by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble; www.patlambchristianauthor.com
Train up a child…
A Child’s Choices Have Consequences
Unfortunately, many people go through life thinking they can do whatever they want without thinking about the effects their actions may have on themselves or others. Children need to learn early in life that all choices have consequences. Good choices have good consequences, bad choices have bad consequences. Knowing this fact motivates a child to make choices carefully. Realizing this fact will motivate parents to make sure that children experience consequences of their actions and not be enablers.
The younger a child is, the more impulsive is that child. As the child grows older, s/he should act less on impulse and more on consideration of choices. Young children tend to think only of self and do not consider the effect their actions may have on others. Unfortunately, many seem to never develop past this stage.
My dad told my sisters and me that when he was young, his dad had him drive a nail in a tree whenever he did something unacceptable. He could remove the nails only by doing a good deed for each nail. He worked and worked until one day all the nails had been removed. When he showed his father, my grandfather said, “I’m proud of you son, for getting all the nails removed, but just remember, the scars are still there.” This activity drove the point home that actions have outcomes that can last a long time. It does away with the idea that a child can quip “I’m sorry” and run away thinking all is taken care of only to repeat the action again.
When parents are helping children with decision-making, it is a good thing to question the child as to the feelings and effects on others. Doing so, helps the child to think beyond self. Another thing that parents can do is to point out consequences that might be imposed by law for certain actions. This is especially needed for teens. It is unfair to wait until a child does something wrong and then punish the child if s/he hasn’t been informed ahead of time that the action is unacceptable. We need to do more to teach children about family rules and society rules and point out specific consequences for disobeying those rules. After doing so, follow-through with the consequences is a necessity.
A director of a facility that houses troubled teen boys once told me that some of the boys had stolen a vehicle and the law did nothing to them. There was no punishment; therefore, the boys thought they could get by with doing it again. It is important that children know ahead of time, if possible, what the consequences of their behavior will be and then it is the responsibility of adults to follow through with those consequences. When we allow children to get by with things they should not do, we become enablers to their inappropriate behavior. We are doing the child no favors! Often parents are prone to intercede and rescue a child from a consequence. When parents keep doing that, the child does not learn about consequences of behavior.
Perhaps if more adults had been taught when they were young that choices affect others, and that all choices have consequences, we would have many less heartaches in our society. People would be more careful with choice of words and actions, and the world would be a much nicer place in which to live.