Tag Archives: teaching respect

How Does A Mom Gain Respect?

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and www.patlambchristianauthor.com.

Train up a child…

How Does a Mom Gain Respect?

         Have you noticed how some children really seem to respect their moms while others don’t?  What makes the difference?  Although children should be taught to respect their parents no matter what the circumstances, there are some things a mom can do to make it easier for a child to fulfill this requirement.  Moms who are always firm, live good clean lives as examples to their children, and are willing to sacrifice their own comforts and desires usually have the respect of their children.

         Sadly, some parents are afraid to be firm for fear that their children will get mad at them and not like them.  Mothers who do this will surprisingly find a lack of respect.  I observed an example of this when I taught kindergarten. A mother brought her son to class every morning and they were almost always late.  She would beg her son to come on into the room.  On one occasion I heard her tell the little boy that if he would go on into the room that she would give him a candy bar that she had in her hand.  Finally, after much pleading, the little boy took the candy bar and came on into the room.  When Mother’s Day was approaching, I had a group time with the children and talked to them about how they should love their mothers and what they could do for their mothers to show it.  The same little boy defiantly said, “I hate my mother!”  I was shocked, but it reinforced my understanding that you don’t gain respect without firmness to require a child to do what should be done.

         When moms are firm about certain things, they must “practice what they preach” and set a good example.  Children do not respect anyone who tells them not to do something and then they, themselves, go ahead and do those things. Children immediately catch on to our weaknesses.  They see weaknesses as disgusting, especially when they have been told to be strong and resist the same temptations.  “Do as I say and not as I do” simply does not work with children.  They learn more by example than by what they are told.  Moms should set the example of respecting their own parents, respecting God and his commands, as well as respecting the country and its laws.  

         If moms expect children to do more than they are willing to do, they are fooling themselves.  Moms can gain respect of their sons and daughters when they are willing to sacrifice for the good of the family.  I still have a visual image in my mind of my mom’s cracked and bleeding hands from milking cows with my dad every night and morning.  How I respect her for that! When she sold her eggs each week and bought shoes for my sisters and me instead of pretty things for herself, she gained the respect of each of us.  Self-sacrifice speaks love loud and clear and it certainly gains respect.

         Mother’s Day is somewhat of a test of the mother.  Will her children respect her enough to make an effort to show that respect to her?  Of course, it is also a test of dad.  Has dad taught the children to show respect to their mom? Has dad shown proper respect to mom as an example? Actions speak louder than words.  It is not the expensive gift that really counts, but rather the actions of the children in showing proper respect to their mothers.  Have we done all we can to gain that respect?  

Why Some Kids “Act Out”

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by Pat Lamb , Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book, Love is… (Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, www.patlambchristianauthor.com, and directly from author)

Train up a child…

Why Some Kids “Act Out”

         Little tries the patience of adults more than having a child misbehave by throwing a tantrum or acting in unacceptable ways.  Often, the tendency is to treat the symptom of behavior rather than looking deeper to decide why the child is acting as he/she is and treating the reason for the behavior. There are many reasons a child misbehaves.  One reason children do so is that they simply haven’t been taught acceptable behavior.  Other children have found through experience that their actions get them what they want.  Still other children become frustrated about their present circumstances and act out because they don’t know another way to deal with the situation.

         It seems that some parents think that children will raise themselves.  They neglect teaching their children proper behavior and simply leave them to their own way of thinking about things.  These children are almost like little wild animals that have never been tamed.  They make decisions according to base wants for the moment with little regard for consequences of behavior.  If they feel like running, they run.  If they feel like shouting, they shout.  If they feel like tearing up something, they tear it up.  Actions are determined by feelings at the moment.  In such cases, teachers or others working with these children must teach them how to act along with the “whys” of correct behavior. Often, these children have been left so long that they will never catch up with where they should be in learning proper behavior.  In many cases, the parents themselves don’t know how to act acceptably even if they should decide to teach their children.

         Some children act out because they have experienced in the past that doing so will get them what they want.  These are the children whose parents give in to temper tantrums just to get the child to be quiet.  It is human nature to use tactics that work for our survival. Children learn that this is one tactic that works, so it is repeated.  A common example of this child is the one who throws a tantrum in a store while shopping to get something desired.  The parent, rather than tolerate the embarrassment, will get the item for the child.  The next time the child wants something, that child will throw another temper tantrum.  Parents need to stop giving in to the tantrums to change this child and instead respond only to positive behavior.

         Sometimes children find themselves in situations that they can’t handle. This could be a child who normally acts very nice, but suddenly there may be an outburst.  Children have not yet learned the “niceties” of talk to say no to something beyond their ability. In addition, as a child, they are taught to obey and not say no.  Parents and teachers sometimes “pigeonhole” a child into a situation that is scary or beyond the child’s competence.  In such cases, the child knows nothing better than to become frustrated and “lash out” at those around.  Not all children are of the nature to sit still for long periods of time in school.  Some children are designed to be active children and not the nice and quiet children we may want.  God designs us uniquely and that design does not always fit into the expectations of a parent or teacher. In such cases, parents and teachers need to assure the child that he/she is not expected to do something that the child can’t do. A different assignment may need to be given at the level of ability.

         There is no substitute for time spent with a child to learn what the child is thinking and feeling.  This knowledge helps us understand the child’s behavior and with many prayers for wisdom, parents and teachers can then address that behavior in a loving way.  

Note:  The first rating of my new book, “Love is…”,  ranks it with 4 stars.  It is a compilation of stories that demonstrate Biblical love.  Available along with my other five books at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or www.patlambchristianauthor.com.


Sometimes Dad’s “Got No Respect”

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book. Available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, www.patlambchristianauthor.com)

Train up a child…

Sometimes Dad’s “Got No Respect”!

       It is too bad that sometimes dad does not have the respect he should have in his family.  I’m sure he feels like Rodney Dangerfield at times when he would say, “I got no respect!”  No matter what kind of dad he is, dad deserves a certain amount of respect simply because he is dad.  However, there are many things he can do to make respecting him easier for all with whom he comes in contact.  Following is a list of suggestions:

  • Dad, say what you mean and mean what you say.  When you tell a child to do something and then don’t follow through to see that it is done, the child thinks you will forget it the next time and he/she can get by without obeying.
  • Don’t make promises you may not be able to keep.  Learn to say, “I will try to do ______” instead of “I will do ______”.
  • Show respect to the children and their mom.  You will get respect in return.
  • Be kind and gentle to mom.  The kids are watching how you treat her.  If you mistreat her, they think they can mistreat her also.  They love their mom and will resent anyone hurting her.  They will respect you for being patient with her and treating her nicely.
  • Speak kindly of neighbors and acquaintances.  
  • Honor your debts.  Pay bills quickly and try not to be indebted to others.
  • Discipline the children out of love and concern, not anger.  They know the difference.  When you discipline with anger, it is because you are thinking of how you have been inconvenienced, not what is best for the child.
  • Spend time with the children and take interest in their activities at school and church.
  • Be quick to say “I’m sorry” when you have done wrong. False pride causes us to think we will be disrespected if we admit weakness, but actually the opposite is true.  
  • Be honest in all business dealings.  The kids are watching.
  • “Take the bull by the horns” and be the spiritual head of your household.  Make sure the family goes to church.
  • Remember birthdays.  Do whatever it takes to help you remember even if it means putting notes on the bathroom mirror.
  • Practice what you preach.  “Do as I say and not as I do” doesn’t work.

         How often do we hear, “Kids show no respect anymore”?  One of the reasons some children do not respect parents and other adults is that we do not do the things necessary to earn that respect.  We can each improve in this area.