Train up a child…

Children Have Real Fears

As children hear talk about going back to school, many start thinking about many scary things. Will anybody like me and be my friend? Will my teacher like me? Will I be able to get my work done? Will my parents understand if I don’t make perfect grades? Will I have the right clothes? Will kids laugh at me? Will I be able to do what is expected of me?
How can parents help children deal with the many fears they have? Parents need to understand that the fears do exist. Children need help in setting priorities. Parents can assure children that they love their children no matter what happens.
Children often fear opening up about their fears! If parents can create an atmosphere where children are not afraid to confide, they can find out what fears a child may have. Right away we might say that we should talk to the children. That is good, of course, but unfortunately the children will not always tell you what is bothering them. They may not even know what is bothering them. We need to watch them closely and listen carefully to what they say for clues. They may be putting down others for making good grades. That may be a sign that they are afraid that they won’t make good grades. They may talk a lot about clothes or friends. This may indicate what is bothering them.
Parents can help with setting the priorities. They need to help the child realize that perfect grades are not necessary. It is necessary, however, to do one’s best and listen carefully to instructions. It is better to be clean and neat than to have expensive clothes. It is better to befriend someone that to have everyone be friends to self. It is better to choose friends than to have others choose self. Parents can help in setting priorities of qualities to look for in potential friends.
Parents make a mistake when they set the bar of achievement beyond a child’s capabilities. On the other hand, children need to know that not trying to do what is required will not be tolerated. The security of knowing that love of parents will never go away is a big plus in helping children. However, there is a difference in love and like. It is important to let a child know that even though love will never go away, we don’t like certain behavior. Behavior that is liked or not liked should be clearly defined.
Many discipline problems originate with fear. If we can help children deal with their fears, we will avoid much unacceptable behavior.