Tag Archives: Family Relations

It’s Tough to be a Teen

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book) www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child…

It’s Tough to be a Teen

         I once viewed a video from the Missouri School Board Association that started off with a statement that one out of every five students in Missouri high schools contemplates suicide at one time or another.  What a terrible statistic!  The gentleman speaking went on to encourage all school workers in Missouri to be on the lookout for troubled students.

         Why would teens want to commit suicide?  One of the reasons given by experts is lack of hope.  Another reason is the use of drugs.  A third reason, in my opinion, may be a lack of religious training to educate them with the fact that suicide is not an end, but a beginning of an after life.

         It is difficult for teenagers to cope in society.  Most adults expect teens to be a problem.  This causes teens to feel that it is normal for them to do things they shouldn’t be doing.  I believe, as do many other teachers with whom I’ve spoken, that around age 12 a child comes to a crossroad in life. At this point, the child makes a decision as to whether he/she will try to live a good life or just go for doing what feels good at the moment.  Peer pressure influences this decision greatly.  In addition to peer pressure, children at this age have generally come in contact with many different sets of values.  Each teacher in school has his/her own set of rules and values. Parents have a set of rules and values. If the child comes from a broken home, the rules and values of step-parents have also probably differed. The children have to deal with the values and rules of grandparents from both the real parents and the step parents. Is it any wonder that children become confused?  This is especially true considering the fact that most children have not attended church to learn the real values taught there.

         Hormonal changes at this point in life have a great effect on the child.  Studies show that the cerebellum, the back part of the brain, is actually larger in puberty in proportion to the cerebrum, the front part of the brain.  This causes the teen to act on impulse rather than thinking things through.  It isn’t until about age 20 that the two parts of the brain come to correct proportion.  Rapid growth accompanies the hormonal changes and causes a child to be awkward. One week, when a child reached for a glass of water, the arm was at one length. Soon after, the arm is longer and the brain hasn’t adjusted to the new length, and the child may turn the glass over and spill the water.  On top of all of this, horror of horrors, pimples start appearing on the face!

         While all of these things are happening, children can be very cruel to each other.  Bullying is terrible, but it does exist.  We can’t guard every word that comes from the mouth of someone, but, thankfully, efforts are being made in many schools to stop bullying.

         Is it any wonder that teens are looking for a way out of all of this?  It is too bad that they don’t understand that suicide is not the answer. We need to remind teens that all that is happening is temporary, and if they can hold on, things will get better. 

         The very best thing parents can do is to get their children in a good church that teaches the love of Christ.  If they understand this principle, they will always feel loved.  As they are taught that God has a plan for each life, they experience hope that is so desperately needed.  It is difficult to understand why more parents don’t get their children in church.  It costs no money.  Additional people are concerned for the child’s welfare.  Many activities are provided that are wholesome activities. I could go on and on about the positive values of church and can think of no negative things.  Let’s do what is best for our children and put our personal likes and dislikes aside.

“Where’s Dad?”

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by Pat Lamb (www.patlambchristianauthor.com) Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book

Although many years have passed since our children were young, in my mind I can still see and hear them run into the house excitedly yelling, “Where’s Dad?” At times they were excited to share something with him that they could count on him liking.  At other times, they would come into the house with head down and in a low tone of voice say, “Where’s Dad?”

Whether happy to share something with him, or afraid they were in trouble, they still knew that their dad was there to share happiness, or admonish.(Admonish means to reprimand someone firmly.)

Children need a dad.  God designed it that way.  It seems to me that moms tend to be soft and sympathetic while dads are firmer and more steadfast in expectations.  Children need both, but many children are being raised without both in today’s society.

Many times when I have had book signings with my Scripture-based books, a dad may look at the books and say, “I’ll wait and see what my wife says.  She is the one who deals with that”. It is plain to see that the dad is not taking his responsibility of bringing up his children in the training and admonition of the Lord.  Ephesians 6:4 makes it clear that fathers are responsible for the Christian upbringing of their children.  In the absence of the dad, of course, mom must step in and take the responsibility.

Is it possible that the men in our country are somewhat confused as to their role?  Perhaps the “women’s movement” has left many men wondering just what is expected of them.    

Men need to take the responsibility of leading the family in Biblical ways.  Wives need to be careful not to overstep their roles by dominating their husbands and taking the role of Spiritual leader.  Wives are to act in a supportive role.  There will be many times when a wife disagrees with the husband as to his child-rearing methods.  They need to remember that God can speak to the husband and that perhaps he is right and the wife could be wrong. God knows that mothers tend to comfort.  It is hard to watch a child be punished when often it is needed.  Both the father and mother need to pray much for wisdom and fulfill individual roles in raising the children.

Now that our youngest son has two sons of his own, I have watched when they were toddlers run as fast as they could to meet their dad when he came home from work.  “Daddy’s home!”  they would yell as they had arms outstretched for a big hug from dad.  Men who don’t fulfill their fatherly role with their children are missing out on a great deal.  There is no other feeling in the world that compares to a child voluntarily throwing his/her arms around the neck of dad and giving a big hug and kiss. Dads need to be there!

Children Can Choose Friends Wisely

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www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child…

Children Can Choose Friends Wisely

        

 It has been said that any person who has even three really good friends is truly blessed.  I don’t know if the number is correct, but I do know everyone needs and wants friends.  The trouble comes when we want friends so badly that we compromise what we know is right in order to make friends.  This sometimes happens in childhood.  When it does happen, it can have a profound negative influence on a child’s life.

         Children need to know the characteristics of a genuine friend.  They also need to know how to be a friend to others.  In addition, they need to know that they always have a friend in their family.

         It is a big temptation for children to “hang out” with those who seem to be the most popular.  Quite often, this is the situation that will tempt a child to do things contrary to what they have been taught in order to be accepted.  Parents need to teach children that true friends are those who want the best for them. A true friend would never want anything that would cause the person to get in trouble in any way.  True friends build up; they don’t tear down.  A good friend is one who cares for you even when you are not at your best.  A friend is someone you can trust, not someone you have to constantly try to please. Real friends will not put pressure to change or behave a certain way.  If children understand this, they will not succumb to peer pressure as easily.

         The Bible tells us that if we want friends, we must be friendly. (See Proverbs 18:24 KJV)  This means that they should exhibit the same qualities to others that make a good friend.  They should not be demanding, and always want the best for the other person. The basis of all good manners is kindness and consideration of others.  This holds true, as well, for making friends.  

         Many times a child may get in a situation where it is seemingly impossible to make good friends. When this happens, it is good for the child to know that there is always a friend at home in the form of mom, dad, brother, or sister.  It is so important to support children in this area.  Over and over it seems that children get in trouble because they are searching for something they do not find at home.  One of the reasons a person joins a gang is to make friends and feel like part of a family.  It was enlightening to have a gang member from San Diego, CA, in my GED class in Shell Knob a few years ago.  He told our class in speaking about his gang, “It’s your family, man, it’s your family!” 

         There is a universal need for love and acceptance.  We need to put children in an environment where they can make good, genuine friends to give them this love and acceptance.  Even more importantly, we need to help children realize that they always have a friend in Jesus who loves them unconditionally.

“Same”

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Train up a child…

 

“Same”

 

Recently I was playing “Words with Friends” with our grandson.  I hadn’t gotten a move from him for a few days, so when I did get the word he played, I sent him a message and said, “Hi.  Good to hear from you.  Love you!”  I immediately got a message back from him that said, “Same”.

We have a custom in our family of saying “I love you” very often.  Our family is scattered to California, Colorado, Washington, and Missouri. Every phone call ends with “Love you!” I suppose our grandson decided to make it a little easier by saying “same”.  His doing so, started me thinking about how children are often the same as their parents.  Each year at Mother’s Day, many mothers often wait in anticipation to see how their children will choose to observe the day.  The truth is that it greatly depends on how their mothers observed the day in showing love and respect to their children’s grandmothers.  They will probably act the same, have the same attitudes, and pick up many of the same habits as their moms and dads.

When children see their dad disrespect their mom or vice versa, they will more than likely act the same way.  If dad goes fishing or playing golf on Mother’s Day as though it is not a special day, the children are apt to think of the day as nothing special and choose activities for self-pleasure.  If dad makes a big deal of Mother’s Day, the children will follow the example and do the same.  Studies have shown that we tend to raise our children the way we were raised irregardless of any training in child rearing we may have received.  In other words, we act the same as our parents act.

Children behave according to their attitudes.  Attitudes are caught more than taught. It is so difficult to teach children to be patriotic and respect law when they hear their parents “bad mouth” our elected officials and the rules we must follow.  It is difficult to teach children to be responsible and self-sufficient if parents are always trying to get something free. Can we really expect teens to drive safely if their parents continue to break the speed limit or are heard hoping that they can spot a patrolman before the patrolman spots them? If parents criticize teachers, can we expect the children to respect them?

As an older mom, I am continually surprised by the habits our children have that they learned at home. Our daughter, a single mom, always planned a nutritious evening meal for her two children. When we visit the homes of our children, they don’t start eating until we first give thanks. Each of our children reads his/her Bible.  Each believes in prayer.

In spite of the fact that we each are given the right to choose as we want, it is indisputable that many acts, attitudes, and habits are the same as those of parents.  With this in mind, it would be wise for each of us to continually examine our own behavior.