Tag Archives: raising kids

Sometimes Dads “Got No Respect”

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by Pat Lamb (Author of : Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…)

Sometimes Dads “Got No Respect”

Train up a child…

       It is too bad that sometimes dad does not have the respect he should have in his family.  I’m sure he feels like Rodney Dangerfield at times when he would say, “I got no respect!”  No matter what kind of dad he is, dad deserves a certain amount of respect simply because he is dad.  However, there are many things he can do to make respecting him easier for all with whom he comes in contact.  Following is a list of suggestions:

  • Dad, say what you mean and mean what you say.  When you tell a child to do something and then don’t follow through to see that it is done, the child thinks you will forget it the next time and he/she can get by without obeying.
  • Don’t make promises you may not be able to keep.  Learn to say, “I will try to do ______” instead of “I will do ______”.
  • Show respect to the children and their mom.  You will get respect in return.
  • Be kind and gentle to mom.  The kids are watching how you treat her.  If you mistreat her, they think they can mistreat her also.  They love their mom and will resent anyone hurting her.  They will respect you for being patient with her and treating her nicely.
  • Speak kindly of neighbors and acquaintances.  
  • Honor your debts.  Pay bills quickly and try not to be indebted to others.
  • Discipline the children out of love and concern, not anger.  They know the difference.  When you discipline with anger, it is because you are thinking of how you have been inconvenienced, not what is best for the child.
  • Spend time with the children and take interest in their activities at school and church.
  • Be quick to say “I’m sorry” when you have done wrong. False pride causes us to think we will be disrespected if we admit weakness, but actually the opposite is true.  
  • Be honest in all business dealings.  The kids are watching.
  • “Take the bull by the horns” and be the spiritual head of your household.  Make sure the family goes to church.
  • Remember birthdays.  Do whatever it takes to help you remember even if it means putting notes on the bathroom mirror.
  • Practice what you preach.  “Do as I say and not as I do” doesn’t work.

         How often do we hear, “Kids show no respect anymore”?  One of the reasons some children do not respect parents and other adults is that we do not do the things necessary to earn that respect.  We can each improve in this area.

Summer Vacation Checkpoint

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is….) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble; www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child…

Summer Vacation Checkpoint

         It’s hard to believe that so much of the summer vacation from school has already passed! There were so many plans!  Have they all been met? It is a good idea now to review the plans that were made at the beginning of summer and see what has been accomplished and what needs to be emphasized in the time remaining before the children go back to school.

         Remember all those plans for the kids for summer vacation?  I’m guessing that there were plans to teach them how to be good homemakers.  There were plans to give them experiences that would be good for them, and there were plans to have fun together as a family. There is some time left to try to make up for those things that have not yet been accomplished. 

         During the time left, children can try their hands in the kitchen following recipes and preparing food for the family.  The product doesn’t have to be perfect.  Praise the children for good effort.  Select easy recipes so they can feel a sense of accomplishment. There are many recipes suitable for children.  

         It is almost always a good idea to choose chores simple enough to allow the children to feel successful.  Feeling successful motivates children to try again.  When a child feels failure, that child avoids doing that task another time for fear of failing again. Do not jump in and do the chore for the children no matter how tempting it may be.  Children learn from mistakes. Chores should include cleaning and making minor repairs.  How are they doing with helping in the yard?  Now is the time to make sure all has been covered that the children are able to accomplish. Once the children are back in school, there will be limited time to teach things necessary for children to grow up and have good homes of their own.

         Have the children had good experiences this summer that include visiting historic monuments or national parks?  Have they taken part in new activities that expand their understanding of others? There is still time to go on trips as a family.  There are many interesting places in our area.  We live in a beautiful place in this country.  Helping children appreciate that beauty will go a long way in creating a good attitude.

         Has the family simply had lots of fun together?  If not, make sure the summer does not end without doing so.  Whether it is playing games together, working together, or traveling together, fun times create special memories.  Good “belly laughs” are remembered for a long time.  Fun times create memories that act as glue for a family to stick together.

         Don’t come to the end of the summer and have to say, “Where did the time go?”  Use the time now to work and play with children. They will be gone from home before you know it!

Summer Vacation Checkpoint

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is….) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble; www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child..

Summer Vacation Checkpoint

         It’s hard to believe that so much of the summer vacation from school has already passed! There were so many plans!  Have they all been met? It is a good idea now to review the plans that were made at the beginning of summer and see what has been accomplished and what needs to be emphasized in the time remaining before the children go back to school.

         Remember all those plans for the kids for summer vacation?  I’m guessing that there were plans to teach them how to be good homemakers.  There were plans to give them experiences that would be good for them, and there were plans to have fun together as a family. There is some time left to try to make up for those things that have not yet been accomplished. 

         During the time left, children can try their hand in the kitchen following recipes and preparing food for the family.  The product doesn’t have to be perfect.  Praise the children for good effort.  Select easy recipes so they can feel a sense of accomplishment. There are many recipes suitable for children.  

         It is almost always a good idea to choose chores simple enough to allow the children to feel successful.  Feeling successful motivates children to try again.  When a child feels failure, that child avoids doing that task another time for fear of failing again. Do not jump in and do the chore for the children no matter how tempting it may be.  Children learn from mistakes. Chores should include cleaning and making minor repairs.  How are they doing with helping in the yard?  Now is the time to make sure all has been covered that the children are able to accomplish. Once the children are back in school, there will be limited time to teach things necessary for children to grow up and have good homes of their own.

         Have the children had good experiences this summer that include visiting historic monuments or national parks?  Have they taken part in new activities that expand their understanding of others? There is still time to go on trips as a family.  There are many interesting places in our area.  We live in a beautiful place in this country.  Helping children appreciate that beauty will go a long way in creating a good attitude.

         Has the family simply had lots of fun together?  If not, make sure the summer does not end without doing so.  Whether it is playing games together, working together, or traveling together, fun times create special memories.  Good “belly laughs” are remembered for a long time.  Fun times create memories that act as glue for a family to stick together.

         Don’t come to the end of the summer and have to say, “Where did the time go?”  Use the time now to work and play with children. They will be gone from home before you know it!

Word Power

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon; Barnes & Noble; www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Raising Children…

Word Power

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart

Be acceptable in Your sight,

O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer. 

Psalm 19:14 (NKJV)

Have you ever heard very young children use ugly words while playing or talking to others?  I have and it is not pretty. Where did they get such a vocabulary?  In all likelihood, they picked it up from family at home or classmates at school.  There was a time when we did not hear so much of such talk.  Now, it seems, that even news on TV often contains much bad language.  The Bible tells us not to use the Lord’s name in vain, yet many people do just that! At times, it seems, that there is nothing sacred any more!  Why is this the case?

God’s preferences do not change.  It seems that people who use foul language often let it overflow into their thoughts and come flying out of the mouth.  This is not pleasing to God!  We need to control our tongue and use acceptable language, especially in front of children.

There is a song that I used to sing to my children.  It has several verses.  One of the verses says:  “Be careful little mouth what you say, Be careful little mouth what you say.  There’s a Father up above, looking down on you with love, so be careful little mouth what you say.”  It has other verses about being careful what we hear and see. Additional verses say be careful little hands what you do, and be careful little feet where you go.  It is easy to make up tunes to go with the words.  We are trying to get the ideas across and whatever tune we come up with will work. This song helps children be aware that they are in control of their actions and words.

It is also good to use questions when talking to children.  Telling is not teaching.  When we tell a child something, as my mom used to say, “It goes in one ear and out the other!”  However, when we ask questions, it requires a child to think in order to come up with an answer.  What are some questions we can ask children?  One question might be, “How would you feel if someone said that about you?”  Another question might be, “Can you think of a nicer way to say what you are trying to say?”  Another might be, “Do you enjoy having people talk to you the way you are talking to others? 

Another way to help children with words is simply singing as you work.  To this day, I can remember my dad singing in the fields such songs as, “You Can’t Do Wrong and Get By” and “Farther Along”.  He sang many other songs that have stuck with  me as well.  

We should never underestimate the power of the words our children hear us say.  As we work around them, we can sing good songs with acceptable meaning to God.  Also, we can eliminate those ugly words parents are often tempted to use!

Children and Their Feelings of Guilt

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by Pat Lamb (Author of Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or www.patlambchristianauthor.co

Train up a child…

Children and their feelings of Guilt

         Sometimes children feel guilty when they shouldn’t.  Sometimes children don’t feel guilty when they should.  Sometimes adults mistakenly have the opinion that since children are young, they should never have to feel guilty.  We seldom hear discussion about guilty feelings in children.

         God gave us many emotions and feelings when he created man.  To try to eliminate any one of them completely would be to tell by our actions that we think God made a mistake.  There are reasons for the way God created us. If we never felt guilty about anything, we would never feel a need to change our actions.  On the other hand, unhealthy guilt is stifling to accomplishment.

         It seems to be a consensus among “experts” that quite often children in broken homes carry a feeling of guilt thinking they were the cause of their parents’ separation.  This should not be the case.  Someone needs to make sure that children understand they are not the cause of parents not being able to work things out.  The blame belongs totally on the parents…not the children.  Grandparents may need to step up in some situations, when the parents are unable or unwilling to do so, and make sure that children involved in broken homes do not carry the burden of guilt.

         There are times, however, when children should feel guilty.  When they know they have done something wrong, they should not be told, “Oh, that’s ok.  Just forget it.”  Children who don’t deal with guilt usually carry it around with them causing them to act in various ways.  Sometimes children carrying guilt will try to shift the blame to another.  Sometimes children with guilt act out.  Guilt is God’s way of telling us that there is something we need to deal with in our lives.

         How do we help children cope with guilt?  Truth is always best.  If the child has done something wrong, we need to affirm that it is wrong by agreeing with them.  Secondly, we need to let the child know that there is a remedy for wrongdoing.  The Bible tells us that when we have wronged someone, we should go to them and apologize and try to make that thing right.  The story of Zacchaeus, the tax collector, is one story in the Bible where Zacchaeus was repentant and volunteered to pay people he had cheated four-fold. (Luke 19) There are many places in the Bible that tell us to have pure hearts.  The heart becomes pure by God’s forgiveness.  God forgives when we confess our sin.  We do not confess our sin unless we feel guilty.  Without guilt, there is no shame or repentance.  Without repentance, there is no salvation.  John, the Baptist, in the New Testament constantly preached that people should repent.  Children cannot repent unless they recognize and feel guilty for their sins.

         Do young children really sin?  Yes!  I remember well a little kindergartner who told me “I hate my mother!”  The way he said it convinced me that he meant it. Even babies have anger issues. Most mothers immediately recognize the difference in a crying baby’s need and anger.  Much crying is because the child wants its own way, not necessarily because it needs something.

         It is necessary for us as parents and grandparents to learn to identify the feelings of guilt in children and help them deal with those feelings.  We should not try to eradicate all feelings of guilt, but simply teach the child that God will forgive and wipe our sins away as far as the east is from the west if we are truly sorry.  That is the only way to adequately deal with guilt.

What is a Real Home?

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child…

What is a Real Home?

         When I was a child still at home, my dad often quoted the following poem to my four sisters and me.  The meaning has stuck with me through the years and I believe it will stick with today’s children as well if we take the time to repeat it for them.

It Takes a Heap O’ Livin

By Edgar A. Guest

It takes a heap o’ livin’ in a house t’make it home,

A heap o’ sun an’ shadder, an’ ye somtimes have t’roam

Afore ye really ‘preciate the things ye lef’ behind,

An’ hunger for ’em somehow, with ’em allus on yer mind.

It don’t make any difference how rich ye get t’be,

How much yer chairs an’ tables coast, how great yer luxury;

It ain’ a hom t’ye, though it be the palace of a king,

Until somehow yer soul is sort o’ wrapped round everything.

Home ain’t a place that gold can buy or get up in a minute

Afore it’s home there’s got t’be a heap o’ livin’ in it;

Within the walls there’s got t’be some babies born, and then

Right there ye’ve got t’bring ’em up t’women good, and’ men;

And gradjerly, as time goes on, ye find ye wouldn’t part

With anything they ever used–they’ve grown into yer heart:

The old high-chairs, the play things, too, the little shoes they wore

Ye hoard; an’ if ye could ye’d keep the thumb-marks on the door.

Ye’eve got t’weep t’make it home, ye’eve got t’sit an’ sigh

An’ watch beside a loved one’s bed, an’ know that Death is nigh;

An’ in the stillness o’ the night t’see Death’s angel come

An’ close the eyes o’ her that smiled, an’ leave her sweet voice dumb.

For these are scenes that grip the heart, an’ when yer tears are dried,

Ye find the home is dearer than it was, an’ sanctified;

An’ tuggin’ at ye always are the pleasant memories

O’ her that was an’ is no more–ye can’t escape from these.

Ye’ve got to sing an’ dance fer years, ye’ve got t’romp an’ play,

An’ learn t’love the things ye have by usin’ ’em each day;

Even the roses round the porch must blossom year by year

Afore they ‘come a part o’ ye, suggestin’ someone dear

Who used t’love ’em long ago, an’ trained ’em just t’run

The way they do, so’s they would get the early mornin’ sun;

Ye’ve got to love each brick an’ stone from cellar up t’dome;

It takes a heap o’ livin’ in a house t’make it home.

         How very true!

Where are the Shotguns?

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is….) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Raising Children…

Where are the Shotguns?

How vividly I remember the saying that was going around my hometown of Verona, Mo, when I was growing up.  “You better not date one of those Haddock girls!  Old man Haddock has a shotgun!”

My four sisters and I hated that.  We knew that many guys would not go through the grueling experience of coming inside and being questioned by my dad with his booming voice.  Only the strong of heart dared.  When they walked out the door with one of Ernest Haddock’s daughters, there was no doubt in their minds that they had better bring her back safe and sound!

What has happened?  How many dads today would care enough about the well-being of their daughters to risk the disapproval of their actions?

Much has been said about how women do not “stay in their place”.  True, some women do aggressively take over the duties of the dad.  On the other hand, is it not true that many dads have simply abdicated their responsibilities?  Many women would prefer not having to do the duties of the dad along with their own duties.  They would be more than willing to step back if their husbands would simply step up.  

When I have done book signings, it is so common to hear a dad say, “I’ll tell my wife.  She is the one who decides about these things.”  This comment is in reference to my suggesting that three of my books would be helpful with family devotions.  When possible, I try to suggest that it is the place of the dad to be the Spiritual leader in the home.  It seems that the thought of being responsible for the Spiritual development of their children has never occurred to them. 

I’m not advocating that fathers really use shotguns.  I am advocating, however, that dads wake up and realize the urgency and importance of bringing up their children with a foundation of Scripture.  Fathers need to have an attitude of urgency and determination in caring for their children’s safety and well-being now and in the future.  The best thing to ensure well-being in the future is to build a foundation of Scripture in the children now.

Children need to memorize Scripture so they will have it in heart and mind as a basis for decision-making.

Why is it that dads will go all out to get their sons in sports, but will not make sure they have Spiritual training?  Sports are fun.  Sports are good for children, if parents can behave themselves!  Sports help in developing the physical body.  What about the spiritual aspect of children.  The body perishes, but the spirit lives forever.  Doesn’t it make sense to be more concerned about that which lives forever than that which perishes?

Hats off to those dads who really are trying their best with the spiritual development of their children.  Unfortunately, it seems they are in the minority in our present-day society. No one says it is easy to be a good dad, but dads have the greatest help of all in fathering…the Holy Spirit!

Children Learn from the Past

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is….) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble; www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child…

Children Learn from the Past

         Memorial Day is not just for adults.  Children can gain much benefit from participating in Memorial Day traditions.  The holiday provides a wonderful opportunity for parents to tell stories of family history as well as explaining some of the past wars that have been fought for our freedom.  The ritual of decorating graves brings a reality that life on this earth has an ending, and we need to make good use of the time we have here.

         Children can gain a sense of pride from learning of accomplishments of past ancestors.  As they hear stories from parents of the good accomplishments and heroic deeds of relatives, a feeling of “I want to do something heroic, too” is instilled in children.  They gain a higher purpose in life and do not concentrate so much on self pleasure.  Stories of “black sheep” in the family should also be told as examples of what not to become. Children are quite often surprised to hear of both good and bad examples in the family background.  Their lives are greatly influenced by these stories that can come only from the family.

         Memorial Day is a time to remember not only family members who have passed away, but it is also a time to remember those who have fought for our country.  Children should hear this at least every year.  Even if the stories have been told before, they should be told again.  Hearing such stories brings a sense of reality to life that is often lacking in today’s children.  It also instills a sense of appreciation for our country and the freedom we still enjoy.  A walk through many cemeteries in the Ozarks will reveal the small Civil War gravestones of so many who fought in that war.  Just the walk, itself, is a good history lesson for children.

         If decorations are being taken to the graves of past loved ones, let the children hold the decorations and put them in place.  Doing so brings home the reality of death.  Although this may sound a bit gruesome, children need to learn that death is a part of life.  Some people opt to give donations to charities in memory of loved ones rather than spend the money on flowers. In such a case, include the children in the planning process and let them help in any way possible even to the point of using some of their own money.

         A good way to cap off the day’s activities is to have a family picnic or some other family activity.  There will probably be time for games.  At this time of year, outdoor games can be played with the children to make the day a pleasant memory for them.  Nothing makes a child happier than to play games with parents.  They think it is really funny to watch parents run and play. It is especially fun if they can beat their parents in a game.

         Memorial Day can be a day to remember the past, have meaningful fun in the present, and help children be better adults for the experience in the future.

Who Said that Parenting is Easy?

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble; www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child…

Who said that Parenting is Easy?

         Someone recently told me that they had overheard some young girls say that they couldn’t wait until they were old enough to have a baby and drop out of school.  How little they know about what parenting involves! There are those who think that having a baby is like having a doll.  They don’t realize that the “live doll” will have many needs that must be fulfilled and that the “live doll” will not always be a pleasure.

         Being a parent takes physical, spiritual, social, and mental strength. From the time a baby is born until parents can no longer function, parents muster up the strength to help their children.

         A baby requires much physical energy from parents.  Who has not seen a mom or dad with circles under the eyes from being up at night with a child.  The hunger pangs of a baby do not know how to tell time.  As the baby cries, mom or dad may be waiting impatiently for a bottle to warm.  There are diapers to be changed, food to be prepared, laundry to be done, house to be cleaned, and other members of the family to be cared for. Parents may need to stand over a bed in the middle of the night where a fever-ridden child is lying and looking up to mommy or daddy to do something. I can remember sitting by our children during the night and rubbing legs as growing pains were occurring.  

         When a child starts to school, mom and dad are challenged to use social skills to help the child make the right friends. Parents must get along with other parents as well as the child’s teachers.  There is still a great deal of physical energy required, but at least mom and dad get to sleep through the night most of the time. Mental abilities are challenged as parents help children with homework that often involves new methods of doing things.

         As the child progresses into the tweens and teens, mom and dad discover that the sweet little baby that they thought would be perfect is not so perfect.  Now, as never before, parents must rely on their spiritual strength to work with the child.  Disappointments seem to come all too quickly as parents discover that the child does not think exactly as the parents do about certain things. “Who is this child?” they often wonder.  “Is this the same sweet baby we fed and diapered in the middle of the night?”

         When the child becomes an adult, parents are still parenting often from afar.  We can’t “boss” anymore.  We simply make suggestions for consideration.  Even though we have “been there and done that”, our adult children may need to discover the truth for themselves.

         Yes, parenting is not easy.  I think of the old pioneer parents who often buried several children at one time after the children had suffered with smallpox or another deadly disease. I’m sure that many must have wondered, “Is it worth it?” 

Parenting does, in spite of its many challenges, have many rewards.  As I watched our children step up and take responsibility at the death of our second son, I was comforted to see them in action.  I overheard our daughter say, “My two children are the best thing that ever happened to me!” It definitely is worth all the heartaches and effort involved when we see that our children have become responsible citizens who truly love their mom and dad, each other, and their families.

Children are People, Too!

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon; Barnes & Noble; www.patlambchristianauthor.com

by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is….) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child…

“Children Are People, Too”

         When our youngest child was in kindergarten, his teacher posted on the door of his classroom, “Children are people, too”.  At first, I wondered what she was talking about.  Of course, children are people, too.  Then I started thinking about times when I had talked with other adults and left my children standing quietly without joining in the conversation.  I began to notice other adults and how so often they would talk and forget about the children listening to everything they would say.  Sometimes, parents would talk about their children while the children were standing right in front of them.  It was almost as though they thought the children were deaf and did not hear their comments.  I remember a time when my husband and I had done this very thing.

         When our youngest son was still small enough to sit on the armrest between my husband and me, (car seats for children were not required then), my husband and I were driving somewhere and having a conversation about a person we thought was doing something wrong. Our son was sitting quietly between us.  Our other children were in school.  We were driving along, expressing one opinion after another, when our son suddenly spoke up and said, “Don’t forget, Mom, God hears everything you say!”  I was stunned.  My husband and I were not only reminded of what we had been teaching him, but we were also reminded that children hear everything we say in their presence.

         When I was very young, my mom would make dresses of printed chicken-feed sacks for my sisters and me.  She would starch and iron them and dress us up with ribbons in our hair.  Every Saturday afternoon, she would load up her crate of eggs, and we would go to Monett, MO to sell them.  Part of this ritual was a trip to the J.C. Penney store.  On one such occasion, one of my mom’s acquaintances came up to her and started talking.  The lady looked down at my sisters and me and said, “Ethel, you have such pretty girls.  I don’t know how you do it.  They always look so nice!  Every one of them is so pretty!”  My four sisters and I stood there in our starched and ironed feed sack dresses feeling so very proud.  As the lady said her goodbyes and started to leave, she looked down at me and said, “Now, Ethel, is this one yours, too?  She doesn’t look like the rest of them!”True, my hair was blonde; theirs was dark brown. Their hair was curly; mine was very straight. I felt so ugly!  I grew up feeling like the ugly duckling!

         When children are around, let’s include them in our conversations.  They learn to converse as we treat them with respect and talk to them as equals.  At church, shake hands with the children as though they are just as important as adults, because they are.  Let’s be careful about the comments we make in the presence of children.  Let’s remember, “Children are people, too.”