Train up a child…

Promises! Promises!

It is so easy to make promises to children, but not so easy to follow through with them. Why do we make promises to our children? Why don’t we follow through with them? How does it affect children when promises are not fulfilled?
When a child is annoying a parent by whining and pleading for something, it is so tempting to promise that thing in the future to get the child to quiet down. When a child is worried, it is almost automatic to say, “Everything’s going to be alright. Don’t worry!” To convince a child of our love, we might say, “I’ll always be there for you.” We might promise a child to attend a program or event in which a child is participating. We might promise to pick a child up at a certain time. All of these sound rather harmless.
The trouble with making promises is that many things can happen that keep us from fulfilling those promises no matter how good our intentions. We may not have the money to buy what the child wants in the future. When a child is worried, most of the time we really don’t know if everything will be alright. It is better to help the child find a solution, if possible, or to be honest and say something like, “We’ll try to get through this together. Let’s think how we can handle this problem.” None of us know what is in the future. We are not wise to promise that we will always be there for a child. It is better to try to prepare a child to do without us in case something tragic happens. It is much better to say that we will try really hard to attend a program or “I plan to pick you up at ——-.”
When we make promises and don’t keep them, we betray the trust that our children put in us. Breaking promises also fosters resentment, especially if we have promised to attend an event featuring a child. No one likes to be kept waiting when they have been told they would be picked up at a certain time. Waiting can generate resentment and even anger, but the feelings can subside if the parent has not promised and has a good reason for being late.
Just as we don’t like our children to make promises to us and then break them, our children don’t like us breaking our promises to them. It is much better to avoid making definite promises and simply use a phrase such as “I’ll try”. Often a child and parent can work together to figure out ways to accomplish needs and wants. It is always best to tell the truth and be honest with children. If they are not ready to know the whole truth, simply tell them the amount they can handle and say that you will probably tell them more later.
As we look into the innocent, trusting faces of our children, let us be thankful that we can teach them total honesty by setting a good example.