Tag Archives: teen parents

Restitution is an Important Part of Discipline

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Train up a child…

 

Restitution is an Important Part of Discipline

 

It seems that there is always an ideal way of doing things, and then there’s the realistic way.  Ideally, all discipline would include restitution for the wrong that has been done. Realistically, however, often there is not enough time, or even enough energy left for the parent to use, to require the guilty child to make restitution. When it can be done, there are many benefits for the child who is being corrected.

When a child is required to make restitution, that child has more time to think of the wrong done. The child who has done wrong also learns about the value of the thing that has been broken or destroyed.  When intangible values are involved, the guilty child also learns more about feelings of others and develops compassion.

Many parents think they have done their disciplinary duty with a quick verbal rebuke. Telling is not teaching.  If we want a child to learn, that child must realize the wrong in what has been done and decide that he/she does not want to do it again.  When a quick verbal, “That’s not nice; you shouldn’t have done that,” is given, the child does not really know why it wasn’t nice and will probably repeat the action.  If a child is told why it wasn’t nice and required to do something to make up for what was done, it stays in the mind longer and the learning is reinforced.  Discussion of the feelings of the person being offended is good to help the child further realize the reason for the wrong of the action.

If a child breaks something because of carelessness, that child will probably be more careful in the future if his/her allowance is used to replace the object broken.  Even if the child must simply glue something back together, or repair it another way, that is better than a simple scolding. If a child borrows something and loses it, the child should have to replace it. This may mean that the child must earn money. By doing so, the child learns the monetary value of the object lost.

When a child says something unkind to or about another child, the offending child should be required to say something good about that same person.  At one time, while teaching, I required students to write three good things about a person of whom they had spoken unkindly.  They learn by doing this that there is good in all people and they should make it a practice of looking for good in others..  In such cases, it is always a good idea to go back to the golden rule and ask the child, “How would you feel if someone did that to you?”  Children should be taught to treat others as they want to be treated.

There is almost always some way that a child can try to make restitution for wrongdoing and we, as parents and teachers, need to look for those ways and require children to try to make up for what they have done.  This is far more effective that most spankings and verbal lectures.  The children will remember longer why something shouldn’t be done.  They will think more before they act and probably be far more considerate of feelings of others.

 

A Teen’s First Job

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Train up a child…

 

A Teen’s First Job

 

When age fourteen is reached, teens start thinking about working outside the home.  Some children start working out of the home at age ten or twelve doing lawn care or short-term similar jobs.  In my opinion, children should be kept in productive activities as early as possible depending on capabilities and safety.  At least by age fourteen children should start earning and budgeting money. Many places cannot hire someone until they are sixteen, so working at age fourteen and fifteen may require some creative thinking in figuring out ways to earn money.

A first job outside the home sets a pattern that may last a lifetime in the work habits a teen learns and that teen’s ability to take orders from supervisors. Teens also learn responsibility and the fact that many times they must work whether they feel like it or not.

Parents need to have a talk with their teens before that first job and make sure they understand the following:

  • A worker should arrive within a 15 minute time frame of the time they start work and should leave after time to get off work.
  • Workers must obey supervisors without question.
  • The worker is not the boss. The boss is the boss!
  • When instructions are not understood, ask for clarification instead of guessing and possibly doing something wrong.
  • Be loyal to the company or person for whom the work is being done.
  • Be pleasant. Do not complain.
  • Many people could have been chosen for the job and others can replace you.
  • Do not make promises you can’t or won’t keep.
  • When you make a mistake, apologize and move on. Don’t dwell on it.  Everyone makes mistakes.  If you are making a lot of mistakes, perhaps you should look for a job more suited to your abilities.
  • Make out a budget. Since there is no rent expense, a larger amount can be saved.  Ten percent should be given to charity.  Car expense should be included in a budget. Food expense should be figured closely as most teens tend to waste a lot of money on drinks and fast food.  Soft drinks have no nutritional value. Drinking water instead of soft drinks can save a lot of money.
  • If driving to work, proper care of the car is necessary.This includes oil changes as well as gas.
  • Sometimes workers lose jobs for reasons other than performance.Many businesses hire employees temporarily to avoid paying benefits.

 

Teens have a great amount of energy and vitality to offer to a job.  They can do much that older people can’t do and are a valuable resource if in the right position.  My husband and I have always told our children, “If you make money for your company, you will have a job.  If you lose money for your company, you will lose your job.”  Businesses exist for the purpose of making money.  They don’t exist for individuals.  That is the reality of life.  Unfortunately, often politics enter into whether a person has a job as well.  Sometimes friends get chosen for positions even if another deserves it.  Teens must learn that life is not fair, but they, themselves, need to be fair whether or not others are fair to them.  Much of this can be learned on a teen’s first job.

Why do Some Teens Hurt Themselves?

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Train up a child…

Why do some Teens Hurt Themselves?

Why some teens tend to self-mutilate is a mystery that has not been solved. As I researched this topic, I found that there is still much study to be done. However, in talking with individuals who work closely with teens, I found some ideas that are worth considering.
It is sad to hear about teens who cut or burn themselves. It almost seems unbelievable that they would do such a thing; yet, in one area one worker estimated that as many as 80% of high school teens were doing so.
Research shows that girls are more likely to cut themselves while boys tend to burn themselves. Razor blades are often used by girls. Boys may use cigarettes to burn spots on their arms or other body parts. Knowing the reasons for this behavior would help us know how to work with the teens.
One possible reason teens self-mutilate is that with some it is almost a bragging right—somewhat like a little boy who is proud of a black eye. With boys, especially, it may be a way to look tough.
Another possibility is that it is a way to get attention. Teens have deep emotional hurts and often don’t know how to describe what is going on because, in many cases, they don’t know why they are feeling as they do. It is a visual way of showing hurt. Parents and others can see a cut and often immediately rally around with sympathy and much attention. It can be a cry for help. Inner hurt can’t be seen, so an outer visible hurt is necessary in the teen’s mind.
It has become a fad in some situations and teens simply may be doing it to be like the others in order to “fit in” to the crowd.
Some of the research I read says that in some instances teens actually get a rush because endorphins are created. Endorphins are substances created in the body to fight depression.
Another possibility is that a teen simply hates oneself and is not pleased with the body they have. Also, sometimes self-mutilation is followed by suicide and is a sign of deep depression. When the mutilation is done on the inside of the thigh or in places that cannot be seen, the reasons would not be for attention, bragging rights, or a fad.
One bright spot in my reading was that research shows that self-mutilation usually goes away in five years.
The turmoil that teens go through cannot, in my opinion, be overestimated. Even teens who are raised in what we would call good homes still have a lot of adjusting to do. In today’s culture, there are approximately 24 million fatherless children. If teens in good homes have problems, one can only try to imagine what kids are going through who come from broken homes.
There is one sure thing that we can always count on to help our teens. We can always show them the love described in I Corinthians 13 that includes patience, long-suffering, kindness. We need to walk tenderly, side by side with our teens and be near at all times.