Tag Archives: Raising Teens

Some Children are Picture Smart

by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book. Available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and www.patlambchristianauthor.com)

Train up a child…

Some Children are Picture Smart

         We make a mistake as parents, teachers, and grandparents when we believe that children will act and respond in the same way that we do.  God created each of us uniquely and each person is born with dominance in particular intelligences.  That dominance influences the way we think and act.  Sometimes children are born with the same dominant intelligences as their parents, but often they are not.  

         Experts in the field of personality have isolated seven intelligences of humans.  They are verbal/linguistic, logical/mathematical, visual/spatial, musical/rhythmic, body/kinesthetic, interpersonal, and intrapersonal.  These intelligences are also known as word smart, numbers smart, picture smart, music smart, body smart, people smart, and self smart.

         Picture smart children are those who have a sense of spatial relationships.  They think in images and pictures. They are often aware of colors, shapes, objects, and patterns in their environment.  They have strong opinions about colors that go together, textures that are appropriate and pleasing, and decorating.  They can “see with the mind’s eye”.  They can pretend and imagine.  They are our artists.  

         When teaching children who are dominant in the spatial/ visual intelligence, we need to give many opportunities for graphing, drawing, working with clay or other mediums.  Using posters and charts will be the most effective way of presenting material.  They are definitely visual learners.  Appealing bulletin boards in classrooms are very effective.  Since they are good at “seeing with the mind’s eye”, they will be able to visualize scenes and act them out. Role-playing past times in history helps in reinforcing learning in history lessons.  Color coding parts of written material with highlighters is effective as well.  

         Children who are dominant in the visual intelligence may grow up to be an engineer, surveyor, architect, artist, graphic designer, photographer, inventor, pilot, layout editor, designer, interior decorator, or any career requiring skills such as drawing, painting, visualizing, creating visual presentations, graphing, or filming. 

         It is interesting to observe children for behavioral characteristics that are clues to dominant intelligences.  Many of the Navajo children that my husband and I were privileged to teach displayed dominance in spatial intelligence. I recall an incident while teaching second grade on the Navajo reservation when I asked the children to draw a picture about a field trip we had taken.  One little boy drew a school bus on a road with puffs of dust coming up from behind the exhaust.  There was a tree with a squirrel and bird in it watching the bus go by.  A little rabbit was peeking from behind the tree watching the bus.  Children were waving out the windows of the bus and the sun had a smile on its face.  I was astonished at so much detail in this one picture.  He was definitely picture smart.  Most Navajo children that I taught seemed to have the same love for art. Some children do well to draw a stick house with a tree and a sun.  When a young child puts a lot of detail in drawings, it is probably an indication that there is some dominance in the visual/spatial intelligence. 

         It is nice that we have different personality tendencies.  It certainly makes the world more interesting.  It is of great value to understand these characteristics of children in order to better prepare them for their future. 

Music is Valuable for Children

by Pat Lamb ( Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book. Available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and www.patlambchristianauthor.com)

Train up a child…

Music is Valuable for Children

         Of the seven intelligences, music is probably the most universal.  It seems that almost everyone has some musical intelligence.  Even those who say they “couldn’t carry a tune if they had it in a basket with a lid on it” probably enjoy listening to music.  There are, however, children who possess a real gift in this area.  We all know people whose love for music is so great that they almost live and breathe it.  Our oldest son, for instance, could hardly walk past our piano without sitting down and playing for a while.  There are those folks who can pick up almost any instrument and play it.  Occasionally, we meet those who “play by ear”.          Even very small children who have not yet learned to walk may be seen moving their bodies somewhat in rhythm to music. As soon as they learn to walk, many small children will make up and do little dances to rhythm. 

         The seven intelligences are linguistic, logical-mathematical, bodily-kinesthetic, spatial, musical, interpersonal, and intrapersonal.  Each person is born more dominant in some intelligences than others. Musical intelligence is the capacity to discern pitch, rhythm, timbre, and tone. It enables one to recognize, create, reproduce, and reflect on music.  Music connects with emotions.  Mathematical and music intelligences may share common thinking processes.

         Children with musical intelligence are often sensitive to sounds in the environment such as chirping of crickets, traffic, or rain on the roof.  They can often produce a melody after hearing it only once.  They are able to mimic sounds, language accents, and others’ speech patterns.  They can pick out different instruments in a musical composition.  

         It is important that all children are exposed to a variety of music.  In my opinion, all children should be given some music training.  Learning to read music is a real asset.  Studies have shown that children who have music training do better academically.  It is unfortunate that so many young people allow peer pressure to mold them into only one type of music.  One way to help avoid this is to expose children to different kinds of music when they are young.  When our four children were small, I had a collection of records that I played for them during their rest time.  The collection included classical as well as fun songs and stories put to music. Later, our oldest son played a great deal of classical music when he took piano lessons.  Each of our children seems to enjoy different kinds of music even now that they are grown.

         Making up lyrics to different tunes works well with children with the musical intelligence.  In kindergarten, some teachers make up songs about picking up toys and putting them away.  Interjecting a child’s name in the lyrics is fun.  It is amazing how the children seem to respond to the music as opposed to simply being told to pick up their toys and put them away.  When the child goes to school, multiplication tables put to tunes make it easier for the child to learn.  Many things that need to be memorized can be put to music.  Allowing the child to make up songs themselves will enhance learning.  

         It is unfortunate that there are not many opportunities for careers for music lovers.  Only the really gifted and dedicated can make a living from music.  I noticed while visiting in Europe, as we walked down the street in some places, we would pass perhaps two or three buildings where orchestras were playing.  It seemed to be possible there for more people who loved music to do it as a career; nevertheless, music is still very important for our own personal satisfaction and enjoyment here in America.  It provides a real outlet of expression of emotions whether we perform or just listen. We each need a song in the heart! 

Closing the Generation Gap

by Pat Lamb (www.patlambchristianauthor.com) Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book

Train up a child…

Closing the Generation Gap

         How often do we use the generation gap as an excuse to write off our inability to communicate with teens?  Does the generation gap really exist?  Do we really make the effort we should to close that gap in order to meet the needs of our teens?

         There truly is a difference from one generation to another when it comes to the culture of our society.  However, there is no change from generation to generation when it comes to emotional needs of individuals. There is no doubt that the world of today’s teen seems foreign to those of us who grew up without cell phones, texting, play stations, facebook, twitter, and the like; nevertheless, the emotional needs of people many generations ago were the same as the emotional needs of our teens today.  Everyone wants to feel loved no matter the generation.  Everyone wants to feel self-worth.  Everyone wants to feel acceptance.  Everyone wants friends and family for support.  I believe everyone has an inner desire to worship and serve something.  

         The wise grandparent, parent, teacher, or any other person who works with a teen would do well to concentrate on the emotional needs of teens because it is there that we will always be able to identify.  To concentrate on the differences instead of the likenesses is a waste of time that could be well spent in bonding with a young person.  Who, of any age, does not appreciate an understanding person who can quickly recognize hurts and offer consolation?  Who does not appreciate an encouraging word from another person whether old or young? 

         We don’t have to understand all of the technology being used by the younger generation.  If we should decide to learn about some of the things so commonly used, we can ask a teen to teach us.  By doing so, we have actually contributed to that teen’s self-worth.  It feels good to be able to teach an older person something!  On a visit to CA some time back, my granddaughter taught me to text while we were riding to her house from the airport.  I even sent a text to her boyfriend and he sent one back!  It was fun.  She was definitely enjoying teaching Nana about her gadget.  As we admit that we don’t know everything and submit to the younger generation to teach us, we are creating an environment where the younger people will listen to us more readily when we want to teach them something from our experience.

         Each generation has its special set of “tools” with which to confront life.  Upon close examination, we find that those tools are simply for the purpose of fulfilling the emotional needs that never change.  Cultures and temptations may change, but the inner heartfelt needs of individuals do not.

To recognize and accept this fact is a big step in the right direction to closing that generation gap.

Teens Need Help Making Decisions

by Pat Lamb (www.patlambchristianauthor.com) Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book

Train up a child…

Teens Need Help Making Decisions

         There is a great deal of research now occurring concerning the brain and how it works.  Recent research indicates that the part of the brain that influences decision-making and problem solving is not fully developed during the teen years. The frontal lobes which help control risk-taking and thrill-seeking are not fully developed until around age 20. This causes teenagers to feel invincible and not fully consider the consequences of their choices. If teens know about this research, they might possibly be more open to the acceptance of the advice of parents, teachers, and others who are older.

         According to Jeremy Elliot-Engel, a 4-H youth development specialist with the University of Missouri Extension, there are six primary steps to decision-making for teens.  If parents are aware of these steps, they can pass them along to their daughters and sons and better help them with decision-making.

         The six steps recommended for decision-making by teens are:

  • List the choices.
  • Think about the pros and cons of each choice.
  • Assess the likelihood of the consequences actually happening.
  • Compare the consequences and their importance.
  • Decide and act.
  • Evaluate the consequences, both expected and unexpected.

Parents need to help teens see options when they list choices.  It is 

difficult for teens to see more than one or two options.  At this point, they may feel more influence from the opinions of friends.  Parents may need to point out that the friends may not have thought of all of the options available.

         If parents are patient, teens often welcome their advice.  When parents become involved, it is evidence to the young person that the parent cares.  There are times when the parent must make the final decision no matter how much conversation has occurred.  However, the process of involving the teen has long-lasting benefits.  Although the teen may not seem cooperative, the process itself becomes imbedded in the mind of that person to help in the next decision. This process should be repeated over and over to ensure that the teen understands the steps to decision-making. When young people are involved in the decision, they are more likely to follow it.

         The teen years are a transitioning time between the total dependence on parents as a child and independence from parents as an adult.  The safety of the teen is foremost, but as much as possible with this in mind, teens need to be allowed to make decisions with the understanding that the parent has the last word.

Plan a Meaningful Easter

by Pat Lamb www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child…

Plan a Meaningful Easter

         Easter is the most important holiday of the year.  Without Easter, Christmas would lose its importance.  For this reason, we should put much effort into making sure that children understand the real meaning of the time as well as enjoying the holiday to create a pleasant memory.

         Many would like to do away with the great amount of commercialism that accompanies Easter. Realistically, that isn’t likely to happen.  It would seem to me that the best way to deal with the commercialism is to adapt it to positive learning.  Egg hunts are fun.  Children who are not allowed to participate will probably resent it.  Why not simply tell the children that the eggs represent new life that we can find in Jesus.  We are promised in the Bible that if we seek, we can find that new life. Easter baskets can be explained as a way that parents show love to children by giving gifts just as God gave the best gift of all, his Son. I don’t know many children who are truly tricked into thinking that a rabbit brings an Easter basket.  In my opinion, it is best to tell the children that the Easter bunny is part of a game that adults like to play with children. Those who choose to purchase new clothes can tell children that we want to look our best for church and that the new clothes symbolize the new life we can find when we believe Jesus died on the cross and rose again, repent, and invite the Holy Spirit into our lives. 

         What better time than Easter to teach John 3:16.  All children should know this verse that says, “For God so loved the world that he gave His only son that whosoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life”.  In addition to teaching the verse, the family needs to attend the church of choice on Easter. Most churches have special services. There is no better way to teach children than through visual demonstration. Many churches provide thought-provoking drama that help all to understand Easter.

         It is sad to think that so many people in our country do not know the meaning of Easter.  When Tim Tebow wrote John 3:16 under his eyes while playing football, it was reported that approximately two million people googled the Internet to find out what it was.  Our children have a great deal to face in their adulthood.  Hopefully, we can make sure that those children with whom we personally come in contact will have the spiritual foundation they need to deal with the issues facing them. One way to help give children this needed spiritual foundation for the future is to make Easter meaningful.

Children Can Choose Friends Wisely


www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child…

Children Can Choose Friends Wisely

        

 It has been said that any person who has even three really good friends is truly blessed.  I don’t know if the number is correct, but I do know everyone needs and wants friends.  The trouble comes when we want friends so badly that we compromise what we know is right in order to make friends.  This sometimes happens in childhood.  When it does happen, it can have a profound negative influence on a child’s life.

         Children need to know the characteristics of a genuine friend.  They also need to know how to be a friend to others.  In addition, they need to know that they always have a friend in their family.

         It is a big temptation for children to “hang out” with those who seem to be the most popular.  Quite often, this is the situation that will tempt a child to do things contrary to what they have been taught in order to be accepted.  Parents need to teach children that true friends are those who want the best for them. A true friend would never want anything that would cause the person to get in trouble in any way.  True friends build up; they don’t tear down.  A good friend is one who cares for you even when you are not at your best.  A friend is someone you can trust, not someone you have to constantly try to please. Real friends will not put pressure to change or behave a certain way.  If children understand this, they will not succumb to peer pressure as easily.

         The Bible tells us that if we want friends, we must be friendly. (See Proverbs 18:24 KJV)  This means that they should exhibit the same qualities to others that make a good friend.  They should not be demanding, and always want the best for the other person. The basis of all good manners is kindness and consideration of others.  This holds true, as well, for making friends.  

         Many times a child may get in a situation where it is seemingly impossible to make good friends. When this happens, it is good for the child to know that there is always a friend at home in the form of mom, dad, brother, or sister.  It is so important to support children in this area.  Over and over it seems that children get in trouble because they are searching for something they do not find at home.  One of the reasons a person joins a gang is to make friends and feel like part of a family.  It was enlightening to have a gang member from San Diego, CA, in my GED class in Shell Knob a few years ago.  He told our class in speaking about his gang, “It’s your family, man, it’s your family!” 

         There is a universal need for love and acceptance.  We need to put children in an environment where they can make good, genuine friends to give them this love and acceptance.  Even more importantly, we need to help children realize that they always have a friend in Jesus who loves them unconditionally.

It’s Tough to be the Parents of a Teen

Train up a child…

 

It’s Tough to be the Parents of a Teen

 

“Who is this new child in my home? This can’t be the child I held on my lap and read to, then heard prayers, gave a hug and kiss and tucked in for a nice night’s sleep! Now I see a child that is much different from anything I ever imagined my child would be! I’m bewildered. My child seems bewildered. To be truthful, I’m scared. I thought I was being the perfect parent, but my child is not being the perfect child. The results I am seeing are not what I expected.”

Many parents of teenagers may very well be thinking the above thoughts. There is no doubt that being the parent of a teenager is a really tough task.

We may tell our children that we will always love them. When children become teens, that love is truly tested. Now, we must prove that love. We must put our pride aside and do what is best for the child, even if it may be embarrassing at times. Love is understanding. Love is patient. Love doesn’t keep score. Love is long-suffering. Love is kind. Love doesn’t have to have its own way. Love is gentle. Can we really display these characteristics with this seemingly new person? When the apostle, Paul, described love in I Corinthians 13, he didn’t say to show these characteristics except with teenagers! Even when our children are not so lovable, we are still supposed to love them and that means displaying the characteristics of love named in the Bible.

We need to remember that the teen years are really tough for the child as well as for the parent. The “acting out” that often accompanies a teen is often the result of the same feelings we may be having as parents. They are scared, bewildered, uncertain, dealing with a new body (a body that is larger and looks different). The teen has not learned the proper way to vent deep emotional feelings. Unfortunately, many parents have not learned this lesson either. The result may be a shouting match between parent and child.

When you stop and think about it, isn’t it rather ridiculous for a parent to be shouting at a child to tell the child not to shout at the parent? Two wrongs don’t make a right! “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1) This truly works. To shout to a child who is already shouting is like pouring gasoline on a fire. It just causes more shouting. No one says it is easy, but we must set an example of the behavior we expect from a child.

Quite often, teens say things they don’t really mean, so we need to learn to look at the heart rather than simply going by the words spoken. A teen may shout, “I hate you!” What they are really thinking and feeling may be “I loved you and I don’t feel you loving me back, and now I am hurting and wish I could feel that love!” It is common for teens to feel alone and that no one understands them. If they can’t feel understanding at home, they will look for it elsewhere. Does this mean that we should let the child get away with being disrespectful? No. It should be pointed out that disrespect has been shown and the child needs to be told what is acceptable and what is not acceptable. Also, the child needs to be told that disagreement is alright, but there is a correct way to disagree. He/she then needs to be taught the acceptable way to disagree. Parents and children can then discuss the issues that are really at the root of the trouble.

“Keeping cool” when a teenage child is showing a hot temper is not easy, but the love for the child can be the very thing that gives us the strength to do just that. It helps to know that many parents have gone through the same challenges, many parents are going through those challenges now, and many more parents will do so in the future. We are not alone and we must not abandon our teens just because it is not pleasant to deal with them.