questions! They deserve truthful answers to their questions. As they learn the truth, a foundation of understanding is being established that will last a lifetime.

This book gives truthful answers in a concise way to stimulate thinking and conversation about many topics bothering children. What a confusing world our children are facing! Often, our efforts to make everything fun and easy simply confuse children all the more. The earlier in life children can understand answers to their questions, based on the Scripture, the easier their future will be. Children are constantly required to make decisions. Without the correct knowledge, how can they make the right decisions?

“My Thinking Book” is designed for children to read for themselves or have it read to them. Unless otherwise noted, Scripture is taken from the New King James Version of the Bible. Although reading ability varies, generally, third-graders or above can read it. Parents may choose to read “My Thinking Book” to the children to provide a springboard for conversation.

A parent would do well to make “My Thinking Book” available for every child!

Pat Lamb’s new book is an instructive and much-needed guide that takes children’s prescient questions seriously and points them in the right direction for truth.

Without downplaying the complexity of life or being unnecessarily vague, Lamb speaks to children with respect, compassion, and understanding.

Readers can purchase “My Thinking Book” at bookstores everywhere, or online at the Apple iTunes store, Amazon, or Barnes and Noble, at www.patlambchristianauthor.com, or patlee@centurytel.net

Source: Covenant Books

Additional Links

www.patlambchristianauthor.com

e-mail: patlee@centurytel.net

 

“As the Twig is Bent”

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Train up a child…

 

“As the Twig is Bent”

 

I remember an instructor in our child development class at Missouri University saying, “As the twig is bent, so grows the tree”.  She went to great lengths to explain that habits that are formed in childhood last a lifetime.  If left unchecked, the inclinations that a child has are reinforced through the years as the child grows. This is true for both good and bad inclinations.  It is the task of the parent to “prune” those inclinations as needed.  The parent needs to reinforce in positive ways the good, and do their best to eliminate the bad habits.

A common saying about children who are displaying problematic behavior is, “Don’t worry. He will grow out of it.”  This may be true as relating to physical changes, but in most behavioral changes, children do not “grow out of it”.  The problems, in most cases, gain strength as the child grows.

There are many examples of children growing worse when problems are left unchecked.  Take, for instance, the child who throws temper tantrums. When parents give in to the child and do not correct this problem, the child grows up believing that he/she can get whatever is wanted by displaying acts of temper.  Another example is the demanding child who does not learn good manners.  That child becomes the adult who “railroads” through anyone or everyone to achieve wants and desires.  Poor eating habits are very difficult to correct in adulthood. Many obese people are those who as children were allowed to eat whatever they wanted. Children who are allowed to act any way they want will not grow up respecting authority. Children who are given everything needed without having to earn anything will not grow up and suddenly say, “Oh, I can do everything for myself”.  These children will always be expecting handouts.

Young people seem to have a feeling of indestructibility.  They tend to think, “I’m different.  That will never happen to me.”  I recently talked to a man who is now an alcoholic.  He said, “I made the same mistake so many other people have made.  I thought it would never happen to me.”  It is our duty, as parents and grandparents, to point out examples to prove that it can happen to anyone.  Ultimately, each person is individually responsible for choices made, but we need to do all we can to influence those choices and help that person grow in the right direction.

My dad used pieces of string to illustrate to my sisters and me how habits get stronger and stronger. He handed us a piece of string and told us to break it.  It was easy.  Then he gave us two pieces of string and told us to break them.  It was harder.  Then he gave us three pieces of string and told us to break them all at the same time. Some of us were able to do it.  By the time he got to four pieces of string, it was not possible to break them all at the same time.  “That is how it is with habits,” he said.  He told us that when you first do something wrong, it is much easier to stop than after you have continued to do it for a time.  We understood that it is best not to form bad habits.

Raising children is somewhat like gardening.  We prune, feed, and water.  We guide and do our best to influence the choices our children make.  When they are little, we can prevent bad choices.  When they grow up, they will choose according to their own individual beliefs.  Other influences in the world compete with the influence of parents.  We simply try our very best and bathe our efforts with lots of prayer.

Unrealistic Expectations of Children Cause Problems

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Train up a child…

 

Unrealistic Expectations of Children Cause Problems

 

When we don’t expect enough of our children, they become lazy and sloppy and undisciplined.  When we expect too much of them, there are other problems that develop.  When children are expected to do more than they can produce, they may rebel, give up hope, or think they are inferior and unpleasing to others.

Only time spent with children and the love we have for them can help us know what they are capable of doing.  It is not easy to balance the expectations we have of children with their ability.  We all have high hopes for our children, but when we force them to become something they are not, it is sad to see them hurt because they cannot please us.

Much of the rebelliousness we see in children is a result of frustration on their part.  “Nobody loves me” is a common feeling that many children express.  When a child does something well, and gets praised for it, then the “blues” seem to instantly go away.

Imagine how we would feel if someone sat us at the controls of a spaceship and told us we had to fly to the moon!  Of course, we would rebel.  We know we can’t do that, so why try?  Children have a similar feeling when they are put in a situation that is beyond their ability.  Where is the logic in thinking a child will succeed in third grade work when that child cannot do first and second grade work?  Many children who are promoted in school, before they have mastered the requirements of their current grade, have the same feeling we would have when we are told we must do a job that we cannot handle.  As the child continues to be promoted on into high school, quite often that child simply gives up trying and starts acting out in rebellious ways.

Have you ever heard a child say, “What’s the use?”  That is a clue that the child is feeling hopelessness.  It is a terrible thing to be without hope. It may even lead to suicide. When our expectations are beyond the reach of our children, they see no point in trying because they know they cannot accomplish what we want of them.  When they can’t feel acceptance by their parents, they really feel badly. Often they give up trying to please their parents in even small ways because they feel the parents will not be pleased no matter what they do.

Children must feel a sense of accomplishment in order to feel a sense of worth.  Not living up to expectations of others results in a feeling of failure that is hard to overcome.  On the other hand, when children feel that they have done a job well, their morale is bolstered, they regain hope, and they feel their efforts are worthwhile.

It is so very important to expect of a child what we are sure can be accomplished, and then to require that child to perform.  Nothing succeeds like success.  Children build on successes, not failures.  All of us want to repeat those things we have done well; none of us want to tackle those things where we have failed before.  To expect more than a child can achieve is to set that child up to fail. The child is likely to give up hope of ever being able to do that thing in the future.

Knowing Why Makes Obeying Easier

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Train up a child…

 

Knowing Why Makes Obeying Easier

 

When a child understands why a rule is important, it is much easier for that child to obey the rule. Too often adults are inclined to simply “bark” orders to a child with no explanation whatsoever.  This leaves a child feeling somewhat like a puppet and unimportant.  In addition, the child may simply obey the command for the moment, but have no reason to continue to obey.

Taking just a few seconds to explain reasons to a child has much benefit.  When a teacher or parent explains reasons, the child feels drawn into the decision-making process and feels a part of accomplishing something important.  The child then begins to think in an analytical manner and apply the principals involved to other actions.  The child also begins to consider the feelings of others and the environmental effects.

It would seem that we adults have a tendency to think that children cannot understand a great deal, so we just skip over explanations.  Actually, children are capable of understanding and reasoning much more than we often give them credit for doing.  They are not a different species!  They may not have the experiences to grasp all that we tell them, but they can understand much and the explanations we give start them on the path to adulthood and decision making that involves others as well as self.

If a child understands that a behavior is affecting another person negatively, that same child is more apt to evaluate his/her own action in another situation as to whether it is affecting others in a good or bad way.  This is especially true when adults include in explanations such statements as, “How would you feel if someone did that to you?” Children tend to act on impulse. Explanations help children learn to think before they act.  This is part of growing up.

When adults take the time to explain reasons, a feeling of teamwork is often established.  Children feel as though the adult considers them important when that adult takes the time to explain reasons.  This takes away some of the rebellious attitude often encountered in forcing a child to obey.  They begin to feel part of a bigger cause than just self. The children take on a feeling of responsibility for accomplishing that cause and are more apt to continue the proper action when away from the adult.

It is good to remember that telling is not teaching.  Unless a child takes something to heart and applies it to everyday actions, that child has not really learned that thing.  Our goal is to develop adults who act properly out of desire to do so, not simply because they have been told they should.  Without explanations, what has been told simply does not stay with the child.  We want adults that consider the feelings of those around them and act in such ways as to get along in society.  We will not accomplish this goal unless children learn reasons for good behavior.