Train up a child…
Dealing with a Child’s Excuses
“Well, Mom, that water just spilled all by itself!”
That was the serious exclamation of my three-year-old niece as she sat with her little tea set on the neatly waxed and polished hardwood floor. Her little hands were gesturing out of rhythm with her words. She was so cute!
As cute as it is at times, children should not be allowed to get by with making excuses. Excuses are really lies. Children should not get by with being untruthful.
To help children learn to face reality and not make excuses, we need to first understand why they want to do so. Irregardless of the reason for doing so, using questions to help the child face facts is a way to help a child recognize the excuse. Once this is accomplished, the child needs to learn that making excuses is not a good thing to do.
Sometimes children make excuses for behavior out of fear of punishment. When a child has been disobedient, that child will often try to talk his/her way out of the punishment. Sometimes excuses are made to avoid having to do something that the child does not want to do such as homework or chores. Pride often causes children to make an excuse because the child doesn’t want someone to think that he/she cannot or did not do something. (I have heard a lot of excuses from my GED students as to why they never learned math, etc. Sometimes they say it was the teacher’s fault or some similar excuse.)
Questions are almost always better than statements when dealing with children because questions stimulate thinking. When we tell a child something, the child thinks, “Maybe that is true and maybe it isn’t!” When we ask a question, the child must think about both sides of a situation. For instance, if a child says there was no time for homework, one might ask, “What did you have to do that took all of your time?” As the child answers, take each thing and say something like, “Was that more important than homework?” Why was it more important than homework? Is it going to help you when you grow up? If you had managed your time better, could you have done your homework as well?” If enough questions are asked, the child will more than likely see the facts of the situation and realize that what was given as a reason was only an excuse.
Children need to be told that excuses are really lies. They need to be told that unless we are honest with ourselves and others, we cannot make real improvement in our lives. When children get by with excuses, they are often fooling themselves as well as others. They are missing the learning they get from facing facts and being realistic with life. They grow up thinking they can talk their way out of responsibilities. They need to realize that God does not accept excuses and even if they can fool many people, it does not work in the end. Honesty is the best policy both with others and with ourselves.