by Pat Lamb (Author of : Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…)

Sometimes Dads “Got No Respect”

Train up a child…

       It is too bad that sometimes dad does not have the respect he should have in his family.  I’m sure he feels like Rodney Dangerfield at times when he would say, “I got no respect!”  No matter what kind of dad he is, dad deserves a certain amount of respect simply because he is dad.  However, there are many things he can do to make respecting him easier for all with whom he comes in contact.  Following is a list of suggestions:

• Dad, say what you mean and mean what you say.  When you tell a child to do something and then don’t follow through to see that it is done, the child thinks you will forget it the next time and he/she can get by without obeying.
• Don’t make promises you may not be able to keep.  Learn to say, “I will try to do ______” instead of “I will do ______”.
• Show respect to the children and their mom.  You will get respect in return.
• Be kind and gentle to mom.  The kids are watching how you treat her.  If you mistreat her, they think they can mistreat her also.  They love their mom and will resent anyone hurting her.  They will respect you for being patient with her and treating her nicely.
• Speak kindly of neighbors and acquaintances.  
• Honor your debts.  Pay bills quickly and try not to be indebted to others.
• Discipline the children out of love and concern, not anger.  They know the difference.  When you discipline with anger, it is because you are thinking of how you have been inconvenienced, not what is best for the child.
• Spend time with the children and take interest in their activities at school and church.
• Be quick to say “I’m sorry” when you have done wrong. False pride causes us to think we will be disrespected if we admit weakness, but actually the opposite is true.  
• Be honest in all business dealings.  The kids are watching.
• “Take the bull by the horns” and be the spiritual head of your household.  Make sure the family goes to church.
• Remember birthdays.  Do whatever it takes to help you remember even if it means putting notes on the bathroom mirror.
• Practice what you preach.  “Do as I say and not as I do” doesn’t work.

         How often do we hear, “Kids show no respect anymore”?  One of the reasons some children do not respect parents and other adults is that we do not do the things necessary to earn that respect.  We can each improve in this area.

by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon; Barnes & Noble; www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Raising Children…

Word Power

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart

Be acceptable in Your sight,

O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer. 

Psalm 19:14 (NKJV)

Have you ever heard very young children use ugly words while playing or talking to others?  I have and it is not pretty. Where did they get such a vocabulary?  In all likelihood, they picked it up from family at home or classmates at school.  There was a time when we did not hear so much of such talk.  Now, it seems, that even news on TV often contains much bad language.  The Bible tells us not to use the Lord’s name in vain, yet many people do just that! At times, it seems, that there is nothing sacred any more!  Why is this the case?

God’s preferences do not change.  It seems that people who use foul language often let it overflow into their thoughts and come flying out of the mouth.  This is not pleasing to God!  We need to control our tongue and use acceptable language, especially in front of children.

There is a song that I used to sing to my children.  It has several verses.  One of the verses says:  “Be careful little mouth what you say, Be careful little mouth what you say.  There’s a Father up above, looking down on you with love, so be careful little mouth what you say.”  It has other verses about being careful what we hear and see. Additional verses say be careful little hands what you do, and be careful little feet where you go.  It is easy to make up tunes to go with the words.  We are trying to get the ideas across and whatever tune we come up with will work. This song helps children be aware that they are in control of their actions and words.

It is also good to use questions when talking to children.  Telling is not teaching.  When we tell a child something, as my mom used to say, “It goes in one ear and out the other!”  However, when we ask questions, it requires a child to think in order to come up with an answer.  What are some questions we can ask children?  One question might be, “How would you feel if someone said that about you?”  Another question might be, “Can you think of a nicer way to say what you are trying to say?”  Another might be, “Do you enjoy having people talk to you the way you are talking to others? 

Another way to help children with words is simply singing as you work.  To this day, I can remember my dad singing in the fields such songs as, “You Can’t Do Wrong and Get By” and “Farther Along”.  He sang many other songs that have stuck with  me as well.  

We should never underestimate the power of the words our children hear us say.  As we work around them, we can sing good songs with acceptable meaning to God.  Also, we can eliminate those ugly words parents are often tempted to use!

by Pat Lamb (Author of Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or www.patlambchristianauthor.co

Train up a child…

Children and their feelings of Guilt

         Sometimes children feel guilty when they shouldn’t.  Sometimes children don’t feel guilty when they should.  Sometimes adults mistakenly have the opinion that since children are young, they should never have to feel guilty.  We seldom hear discussion about guilty feelings in children.

         God gave us many emotions and feelings when he created man.  To try to eliminate any one of them completely would be to tell by our actions that we think God made a mistake.  There are reasons for the way God created us. If we never felt guilty about anything, we would never feel a need to change our actions.  On the other hand, unhealthy guilt is stifling to accomplishment.

         It seems to be a consensus among “experts” that quite often children in broken homes carry a feeling of guilt thinking they were the cause of their parents’ separation.  This should not be the case.  Someone needs to make sure that children understand they are not the cause of parents not being able to work things out.  The blame belongs totally on the parents…not the children.  Grandparents may need to step up in some situations, when the parents are unable or unwilling to do so, and make sure that children involved in broken homes do not carry the burden of guilt.

         There are times, however, when children should feel guilty.  When they know they have done something wrong, they should not be told, “Oh, that’s ok.  Just forget it.”  Children who don’t deal with guilt usually carry it around with them causing them to act in various ways.  Sometimes children carrying guilt will try to shift the blame to another.  Sometimes children with guilt act out.  Guilt is God’s way of telling us that there is something we need to deal with in our lives.

         How do we help children cope with guilt?  Truth is always best.  If the child has done something wrong, we need to affirm that it is wrong by agreeing with them.  Secondly, we need to let the child know that there is a remedy for wrongdoing.  The Bible tells us that when we have wronged someone, we should go to them and apologize and try to make that thing right.  The story of Zacchaeus, the tax collector, is one story in the Bible where Zacchaeus was repentant and volunteered to pay people he had cheated four-fold. (Luke 19) There are many places in the Bible that tell us to have pure hearts.  The heart becomes pure by God’s forgiveness.  God forgives when we confess our sin.  We do not confess our sin unless we feel guilty.  Without guilt, there is no shame or repentance.  Without repentance, there is no salvation.  John, the Baptist, in the New Testament constantly preached that people should repent.  Children cannot repent unless they recognize and feel guilty for their sins.

         Do young children really sin?  Yes!  I remember well a little kindergartner who told me “I hate my mother!”  The way he said it convinced me that he meant it. Even babies have anger issues. Most mothers immediately recognize the difference in a crying baby’s need and anger.  Much crying is because the child wants its own way, not necessarily because it needs something.

         It is necessary for us as parents and grandparents to learn to identify the feelings of guilt in children and help them deal with those feelings.  We should not try to eradicate all feelings of guilt, but simply teach the child that God will forgive and wipe our sins away as far as the east is from the west if we are truly sorry.  That is the only way to adequately deal with guilt.