Train up a child…

Teen Discipline

By the time a child reaches the teens, discipline methods used in childhood may no longer get the desired results. Since each person is unique, all discipline must be tailored to the individual, but there are a few general principles that may be followed. A teen needs to be confident that all rules and discipline are designed for the good of the teen and not just for the convenience of the parent or worker. Whenever possible, teens need to be persuaded to make self-rules that are acceptable. All discipline should be tailored to the situation for obtaining positive results.
Quite often a teen gets the feeling that the world is against him/her. If teens can’t trust their parents, who can they trust? From birth, parents need to instill the idea that choices are made for the safety and well-being of the child. If this has been done, a teen is more likely to trust a parent’s judgement. “Because I told you so” is not a good enough reason for a teen. Teens are in a stage of breaking away from parents. They must know that the reason is for their benefit and not just to satisfy the parent. It is understandable, but not beneficial, for parents to become frustrated during these years because the children are usually frustrated and have so many problems. It is a trying time for both. Knowing that parents and teens are on the same side really helps to calm a teen.
“Laying down the law” is just the opposite of getting teens to reason for themselves what is right and wrong. If a teen is given the opportunity and help to reason out what is best, he/she is much more apt to follow the rules. Of course, we cannot allow teens to make bad rules. It is surprising, however, how teens are capable of making good rules if given the chance; then, parents, teachers, or leaders can help hold them to their own rules. The rules should be written down and posted and referred to when necessary.
Different problems require different tactics. We have two things with teens that give us leverage. They are embarrassment and taking away privileges. We can use these two things according to problems involved. If a child is acting out in school, the parent can threaten to go to school and sit with the child. If the threat doesn’t work, actually do it. If the teen violates curfew, let him/her know ahead of time that you will come looking or call the police because you are concerned for his/her safety. Taking away cell phones, car keys, etc. generally works in other cases.
It is always best to anticipate problems and head them off to keep from having to use measures of discipline. If a teen has proven trust first, and then been given a privilege, that teen will understand the importance of not breaking that trust. We must remember that teens are not through developing. We cannot just “turn them loose” to do what they want. They need very close supervision even if we have to hide the fact that we are aware of practically every move they make.