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Raising Children is Like Raising Flowers

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Barnes & Noble, Amazon, and www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child…

Raising Children is Like Raising Flowers

         Even those who do not have a “green thumb” can relate to the idea that raising children is somewhat like raising plants in a number of ways.

The problem is, however, that when we fail with a plant, we can throw it away and get another.  What we do with children lasts for eternity. When spring arrives and our thoughts turn to gardening, it is easy to think of some of the things we must do in order to produce good plants.  Do we give as much consideration to what we must do to produce adults pleasing to our Lord? 

         Following are some of the similarities found in raising children and raising plants:

  • Both need almost constant care when very small because they are unable to care for themselves.
  • Both need water and fertilizer to survive.  We can think of fertilizer in children as the knowledge we give them.  If too much is given all at once, it is harmful.  It must be given in doses that can be processed.  When children are given too much knowledge, they become overwhelmed and frustrated.  This is happening in our culture now as children are bombarded with much on TV and other places that they are not prepared to deal with.  Also, the fertilizer is like good nutrition for children by making sure they eat properly.  Just as plants need certain nutrients, so do children need certain nutrients.
  • Plants and children each need pruning.  We snip off parts of plants to make them grow in the right direction.  Children need to have certain actions and behavior cut out of their lives to steer them in the right direction.  When this is not done, both plants and children may grow crooked and not in good form.
  • We cannot force flowers to bloom and we cannot force children to grow up too fast.  Growth comes from the inside on God’s time table.  Just as one might take a budding flower and pull the petals open, when we try to force children to grow up faster than they are ready, they become bruised and hurt.
  • We cannot change a rose to make a daisy, nor can we make children become something that God did not intend.  Each child is born with certain tendencies.  We cause harm when we try to get children to become something different from what God gifted them to do.
  • Plants and children need the proper environment in which to thrive.  Just as some plants need bright sunlight and some need shade, children need to be in an environment of encouragement and love to thrive.  They need to be around those who will be good friends.  They need clean air and proper exercise in sunshine to grow healthy bodies.  They need church fellowship to grow spiritually, and they need good schools to grow mentally.

Knowing that children are a gift from God, we can take those gifts and nurture and watch them grow into the men and women God intended them to be.  We cannot do the growing for them.  God provides the growing, we are the ones who care and tend them.

“As the Twig is Bent”

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Train up a child…

 

“As the Twig is Bent”

 

I remember an instructor in our child development class at Missouri University saying, “As the twig is bent, so grows the tree”. She went to great lengths to explain that habits that are formed in childhood last a lifetime. If left unchecked, the inclinations that a child has are reinforced through the years as the child grows. This is true for both good and bad inclinations. It is the task of the parent to “prune” those inclinations as needed. The parent needs to reinforce in positive ways the good, and do their best to eliminate the bad habits.

A common saying about children who are displaying problematic behavior is, “Don’t worry. He will grow out of it.” This may be true as relating to physical changes, but in most behavioral changes, children do not “grow out of it”. The problems, in most cases, gain strength as the child grows.

There are many examples of children growing worse when problems are left unchecked. Take, for instance, the child who throws temper tantrums. When parents give in to the child and do not correct this problem, the child grows up believing that he/she can get whatever is wanted by displaying acts of temper. Another example is the demanding child who does not learn good manners. That child becomes the adult who “railroads” through anyone or everyone to achieve wants and desires. Poor eating habits are very difficult to correct in adulthood. Many obese people are those who, as children, were allowed to eat whatever they wanted. Children who are allowed to act any way they want will not grow up respecting authority. Children who are given everything needed without having to earn anything will not grow up and suddenly say, “Oh, I can do everything for myself”. These children will always be expecting handouts.

Young people seem to have a feeling of indestructibility. They tend to think, “I’m different. That will never happen to me.” I recently talked to a man who is now an alcoholic. He said, “I made the same mistake so many other people have made. I thought it would never happen to me.” It is our duty, as parents and grandparents, to point out examples to prove that it can happen to anyone. Ultimately, each person is individually responsible for choices made, but we need to do all we can to influence those choices and help that person grow in the right direction.

My dad used pieces of string to illustrate to my sisters and me how habits get stronger and stronger. He handed us a piece of string and told us to break it. It was easy. Then he gave us two pieces of string and told us to break them. It was harder. Then he gave us three pieces of string and told us to break them all at the same time. Some of us were able to do it. By the time he got to four pieces of string, it was not possible to break them all at the same time. “That is how it is with habits,” he said. He told us that when you first do something wrong, it is much easier to stop than after you have continued to do it for a time. We understood that it is best not to form bad habits.

Raising children is somewhat like gardening. We prune, feed, and water. We guide and do our best to influence the choices our children make. When they are little, we can prevent bad choices. When they grow up, they will choose according to their own individual beliefs. Other influences in the world compete with the influence of parents. We simply try our very best and bathe our efforts with lots of prayer.