Tag Archives: parenting

Knowing About the Past can Help Children with the Future

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble; www.patlambchristianauthor.com)

Train up a child…

Knowing About the Past Can Help Children with the Future

         It is unfortunate that many children are growing up with little or no knowledge of the past.  If children are knowledgeable about the past, they are more apt to appreciate what they now enjoy.  In addition, parents and grandparents can be drawn closer to children as the children learn to better understand those older folks. Learning about the resourcefulness and sacrifices of the past motivates children to become more resourceful and less demanding of conveniences.  The Thanksgiving season provides a good opportunity to delve into the past as we teach children about the pilgrims, the first Thanksgiving, and the early lifestyles of parents and grandparents.

         Grandparents can play an important role in assisting parents tell stories from their childhood. Unfortunately, many older people seem to feel that their job is done and do not make the effort to help bring up children.  Grandparents need to tell children of their happy times as well as the sad times they have experienced.

         Many older grandparents lived during the Great Depression.  Personally, I remember seeing a soup truck come to our little town, Verona, MO, and people line up behind it for a bowl of soup.  I remember the rationing stamps we had for sugar, gas, and other things.  Many children find it hard to believe that we could not have bubble gum because all the rubber was needed for tires for war equipment.  Children bought saving stamps to help fund WWII.  The blackout nights when everyone had to turn off their lights at a certain time for fear that enemy planes could see them and drop bombs were scary times that should be told to children.  

         Children find it amazing that older folks did not have computers, cell phones, and many other things they take for granted.  They need to know how older folks survived without running water, electricity, and indoor plumbing.  It was in my dad’s lifetime that automobiles were invented.  To imagine living without these conveniences is an exercise in creative thinking.

         One very important subject to cover is the role of our military in securing our freedom.  We are fortunate to live in an area where much attention is paid to our men and women who have fought for us. A Veteran’s Museum is an excellent place to take children. 

         Great books are available in local libraries to read to children about Thanksgiving. Unfortunately, many schools are not including much about how this country got started. Teachers are so pressed to cover certain things that they often do not have the time to adequately cover this topic.

         Making sure that children are taken to places to learn about the past and telling stories from the past go a long way in developing understanding and right attitudes in children.  The attitude of gratitude and resourcefulness become bricks in the foundation that children need to face the future.

“Why is this Happening to Me?”

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By Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me: When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is….) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble; and www.patlambchristianauthor.c

Train up a child…

A Thanksgiving Story

            Here is a story you can share about Thanksgiving. Reading or telling this story will help children appreciate what others have gone through in the past and how it affects us now.

Why is This Happening to Me?

            About four hundred years ago, there were some Indian tribes who lived in what is now Massachusetts.  White people did not yet live in this country, but some had been here exploring new lands. One time a ship carrying white men came to explore the coast.  They were fascinated with the Indians.  They decided to capture some and take them back to England to show people there what Indians looked like. A young man named Squanto was one of the Indian boys captured.

            While in England, the men decided to teach the Indian boys they captured to speak English. When Squanto had learned enough English, they took him back with them to what is now our country to use him as an interpreter and a guide as they continued exploring.

            While Squanto was back here in what is now America, he was tricked by some other white men and taken to Spain to be sold as a slave. Some monks bought him, and he lived with them for a time and learned about the “white man’s God”.  After living at the monastery for some time, someone took him back to England and from there he was taken to America to be used as an interpreter and guide once again.

            On this final trip back to our country, he did such a good job as interpreter and guide, that those who were exploring decided to let Squanto return to his tribe.  When he arrived at the place where his tribe lived, he found that his whole tribe had died of a disease, and he was the only Patuxent Indian left!

            Squanto moved in with another tribe of Indian people whose chief was named Samoset.  It was a short time later that the pilgrims arrived at Plymouth Rock. The pilgrims had prayed and prayed about going some place where they could have freedom to worship God as they felt they should.  They had asked God to watch over them and care for them.  Imagine how surprised they were when they arrived and met Squanto, an Indian man who could speak English!

            Squanto moved to the village that the pilgrims started.  He lived with the pilgrims and taught them to hunt, plant, fish, and make treaties with other tribes of Indians so they could live peacefully together. The winters were very harsh and many of the pilgrims died during the first year.  They did not have medicines then like we have now, and their food was scarce.  Some people starved to death. 

            Squanto died in 1622.  He asked Governor Bradford to pray for him that he might go to the Englishman’s God in heaven.

            Had it not been for Squanto, it’s possible that none of the pilgrims would have survived.  He played a very important part in our country’s history.

Note:  It is well that we remember this story.  It might be a good idea to clip it and keep it for future use.  I have used it before and plan to use it again.  It is a story we all need to know and remember.  

            After telling the story, discuss it with those present.  Here are some questions that may be used for discussion:

  • How do you think Squanto and the other boys felt when they were captured?
  • Do you think it was easy for Squanto to learn English?
  • Do you think Squanto ever said to himself, “Why is this happening to me?”
  • What would have probably happened to Squanto if he had not been captured?
  • What do you think the pilgrims were thinking when they arrived and found Squanto, an Indian man who could speak English?
  • Do you think God worked in Squanto’s life for a purpose?
  • Do you think God has a purpose for your life?

“As the Twig is Bent”

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is….) Books are available on Amazon; Barnes & Noble; patlambchristianauthor.co

Train up a child…

“As the Twig is Bent”

         I remember an instructor in our child development class at Missouri University saying, “As the twig is bent, so grows the tree”.  She went to great lengths to explain that habits that are formed in childhood last a lifetime.  If left unchecked, the inclinations that a child has are reinforced through the years as the child grows. This is true for both good and bad inclinations.  It is the task of the parent to “prune” those inclinations as needed.  The parent needs to reinforce in positive ways the good, and do their best to eliminate the bad habits.  

         A common saying about children who are displaying problematic behavior is, “Don’t worry. He will grow out of it.”  This may be true as relating to physical changes, but in most behavioral changes, children do not “grow out of it”.  The problems, in most cases, gain strength as the child grows.

         There are many examples of children growing worse when problems are left unchecked.  Take, for instance, the child who throws temper tantrums.  When parents give in to the child and do not correct this problem, the child grows up believing that he/she can get whatever is wanted by displaying acts of temper.  Another example is the demanding child who does not learn good manners.  That child becomes the adult who “railroads” through anyone or everyone to achieve wants and desires.  Poor eating habits are very difficult to correct in adulthood. Many obese people are those who as children were allowed to eat whatever they wanted. Children who are allowed to act any way they want will not grow up respecting authority.  Children who are given everything needed without having to earn anything will not grow up and suddenly say, “Oh, I can do everything for myself”.  These children will always be expecting handouts.

         Young people seem to have a feeling of indestructibility.  They tend to think, “I’m different.  That will never happen to me.”  I recently talked to a man who is now an alcoholic.  He said, “I made the same mistake so many other people have made.  I thought it would never happen to me.”  It is our duty, as parents and grandparents, to point out examples to prove that it can happen to anyone.  Ultimately, each person is individually responsible for choices made, but we need to do all we can to influence those choices and help that person grow in the right direction.

         My dad used pieces of string to illustrate to my sisters and me how habits get stronger and stronger. He handed us a piece of string and told us to break it.  It was easy.  Then he gave us two pieces of string and told us to break them.  It was harder.  Then he gave us three pieces of string and told us to break them all at the same time.  Some of us were able to do it.  By the time he got to four pieces of string, it was not possible to break them all at the same time.  “That is how it is with habits,” he said.  He told us that when you first do something wrong, it is much easier to stop than after you have continued to do it for a time.  We understood that it is best not to form bad habits.

         Raising children is somewhat like gardening.  We prune, feed, and water.  We guide and do our best to influence the choices our children make.  When they are little, we can prevent bad choices.  When they grow up, they will choose according to their own individual beliefs.  Other influences in the world compete with the influence of parents.  We simply try our very best and bathe our efforts with lots of prayer.

Children Build on Successes

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by Pat Lamb

Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is..

Train up a child…

Children Build on Successes

         What parent or teacher does not want to teach in such a way as to produce the optimum learning in a child?  Through the ages, much research and experimentation have been done to determine how a child learns best.  All of this, along with plain common sense, tells us that children learn best when they build on little successes.

         Keeping this fact in mind, we need to ask ourselves the following questions: “How does a child define success?”  “How can a teacher or parent make sure that a child succeeds as that child determines success?

         Children most often define success according to the amount of praise received for a task accomplished.  If the child receives a little praise, the child feels that s/he has done alright.  If a child receives a great deal of praise, that child feels especially good about what has been accomplished and feels success.  Immediately, the child wants to repeat the action to receive more praise.  Success gives a child hope and confidence in ability to achieve.  The child will automatically select activities similar to those for which praise was received.  Conversely, a child will avoid activities where success was not experienced. This demonstrates the need for praising children rather than scolding them. However, the praise should never be false praise!  When a child receives false praise, s/he feels like they are doing great and are not motivated to improve.   

Praise needs to be focused on the achievement rather than the child.  Too much praise for the child leads to a child having a feeling of superiority.  We don’t want children growing up feeling they are better than others.  However, we do want them to have confidence in their ability to do a good job.

         It is important that tasks be delegated commensurate with a child’s ability to succeed.  If tasks are too difficult, the child cannot experience satisfaction. There is a value in “instant success”.  When we introduce something new, it would be well to take a small portion that is easy to learn and start with that.  When the child succeeds in one little thing, s/he is encouraged to tackle more.  The child has instantly felt success and is eager to experience more success.

         “Chunk learning” is a phrase commonly used in education circles.  It simply means that it is better to take a chunk at a time rather than throw the whole thing at a child all at once.  “Chunk learning” allows a student to feel more success and avoids much confusion in processing information in the brain.  When too much is presented at one time, the child becomes confused and bewildered with information and is often not able to sort through and classify it to “file it away” in the mind for future use.  

         It takes understanding on the part of the parent or teacher to know how much to expect children to grasp at one time and still feel successful.  New teachers have been told, “Don’t try to teach them all you know on the first day!”  We need to give information in doses that can be processed in a manner for the child to feel successful.  It is difficult to do this when we think of how very much a child needs to know to survive in our culture.  When teachers are expected to cover a certain amount of material in a certain amount of time, it becomes tempting to speed up to get through the lessons.  It is counterproductive to do so.  It is as if children start “putting on the brakes” when pressure, rather than success, is felt. No matter what society demands of a person, forcing a child to learn, when that child is not ready, is like trying to force a flower to bloom.

         Some parents and teachers can readily sense when a child is feeling successful and others seem to go blindly along never knowing when a child is feeling good or bad about something.  Love is the quality that gives understanding.  We need to love the ones with whom we are working.  When we really care, we will want children to succeed and make efforts to teach accordingly.   

Children at Halloween

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble; www.patlambchristianauthor.

Train up a child…

Children at Halloween

       Children sometimes have a difficult time sorting fact from fiction.  Halloween is a time that provides a real challenge to children in this area.  They hear about ghosts, goblins, witches, etc.  They often don’t know what to believe and become quite frightened and confused.  Halloween is also a time when many parents submit to reckless abandon and allow their children to eat candy to the point of illness.

         How should we deal with our children at Halloween time?  In my opinion, truth is always best.  Children should be told of the origin of Halloween.  Where did Halloween originate?  There is much information about this on the Internet.  Parents who do not have a computer may go to the library and use a computer there.

         The Celts, who lived in Ireland, the United Kingdom and northern France, celebrated the New Year on November 1.  They believed that this marked the end of summer and the beginning of winter.  Winter was associated with the dead.  The Celts believed that the night before the New Year, the boundaries of the living and dead became blurred.  On October 31, they celebrated Samhain (pronounced sow-in), a time when they thought the ghosts of the dead returned to earth.  Their return, they believed, helped their priests, called druids, to predict the future.  Druids built big bonfires, dressed in costumes, and burned crops and animals as sacrifices to their deities.  

         After the Romans conquered this area, two of their holidays were combined with Samhain and later the Pope designated November 1 as All Saints Day.  It is widely believed that he was attempting to replace Samhain with a church-sanctioned holiday. The day was also called All-Hallows which meant all saints.  The night before All-Hallows Day was called All-Hallows Eve and later was called Halloween

         Children need to know that Halloween began as a pagan holiday because those people either didn’t know about Jesus, or did not believe in Jesus.  This is the reason many churches provide alternative activities at this time of year.  

         My suggestion:  Tell the children the truth.  Then, tell them that in our day and time we know about Jesus and do not have to be afraid of people coming back from the dead.  Let them dress in costumes that are fun costumes…not skeletons, witches, etc., and let them go trick-or- treating in safe places accompanied by adults.  When they come home, sort through their gatherings, allow them to eat a little, and put the remainder up to be rationed to them at certain times such as at the end of meals.

         There is a learning benefit, believe it or not, in dressing in costumes.  Children learn to think as another (whatever the costume represents).  Many people do not know how to put themselves in someone else’s shoes.  Being able to act or think as another leads to the development of empathy. Also, a great deal of creativity goes into costume making.  

         Halloween can be a fun and safe time.  I wish it were called “Costume time” or some other name other than Halloween.  

Parent’s Good Intentions are not Enough

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is….) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and www.patlambchristianauthor,com

Train up a child…

Parents’ Good Intentions are not Enough

       It is wonderful when parents can truly enjoy their children and want to make them happy.  It presents a challenge, however, to make children happy and at the same time prepare them for their future.  It seems that the idea has permeated our society that we all should be happy and having fun all the time, and that the only good parent is the parent who entertains children and protects them from hardships.  

         Just as a “hot-house” tomato has a difficult time adjusting to the challenges in nature when it is set out in a garden, so do children who have been sheltered from all rules and hardships have a difficult time adjusting to the real world.  Adults who work with children need to discover a balance between letting children be children and at the same time preparing them for a time when they are unprotected by adults.  Children must have guidelines and rules to live by and be required to abide by those rules for their own good.  They must be allowed to experience the consequences of the choices they make.  With a few exceptions such as birthday gifts, Christmas gifts, etc. they must earn what they receive. 

         Children who have no guidelines are always insecure and uncertain as to what behavior is acceptable and what punishment they may receive for their behavior.  They are at loose ends with the world and often express their frustration by exhibiting unacceptable behavior.  By contrast, children who have rules and are required to abide by them, have a certainty in their minds that they are doing the right thing.  The stress of making decisions without necessary information is removed, and they are happier children.  Many well-intentioned parents think that letting their children do what they want to do is helping them.  Not true.  Children are not equipped to make many decisions by themselves and often make the wrong decisions and get in trouble for doing so.  It is much better to make sure they know what is right and wrong before they make the wrong decisions.  Important, also, is reinforcement of correct behavior.  When a child is told, “You did the right thing”, the child feels a real sense of relief and is inclined to repeat that behavior.

         It is hard for any parent or teacher to watch a child go through something unpleasant.  However, when we jump in and rescue the child from the consequences of his/her behavior, we become enablers.  When we enable a child to do wrong and get by with it, that child grows up thinking that whatever he/she desires is acceptable, and someone will bail him/her out of trouble.  It is through the natural punishment of consequences that children learn many lessons that we may never be able to teach in another way.

         When children are continually rewarded for doing what is normally required, they grow up thinking that they don’t have to act in acceptable ways unless rewarded for doing so.  A teacher friend of mine often said, “Virtue is its own reward”.  There are some things that we are supposed to do whether there is a reward or not.  One school in IL, where our daughter taught, rewarded children for doing their homework by taking them to McDonalds on Fridays.  This, in my opinion, is not a good way to use rewards.  Homework is something that children should do without getting a material reward. One NEA magazine had an article some time back about paying children to go to school.  Is it any wonder that we are living in an entitlement generation when this kind of thinking abounds?

         Ideally, parents should decide in their own minds how they want their children to “turn out” as to character traits and keep this goal in mind in everyday contact with their children.  We can’t just let our children always be happy-go-lucky without responsibilities and rules and expect them to someday display responsibilities without material rewards.

When Our Children Don’t “Measure Up”

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by Pat Lamb

Author of: (Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, www.patlambchristianauthor

Train up a child…

When our Children “Don’t Measure Up”

         Much research has been done recently concerning children and problems they may be having.  It has led to labeling children with attention deficit disorder, dyslexia, or other scary names.  Recently there was a report on the news that one of every one hundred fifty baby boys born has autism.  I find it hard to believe that statistic.  

         What are parents to do when their child is diagnosed with one thing or another that would lead them to believe that their child does not measure up to expectations?  There are some basic things we can do regardless of the label put on the child.  First, we should always question who set the standard by which the child is rated.  Second, we need to realize that all children are of equal value.  Third, we need to apply teaching techniques appropriate to a child’s needs.

         It is necessary for teachers and doctors to have guidelines to follow to determine if a child is progressing at a “normal” rate.  However, we need to remember that those standards are set based on other children in the past.  When a baby is born, that baby is unaware of those standards and simply acts according to nature and environment.  New standards are being developed continually.  God creates each child uniquely, not according to the standards previously set by those who study behavior.  Quite often a child may be misdiagnosed simply because parents or teachers do not know how to help a child progress.  In addition to “book standards”, unfortunately, parents often have preconceived ideas of what they want their child to be like, and the child may fail to meet those expectations.

         In God’s eyes, all children measure up in value.  It should be the same with parents.  Children should always measure up in the sight of the parents as long as they are trying their best. God creates each individual with a plan and purpose.  Not all children are going to be good academically just as not all children will be good in sports or music. Our job, as parents, is to nurture and help a child be the best that child can be with the talents and abilities s/he has.

         When a child is expected to perform beyond his/her abilities, frustration sets in.  Teaching techniques should be chosen with consideration of the child’s abilities and accomplishments.  A good rule of thumb is to find out where a child is in development, start there, and take that child as far as possible.  Well-meaning parents and teachers often insist that a child be promoted in school, when that child is not ready, in order to keep the child from feeling badly about being left behind.  There is far more danger in making a child feel badly by placing that child in a situation where it is impossible to succeed.  Most children can progress if taken at the right pace, but just as a flower cannot be forced to bloom, so children cannot progress faster than they are ready.  

         Love is the key to working with all children.  Love means we are patient, kind, and don’t insist on having our own way in that we need to let the child develop as God has chosen.  In God’s sight, all children are equally loved.  Parents and teachers need to care equally for all children as well. There is no need to feel disappointed if a child doesn’t seem to measure up.  We simply value that child as God created him/her and do the best we can to train it up as God intended. 

That First Driver’s License!

parenting, Raising kids

by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children,Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble; www.patlambchristianauthor.co

Train up a child…

That First Driver’s License!

       The memory of our oldest son getting his first driver’s license is still vivid in my mind.  He came out of the license bureau waving his license with a big smile on his face.  “Scoot over, Mom!”  He said.  I reluctantly moved over from the driver’s spot.  He had aged one year.  I felt as though I had aged ten years! I tensely sat and watched as he started the car and backed up.  We finally got on the main street and headed home.  I am probably the only mother in the world who yelled “hurry up” to a son who was just learning to drive, but when he came to intersections with cars whizzing both ways, I had visions of being broad sided on both sides if he didn’t hurry and meld with the flow of the traffic.  I suppose that his inching along was to impress me with his cautiousness, but it wasn’t working.

         Many parents have experienced similar situations.  When a teen gets that first driver’s license, the world changes!  Household rules need to be adjusted.  Teens need to thoroughly understand the responsibility they have upon receipt of the license and parents may need to learn to get by with less sleep!

         A “sit-down” session with a teen needs to occur before going for the license.  It would be good if there were a place to take a teen prior to receipt of the license to see a film such as is shown to folks who are required to go to classes after traffic violations.  They need to know about the teenage driving statistics that are available on the Internet.  They need to be reminded that the brain development of teenagers is such that they tend to take more risks and be less cautious.  A teen needs to understand that the car keys will immediately be confiscated when certain things happen such as the abuse of the privilege, not adhering to curfew, etc.  Most of all, the teen needs to understand that driving is not a right, but it is a privilege for those who are responsible enough to handle such an expensive vehicle. Each family needs to set rules before the license is obtained.  

         I seriously question the wisdom of a 16 yr. old having a driver’s license.  I believe the law should be changed and licenses be given to 16 yr. olds in hardship cases only.  In addition, I believe that teens under 18 should have to maintain good grades in school. Teens (or anyone else) who has attention deficit disorder should not be given a license to operate a vehicle.  Driving a car requires constant attention.  Why should a person who can’t pay attention be given a license to drive? 

There is no real need for most 16 yr. olds to drive. Let’s be honest.  Many parents want their children to have a license so the parents won’t be bothered with driving the children where they need to go. 

Many times a student will drop out of school upon receipt of a driver’s license.  By raising the age to qualify for a license and requiring acceptable grades in school, we undoubtedly would have less dropouts, students studying harder to learn, and best of all, less deaths of sixteen-year-olds.   

         Since the law currently allows a driver’s license with few qualifications, parents must be even more vigilant to see that their children drive responsibly.  This involves making sure that the teens completely understand the responsibilities involved and that the privilege of driving can be revoked at any time.  Further, they need to understand the seriousness of making a mistake that could haunt them for life. 

It’s Tough to be the Parents of a Teen

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is….) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes and Noble; www.patlambchristianauthor.co

Train up a child…

It’s Tough to be the Parents of a Teen

         “Who is this new child in my home?  This can’t be the child I held on my lap and read to, then heard prayers, gave a hug and kiss and tucked in for a nice night’s sleep!  Now I see a child that is much different from anything I ever imagined my child would be!  I’m bewildered.  My child seems bewildered.  To be truthful, I’m scared.  I thought I was being the perfect parent, but my child is not being the perfect child. The results I am seeing are not what I expected.”

         Many parents of teenagers may very well be thinking the above thoughts.  There is no doubt that being the parent of a teenager is a tough task.

         We may tell our children that we will always love them.  When children become teens, that love is truly tested.  Now, we must prove that love.  We must put our pride aside and do what is best for the child, even if it may be embarrassing at times.  Love is understanding.  Love is patient.  Love doesn’t keep score.  Love is long-suffering.  Love is kind. Love doesn’t have to have its own way. Love is gentle.  Can we really display these characteristics with this seemingly new person?  When the apostle, Paul, described love in I Corinthians 13, he didn’t say to show these characteristics except with teenagers! Even when our children are not so lovable, we are still supposed to love them and that means displaying the characteristics of love named in the Bible. 

         We need to remember that the teen years are tough for the child as well as for the parent.  The “acting out” that often accompanies a teen is often the result of the same feelings we may be having as parents.  They are scared, bewildered, uncertain, dealing with a new body (a body that is larger and looks different).  The teen has not learned the proper way to vent deep feelings.  (Unfortunately, many parents have not learned this lesson either.) The result may be a shouting match between parent and child.

         When you stop and think about it, isn’t it rather ridiculous for a parent to be shouting at a child to tell the child not to shout at the parent?  Two wrongs don’t make a right!  “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”  (Proverbs 15:1) This truly works.  To shout to a child who is already shouting is like pouring gasoline on a fire.  It just causes more shouting.  No one says it is easy, but we must set an example of the behavior we expect from a child.  Quite often, teens say things they don’t really mean, so we need to learn to look at the heart rather than simply going by the words spoken.  A teen may shout, “I hate you!”  What they are really thinking and feeling may be “I loved you and I don’t feel you loving me back, and now I am hurting and wish I could feel that love!”  It is common for teens to feel all alone and that no one understands them.  If they can’t feel understanding at home, they will look for it elsewhere.  Does this mean that we should let the child get away with being disrespectful?  No.  It should be pointed out that disrespect has been shown, and the child needs to be told what is acceptable and what is not acceptable.  Also, the child needs to be told that disagreement is alright, but there is a correct way to disagree.  He/she then needs to be taught the acceptable way to disagree.  Parents and children can then discuss the issues that are really at the root of the trouble.

         “Keeping cool” when a teenage child is showing a hot temper is not easy, but the love for the child can be the very thing that gives us the strength to do just that.  It helps to know that many parents have gone through the same challenges, many parents are going through those challenges now, and many more parents will do so in the future.  We are not alone, and we must not abandon our teens just because it is not pleasant to deal with them.

Why Do Children Bully Others?

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is….) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, www.patlambchristianauthor

Train up a Child…

Why Do Children Bully Others?

It is so sad to watch a child duck its head and try to keep from crying because another child has said something cruel about him/her.!  Why does this happen?

Sometimes children bully others because they inwardly think that if they can bring another person down, people will think they are better.

Sometimes children bully because they are jealous.

Sometimes children bully because inwardly they convince themselves they, themselves are not so bad.  

There are other reasons as well. The person bullying may think this makes them the most important person in the room.  Of course, we know that isn’t true, but often they do not.

 How can we handle bullying?  Here are some suggestions:

1.  When a child says something derogatory about another, require that child to write a paper about the good qualities of that person.  This will require them to think deeper and give them practice in writing as well.

2.  Require the child to apologize.  If this is a school setting, it may or may not be wise to have the apology done in front of the class.

3. Sometimes a child bullies because they, themselves, feel inadequate.  If we can bring others down, we look bigger!

4.  The person doing the bullying may be required to tell the class  about the good qualities of the person being bullied.  

It is interesting to note that many of the reasons children bully are the same reasons that adults gossip about others or are overly critical of others.  If we can “nip bullying in the bud”, we would have a much happier world!