Tag Archives: raising kids

Children at Halloween

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble; www.patlambchristianauthor.

Train up a child…

Children at Halloween

       Children sometimes have a difficult time sorting fact from fiction.  Halloween is a time that provides a real challenge to children in this area.  They hear about ghosts, goblins, witches, etc.  They often don’t know what to believe and become quite frightened and confused.  Halloween is also a time when many parents submit to reckless abandon and allow their children to eat candy to the point of illness.

         How should we deal with our children at Halloween time?  In my opinion, truth is always best.  Children should be told of the origin of Halloween.  Where did Halloween originate?  There is much information about this on the Internet.  Parents who do not have a computer may go to the library and use a computer there.

         The Celts, who lived in Ireland, the United Kingdom and northern France, celebrated the New Year on November 1.  They believed that this marked the end of summer and the beginning of winter.  Winter was associated with the dead.  The Celts believed that the night before the New Year, the boundaries of the living and dead became blurred.  On October 31, they celebrated Samhain (pronounced sow-in), a time when they thought the ghosts of the dead returned to earth.  Their return, they believed, helped their priests, called druids, to predict the future.  Druids built big bonfires, dressed in costumes, and burned crops and animals as sacrifices to their deities.  

         After the Romans conquered this area, two of their holidays were combined with Samhain and later the Pope designated November 1 as All Saints Day.  It is widely believed that he was attempting to replace Samhain with a church-sanctioned holiday. The day was also called All-Hallows which meant all saints.  The night before All-Hallows Day was called All-Hallows Eve and later was called Halloween

         Children need to know that Halloween began as a pagan holiday because those people either didn’t know about Jesus, or did not believe in Jesus.  This is the reason many churches provide alternative activities at this time of year.  

         My suggestion:  Tell the children the truth.  Then, tell them that in our day and time we know about Jesus and do not have to be afraid of people coming back from the dead.  Let them dress in costumes that are fun costumes…not skeletons, witches, etc., and let them go trick-or- treating in safe places accompanied by adults.  When they come home, sort through their gatherings, allow them to eat a little, and put the remainder up to be rationed to them at certain times such as at the end of meals.

         There is a learning benefit, believe it or not, in dressing in costumes.  Children learn to think as another (whatever the costume represents).  Many people do not know how to put themselves in someone else’s shoes.  Being able to act or think as another leads to the development of empathy. Also, a great deal of creativity goes into costume making.  

         Halloween can be a fun and safe time.  I wish it were called “Costume time” or some other name other than Halloween.  

Parent’s Good Intentions are not Enough

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is….) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and www.patlambchristianauthor,com

Train up a child…

Parents’ Good Intentions are not Enough

       It is wonderful when parents can truly enjoy their children and want to make them happy.  It presents a challenge, however, to make children happy and at the same time prepare them for their future.  It seems that the idea has permeated our society that we all should be happy and having fun all the time, and that the only good parent is the parent who entertains children and protects them from hardships.  

         Just as a “hot-house” tomato has a difficult time adjusting to the challenges in nature when it is set out in a garden, so do children who have been sheltered from all rules and hardships have a difficult time adjusting to the real world.  Adults who work with children need to discover a balance between letting children be children and at the same time preparing them for a time when they are unprotected by adults.  Children must have guidelines and rules to live by and be required to abide by those rules for their own good.  They must be allowed to experience the consequences of the choices they make.  With a few exceptions such as birthday gifts, Christmas gifts, etc. they must earn what they receive. 

         Children who have no guidelines are always insecure and uncertain as to what behavior is acceptable and what punishment they may receive for their behavior.  They are at loose ends with the world and often express their frustration by exhibiting unacceptable behavior.  By contrast, children who have rules and are required to abide by them, have a certainty in their minds that they are doing the right thing.  The stress of making decisions without necessary information is removed, and they are happier children.  Many well-intentioned parents think that letting their children do what they want to do is helping them.  Not true.  Children are not equipped to make many decisions by themselves and often make the wrong decisions and get in trouble for doing so.  It is much better to make sure they know what is right and wrong before they make the wrong decisions.  Important, also, is reinforcement of correct behavior.  When a child is told, “You did the right thing”, the child feels a real sense of relief and is inclined to repeat that behavior.

         It is hard for any parent or teacher to watch a child go through something unpleasant.  However, when we jump in and rescue the child from the consequences of his/her behavior, we become enablers.  When we enable a child to do wrong and get by with it, that child grows up thinking that whatever he/she desires is acceptable, and someone will bail him/her out of trouble.  It is through the natural punishment of consequences that children learn many lessons that we may never be able to teach in another way.

         When children are continually rewarded for doing what is normally required, they grow up thinking that they don’t have to act in acceptable ways unless rewarded for doing so.  A teacher friend of mine often said, “Virtue is its own reward”.  There are some things that we are supposed to do whether there is a reward or not.  One school in IL, where our daughter taught, rewarded children for doing their homework by taking them to McDonalds on Fridays.  This, in my opinion, is not a good way to use rewards.  Homework is something that children should do without getting a material reward. One NEA magazine had an article some time back about paying children to go to school.  Is it any wonder that we are living in an entitlement generation when this kind of thinking abounds?

         Ideally, parents should decide in their own minds how they want their children to “turn out” as to character traits and keep this goal in mind in everyday contact with their children.  We can’t just let our children always be happy-go-lucky without responsibilities and rules and expect them to someday display responsibilities without material rewards.

When Our Children Don’t “Measure Up”

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by Pat Lamb

Author of: (Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, www.patlambchristianauthor

Train up a child…

When our Children “Don’t Measure Up”

         Much research has been done recently concerning children and problems they may be having.  It has led to labeling children with attention deficit disorder, dyslexia, or other scary names.  Recently there was a report on the news that one of every one hundred fifty baby boys born has autism.  I find it hard to believe that statistic.  

         What are parents to do when their child is diagnosed with one thing or another that would lead them to believe that their child does not measure up to expectations?  There are some basic things we can do regardless of the label put on the child.  First, we should always question who set the standard by which the child is rated.  Second, we need to realize that all children are of equal value.  Third, we need to apply teaching techniques appropriate to a child’s needs.

         It is necessary for teachers and doctors to have guidelines to follow to determine if a child is progressing at a “normal” rate.  However, we need to remember that those standards are set based on other children in the past.  When a baby is born, that baby is unaware of those standards and simply acts according to nature and environment.  New standards are being developed continually.  God creates each child uniquely, not according to the standards previously set by those who study behavior.  Quite often a child may be misdiagnosed simply because parents or teachers do not know how to help a child progress.  In addition to “book standards”, unfortunately, parents often have preconceived ideas of what they want their child to be like, and the child may fail to meet those expectations.

         In God’s eyes, all children measure up in value.  It should be the same with parents.  Children should always measure up in the sight of the parents as long as they are trying their best. God creates each individual with a plan and purpose.  Not all children are going to be good academically just as not all children will be good in sports or music. Our job, as parents, is to nurture and help a child be the best that child can be with the talents and abilities s/he has.

         When a child is expected to perform beyond his/her abilities, frustration sets in.  Teaching techniques should be chosen with consideration of the child’s abilities and accomplishments.  A good rule of thumb is to find out where a child is in development, start there, and take that child as far as possible.  Well-meaning parents and teachers often insist that a child be promoted in school, when that child is not ready, in order to keep the child from feeling badly about being left behind.  There is far more danger in making a child feel badly by placing that child in a situation where it is impossible to succeed.  Most children can progress if taken at the right pace, but just as a flower cannot be forced to bloom, so children cannot progress faster than they are ready.  

         Love is the key to working with all children.  Love means we are patient, kind, and don’t insist on having our own way in that we need to let the child develop as God has chosen.  In God’s sight, all children are equally loved.  Parents and teachers need to care equally for all children as well. There is no need to feel disappointed if a child doesn’t seem to measure up.  We simply value that child as God created him/her and do the best we can to train it up as God intended. 

It’s Tough to be the Parents of a Teen

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is….) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes and Noble; www.patlambchristianauthor.co

Train up a child…

It’s Tough to be the Parents of a Teen

         “Who is this new child in my home?  This can’t be the child I held on my lap and read to, then heard prayers, gave a hug and kiss and tucked in for a nice night’s sleep!  Now I see a child that is much different from anything I ever imagined my child would be!  I’m bewildered.  My child seems bewildered.  To be truthful, I’m scared.  I thought I was being the perfect parent, but my child is not being the perfect child. The results I am seeing are not what I expected.”

         Many parents of teenagers may very well be thinking the above thoughts.  There is no doubt that being the parent of a teenager is a tough task.

         We may tell our children that we will always love them.  When children become teens, that love is truly tested.  Now, we must prove that love.  We must put our pride aside and do what is best for the child, even if it may be embarrassing at times.  Love is understanding.  Love is patient.  Love doesn’t keep score.  Love is long-suffering.  Love is kind. Love doesn’t have to have its own way. Love is gentle.  Can we really display these characteristics with this seemingly new person?  When the apostle, Paul, described love in I Corinthians 13, he didn’t say to show these characteristics except with teenagers! Even when our children are not so lovable, we are still supposed to love them and that means displaying the characteristics of love named in the Bible. 

         We need to remember that the teen years are tough for the child as well as for the parent.  The “acting out” that often accompanies a teen is often the result of the same feelings we may be having as parents.  They are scared, bewildered, uncertain, dealing with a new body (a body that is larger and looks different).  The teen has not learned the proper way to vent deep feelings.  (Unfortunately, many parents have not learned this lesson either.) The result may be a shouting match between parent and child.

         When you stop and think about it, isn’t it rather ridiculous for a parent to be shouting at a child to tell the child not to shout at the parent?  Two wrongs don’t make a right!  “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”  (Proverbs 15:1) This truly works.  To shout to a child who is already shouting is like pouring gasoline on a fire.  It just causes more shouting.  No one says it is easy, but we must set an example of the behavior we expect from a child.  Quite often, teens say things they don’t really mean, so we need to learn to look at the heart rather than simply going by the words spoken.  A teen may shout, “I hate you!”  What they are really thinking and feeling may be “I loved you and I don’t feel you loving me back, and now I am hurting and wish I could feel that love!”  It is common for teens to feel all alone and that no one understands them.  If they can’t feel understanding at home, they will look for it elsewhere.  Does this mean that we should let the child get away with being disrespectful?  No.  It should be pointed out that disrespect has been shown, and the child needs to be told what is acceptable and what is not acceptable.  Also, the child needs to be told that disagreement is alright, but there is a correct way to disagree.  He/she then needs to be taught the acceptable way to disagree.  Parents and children can then discuss the issues that are really at the root of the trouble.

         “Keeping cool” when a teenage child is showing a hot temper is not easy, but the love for the child can be the very thing that gives us the strength to do just that.  It helps to know that many parents have gone through the same challenges, many parents are going through those challenges now, and many more parents will do so in the future.  We are not alone, and we must not abandon our teens just because it is not pleasant to deal with them.

Why Do Children Bully Others?

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is….) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, www.patlambchristianauthor

Train up a Child…

Why Do Children Bully Others?

It is so sad to watch a child duck its head and try to keep from crying because another child has said something cruel about him/her.!  Why does this happen?

Sometimes children bully others because they inwardly think that if they can bring another person down, people will think they are better.

Sometimes children bully because they are jealous.

Sometimes children bully because inwardly they convince themselves they, themselves are not so bad.  

There are other reasons as well. The person bullying may think this makes them the most important person in the room.  Of course, we know that isn’t true, but often they do not.

 How can we handle bullying?  Here are some suggestions:

1.  When a child says something derogatory about another, require that child to write a paper about the good qualities of that person.  This will require them to think deeper and give them practice in writing as well.

2.  Require the child to apologize.  If this is a school setting, it may or may not be wise to have the apology done in front of the class.

3. Sometimes a child bullies because they, themselves, feel inadequate.  If we can bring others down, we look bigger!

4.  The person doing the bullying may be required to tell the class  about the good qualities of the person being bullied.  

It is interesting to note that many of the reasons children bully are the same reasons that adults gossip about others or are overly critical of others.  If we can “nip bullying in the bud”, we would have a much happier world! 

It’s Tough to be a Teen

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble; www.patlambchristianauthor.come

Train up a child…

It’s Tough to be a Teen

         I once viewed a video from the Missouri School Board Association that started off with a statement that one out of every five students in Missouri high schools contemplates suicide at one time or another.  What a terrible statistic!  The gentleman speaking went on to encourage all school workers in Missouri to be on the lookout for troubled students.

         Why would teens want to commit suicide?  One of the reasons given by experts is lack of hope.  Another reason is the use of drugs.  A third reason, in my opinion, may be a lack of religious training to educate them with the fact that suicide is not an end, but a beginning of an after life.

         It is difficult for teenagers to cope in society.  Most adults expect teens to be a problem.  This causes teens to feel that it is normal for them to do things they shouldn’t be doing.  I believe, as do many other teachers with whom I’ve spoken, that around age 12 a child comes to a crossroad in life. At this point, the child makes a decision as to whether he/she will try to live a good life or just go for doing what feels good at the moment.  Peer pressure influences this decision greatly.  In addition to peer pressure, children at this age have generally come in contact with many different sets of values.  Each teacher in school has his/her own set of rules and values.  Parents have a set of rules and values.  If the child comes from a broken home, the rules and values of step-parents have also probably differed.  The children have to deal with the values and rules of grandparents from both the real parents and the step parents.  Is it any wonder that children become confused?  This is especially true considering the fact that most children have not attended church to learn the real values taught there.

         Hormonal changes at this point in life have a great effect on the child.  Studies show that the cerebellum, the back part of the brain, is actually larger in puberty in proportion to the cerebrum, the front part of the brain.  This causes the teen to act on impulse rather than thinking things through.  It isn’t until about age 20 that the two parts of the brain come to correct proportion.  Rapid growth accompanies the hormonal changes and causes a child to be awkward. One week, when a child reached for a glass of water, the arm was at one length. Soon after, the arm is longer and the brain hasn’t adjusted to the new length, and the child may turn the glass over and spill the water.  On top of all of this, horror of horrors, pimples start appearing on the face!

         While all of these things are happening, children can be very cruel to each other.  Bullying is terrible, but it does exist.  We can’t guard every word that comes from the mouth of someone, but, thankfully, efforts are being made in many schools to stop bullying.

         Is it any wonder that teens are looking for a way out of all of this?  It is too bad that they don’t understand that suicide is not the answer.  We need to remind teens that all that is happening is temporary, and if they can hold on, things will get better. 

         The very best thing parents can do is to get their children in a good church that teaches the love of Christ.  If they understand this principle, they will always feel loved.  As they are taught that God has a plan for each life, they experience hope that is so desperately needed.  It is difficult to understand why more parents don’t get their children in church.  It costs no money.  Additional people are concerned for the child’s welfare.  Many activities are provided that are wholesome activities.  I could go on and on about the positive values of church and can think of no negative things.  Let’s do what is best for our children and put our personal likes and dislikes aside.

Questions Stimulate Thinking

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is….) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble; www.patlambchristianauthor.com)

Train up a child…..

Questions Stimulate Thinking

       Telling is not teaching.  Many people seem to feel that if they have told a child something, the child has learned it.  Not true!  When a child is told something, or for that matter when any of us are told something, our first response may be, “Well, maybe that is true and maybe it is not true”.  There may even be resistance to being told something especially if there is even a hint of animosity toward the one doing the telling.

         A much better way to get ideas across is to ask questions.  Any time someone is asked a question, thought processes are required for the person to answer.  The person being asked must weigh in his/her own mind the pros and cons of the point being addressed.  This requires the consideration of many facets of a topic and eventually the person comes up with a conclusion on his/her own.  It is only when we genuinely believe something that we act upon it.  The belief has to become a part of us before it truly affects behavior.  Otherwise, a child being told something may act on it temporarily out of fear or respect for parents or those doing the telling.  When they later are no longer under the control of that person, they may not continue the required behavior. When children become teenagers, if they have already concluded certain things, they will not stop acting accordingly.  Those teenagers who have simply been told to act a certain way and have not come to the conclusion on their own, may completely throw away those principles.

         How do we go about asking questions or what kind of questions do we ask?

         Children need to be asked many “why” questions.  Very young children need to be asked simple questions such as “Why do we wear a coat on cold days?”  Their answers may include things such as to keep from feeling cold, to keep from being sick, to do what others are doing, etc.  Other follow-up questions might be: “What happens to us if we don’t wear coats when it is cold?” “Remember when you were sick last year? Did you forget to wear your coat before that and you got really cold? “With these questions, the child begins to see the connection between keeping warm and getting sick.  If he/she has come to that conclusion, in the future the child is more likely to wear a coat without being told.

         In elementary school, questions need to be asked such as, “What happens to people when they use illegal drugs?  Do they affect the mind?  Why do you think those drugs are illegal?  Do many people end up in prison because of drug usage?  What is happening in places where many people use drugs? Is there more crime in those areas? As children ponder these questions, they begin to conclude that it is going to be harmful to them to use drugs.

         Other questions that can be used over and over are: “Why did you do what you did? How do you think that would make you feel? How do you think the other person feels?” The more probing the questions, the more thinking there is involved.

         True learning has not taken place until a person acts out automatically the principle being taught.  Until that happens, we need to keep teaching that principle.

The Importance of Regular School Attendance

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is….) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, patlambchristiansauthor.com

The Importance of Regular School Attendance

Train up a child…

The Importance of Regular School Attendance

         I remember an occasion when we first moved back to the Ozarks that my husband and I decided to go to Aurora to see my brother-in-law.  Since I was raised in the Ozarks and had gone to Branson from Aurora many times, I thought it would be no problem to go to Aurora from Branson. The years away had caused me to forget some very important turns and we found ourselves going around in circles and zig-zagging back and forth.  I thought we would never get to Aurora!

         When children miss a lot of school, their learning takes a similar pattern.  They go to school one day, learn some things, miss school the next day, and forget some things.  Then, when they go back to school, they have to first go back and review or relearn what they learned two days before, try to catch up on what they missed the day they were absent, and at the same time do a full day’s work for that day.  Their learning takes a zigzag pattern.  We all know that we get someplace faster when we can go in a straight line than when we zigzag back and forth. This is why it is so important that children not miss school.

         Actually, children never completely catch up on what they missed while absent.  It is amazing how much a child can learn in one day.  This is especially true of first grade.  Children move so rapidly in first grade and it is a foundation for the years to come.  I’ve always had a special place in my mind and heart for first-grade teachers.  They really have to be on top of things.  First grade is where the children learn the sounds that the letters of the alphabet make.  If they miss school much, it will affect their reading.  Also, basic concepts of numbers are taught in first grade. Unfortunately, in the past this was the time that children came in contact with most of the childhood diseases and had to miss a lot of school.  Now, due to immunizations, many of these sicknesses have been eliminated. 

         Children should, of course, stay home if they are sick; however, parents should do all possible to keep their children healthy.  Good nutrition, cleanliness, and plenty of rest are very important.  Just as a car must have good gas to run, children should have wholesome food.  Their bodies don’t do well on a diet of pop tarts or sugar cereal.  Their little hands touch so many germs each day! Washing hands often helps keep the germs out of the system.  A good bath each night takes those germs off, so they are less likely to find their way inside the body.  They need to have a regular bedtime.  At bedtime, mom or dad needs to tuck them in, perhaps tell or read a Bible story, and hear their prayers.  At this time, mom or dad can give the child a big hug and say a few words of reassurance to put the child in the right frame of mind to face the next day.  

         We don’t get “do-overs” with our children.  As this school year begins, let’s vow to do all we can to keep the children in good shape for school, keeping in mind that every day in school is an important day for learning.

Heredity, Environment, and Choices

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and www.patlambchristianauthor.co

Train up a child…

 Heredity, Environment, and Choices

         When a little baby makes its first appearance into the world, we all look at it with awe as we realize it to be a miracle from God and wonder what lies ahead for it.  Will the child be president some day?  Will the little girl be Miss America?  Maybe someday this child will discover a cure for cancer!  We go on and on speculating about the child’s future.

         As the child grows, we become more realistic in our expectations.  We begin to realize that what happens in the child’s future greatly depends on us.  We also see characteristics of mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, or even an aunt, uncle, or cousin.  In addition, we become frustrated when the child decides not to listen to our advice and defy what we so diligently have tried to teach.

         As nurturers, we can only affect the environment of the child.  We can make sure the child gets good food, a good education, and associates with people who may give a positive influence.  We can see that the child has good experiences to increase vocabulary and understanding of the surrounding world.  We can see that the child has clothing and a satisfactory place to live.  We can take the child to church and give the child a spiritual foundation. We can make sure that the school is doing a good job in developing the child mentally.  We can make sure that he/she gets involved in sports or does physical activity.  We work very hard at these tasks.

         It is left to our Creator to determine the characteristics of a person.  God’s design is that both the father and mother contribute genes to a child to determine the child’s tendencies upon arrival into the world.  Sometimes the child may be a “throwback” to previous generations, surprising the parents and making them wonder, “Where did that action come from?” We are left to work with what we get and raising any child is always a real challenge.  Any parent of two or more children can attest to the fact that there are no two children alike.  

         It can be very disappointing when a child grows up and seemingly wastes the talents inherited and the many efforts of parents who have nurtured tirelessly to help that child succeed in life.  On the other hand, it can be very rewarding when the child chooses to use inherited talents, abilities, and valuable advice received. Ultimately, it is always the choice of any individual as to whether inherited talents and abilities are used and advice is followed.  

         We can never be completely certain of the end product of our children.  We can only do our very best to raise children to influence them to make good choices and to have the tools to use once those choices are made.  After all, God did not make us as puppets.  He could have designed us so that He would make our choices, but He chose not to do that.  He designed us so that the only thing He cannot do is to choose for us.  In the end, each of us is accountable for self. Our actions are not justified by what our parents did or didn’t do, and it is the same with the children we are raising now.

Children Need Rules to Live By

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is….) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes and Noble; www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Children Need Rules to Live By

Train up a child….

Children Need Rules to Live By

         Children who have no rules to live by are like ships without anchors.  They are insecure and restless.  They are not successful in life and always seem to be seeking satisfaction and never finding it.  They are not happy children and do not make happy adults.  There is no certainty in their actions and they are somewhat like a ship without a steering mechanism and seem to be tossed here and there. Parents, teachers, grandparents, and others are doing children no favors by letting them get by without obeying rules.  

         Rules must be appropriate and fair.  There are rules that are non-negotiable, rules that are negotiable, and rules that are self-imposed.  

         Non-negotiable rules need to be instilled in children early, so they can be taught at a very young age that certain ways of behaving are not open for discussion or debate.  Parents must determine these rules.  In our house one of those rules was that children were never to hit a parent as many babies are inclined to do when they don’t get their way.  Even at that young age, a parent can hold a child’s hand and firmly say, “Do not do that!” Of course, a baby will continue to try to have its way, but repeated and consistent rebukes will eventually stop the baby from trying. In addition to not hitting or sassing parents, our children grew up knowing that the family attended church regularly and that was just something we did and it was not open for debate. Other non-negotiable rules should include: not stealing, always telling the truth, not tearing up things, using proper manners at the table when eating, being polite to other people. Each set of parents will have its own set of rules. Parents can simply tell children, “There are certain things we do and certain things we do not do at our house.”  It is necessary to follow up with consistency and not allow misbehavior to go unnoticed even once according to the rules that are set.

         After the “absolutely must” rules are in place, other rules need to be made for the day-by-day activities. It is much easier for children to obey this type of rule when they have had a part in crafting it. Ideally, adults and children express problems and discuss ways to correct the problems.  The rules are written down and placed in a prominent place for reference.  If the rules deal with chores, a chart can be made for children to check off the chores as they are completed.  

         Many parents feel that they don’t have time to have a meeting and discussion with the children.  Actually, in the long run a family meeting saves a great deal of time as well as frustration. It becomes unnecessary for the parents to keep reminding the children if the rules are written down and the chart has been checked.  Whenever the parent glances at the chart, he/she can simply say, “Johnny, I see that you haven’t done your chore.  When do you plan to do it?”  Allowances can be withheld if chores are not completed or rules are not followed.  

         Patterns set in the home for rules are carried over in the personality of the child, and that child becomes a person who imposes rules on self.  Children, who are accustomed to rules, understand that rules are important and they make their own rules for getting homework done or managing their relationships.  Our granddaughter once told me, “You know, Nana, I always do the hard stuff first to get it out of the way and then I don’t mind doing the easy stuff.”  This was a self-imposed rule that worked for her.  As children do each task, they do what is called “self talk”.  This “self talk” often includes self-made rules that they follow.  

         Knowing to follow the rules eliminates the uncertainty of what to do. Children who know and follow rules don’t have to wonder if they have done the right thing.  They know that they have done the right thing, and the fact that they have acted correctly helps in building self-esteem. There is an inner peace and assurance of rightness.  Not only does the child feel good about him/herself, that child will probably receive many compliments from adults and children alike, and that adds to self-esteem as well. When parents are fair and rules are fair, children learn to live by the rules in society.  I have never seen a child who seemed really happy who didn’t know how to follow rules.