Tag Archives: raising kids

When Does Mom Stop Being Mom?

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble,www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child…

When Does Mom Stop Being Mom?

       From the time a child is born, mom is the one always there to feed, clothe, snuggle, and protect the little baby.  Dad is there also, but it is mom who is the closest at the early stage of life in a child.  When the child cries, mom can usually even tell what kind of cry it is.  Is it a hungry cry, a hurt cry, or an angry cry?  Mom knows.  The baby understands that mom is the one who will provide the basic needs.  The baby’s world revolves around its mom and the baby thinks mom is the greatest thing in the world.

         When the child starts to kindergarten, that child begins to discover that there are other people in the world who can make it happy.  Many children have a special bond with their kindergarten teacher.  At this point in life, mom begins to take back seat.  Mom has to stand back a little as the child begins to discover the world.  What mom hasn’t shed a tear or two as the child heads out the door for its first day of school?

         As the child begins to approach puberty, mom suddenly becomes perhaps the dumbest person in the world.  It is almost impossible to do anything right that pleases the son or daughter.  This is a time when many moms suffer a great deal of pain as their child begins to reject them.  Mom knows, however, that the child is “sprouting its own wings” and she patiently waits and watches, interjecting guidance wherever possible to help that child she still loves dearly, in spite of the fact that at times it seems that the child has no love for her.

         When the young adult goes to college, that son or daughter begins to sense the meaning of homesickness.  A reevaluation of mom and dad takes place and by the time the child is out of college, several hundred dollars later, the young adult is surprised at how much mom has learned in those four years!  The young adult still feels, however, that mom is behind the times and is not fully able to understand current situations.

         Through the adult years, the son or daughter gradually begins to understand that maybe mom wasn’t so far off base after all.  Little by little, the adult starts seeking advice from the person once thought to be ignorant of all modern behavior. “I wonder what mom would do?” the adult thinks in tough situations. “I’ll talk it over with her.”

         Finally, the time comes for mom’s life on this earth to end.  Mom is no longer there to go to for advice.  The son or daughter is now completely on its own unless dad is still around.  When tough situations come along, the individual thinks, “I wonder what mom would have done.  What would mom tell me to do?  I wish I could talk it over with her.”

         And in the coming years, the memory of mom’s words and actions still exist to help guide the child in decision-making.

         When does mom stop being a mom?  Never! The effects of her mothering are exhibited in grandchildren and great grandchildren.  Her teachings are felt in generations to come.  Mothering is a wonderful opportunity that knows no end.

Children Need to Respect Mom

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Chlldren, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child…

Children Need to Respect Mom

         For many mothers, Mother’s Day is the favorite holiday of the year.  It is so nice to be honored and hear the expressions of love and appreciation.  However, in many cases, mothers are not given the respect or honor they should receive not only on Mother’s Day but also during the remainder of the year.  

         In order for a mother to be respected, she must do some things to earn that respect, dad needs to encourage the children to respect their mother, and a family needs to attend a church where children are taught the importance of the family and the command to honor parents.

         Although we should each respect our mother whether the respect is earned or not, it is so much easier when the mother does and does not do certain things.  Mothers should have the well-being of the family in her mind and heart first after love for God.  A Godly woman is a woman who is filled with love as described in the 13th chapter of I Corinthians in the Bible.  She is patient with her children and understands each child is unique.  She needs to do her best to see that the children are getting proper food and have a clean, orderly house to live in.  She needs to be an encourager.  Her speech should be gentle.  Mothers who use profanity and “street talk” have a hard time getting real respect from children.  

         Dad plays a big role in teaching children proper respect. He needs to set a good example for the children by showing respect to their mother.  In addition to setting the example, he needs to require the children to always speak respectfully and to listen to the mother.  Under no circumstances should he override the mother’s decision in the presence of the children.  To do so indicates that he does not believe that she is capable of making right decisions for them. Children quickly pick up on this attitude and they, too, decide that she is not capable of giving them advice.  If dad disagrees with mom, the issue should be settled between the two of them out of the presence of the children.  When men talk down to their wives in front of the children, the children get the impression that their mother is inferior.  Mother’s Day presents an opportunity for dad to work with the children to remind them to do something to show their appreciation and love for their mother.  

         Families who do not attend church are robbing themselves of a great deal of help.  In church, the children are taught the Ten Commandments.  They usually are required to memorize them.  One of the commandments tells us to honor our fathers and mothers.  This is not an option.  God holds us responsible to obey this commandment as well as the others.  It really helps to have someone outside the family teaching the children to act properly and to respect their parents.  As I watch children in church recite Scripture, sing songs, and learn how to behave properly, I often feel sad to think how many children are missing out on these activities.  These activities, along with camp opportunities, enhance the learning they get at school and home. They get practice in memorizing and they learn Scripture verses about acting correctly which better prepares them for life.

         Although Mother’s Day comes only one time each year, we should teach children to love and respect their mothers at all times.  This positive behavior should become a pattern of behavior to last a lifetime.  

Small Steps Can Lead to Big Gains

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble; www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child…

Small Steps Can Lead to Big Gains

         
         “The longest journey starts with the first step”.  How true.  This philosophy can be applied to helping children set goals.  It is important to set short-term goals as a beginning to the achievement of long-term goals.  Parents often have the tendency to set ultimatums that overwhelm children; then, children tend to give up before they get started feeling that the task is impossible to achieve.

         Nothing succeeds like success.  Success breeds success; failure breeds failure.  When a child feels successful, that child will want to continue actions that achieved that success.  When a child experiences failure, that child will not want to continue.  If we help a child set goals that are easily achievable, the child will want to set another achievable goal.  

         How does this work in real life?  Suppose you want a small child to clean his/her bedroom. Instead of telling the child to clean the room, break the chore down in steps.  Perhaps start with telling the child to make the bed.  After that is accomplished, tell the child to pick up the things on the floor.  Next, the child could do the dusting of one piece of furniture at a time. Finally, the floor needs to be vacuumed or swept. Add other tasks as needed until the room is nice and clean. When the child then receives praise for a clean room, he/she feels a sense of pride and accomplishment and will be more apt to do it next time.  In addition, the child has been taught what is involved in cleaning a room.  

         Another example might involve a child learning the multiplication tables.  Instead of simply telling the child to learn the tables, help the child set a goal of learning the 8’s by a certain time.  Next, the child might learn the 9’s, etc.  This continues until all the tables are learned.

         If a child is struggling with homework, instead of simply telling the child to do the homework, a parent might say, “After this page is done, take a little break and get a glass of water or cookie.” Plan with the child by looking at how much is left to be done and dividing it up so that the child feels accomplishment along the way.  After each part is done, the child might be allowed to do something to have a little break.

         Still another example might be used in saving money.  Discuss with the child how much money can be saved by a certain time.  Make sure a special container is available for the money even if it is simply a clean jelly jar.  After the first goal has been reached, reset the goal for a certain date to have saved a greater amount.  It is helpful if a child has an object in mind to purchase or another plan for the money.  That would be the long-range goal.  The short-range goals along the way are very helpful in motivating the child to continue saving.

         Almost any task can be broken down in parts to encourage and motivate children.  It is good to have long-range goals as well, but the short- range goals are the stepping stones along the way.

Patience: A Characteristic of Love

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon,Barnes & Noble; www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child…

Patience:  A Characteristic of Love

         If asked, “Do you love your children?” most parents without hesitation would reply, “Yes, I love my children!”  Most parents probably do think that they love their children.  However, when we examine the true definition of love, we might find ourselves falling short in the matter of patience. 

         If we examine definitions of love, we find that the 13th chapter of I Corinthians in the Bible lists the qualities present when there is love.  One of those qualities listed is patience.

         Do we have patience with our children?  In the hurry and scurry of everyday living, we can easily expect too much too soon from those around us.  It is not easy to wait for children to develop skills and make decisions at their own pace.  We sometimes forget that we cannot force a flower to bloom.  With plants, we water, nourish, and prune but the growth comes from within the plant.  So it is with children.  We nourish, and prune (discipline) and provide experiences and advice, but we cannot force the child to grow.  That growth comes from within the child.

         Unfortunately, some parents have a fixed image in mind of what they want the child to be when s/he grows up.  We have all heard of the football player who wants a son to be a football star, etc.  In such a situation, the parent may be very impatient and take out his own disappointment on the child.  We need to realize that certain traits are inherent in children at birth.  Again, using gardening as an example, we cannot change a carrot to a radish; we can only try to develop a better carrot or radish.  With children, we need to cultivate those good tendencies or skills that came with them at birth.  We waste time and cause much frustration when we try to force children to be something other than what they are capable of.  We need to be patient as we help them develop into what their Creator designed them for.  

         It is important in the matter of discipline to be able to discern the difference between a mistake and intentional belligerence.  We would be naïve to think that children are born with only good intentions.  Intentional belligerence requires immediate discipline.  Mistakes of a child, on the other hand, require our patience and teaching. Probably every child needs admonition at one time or another.  When our children are intentionally naughty, even though we must discipline them, we need to be patient in understanding that they are no different from other kids in that respect.  We should never make a child feel that there is no hope for improvement.  I’ve known some parents who seem to really just grind their children down until the child feels there is no hope.  Our patience with them gives hope.  Without hope, children may either give up or become rebellious.  

         We can’t expect children to be as accomplished as we are.  We have several years of learning ahead of them.  When they seem awkward and break things, it may be because they are growing longer arms and legs and haven’t learned to adjust to the extra size yet.  When they don’t make the right decisions, it may be because they haven’t acquired all the facts and understanding they need to make those decisions.

         Patience is more than a virtue.  Patience is an indication of real love.

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         I

Attitude Affects Appearance; Appearance Affects Attitude

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child…

Attitude Affects Appearance; Appearance Affects Attitude

         Those of us who are older can easily remember the time when we worried about our saddle oxfords being polished to perfection, hair pinned up or put into curlers each night, and clothes neatly ironed.  Once we put those freshly ironed clothes on, we didn’t even want to sit down for fear we would wrinkle them.  

         Fast forward to today when people hardly touch an iron, probably don’t own shoe polish, and find flip flops to be the shoes of choice.  Probably none of us would like to go back to those days when so much time and effort was spent on the way we looked, but couldn’t we strike a happy medium?  Couldn’t more people put a bit more effort into appearance?  Good appearance not only is more pleasant, but it reflects an attitude.  

         When a child is concerned about personal appearance, it carries over into work.  As I have taught through the years, I have noticed that some children hand in sloppy papers with scribbles all over them, footprints on them, or even holes punched in them with a pencil. These seem to be the same students who don’t really care if they have washed their face or hands, or have on clean clothes.  

         When a child dresses up, that child seems to naturally be careful with the way he/she behaves.  It is pleasant to watch children put on new clothes and walk around feeling good.  Dressing up seems to prompt an attitude of carefulness as opposed to the carelessness often displayed by children who seemingly roll out of bed and begin the day in clothes that they may have slept in.

         My husband and I attended a Pregnancy Life Line banquet at a church in the area.  It was heartwarming to see children–even young children– assisting with the serving.  Those children were dressed very neatly.  Some of the girls had braided their hair and they looked so very nice.  The young children wore rubber gloves as they carried pitchers of tea or water to refill glasses.  They were very polite and careful with all they did.  It was apparent that the parents and church leaders were doing a wonderful job with these children. They were an example that proves that we don’t have to say about kids who go around so sloppily, “Oh, that’s the way kids are now!”  Kids don’t have to be sloppy.  They can learn that there are special occasions like banquets, school programs, church, etc., when they should dress up.  They can also learn to be neat and clean at other times and do school work and other work neatly.

         It is too easy for adults to give up and give in to children when trends seem to go contrary to what we know is right.  Perhaps we need to remind ourselves that as long as we are alive on this planet, we can help children understand that the choices they make in dress and other things, affect their attitudes toward life. “The Greatest Generation” cared about the way they looked to others and the way they did their work.  Perhaps we can raise an even greater generation! 

Gardening is Good for Kids

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child…

Gardening is Good for Kids

       When our children were young, one of their favorite records was “Carrot Seed”. It was a cute little song based on a book by the same name about a little boy who planted a tiny carrot seed and everyone told him it would not grow.  He watered it and pulled the weeds and finally one day he had a carrot!  The song expressed his jubilation about his accomplishment.

         Children can learn much by being involved in gardening.  They learn self-discipline as they work toward a goal.  They learn to appreciate the effort put into providing their food and they learn about the laws of nature.

         A child must follow instructions and do things right when planting, or the product shows it.  They learn about soil and soil nutrients. They learn about preparation for planting.  They learn about measurement when talking about the depth of planting. Once the plant is up, they must remember to water and discipline self to do so even when the temptation is to be lazy.  It is not a matter of having fun for a brief moment and then jumping to something else.  The child must learn to “stick with it” even when it is not fun. As children pull weeds, they learn about different plants. 

         It is through the effort a child puts into gardening that the child becomes appreciative of farmers who provide produce for our tables.  The child reasons that if that much work is required for a little garden, there must be a great deal of work involved in a big field of plants. Children will probably never look at vegetables on their plates the same way again after they have raised some themselves.  Hopefully, they will be less likely to waste their food.  Also, they will probably become more interested in different kinds of vegetables and how they are grown once they have grown one or more kinds.

         It is impossible to grow plants without marveling at the way they grow and produce.  We plant seeds, but God causes the plants to grow.  Children cannot help but think about their creator when they are involved in growing things. They begin to be amazed about other things around them as they expand their thinking to big plants like trees.  After they think about the plants, they begin to think about the other things that God made.  Boys and girls will consider big mountains, rivers, lakes, stars, and other things in God’s creation, all from planting one little plant or seed.

         Some of the easier things for children to grow are beans, potatoes, zucchini squash, and peppers.  Good flowers for children to start with are nasturtiums or marigolds.  These are more likely to produce success.  Carrot seeds are very small and even though the book and song are nice, I’m not sure that is a good vegetable with which children should start their gardening experience.

         Children are so very proud when they grow something that the family can enjoy eating.  This is a great way to boost a child’s self-esteem.  The child feels very important and worthwhile when one of the dishes on the table is provided by his/her efforts and the family talks about how good it tastes!  When the child says the blessing before eating, that child is likely to say thank you for the people who raised the food and thank you to God for making it grow…and mean it!

Children Can Learn Good Manners

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…)Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child…

Children Can Learn Good Manners

         One might wonder if everyone has given up on teaching children good manners. In most casual conversations, it is common to hear, “Oh, that’s the way kids are nowadays!”  This is usually said in a tone of resignation as though there is nothing that can be done about it. Not true!

         Children can be taught good manners if we work at it and refuse to accept the status quo of behavior.  We must not permit bad manners.  We need to set an example of using good manners.  We need to condemn the use of bad manners in society.

         Are we too tired to take the trouble to correct children?  Do we give up and think it is hopeless to teach children when seemingly everyone around is using bad manners?  Most of us would agree that better manners are needed not only by children, but good manners are needed by adults in today’s society as well.  

         The basis of all good manners is kindness and consideration of others. At any point where we see a child being inconsiderate of another person, that child should be stopped.  Questions stimulate thinking.  A good question to ask such a child is, “How would you feel if someone did or said that to you?”  Most children will not think about the feelings of others unless they are taught to do so by such questions.  Also, children should be required to apologize when they have been inconsiderate of others.  Some children who may continue to hurt others should be disciplined. Since teachers are not allowed to do as much discipline as in past days, it is left up to the parents to administer that discipline.. We must be consistent in our expectations and punishment.  If we tell a child not to do something, we should not let the child get by with doing it even one time.  Every time a child is allowed to get by with something he/she has been told not to do, that child thinks that the adult did not mean what was said and continues the action.

         It is not surprising that so many children seem to have bad manners considering the example that they constantly see in adults around them.  We are living in a society that seems to have forgotten about good manners.  In our homes, we get so busy that good manners are pushed aside to hurry and get something done.  Adults often interrupt when others are talking.  On TV the sitcoms seem to try to outdo each other in the amount of rudeness that is portrayed to bring laughs.  Our politicians do not set a good example in conversation.  Protestors often demonstrate more bad manners than they demonstrate the need for a cause.  We need to set an example at home and in society of kindness and consideration of others.

         It would be nice if all children could quickly recite the golden rule.  “Do to others as you would have others do to you” is certainly a wonderful rule to live by.  Perhaps we should post it in every home and classroom and require the children to recite it often. Not until we take action will children develop good manners, but they can learn to behave in pleasing ways.

Motivating Children to Learn

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and www.patlambchristianauthor,com

Motivating Children to Learn

            We’ve come a long way in education from the days when my dad would walk to school barefoot and have children laugh at him and spit on his feet.  He, as well as many other children of his day, endured such things because they wanted an education so desperately.  We’ve all heard the story of how Abraham Lincoln used charcoal to write and studied in the light from the fire in his cabin.  There was no talk of how to motivate children to learn at that time. Rather, the concern was for how to give children the opportunity to satisfy their longing to learn.

            Understanding the reason those of the past wanted to learn so badly helps us understand why children have the problem being motivated to learn now.  Was it not that those individuals of the past wanted to better their often miserable lives?  They had hope that an education would help them gain things that would make life easier.  Contrast that motivating factor to today’s children who already have things pretty easy in most cases and have no hope to make life any better.  In the film “The Student”, Rodney Dangerfield had one word of advice to those who were graduating and getting ready to face the world on their own.  That word was “don’t”.  He said, “Stay at home with your mom and dad”.  That pretty much sums up how the younger generation feels about their future.  The children are feeling pretty comfortable where they are.  In addition, if they are not comfortable, they are pretty sure someone will jump in and rescue them, so why worry about their future?

            Knowing the reasons for lack of motivation forms the basis for choosing what to do to correct today’s problem.  First of all, children must understand a need for learning.  They must also develop an appreciation for the opportunity to learn. Both of these needs require straight talk giving information that many of our children have not been given.  

            In a well-meaning effort to shield our children of worry and to ensure they have a happy childhood, we have robbed them of a facet of education they sorely need.  They need to know that there is a good chance that they may not always have life so comfortable unless they prepare themselves well.  They need to be informed of enough current events and the situation of our country to understand that the future is not all that bright for them.  They need to be a little frightened.  Small children do not need the “full dose” of our country’s situation, but they need to know enough to sense the importance of being prepared for their future.  As they grow older, they need to obtain added information.

            The development of appreciation for their opportunity to learn can be difficult. Most appreciation, however, comes from the home.  Parents need to make efforts to be friendly and appreciative to a child’s teacher to set a good example.  It doesn’t hurt for the child to know how schools were in the past and what people went through to get an education. It is a good thing for them to contrast the past with the present.  It is human nature to want the things we can’t have and to not want the things that are forced on us.  A “what if” scenario is helpful to enlighten children about what the future holds. “What if you couldn’t go to school and learn?” is a good question to ask to help children appreciate what they have. Actually, the Covid virus fear has caused some children to experience not being able to go to school.  However, I’m not sure if many actually miss the learning or if most simply want to be back with friends.  At least, it is causing some to have to consider what life would be like without school.  

            Children need to know what their education costs.  Putting a price tag on each item in a classroom is an eye-opener for most.  Simply being told the amount of money it costs per student per year also enlightens.  Having a real person tell what was paid from his/her income for the school in taxes the previous year is helpful.  Children need to know these things. Teachers could give each child “play money” and require them to “pay” for the items being used in class.

            Most teachers, parents, and church workers like to use what are actually bribes in some cases to try to motivate.  These are temporary stop-gap measures at best.  Candy, pizza, field trips, and prizes are a few of the bribes or rewards frequently used.  There is a place for some of these to help make learning more pleasant.  We must realize, however, that if these kinds of rewards are done extensively, by the time a child gets to upper grades, they no longer are special.  In an effort to have more and more excitement, the student may turn to drugs or other things in order to get self pleasure.  They become bored with the “same old things”. Children are not motivated by things that are easily obtained because they are not special.  They keep looking for more and more. Unfortunately, children are often given the prize, bribe, or reward without really deserving it.  That can only add to the feeling of “Why should I do the work since I will be rewarded anyway?  I’m comfortable the way I am!”

            Each child is unique and motivation must be chosen according to that child’s background and present circumstances.  However, “Necessity is the mother of invention” and unless a child understands the necessity of an education, that child will not be motivated to make the effort to learn. We practice what we truly believe.  Unless a child truly believes that an education is important, that child may not be motivated to learn no matter what we do.

Children Need Help Making Friends

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child…

Children Need Help Choosing Friends

         Most children are very concerned about having friends.  They not only want to have friends, but they want to have many friends.  There are some things that children need to understand early about friendship. They need to know the definition of a friend, how to choose a friend, and that no matter how hard they try, they will never have everyone as a friend.

         It is too bad that so many children get confused as to what a good friend really is.  They often think that just because someone plays with them or pays attention to them, that that person is a friend.  A true friend is someone who wants what is best for a person.  A true friend is someone that you don’t have to worry about pleasing all the time because you know that the friend will stick with you even when you make a mistake.  

         Since children worry about being liked, they often tend to do whatever they think another person will like.  Most children tend to think that friends just happen.  It is important to develop an attitude in a child that friends can be chosen.  It isn’t necessary to just accept anyone who comes along as a friend.  The Bible tells us that to have friends, we must be friendly to others.  The best way to make friends is to choose someone the child would like to have as a friend and show that person kindness and understanding. Often that person is someone who may be rejected by others.  Since that person may have experienced rejection, he/she knows how it hurts to be rejected.  This instills a quality of faithfulness to others to prevent hurting someone as he/she has experienced. 

         On Valentine’s Day, children tend to count valentines to see who got the most.  Those who get very few go home from school feeling sad.  Those who get many go home feeling elated.  True love and friendship is much more than giving a valentine, although it is nice to have a day set aside to think about love and friendship.  Valentine’s Day provides a good opportunity to teach children that true love and friendship puts the other person first. It isn’t a matter of how many valentines someone got, but rather whether the child is doing what is right to be a friend to others. Children need to know that most people are very blessed to have even a few good friends.  

         The Bible also says that there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.  A person who has true friends- the kind that stick with you-is rich indeed.  The story of David and Jonathan in the Bible is a good story to read to children about friends to give an understanding of true friends.  

         There is no way that anyone can ever be liked by everyone.  We waste time trying to please everyone.  Children can learn that sticking to principles is more important than trying to please everyone.  They need not feel badly when someone does not like them or want to be a friend to them.  Understanding this at a young age will prevent some of the peer pressure problems that often come in the teens.  After all, even Jesus was not liked by everyone.  Why should any of us think that we will be liked by everyone? 

Children Can Learn to Think Ahead

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book, Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, www.patlambchristianauthor,com.

Train up a child…

Children Can Learn to Think Ahead

         “Children will be children” is a comment often heard from grown-ups.  The truth is that adults will still act like children if they have never learned otherwise.  If we don’t teach children how to be responsible adults, they will likely never become responsible adults.

         At birth all actions are done on impulse.  As the child grows, that child should become more and more aware of reasons for actions and become able to think well enough to know that certain actions produce certain results.  It has been said that right-brain dominant persons tend to act more on impulse than reason.  Even if this is true, much can still be taught to help any person to think before acting.  One method for teaching a child to think before acting is to sit down with a child, take a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle.  On one side of the paper write the word “If” and on the other side of the paper write the word “Then”.  After the line has been drawn and it has been explained to the child that you are giving help so they will understand actions better, list actions on the “If” side and results of those actions on the “Then” side.  Following are suggestions of actions and results to list:

  • If I yell at someone/Then that person will probably yell back at me.
  • If I hit someone/Then that person will probably hit me back
  • If I say something ugly about someone/Then that person will probably say something ugly back to me.
  • If I don’t do my homework/Then I will feel badly when I go to school and the teacher asks for the homework.  I will also not learn what I need to learn and will not make good grades.
  • If I don’t obey my parents/Then I will not learn to obey the laws and my teacher.  I will be punished and feel badly.
  • If I don’t take care of my health/Then I will probably get sick.
  • If I make a mess/Then someone will have to clean it up and since I made the mess, it should be me who has to clean it up.
  • If I am unfriendly to others/Then they will not be friendly to me.
  • If I do not get a good education/Then I will probably not get a good job when I am older.
  • If I don’t learn to use money wisely/Then I will probably never have much money.
  • If I don’t keep things put away/Then they will probably get lost or broken.
  • If I don’t share/Then others will not share with me.
  • If I don’t control myself/Then I will probably get in trouble.

Sitting down and listing these and other things with a child helps to make life seem a little clearer.  These are simple facts of life that every child should know, but often children do not learn.  Even very young children can learn these facts. For example, I once heard two church nursery workers tell about two little boys in the nursery.  One little boy kept hitting the other.  The second little boy kept moving away and the first boy kept following and hitting him.  The second boy did not hit back but finally looked at the first boy and said, “You should learn to control yourself!”  

         We would be wise as teachers, parents, and grandparents to understand that very young children can learn these facts of life and learn to think before acting.